WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

1
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This is the Technical Difficulties, we're
playing 'Citation Needed'.

2
00:00:05.380 --> 00:00:07.960
Joining me today, he reads books y'know, it's
Chris Joel.

3
00:00:07.960 --> 00:00:09.060
'Ey up.

4
00:00:09.060 --> 00:00:11.100
Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.

5
00:00:11.100 --> 00:00:15.740
Here's a thought: earlier today, Noel Edmonds
was entirely naked.

6
00:00:15.740 --> 00:00:17.120
Just imagine.

7
00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:24.800
And standing in for Matt Gray,
the mouth from the south, Will Seaward.

8
00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:25.800
Hello!

9
00:00:27.280 --> 00:00:28.900
I'm not from Yorkshire.

10
00:00:30.240 --> 00:00:31.239
Get him out(!)

11
00:00:32.200 --> 00:00:35.660
In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia,
and these folks can't see it.

12
00:00:35.670 --> 00:00:37.400
Every fact they get right is a point and a
ding,

13
00:00:37.400 --> 00:00:39.920
and there's a special prize for particularly
good answers, which is:

14
00:00:43.100 --> 00:00:46.140
Today, we are talking about Julie d'Aubig..

15
00:00:46.140 --> 00:00:47.460
d'Aubig?...

16
00:00:47.460 --> 00:00:48.560
D'Aubigny.

17
00:00:48.560 --> 00:00:49.560
This is it.

18
00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:51.160
Forty minutes of this, try and stay with us.

19
00:00:51.160 --> 00:00:53.340
To be fair, I am not French.

20
00:00:53.340 --> 00:00:54.340
And if...

21
00:00:54.340 --> 00:00:55.340
No way.

22
00:00:55.340 --> 00:00:56.340
Really?

23
00:00:56.340 --> 00:00:59.110
If I were English, I'd pronounce this as der-orb-ig-ny,

24
00:00:59.110 --> 00:01:00.710
but I think it's d'Aubigny.

25
00:01:00.710 --> 00:01:02.020
D'Aubigny sounds fine.

26
00:01:02.020 --> 00:01:03.530
Let's go with d'Aubigny, yes.

27
00:01:03.530 --> 00:01:05.630
Better known as Mademoiselle Maupin.

28
00:01:05.630 --> 00:01:06.630
Mopin.

29
00:01:06.630 --> 00:01:07.630
Moppin.

30
00:01:07.630 --> 00:01:08.630
I'm not French.

31
00:01:08.630 --> 00:01:10.100
This is going to be…

32
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It's a French article.

33
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I'll be honest, it's downhill from here.

34
00:01:12.710 --> 00:01:14.140
The whole thing's not in French, is it?

67
00:01:14.140 --> 00:01:15.960
No, it's not.

36
00:01:15.960 --> 00:01:17.540
M-A-U-P-I-N.

37
00:01:17.540 --> 00:01:18.360
P-I-N?

38
00:01:18.360 --> 00:01:19.260
Maupin.

39
00:01:19.260 --> 00:01:20.180
Mau-pin.

40
00:01:20.180 --> 00:01:21.240
Madame Maupin.

41
00:01:21.240 --> 00:01:24.040
Was she a mistress of Louis XIV?

42
00:01:24.040 --> 00:01:26.040
It's a long list, if it is.

43
00:01:26.040 --> 00:01:27.580
Let's face it(!)

44
00:01:28.600 --> 00:01:34.060
Born to Gaston d'Aubigny, a secretary to the
Master of the Horse...

45
00:01:34.060 --> 00:01:35.950
for King Louis XIV.

46
00:01:35.950 --> 00:01:37.420
It's not close enough to have a point,

47
00:01:37.420 --> 00:01:38.420
but she was certainly-

48
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A secretary for a horse, would you believe?

49
00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:43.190
[whinnies] "Take that down.

50
00:01:43.190 --> 00:01:44.630
"Read it back?"

51
00:01:44.630 --> 00:01:49.020
[whinnies] "Sir, I know it's very sad, but
why the long face?"

52
00:01:51.100 --> 00:01:54.330
You're absolutely right that she was a mistress,
but to a Count.

53
00:01:54.330 --> 00:01:55.369
So I'm going to give you a point for that.

54
00:01:55.369 --> 00:01:56.740
To the... oh, god.

