WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

1
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This is the Technical Difficulties,
we’re playing Citation Needed.

2
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Joining me today, he reads books y'know,
it’s Chris Joel.

3
00:00:07.880 --> 00:00:08.960
Hello!

4
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Everybody’s favourite Gary Brannan,
Gary Brannan.

5
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It--

6
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And the bounciest man on the internet,
Matt Gray.

7
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Bienvenue, YouTube!

8
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Ah, très bien!

9
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In front of me I’ve got an article from Wikipedia
and these folks can’t see it.

10
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Every fact they get right is
a point and a ding,

11
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and there's a special prize for particularly
good answers, which is...

12
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And today we are talking about Atomic Annie.

13
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Oh! Is it a terrible way to teach people how
to do resuscitation?

14
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“Now children, after the bombs fall,

15
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“you may find that the person you’re resuscitating
has bad breath.”

16
00:00:50.140 --> 00:00:53.250
Am I guessing it’s not an Atomic Ruj…
res…?

17
00:00:53.250 --> 00:00:56.920
Put your teeth in, try it one more time.

22
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Resusci Anne.

19
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No, it’s not.

20
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Who is a real person.

21
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- What?
- Who is?

22
00:00:56.920 --> 00:00:58.489
Resusci Anne.

23
00:01:02.760 --> 00:01:06.640
You know the thing you use when you’re doing
resuscitation practice, the face.

24
00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:09.810
Oh, so you can walk down the street,
“oh, I recognise you from… oh.”.

25
00:01:09.810 --> 00:01:14.710
Well. Let us cast our minds back to 18th,
no, I think it must be 19th Century Paris.

26
00:01:14.710 --> 00:01:16.140
Or early 20th Century Paris, whatever…

27
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Pick a decade, any decade!

28
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Who noticed she had that weird click when you
pressed her chest, and what were they doing?

29
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You know she was a dead body
pulled out the Seine, right?

30
00:01:24.570 --> 00:01:25.500
No, no!

31
00:01:25.500 --> 00:01:29.520
Yeah, the Resusci Annie is based on an unidentified
corpse that was pulled out of the Seine

32
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and they cast the face.

33
00:01:31.390 --> 00:01:33.880
This is where it gets grim, the person who
did the autopsy… something like the…

34
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Yeah, because before that it was bucket of
f***ing laughs!

35
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No, this is just a Thursday night in Paris
so far.

36
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They pulled the body out and whoever was doing
the autopsy thought she was so beautiful,

37
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they made a cast of her face and that is the
face that is used on the Resusci Anne dolls.

38
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I’m not giving you any points because it’s
not even remotely related to the subject,

39
00:01:56.079 --> 00:01:58.069
but you are entirely right.

40
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By a process of elimination we know what it
isn’t, though, eh, Sherlock?

41
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It’s like someone came along and went,
“Now that’s a fit corpse.”

42
00:02:04.460 --> 00:02:05.680
Yeah!

43
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No. No.

44
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My God, when you put it that way, yes, yes…

45
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It again raises the question
of the clicking noise.

46
00:02:12.260 --> 00:02:13.290
You are absolutely right.

47
00:02:13.290 --> 00:02:18.160
A young woman whose death mask because a fixture
on the walls of artist’s homes.

48
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Urgh.

49
00:02:19.160 --> 00:02:21.450
Yeah. Don’t do that.

50
00:02:21.450 --> 00:02:23.739
Is it in the testing sites?

51
00:02:23.739 --> 00:02:26.299
Is it the fridge that Indiana Jones went in?

52
00:02:26.300 --> 00:02:30.400
No, that’s Atomic Smeg which raises more
questions, yet again.

53
00:02:32.049 --> 00:02:36.360
It is certainly military hardware, but you’re
not close enough to get a point here.

54
00:02:36.370 --> 00:02:39.450
Is it when they tried to power a plane with
a nuclear reactor in the 50s?

55
00:02:39.450 --> 00:02:40.450
Ooh, no.

56
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Damn it!

57
00:02:41.450 --> 00:02:43.720
- Oh s***! Really?
- What was that, I haven’t got…?