55
00:01:56.740 --> 00:01:57.740
A mistress to-

56
00:01:57.740 --> 00:01:58.740
French names.

57
00:01:58.740 --> 00:01:59.740
Count d'Armagnac?

58
00:01:59.740 --> 00:02:00.740
D'Armagnac.

59
00:02:00.740 --> 00:02:02.750
Tom, what have you done to yourself?

60
00:02:02.750 --> 00:02:04.900
It's not gone well.
It's not gone well.

61
00:02:04.900 --> 00:02:06.580
D'Armagnac. Go on.

62
00:02:06.580 --> 00:02:11.520
Became a mistress by the age of 14, because
pre-French Revolution.

63
00:02:11.530 --> 00:02:14.920
But by that point,
she had learned a lot of things,

64
00:02:14.920 --> 00:02:17.730
by learning alongside the court pages.

260
00:02:17.730 --> 00:02:18.730
Okay.

66
00:02:18.730 --> 00:01:14.140
Is that an artful euphemism?

67
00:01:14.140 --> 00:01:15.960
No, it's not.

68
00:02:20.819 --> 00:02:22.610
Is it an artless euphemism?

69
00:02:22.610 --> 00:02:25.520
No, her father trained the court pages.

70
00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:28.380
So what did Julie learn alongside them?

71
00:02:28.380 --> 00:02:29.380
Words.

72
00:02:29.380 --> 00:02:30.380
I'll give you a point.

73
00:02:30.380 --> 00:02:31.380
Numbers.

74
00:02:31.380 --> 00:02:32.380
Yes, reading as well.

75
00:02:32.380 --> 00:02:33.380
Standing very still.

76
00:02:33.380 --> 00:02:35.820
Going "ooh" at the right moment, when the
king comes in.

77
00:02:35.820 --> 00:02:37.570
Yes, all that kind of stuff.

78
00:02:37.570 --> 00:02:38.780
Polishing pointy bits of gold chairs.

79
00:02:38.780 --> 00:02:42.160
There's a couple of other skills that a page
would have in those days.

80
00:02:42.160 --> 00:02:43.570
Carrying things.

81
00:02:43.570 --> 00:02:45.030
Putting things down.

82
00:02:45.030 --> 00:02:47.300
Something a little more violent.

83
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Swording!

197
00:02:48.700 --> 00:02:50.880
Yes.

85
00:02:50.880 --> 00:02:54.099
Which is an artless euphemism.

86
00:02:54.099 --> 00:02:55.880
Swording.

87
00:02:55.880 --> 00:02:59.910
She learned to fence, and then dressed as
a boy from an early age.

88
00:02:59.910 --> 00:03:02.290
She got involved with an assistant fencing
master.

89
00:03:02.290 --> 00:03:04.800
The police were then looking for him,
to arrest him.

90
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:05.800
What had he done?

91
00:03:05.800 --> 00:03:07.280
You know he's got a sword in his hand?

92
00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:07.780
Yeah.

93
00:03:07.780 --> 00:03:09.700
You know he waves it around in a violent fashion?

94
00:03:09.710 --> 00:03:10.710
Mm.

95
00:03:10.710 --> 00:02:48.700
Did he - perchance and taking a punt – did
he stab someone?

197
00:02:48.700 --> 00:02:50.880
Yes.

97
00:03:15.860 --> 00:03:17.980
I'm looking for something specific here.

98
00:03:17.980 --> 00:03:20.580
What might be a reason for stabbing someone,
pre-Revolution?

99
00:03:20.580 --> 00:03:22.690
Being slightly upset.

100
00:03:22.690 --> 00:03:23.700
In which case, you would do what?

101
00:03:23.700 --> 00:03:25.100
- Oh, a duel!
- Stab 'em!

102
00:03:25.100 --> 00:02:48.700
A duel! You'd fight a duel.

197
00:02:48.700 --> 00:02:50.880
Yes.

104
00:03:27.640 --> 00:03:30.760
The man she was involved with killed a man
in an illegal duel,

105
00:03:30.769 --> 00:03:33.650
so they fled the city, to Marseilles.

106
00:03:33.650 --> 00:03:36.730
How did she earn her living on the way south?

107
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Fighting for money.

197
00:02:48.700 --> 00:02:50.880
Yes.

109
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F***!

110
00:03:41.160 --> 00:03:42.730
Giving fencing exhibitions, and also, singing.

111
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She was a talented singer.

112
00:03:44.680 --> 00:03:47.319
Singing and fencing at the same time
would be a hell of an act, wouldn't it?

113
00:03:47.320 --> 00:03:48.319
Opera.

114
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Which I believe had been invented
at that point.

115
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And not only that; she joined an opera company.

116
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Have a point.

117
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For full operatic effect, did she die of tuberculosis
at the end?

118
00:04:03.460 --> 00:04:05.580
We've seen very different versions of Aida.

119
00:04:07.380 --> 00:04:09.140
Made it to Marseilles.

120
00:04:09.150 --> 00:04:11.120
Grew bored of her lover.

121
00:04:11.120 --> 00:04:13.380
Not what I thought you were going to say.

122
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Grew bored of this humdrum, dull life
of opera singing and fencing.

123
00:04:16.849 --> 00:04:18.530
Decides to become an accountant.

124
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She ran away somewhere,
and she ran away with someone.

125
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To Nice.

126
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With a man from Nice(!)

127
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Right, you are wrong about Nice, and you are
also wrong about a man.

128
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With a woman!

197
00:02:48.700 --> 00:02:50.880
Yes.

130
00:04:33.419 --> 00:04:34.720
From a place that isn't Nice!

131
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I'm not giving you a point for that, but it's
Avignon.

132
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So yes.

133
00:04:37.979 --> 00:04:39.860
Oh, I was going to say Poitiers. So close.

134
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But she was running away,

135
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because the girl was sent away by her parents.

136
00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:45.390
Where was the other girl sent to?

137
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A convent?

138
00:04:46.390 --> 00:04:47.780
Yes, absolutely right.

139
00:04:47.780 --> 00:04:52.600
So she followed, entering the convent, and-

140
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With swords.

141
00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:54.830
Let's face it, you get in most places

142
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if you turn up waving swords around,
singing opera.

143
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No, she went into the convent,

144
00:04:58.810 --> 00:05:03.320
and then tried to free her lover from the
convent.

145
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This is a hell of an opera in itself,
let's face it.

146
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I like to think that everybody is singing
all the way through this.

147
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Yes, I do.

148
00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:10.509
It's a full-on Rodgers and Hammerstein, this.

149
00:05:10.509 --> 00:05:13.400
Could we talk through the plan,
the scheme that she went through,

150
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the heist that she pulled?

151
00:05:15.370 --> 00:05:17.124
And it's quite a dark heist,

152
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Did it involve swords?

153
00:05:18.440 --> 00:05:20.280
to get her and her lover out of the convent.

154
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Did the nuns have swords?

155
00:05:21.840 --> 00:05:24.400
Er, not to my knowledge, although-

156
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"Bloodbath at convent!"

157
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But frankly, 'Sister Act 3', it's going to
be absolutely amazing.

158
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But then it should have been a very easy heist!

159
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"Give me my ...ing lover,
or I'll chop you all to pieces."

160
00:05:37.440 --> 00:05:40.900
As negotiating tactics go,
it's normally successful, I find.

161
00:05:40.900 --> 00:05:43.699
Well, they were trying to cover their tracks.

162
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What kind of scheme would you pull to do that?

163
00:05:46.860 --> 00:05:50.790
You would pretend to be a doctor.

164
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And you'd say, "This nun has a terrible disease!

165
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"All of you will get the disease.

166
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She must come with me immediately."

167
00:05:59.110 --> 00:06:02.790
And the nuns would go,
"Oh, a doctor has said so."

168
00:06:02.790 --> 00:06:05.640
Then the doctor would also have a sword,
and they…

169
00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:09.640
Yes, and they were listening, because he was
♪ SINGING ♪!

170
00:06:09.640 --> 00:06:11.400
And then we have the interval.

171
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That's the way it goes.

172
00:06:13.880 --> 00:06:14.880
Er, no.

173
00:06:14.880 --> 00:06:16.090
She would pretend to be a policeman.

174
00:06:16.090 --> 00:06:21.220
and she would say, "This nun has committed
a terrible crime!

175
00:06:21.220 --> 00:06:23.389
"She must come with me immediately."

176
00:06:23.389 --> 00:06:26.320
But she was charged, in absentia,

177
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for kidnapping, bodysnatching, and arson.

178
00:06:29.310 --> 00:06:31.350
So based on that, what was the heist?

179
00:06:31.350 --> 00:06:32.350
Oh, s***.