58
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It was when atomic power was The Way of The Future
and Would Harm No One!

59
00:02:49.110 --> 00:02:51.910
Erm, did you not see what we just did, guys?

60
00:02:51.910 --> 00:02:56.830
Anyway, they were building nuclear reactors
down to, I presume, like the size of this stage

61
00:02:56.830 --> 00:02:59.689
and they put in a, well, it must have been
a B29, because it was a prop…

62
00:02:59.689 --> 00:03:00.760
It was a B36 according to this.

63
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I’m sorry, it must have been a B36.

64
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Cut that.

65
00:03:04.940 --> 00:03:06.940
Anyway, they made a nuclear powered aeroplane,

66
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and I don’t think it worked ’cos they’ve
stopped doing it.

67
00:03:09.299 --> 00:03:10.750
Ain’t that an episode of Thunderbirds?

68
00:03:10.750 --> 00:03:13.090
They never actually connected the engines
to the propeller.

69
00:03:13.090 --> 00:03:14.659
Now that’s where they went wrong.

70
00:03:14.659 --> 00:03:16.659
That would be why it didn’t work!

71
00:03:16.659 --> 00:03:18.909
That would be why it didn’t work, I’m
not a scientist, but I--

72
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“I've turned both bits on, it’s not going
anywhere!”

73
00:03:21.829 --> 00:03:24.720
Some dude stood in the middle of the plane
going, “Huh, huh?”

74
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Have a go…

75
00:03:26.829 --> 00:03:28.879
“Oh no, metric and imperial!”

76
00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:31.409
If there’s one thing that too much
science fiction has taught me,

77
00:03:31.409 --> 00:03:33.599
it's that going like that immediately results
in a load of sparks

78
00:03:33.599 --> 00:03:35.470
and you’re going, “Argh”!

79
00:03:35.470 --> 00:03:37.660
Yes, but it might have taken off!

80
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Yes, but you’re fine after it!
You’ve saved something.

81
00:03:40.920 --> 00:03:41.920
No.

82
00:03:43.260 --> 00:03:47.160
We've not got off the blocks! This is the
longest we’ve ever been stuck with nowhere.

83
00:03:47.160 --> 00:03:48.780
Is it a Blondie album?

84
00:03:48.790 --> 00:03:50.330
Oh f***.

85
00:03:50.330 --> 00:03:54.959
It’s an atomic something
and it’s ground-based ordinance here.

86
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Cannon!

87
00:03:55.959 --> 00:03:58.870
Point. You are absolutely right.

88
00:03:58.870 --> 00:04:01.450
Ground-based ordinance. Cannon…

89
00:04:01.450 --> 00:04:02.450
Trebuchet…

90
00:04:02.450 --> 00:04:07.480
Atomic trebuchet! Bloody hell, you could!

91
00:04:07.480 --> 00:04:11.359
Are you firing atomic things, or is this just
a massive atomic powered structure?

92
00:04:11.359 --> 00:04:13.849
It’s an atomic powered thing that fires…
Atomic Kitten.

93
00:04:13.849 --> 00:04:17.790
That would go for… miles? I don’t know.

94
00:04:17.790 --> 00:04:20.340
But only when the tide is high.

95
00:04:23.280 --> 00:04:25.040
Atomic Kitten songs…

96
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’Cos if you’re going to fire at it something,
it’ll make a hole again.

97
00:04:32.840 --> 00:04:35.440
And cause an eternal flame.

98
00:04:40.700 --> 00:04:42.040
Chris, Chris, it’s okay, it’s okay.

99
00:04:43.820 --> 00:04:44.540
It's Okay is another... Atomic...

100
00:04:44.540 --> 00:04:47.400
I can’t believe that’s the third time
I’ve done the walk out.

101
00:04:49.940 --> 00:04:52.140
So the atomic cannon, then?

102
00:04:52.140 --> 00:04:56.280
Yes, an atomic cannon developed about when?

103
00:04:56.280 --> 00:04:57.280
50s.

104
00:04:57.280 --> 00:04:58.280
Tuesday!

105
00:04:58.280 --> 00:04:59.280
Wednesday, in the 50s.

106
00:04:59.280 --> 00:05:02.900
Yes, have a point, early 1950s, I’m giving
Matt the point there.

107
00:05:02.900 --> 00:05:04.350
At the beginning of the Cold War.

108
00:05:04.350 --> 00:05:06.440
Well, of course it was 50s if it was atomic.

109
00:05:06.440 --> 00:05:08.160
They developed for three years, the idea being

110
00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:13.110
to make a cannon
that would fire a small nuclear device.

111
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That’s ballsy.

112
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How did they get it around?

113
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Train!

114
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How big was this thing?

115
00:05:18.360 --> 00:05:19.400
Very.

116
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Train. Very.

117
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Ding. Quicker…

118
00:05:24.580 --> 00:05:26.940
Correction. Two trains!

119
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Bigger!

120
00:05:28.740 --> 00:05:31.600
I’m giving you a point for big, and I’m
giving you a point for two.

121
00:05:31.610 --> 00:05:35.540
It was two tractors, but it required two extra-long
fire trucks to move the thing.

122
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- Okay.
- Ooh.

123
00:05:36.540 --> 00:05:39.000
It is an 84 tonne gun.

124
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Did it need to be that big?

125
00:05:40.650 --> 00:05:42.710
Yes! If you’re firing atomic weapons,

126
00:05:42.710 --> 00:05:45.330
you want it far enough away that
the blast wave doesn’t get you,

127
00:05:45.330 --> 00:05:48.280
which means it needs to be a-big,
as previously mentioned.

128
00:05:48.280 --> 00:05:53.240
Yes, you are absolutely right.
What was its effective firing range?

129
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Far!

130
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Somewhere in three digits of miles.
Price is Right rules!

131
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Six.

132
00:06:00.720 --> 00:06:01.720
Miles?

133
00:06:01.720 --> 00:06:02.970
I haven’t specified a unit.

134
00:06:02.970 --> 00:06:06.190
I will say 200 miles, Price is Right, go…

135
00:06:06.190 --> 00:06:07.910
Six miles.

136
00:06:07.910 --> 00:06:08.910
A furlong.

137
00:06:08.910 --> 00:06:10.560
That’s not very far.

138
00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:14.030
It might have been a failure, it came out
the top and just went “plunk”.

139
00:06:14.030 --> 00:06:18.290
Which is not great for an atomic device, but
no, about 20 miles, so have a point.

140
00:06:18.290 --> 00:06:21.650
And they did actually fire this.
Where did they fire this?

141
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In the desert.

142
00:06:22.650 --> 00:06:24.710
I’ll give you a point for the desert, the
Nevada test site.

143
00:06:24.710 --> 00:06:27.960
Yes, that one that you can still go to, weirdly,
on a day trip.

144
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It’s a bit far.

145
00:06:29.420 --> 00:06:30.880
They do…

146
00:06:30.890 --> 00:06:34.740
Not from here, unless you’re going by nuclear
cannon, obviously.

147
00:06:34.740 --> 00:06:36.580
Did Bach ever write an atomic canon?

148
00:06:36.580 --> 00:06:39.140
Did what? Oh, for God’s sake.

149
00:06:39.140 --> 00:06:41.560
That’s a hell of an organ.

150
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That’s right, it’s the classical music
gags, everybody!

151
00:06:44.690 --> 00:06:49.880
The test was successful, they made 20 of the
cannons. They cost...

152
00:06:49.880 --> 00:06:50.880
What, 20?

153
00:06:50.880 --> 00:06:54.750
What were they planning on doing in the
50s with 20 cannons?!

154
00:06:54.750 --> 00:06:56.490
Shooting the Russians, remember?

155
00:06:56.490 --> 00:06:57.490
Miles away!

156
00:06:57.490 --> 00:06:59.170
No, no in all fairness…

157
00:06:59.170 --> 00:07:00.420
Have a point.

158
00:07:00.420 --> 00:07:03.250
How big is the land gap
between the US and Russia?