180
00:06:32.350 --> 00:06:34.500
So you take a dead body,
replace your lover with it,

181
00:06:34.500 --> 00:06:36.930
then burn the whole place down
to cover the tracks.

182
00:06:39.140 --> 00:06:40.140
Damn!

183
00:06:40.140 --> 00:06:43.840
What worries me is that
your mind went straight to that.

184
00:06:44.960 --> 00:06:46.960
Does this s*** count as a confession?

185
00:06:46.960 --> 00:06:49.400
There's no DNA evidence, darling(!)

186
00:06:50.250 --> 00:06:51.800
She escaped from that.

187
00:06:51.800 --> 00:06:52.960
The affair lasted three months,

188
00:06:52.960 --> 00:06:56.460
before the girl returned to her family, and
then she left for Paris.

189
00:06:56.460 --> 00:06:57.630
What happened in Paris?

190
00:06:57.630 --> 00:07:02.319
And I'm deliberately phrasing that vaguely,
because it's kind of a repeat.

191
00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:05.200
Did she dig up the entire Père Lachaise Cemetery,

192
00:07:05.200 --> 00:07:07.461
and burn Paris to the ground?

193
00:07:07.461 --> 00:07:09.350
It's a repeat of something
we've already talked about.

194
00:07:09.350 --> 00:07:10.350
Something with swords?

195
00:07:10.350 --> 00:07:11.350
Yes, definitely.

196
00:07:11.350 --> 00:02:48.700
It's a sword thing, from this lady, I'm guessing.

197
00:02:48.700 --> 00:02:50.880
Yes.

198
00:07:13.910 --> 00:07:14.910
Catastrophic juggling accident.

199
00:07:14.910 --> 00:07:17.940
Oh, did she challenge someone to a duel?

234
00:07:17.940 --> 00:07:18.940
Yes, you're absolutely right.

201
00:07:18.940 --> 00:07:21.810
She was insulted by a young nobleman,
fought a duel with him,

202
00:07:21.810 --> 00:07:23.030
put a blade through his shoulder.

203
00:07:23.030 --> 00:07:24.030
Whoa.

239
00:07:24.030 --> 00:07:25.030
Awesome.

205
00:07:25.030 --> 00:07:26.460
Was he pinned to a tree in a comical-

206
00:07:26.460 --> 00:07:29.530
No, it was just a vicious injury, Gary!

207
00:07:29.530 --> 00:07:31.389
It wasn't a cartoon thing, where he was going,

208
00:07:31.389 --> 00:07:32.630
"Well, this is inconvenient.

209
00:07:32.630 --> 00:07:34.169
"I'm stapled to this tree now."

210
00:07:34.169 --> 00:07:36.569
"I'll fight with the other arm!"

211
00:07:36.569 --> 00:07:40.120
The cool thing about duels, duelling is really
addictive.

212
00:07:40.120 --> 00:07:42.460
Bismarck, I think, when he was a student,

213
00:07:42.460 --> 00:07:44.169
he was also addicted to duelling.

214
00:07:44.169 --> 00:07:45.169
He would walk-

215
00:07:45.169 --> 00:07:49.160
Bit unfair though: six 14" guns against a
man with a sword.

216
00:07:51.849 --> 00:07:53.340
Well, no.

217
00:07:53.340 --> 00:07:54.639
He'd walk around the street,

218
00:07:54.639 --> 00:07:58.760
wearing two cudgels, six pistols and two swords

219
00:07:58.760 --> 00:08:00.450
and a dressing gown.

220
00:08:00.450 --> 00:08:05.060
And he'd wander around, going,
"Yeah, fight me. Fight me. I'm Bismarck."

221
00:08:05.060 --> 00:08:07.360
That's a very different Big Lebowski,
isn't it?

222
00:08:08.380 --> 00:08:11.520
Duelling, once it got later, was a really
formal event.

223
00:08:11.520 --> 00:08:13.700
- Yes.
- What would they be wearing?

224
00:08:14.540 --> 00:08:17.240
You're normally just in a shirt, aren't you,
as I understand it?

225
00:08:17.250 --> 00:08:19.570
No, we're talking,
for this at least, much later.

226
00:08:19.570 --> 00:08:21.819
This is German military, 19th century.

227
00:08:21.819 --> 00:08:23.449
Oh, your full kit, no doubt.