159
00:07:03.250 --> 00:07:08.030
Drive to an empty bit of Alaska and shell
an empty bit of Russia and just go pfft!

160
00:07:08.030 --> 00:07:09.720
Can I just use three words:

161
00:07:09.720 --> 00:07:12.560
moral f***ing victory!

162
00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:16.510
What you’ve invented there, Gary, is a really
bad intercontinental ballistic missile.

163
00:07:16.510 --> 00:07:19.760
Well this is, isn’t it, basically?

164
00:07:19.760 --> 00:07:22.870
Yes, but it wasn’t just Europe and Russia
it was deployed to,

165
00:07:22.870 --> 00:07:24.720
where else would they have sent it to?

166
00:07:24.720 --> 00:07:26.710
Did they send it to Korea to s*** them up?

167
00:07:26.710 --> 00:07:29.360
Yes they did. What were some of the problems
with this?

168
00:07:29.360 --> 00:07:30.700
Didn’t work.

169
00:07:31.130 --> 00:07:32.440
It did work.

170
00:07:32.440 --> 00:07:34.690
It got all leaves in it.

171
00:07:34.690 --> 00:07:37.500
Everything that was carrying it went backwards
faster than the thing went forwards.

172
00:07:37.500 --> 00:07:40.810
When they got there it wasn’t really all
that useful, why not?

173
00:07:40.810 --> 00:07:43.170
Because the Russians had invented an atomic
super cannon.

174
00:07:43.170 --> 00:07:47.170
Yes, it’s called an
intercontinental ballistic missile.

175
00:07:47.170 --> 00:07:49.140
As we scientists call it.

176
00:07:49.140 --> 00:07:51.810
Yes, you’re absolutely right, better things
had been invented.

177
00:07:51.810 --> 00:07:54.110
So, while they still had it and it was still
a prestige weapon

178
00:07:54.110 --> 00:07:57.240
they didn’t ever actually fire it.

179
00:07:57.240 --> 00:08:00.500
In the end they realised they could just make
atomic shells for what?

180
00:08:00.500 --> 00:08:02.460
Beaches.

181
00:08:02.460 --> 00:08:04.620
Any artillery piece in the inventory.

182
00:08:04.620 --> 00:08:06.030
Exactly right. They didn’t need the cannon,

183
00:08:06.030 --> 00:08:11.030
they could just build a bigger regular cannon
and put a nuclear shell in it.

184
00:08:11.030 --> 00:08:14.880
There was something else here called
the Davy Crockett weapon system.

185
00:08:14.880 --> 00:08:17.372
This was an attempt to put a nuclear device
in another bit of weaponry,

186
00:08:17.372 --> 00:08:18.760
what might this have been?

187
00:08:18.760 --> 00:08:19.760
A firework!

188
00:08:19.760 --> 00:08:22.960
Oh, we’re not back to wedging things in
cats, are we?

189
00:08:22.960 --> 00:08:23.960
A sword!

190
00:08:23.960 --> 00:08:28.280
“Drive me closer! I want to hit them with
my nuclear sword!”

191
00:08:28.280 --> 00:08:29.730
How would that even work?

192
00:08:29.730 --> 00:08:31.690
You perch it on the end like…

193
00:08:31.690 --> 00:08:34.589
The Davy Crockett weapon system!

194
00:08:34.589 --> 00:08:35.589
Musket!

195
00:08:35.589 --> 00:08:36.589
Bullets.

196
00:08:36.589 --> 00:08:39.899
You know what you’re closer,
it was a recoilless rifle.

197
00:08:39.899 --> 00:08:44.060
So essentially a rocket launcher with
a nuclear bomb on the end of it.

198
00:08:44.060 --> 00:08:46.800
And it didn’t have any recoil?

199
00:08:46.800 --> 00:08:49.399
Recoilless rifle essentially means
the back end is open,

200
00:08:49.400 --> 00:08:53.420
so you’re basically putting a hollow tube up
and the exhaust gases come out the back.

201
00:08:53.420 --> 00:08:55.760
A hollow tuba?

202
00:08:55.760 --> 00:08:59.700
They’re all hollow. That’s how they work.
If they weren't hollow, you'd just...

203
00:08:59.700 --> 00:09:00.700
Oh, yeah!

204
00:09:01.620 --> 00:09:03.440
Solid tuba!

205
00:09:10.500 --> 00:09:13.019
Do you want to do the gesture?
We’ve all done it once.

206
00:09:13.020 --> 00:09:14.600
Come on, get in on this.

207
00:09:17.129 --> 00:09:18.300
What were some of the problems with this,

208
00:09:18.300 --> 00:09:21.240
with a shoulder mounted rocket
launcher nuclear weapon?

209
00:09:21.240 --> 00:09:22.240
You had to carry the ammunition!

210
00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.459
And it’s right next to your head.

211
00:09:24.459 --> 00:09:26.660
That didn’t have the range to get you out
of blast distance.

212
00:09:26.660 --> 00:09:28.560
And that’s the big one, yes.

213
00:09:28.560 --> 00:09:30.629
Who the f*** is going to fire it?!

214
00:09:30.629 --> 00:09:33.259
“So this is fine, yeah?” “Yeah.”

215
00:09:33.259 --> 00:09:35.950
“It’s glowing, you know that don’t you?”
“Yes, yes, it’s all cool.”

216
00:09:35.950 --> 00:09:38.330
“If this hits that guy am I dead as well?”

217
00:09:38.330 --> 00:09:40.080
“Yeah.” “Fuck you.”

218
00:09:40.080 --> 00:09:41.670
Just drop it. Just drop it!

219
00:09:41.670 --> 00:09:45.269
In fact, far worse, he dies instantly, you
get a slow lingering death.

220
00:09:45.269 --> 00:09:47.900
Yes. That’s the other problem.

221
00:09:49.209 --> 00:09:52.200
Instantly lethal within 150 metres of where
it hits,

222
00:09:52.200 --> 00:09:54.510
fatal dose within a quarter mile of landing.

223
00:09:54.510 --> 00:09:55.510
Just drop it.

224
00:09:55.510 --> 00:09:57.069
Just leg it!

225
00:09:57.069 --> 00:09:59.899
Also, what couldn’t you do to the bomb after
you fired it?

226
00:09:59.899 --> 00:10:00.899
Pick it up.

227
00:10:00.899 --> 00:10:01.899
Hug it.

228
00:10:01.899 --> 00:10:02.899
Juggle it.

229
00:10:02.900 --> 00:10:03.899
Use it again.

230
00:10:05.440 --> 00:10:06.940
Paint a watercolour.

231
00:10:06.940 --> 00:10:09.800
I said “fired”, not landed.

232
00:10:09.800 --> 00:10:13.060
It’s not like you’re going to abort it,
it explodes with a nuclear bomb…

233
00:10:13.060 --> 00:10:16.240
If it’s going to get you anyway,
it’s going to get you sooner if you abort it.

234
00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:18.250
There wasn’t an abort option,
that was the problem.

235
00:10:18.250 --> 00:10:21.779
No, it’s a nuclear bomb!
You’ve already fired it!

236
00:10:21.779 --> 00:10:24.000
But that’s not what sets off a nuclear bomb.

237
00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:25.000
- Yes.
- That’s true that.

238
00:10:25.000 --> 00:10:28.629
You fire it or you drop it or whatever, and
then the timer sets it off.

239
00:10:28.629 --> 00:10:31.009
Because nuclear bombs have
accidentally fallen out, haven't they,

240
00:10:31.009 --> 00:10:32.870
and gone off but not exploded,

241
00:10:32.870 --> 00:10:35.889
because there’s one.. is there one off the
coast of Spain, or something like that?

242
00:10:35.889 --> 00:10:38.550
Oh, don’t look up “list of nuclear accidents”
on Wikipedia.

243
00:10:38.550 --> 00:10:39.589
Yeah, it’s terrifying.

244
00:10:39.589 --> 00:10:40.589
Seriously.

245
00:10:40.589 --> 00:10:43.589
There’s certainly one off the waters of,
I think it’s Georgia in the US?