228
00:08:23.449 --> 00:08:24.449
Armour?

229
00:08:24.449 --> 00:08:25.449
Well, you wouldn't be in armour.

230
00:08:25.449 --> 00:08:26.449
They wouldn't have armour at that point.

231
00:08:26.449 --> 00:08:27.449
You'd have a breastplate.

232
00:08:27.449 --> 00:08:29.610
Well, wasn't the early German thing that you
duelled, growing up,

233
00:08:29.610 --> 00:07:17.940
or you fenced, growing up, to get good gnarly
scars, didn't they?

234
00:07:17.940 --> 00:07:18.940
Yes, you're absolutely right.

235
00:08:34.669 --> 00:08:39.399
They would fight with a mask and a thick scarf,
so you couldn't-

236
00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:41.019
Ah, so that you could only get this bit.

237
00:08:41.019 --> 00:08:42.550
You could only get that bit.

238
00:08:42.550 --> 00:07:24.030
So it was essentially ritual scarification.

239
00:07:24.030 --> 00:07:25.030
Awesome.

240
00:08:46.279 --> 00:08:50.470
Scars were judged by Otto von Bismarck
to be a sign of bravery.

241
00:08:50.470 --> 00:08:52.519
Men's courage could be judged –
and there's a quote here –

242
00:08:52.519 --> 00:08:54.810
"by the number of scars on their cheeks".

243
00:08:54.810 --> 00:08:56.380
Oh, cracking. I'm well away.

244
00:08:56.380 --> 00:08:58.020
Did he specify which cheeks?

245
00:09:01.300 --> 00:09:02.640
How would you duel?

246
00:09:02.640 --> 00:09:04.580
I've just got this image of the sword....

247
00:09:04.580 --> 00:09:07.540
"Oh, I see. I've got a very wrong idea about this."

248
00:09:07.540 --> 00:09:10.760
I've just got two men
backing up against each other,

249
00:09:10.760 --> 00:09:12.420
with a sword, kind of, "Thunk. Thunk."

250
00:09:16.600 --> 00:09:19.320
Only one end of the sword would go, "thunk."

251
00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:20.700
The other one would go...

252
00:09:22.680 --> 00:09:26.340
It's marvellous, the thought of Bismarck stood
there in his dressing gown,

253
00:09:26.350 --> 00:09:27.910
cudgels, hand grenades and cannons,

254
00:09:27.910 --> 00:09:31.790
and someone else reverses bent over,
round the corner.

255
00:09:31.790 --> 00:09:34.560
"Well, we're doing it this way. Fair enough.

256
00:09:34.560 --> 00:09:37.120
"I've never been beaten by a more worthy adversary."

257
00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:40.120
At which point, it turns out the guy's got
a cannon up there.

258
00:09:41.960 --> 00:09:45.329
Er, yes, scars, for God's sake(!)

259
00:09:45.329 --> 00:02:17.730
Scars were usually targeted to the left profile.

260
00:02:17.730 --> 00:02:18.730
Okay.

261
00:09:48.009 --> 00:09:51.920
Oh, look at you with your, "I'm handsome for
19th century warring Germany" face.

262
00:09:51.920 --> 00:09:52.920
You know what?

263
00:09:52.920 --> 00:09:53.920
I'll take that.

264
00:09:53.920 --> 00:09:55.610
I will take that.

265
00:09:55.610 --> 00:09:57.520
It does explain the haircut.

266
00:09:59.280 --> 00:10:01.589
And the Pickelhaube.

267
00:10:01.589 --> 00:10:04.699
Can we have a big thing that goes across the
bottom of the screen that says,

268
00:10:04.699 --> 00:10:06.459
"Do not try this at home?"

269
00:10:06.459 --> 00:10:07.459
Yes, I think...

270
00:10:07.459 --> 00:10:10.030
"unless someone has insulted you and you want
a duel?

271
00:10:10.030 --> 00:10:13.360
"In which case, that's fine, but remember,
we mean the other cheeks.

272
00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:14.340
"Yeah?"

273
00:10:14.340 --> 00:10:18.680
So yes, going back, pre-French Revolution, back to Julie,

274
00:10:18.680 --> 00:10:21.040
Oh, yeah!

275
00:10:21.040 --> 00:10:24.779
Who duelled by stabbing someone with a sword.

276
00:10:24.779 --> 00:10:26.019
This doesn't sound much like a duel.