246
00:10:43.589 --> 00:10:44.589
So yeah, have a point.

247
00:10:44.589 --> 00:10:45.910
But you don’t want to turn the timer off,

248
00:10:45.910 --> 00:10:48.790
because then you’ve given it to them and
they’re just going to throw it back to you.

249
00:10:48.790 --> 00:10:49.790
In the post!

250
00:10:49.790 --> 00:10:52.759
Oh that’s a good point.
Did you just say in the post?

251
00:10:52.759 --> 00:10:55.009
Well, you just set the timer
a little bit longer!

252
00:10:55.009 --> 00:10:56.070
You just wind it up!

253
00:10:56.070 --> 00:10:59.680
You address it in a big box that looks like
a birthday cake. You put it in the mail.

254
00:10:59.680 --> 00:11:03.399
Why would you have a box that looks like a
birthday cake?

255
00:11:03.399 --> 00:11:05.319
Because that box that
looks like a birthday cake

256
00:11:05.319 --> 00:11:08.970
is in a bigger box that looks like the kind
of box a birthday cake might come in.

257
00:11:08.970 --> 00:11:10.629
Oh, that’s me told!

258
00:11:10.629 --> 00:11:11.629
Inception boxing!

259
00:11:11.629 --> 00:11:14.069
Are you a spy, and you haven’t told us?

260
00:11:14.069 --> 00:11:16.040
Alright, and then you address it to

261
00:11:16.040 --> 00:11:19.420
“Head of FBI, the Pentagon.
Happy birthday.”

262
00:11:19.420 --> 00:11:21.339
and then like your mum always does on birthday
cards,

263
00:11:21.339 --> 00:11:22.509
“Do not open until…”

264
00:11:22.509 --> 00:11:25.060
And he’ll go, “Oh, for my birthday, it’s
in a few weeks.”

265
00:11:25.060 --> 00:11:27.460
Puts it in the corner of his office,
opens it up, a cake!

266
00:11:27.460 --> 00:11:28.660
Cuts into the cake,

267
00:11:28.660 --> 00:11:30.210
and that’s when your timer goes off.

268
00:11:30.210 --> 00:11:35.740
Don’t you get it so the bomb pops out of
the cake and goes, “Happy Birthday, Mr President…”

269
00:11:35.740 --> 00:11:38.340
An atomic Marilyn Monroe!

270
00:11:38.340 --> 00:11:40.720
Talk about a blonde bombshell.

271
00:11:43.540 --> 00:11:45.000
Really? Really?

272
00:11:46.100 --> 00:11:48.160
Yes, that’s your one for the season,
let 'em clap.

273
00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:50.400
Tom, that’s a beautiful shot.

274
00:11:51.960 --> 00:11:55.089
No, to be fair that was you bowling it
straight down the middle of the crease

275
00:11:55.089 --> 00:11:57.760
and we’re just going, “oh, this is easy.”

276
00:11:57.760 --> 00:11:59.740
You met it well. I'll give it…

277
00:11:59.740 --> 00:12:00.740
Ha, crease…

278
00:12:02.820 --> 00:12:04.540
Meanwhile, in Britain.

279
00:12:07.160 --> 00:12:11.500
There is a somewhat related
slightly ridiculous weapon project here.

280
00:12:11.500 --> 00:12:14.020
Oh, as opposed to where we’ve been
perfectly sensible up to now.

281
00:12:14.020 --> 00:12:17.240
Yes, and it’s called Blue Peacock.

282
00:12:17.240 --> 00:12:22.079
This was a British attempt to create a tactical
nuclear weapon.

283
00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:25.760
They were going to put nuclear mines in Germany.

284
00:12:25.760 --> 00:12:27.379
S***!

285
00:12:27.379 --> 00:12:30.850
What’s the problem with burying something
like that, that's electronic...

286
00:12:30.850 --> 00:12:33.759
- You don’t know where the f*** you’ve put it!
- You don’t know where it is.

287
00:12:33.759 --> 00:12:36.269
That is one problem, yes.

288
00:12:36.269 --> 00:12:39.209
One problem with that is that during the winter
it gets very cold,

289
00:12:39.209 --> 00:12:40.850
the electronics don’t work.

290
00:12:40.850 --> 00:12:44.160
How do you keep something like that underground
warm? What was the plan?

291
00:12:44.160 --> 00:12:46.449
Thermos flask.

292
00:12:46.449 --> 00:12:48.200
Sending sheep out to wee on it.

293
00:12:49.560 --> 00:12:52.700
I’m never going camping with you, ever.

294
00:12:52.700 --> 00:12:56.760
This only needed to last a week or so. So
how do you keep that warm for a week?

295
00:12:56.760 --> 00:12:57.580
Oil fire.

296
00:12:57.580 --> 00:12:58.800
Blankets.

297
00:12:58.800 --> 00:13:01.480
No, it’s something that is going to generate
its own heat for a while.

298
00:13:01.480 --> 00:13:02.640
A cat.

299
00:13:02.640 --> 00:13:04.020
You are very close.

300
00:13:04.020 --> 00:13:05.020
Oh God.

301
00:13:05.020 --> 00:13:06.020
Cows.

302
00:13:06.020 --> 00:13:08.330
A bit big to bury there with a nuclear mine.

303
00:13:08.330 --> 00:13:10.259
They buried animals with the things?

304
00:13:10.259 --> 00:13:13.199
The plan was to bury a chicken.
So I’m going to give you the point.

305
00:13:13.199 --> 00:13:14.300
F***ing hell!

306
00:13:14.300 --> 00:13:17.992
Who goes, “okay, we’ve got this bomb,
this high tech nuclear thing…”

307
00:13:17.992 --> 00:13:19.110
Yep, we need to keep it warm.

308
00:13:19.110 --> 00:13:21.200
“What we need to is we put it
underground and we need to keep it warm,

309
00:13:21.200 --> 00:13:22.420
“what do we need to put it on?

310
00:13:22.420 --> 00:13:23.420
“Chickens!”

311
00:13:24.809 --> 00:13:25.959
No, Jeff, Jeff,
we can come up with a better solution.

312
00:13:25.959 --> 00:13:26.959
- “Chickens!”
- “Chickens.”

313
00:13:26.959 --> 00:13:30.170
Hang on here, are we talking a box here with
a live chicken in it,

314
00:13:30.170 --> 00:13:33.670
and an egg-sized nuclear weapon so that the
chicken just gives it this number

315
00:13:33.670 --> 00:13:35.499
until the timer goes off.

316
00:13:35.499 --> 00:13:37.149
That sounds like it would work.

317
00:13:37.149 --> 00:13:39.790
Yeah, that was the plan,
it never actually happened.

318
00:13:39.790 --> 00:13:43.319
Isn’t it a motion detection bomb and you’re
putting a chicken,

319
00:13:43.319 --> 00:13:45.579
one of the flappiest animals….

320
00:13:45.579 --> 00:13:47.560
It doesn’t detect itself.

321
00:13:47.560 --> 00:13:49.779
So how do you set it off,
do you step on the chicken?

322
00:13:49.779 --> 00:13:52.829
Well it’s a mine, right,
so you make your box,

323
00:13:52.829 --> 00:13:53.829
you put your chicken in the box.

324
00:13:53.829 --> 00:13:54.829
Oh, the chicken’s in the mine?

325
00:13:54.829 --> 00:13:55.829
Yes.

326
00:13:55.829 --> 00:13:57.870
You put your chicken in the box, you put your
pressure pad on top,

327
00:13:57.870 --> 00:14:00.199
or whatever and then you put your…

328
00:14:00.199 --> 00:14:03.029
Right so you’ve got this really, really
high tech thing

329
00:14:03.029 --> 00:14:04.579
and then you put a chicken inside it,

330
00:14:04.579 --> 00:14:06.550
because that’s what is going to make this
high-tech thing better!

331
00:14:06.550 --> 00:14:09.050
Yes, because it will keep it at a working
temperature

332
00:14:09.050 --> 00:14:11.699
without needing to plug anything into it or
keep it running.