277
00:10:26.019 --> 00:10:27.850
This more sounds like a very quick stabbing.

278
00:10:27.850 --> 00:10:30.189
She was a very good duellist, by all accounts.

279
00:10:30.189 --> 00:10:31.959
Well, excellent, obviously, yeah.

280
00:10:31.959 --> 00:10:35.759
He was Louis-Joseph d'Albert de Luynes,
son of the Duke of Luynes.

281
00:10:35.760 --> 00:10:38.060
"He killed my father. Prepare to die."

282
00:10:40.040 --> 00:10:41.040
Quite the opposite.

283
00:10:41.049 --> 00:10:43.199
One of his companions came to offer his apologies.

284
00:10:43.199 --> 00:10:44.220
"He resurrected my father?

285
00:10:44.220 --> 00:10:45.540
"Prepare to live?"

286
00:10:49.100 --> 00:10:53.500
Okay, when I say the opposite, I mean in more
general terms.

287
00:10:53.500 --> 00:10:57.080
It was more that they certainly weren't enemies
after this.

288
00:10:57.080 --> 00:10:59.740
Is there more about...
just before we go onto this guy,

289
00:10:59.749 --> 00:11:01.920
is there more about him, other than this incident?

290
00:11:01.920 --> 00:11:04.639
Because I would hate to be, myself, one of
those people in history

291
00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:07.020
that's only remembered as being the guy that
got stabbed through a shoulder,

292
00:11:07.020 --> 00:11:08.379
and potentially stuck to a tree,

293
00:11:08.379 --> 00:11:10.019
by that lady that pretended to be a nun,

294
00:11:10.019 --> 00:11:11.529
who sang opera, that burnt the convent down.

295
00:11:11.529 --> 00:11:14.369
'Cos that's not a great way to be remembered,
let's face it.

296
00:11:14.369 --> 00:11:16.939
For one thing, you can't write all that on
just the one tombstone.

297
00:11:16.939 --> 00:11:18.769
Yeah, both sides.

298
00:11:18.769 --> 00:11:20.749
There is not another reference in here.

299
00:11:20.749 --> 00:11:22.949
This appears to be the one reference to the
man in history.

300
00:11:22.949 --> 00:11:26.540
"How do they remember me?
...oh, you're kidding. Come on!"

301
00:11:26.540 --> 00:11:30.040
If it hadn't been that, he would have been
remembered for being the innately hilarious

302
00:11:30.049 --> 00:11:32.299
son of the Duke of Loins!

303
00:11:32.299 --> 00:11:34.989
...I'm probably mispronouncing that.

304
00:11:34.989 --> 00:11:37.610
I'm choosing to believe you're not!

305
00:11:37.610 --> 00:11:39.880
It's L-U-Y-N-E-S.

306
00:11:39.880 --> 00:11:42.100
So if there's any French speakers in here
who can…

307
00:11:42.500 --> 00:11:43.500
Loins!.

308
00:11:43.500 --> 00:11:44.380
Loins it is then.

309
00:11:44.380 --> 00:11:45.100
Duke of Loins.

310
00:11:45.100 --> 00:11:47.149
There's no advance from the audience.

311
00:11:47.149 --> 00:11:49.689
What happened, though, after he recovered?

312
00:11:49.689 --> 00:11:52.220
And, by the way, and after he sent his apologies?

313
00:11:52.220 --> 00:11:53.459
Oh, good man.

314
00:11:53.459 --> 00:11:56.949
I imagine he went, "Ow," quite frequently,
for a while.

315
00:11:56.949 --> 00:11:58.730
Did his golf take some time to recover?

316
00:11:58.730 --> 00:12:00.389
Was there physiotherapy involved?

317
00:12:00.389 --> 00:12:03.100
Is this back to swording as an artless euphemism?

318
00:12:03.100 --> 00:12:04.100
Did they marry?

319
00:12:04.940 --> 00:12:06.880
You're closer, yes.

320
00:12:06.880 --> 00:12:10.910
They never married, but they became lovers,
and, later, lifelong friends.

321
00:12:10.910 --> 00:12:12.319
How can you...!

322
00:12:12.319 --> 00:12:15.019
"Oh, remember that time
I stabbed you in the shoulder?"

323
00:12:15.019 --> 00:12:17.209
"Ah, that's how we met!"

324
00:12:17.209 --> 00:12:19.309
Works for me.