333
00:14:11.699 --> 00:14:13.980
I sometimes have problems starting my car
in the winter,

334
00:14:13.980 --> 00:14:15.670
shall I put a f***ing chicken in the engine?

335
00:14:15.670 --> 00:14:19.800
No, just get a normal chicken, the f***ing
ones are too distracted.

336
00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:23.300
Can you imagine the--

337
00:14:23.300 --> 00:14:25.360
Warm, cold, warm, cold, warm, cold.

338
00:14:25.360 --> 00:14:27.740
NATO's retreated that-a-way, right.

339
00:14:27.740 --> 00:14:30.700
You approach what is... you won’t even signpost
it as a minefield would you, like today.

340
00:14:30.700 --> 00:14:32.780
You would
just probably see the field.

341
00:14:32.780 --> 00:14:34.580
“Chicken farm.”

342
00:14:34.580 --> 00:14:35.779
And suddenly…

343
00:14:35.780 --> 00:14:37.500
“Free eggs, please come in…”.

344
00:14:37.500 --> 00:14:38.900
In Russian.

345
00:14:39.860 --> 00:14:43.400
It says it in English but with “in Russian”
in brackets underneath.

346
00:14:43.400 --> 00:14:46.839
But you approach this mysteriously
newly dug field,

347
00:14:46.840 --> 00:14:51.749
that has nothing on it apart from the sound
of clucking from beneath.

348
00:14:53.720 --> 00:14:55.800
Well let’s face it, it works doubly then

349
00:14:55.800 --> 00:14:57.500
because you f***ing wouldn’t follow them
over that field!

350
00:14:57.500 --> 00:14:59.420
“What the s*** is going on here?”
You'd go back to...

351
00:14:59.430 --> 00:15:01.550
“What is it?” “A field of ghost chickens...”

352
00:15:01.550 --> 00:15:04.139
At which point, one of the chickens has pecked
his way out

353
00:15:04.139 --> 00:15:07.240
and suddenly from beneath the soil,
a chicken’s head just pops out.

354
00:15:07.240 --> 00:15:10.600
No, no, it’s got to do Night of the Living
Dead, it’s got to be the right wing.

355
00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:12.320
Ohh!

356
00:15:13.660 --> 00:15:17.100
Suddenly irradiated chickens start popping
out of the ground all over,

357
00:15:17.100 --> 00:15:18.720
and that’s before the bomb’s gone off!

358
00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:20.740
Proposed, seconded, get ’em built…

359
00:15:20.750 --> 00:15:24.749
Can I just say, Suddenly Irradiated Chicken
is the name of my new prog band,

360
00:15:24.749 --> 00:15:25.999
for reals this time.

361
00:15:25.999 --> 00:15:28.990
I like you have The Cluck from Below
like it’s a horror film.

362
00:15:28.990 --> 00:15:29.990
The Cluck from Below!

363
00:15:29.990 --> 00:15:33.550
“New from M. Night Showaddywaddy:
The Cluck from Below.”

364
00:15:33.550 --> 00:15:36.550
Many animals were harmed in the making of
this movie.

365
00:15:36.550 --> 00:15:39.980
So at the end of the show,
congratulations Matt, you win this week.

366
00:15:39.980 --> 00:15:41.400
Woo! Yay.

367
00:15:43.640 --> 00:15:47.139
Congratulations. You win a rope
that keeps out vultures

368
00:15:47.139 --> 00:15:50.160
owned by the star of Gavin and Stacey and
the Late, Late Show.

369
00:15:50.160 --> 00:15:51.980
It’s James Corden’s Condor Cordon.

370
00:15:51.980 --> 00:15:53.730
So do enjoy that.

371
00:15:53.730 --> 00:15:56.660
Until then we say thank you to Chris Joel,

372
00:15:57.160 --> 00:15:58.160
to Gary Brannan,

373
00:15:59.380 --> 00:16:00.160
to Matt Gray.

374
00:16:00.160 --> 00:16:01.080
Bye, bye.

375
00:16:01.080 --> 00:16:02.720
I’ve been Tom Scott,
we’ll see you next time.