325
00:12:19.309 --> 00:12:23.699
I'm going to point out, she is still in her
late teens at this point.

326
00:12:23.699 --> 00:12:24.699
That's nails.

327
00:12:24.700 --> 00:12:27.080
We are not in the section, yet, that says,
'Adult Life.'

328
00:12:28.410 --> 00:12:30.480
You know when you're at home and you think
to yourself,

329
00:12:30.480 --> 00:12:31.629
"How is my life going?"

330
00:12:31.629 --> 00:12:33.319
Do you ever hear articles like this and think,

331
00:12:33.319 --> 00:12:35.179
"I have not achieved enough in life?"

332
00:12:35.179 --> 00:12:37.360
Well, how old was she?

333
00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:38.360
Late teens?

334
00:12:38.360 --> 00:12:42.129
By 19, at no point had I tried to burn a convent
down with a corpse inside it.

335
00:12:42.129 --> 00:12:44.790
She is somewhere between 17 and 20 at this
point, but we don't know if-

336
00:12:44.790 --> 00:12:45.790
Oh, well, that's different.

337
00:12:45.790 --> 00:12:48.600
By 19, I was all about that, yes.

338
00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:51.279
She was hired by the Paris Opera.

339
00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:54.029
In full knowledge that she was pretty handy
while she was doing it.

340
00:12:54.029 --> 00:12:55.480
Oh, no, as a doorman!

341
00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:58.300
Can you just imagine when she got appointed
at the opera,

342
00:12:58.300 --> 00:13:00.920
the CRB check she must've had
when she got in?

343
00:13:00.920 --> 00:13:02.170
"What do we have?

344
00:13:02.170 --> 00:13:04.670
"Well, a little bit of shoplifting when you
were 12.

345
00:13:04.670 --> 00:13:06.130
"I'm sure that's all done now...

346
00:13:06.130 --> 00:13:10.859
"Burning down a convent and stealing a body
to burn down said convent, now that was not-"

347
00:13:10.859 --> 00:13:13.430
She only set the room on fire;
she didn't burn down the entire convent.

348
00:13:13.430 --> 00:13:14.769
Oh, well that's alright then.

349
00:13:14.769 --> 00:13:18.009
Five years later,
she's still the talk of Paris.

350
00:13:18.009 --> 00:13:21.920
She's still well known-
thank you for those effects.

351
00:13:21.920 --> 00:13:26.800
At a society ball, there was a scandal.

352
00:13:26.800 --> 00:13:27.800
Turned up as a bloke.

353
00:13:27.800 --> 00:13:28.800
Left with a woman.

354
00:13:28.800 --> 00:13:29.800
Reverted to being a woman.

355
00:13:29.800 --> 00:13:30.990
Burnt the place down when somebody said, "Oi."

356
00:13:30.990 --> 00:13:32.790
One of those things is right,

357
00:13:32.790 --> 00:13:36.170
but it was a broad, blunderbuss attempt there.

358
00:13:36.170 --> 00:13:37.209
So let's try Gary.

359
00:13:37.209 --> 00:13:38.209
Singing opera.

360
00:13:38.209 --> 00:13:39.209
Throws sword.

361
00:13:39.209 --> 00:13:40.209
Stabs man.

362
00:13:40.209 --> 00:13:41.209
Room on fire.

363
00:13:41.209 --> 00:13:42.209
None of those.

364
00:13:42.209 --> 00:13:43.209
So based on those two-

365
00:13:43.209 --> 00:13:44.209
Come on, Will.

366
00:13:44.209 --> 00:13:45.360
She pretended to be a doctor.

367
00:13:52.700 --> 00:13:54.020
And she went around the ballroom, going,

368
00:13:54.020 --> 00:13:56.220
"Everyone here has a terrible disease!

369
00:13:56.220 --> 00:13:57.679
"You must all come with me."

370
00:13:57.679 --> 00:14:00.660
What I like about it, in my imagination,

371
00:14:00.660 --> 00:14:01.799
she's dressed as an opera singer.

372
00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:04.470
She's got swords down each leg, so she's a
bit stiff in walking,

373
00:14:04.470 --> 00:14:06.739
and has a stethoscope.

374
00:14:06.739 --> 00:14:10.350
Chris, you actually said vaguely the right
words there.

375
00:14:10.350 --> 00:14:13.059
She kissed a young woman at a society ball.

376
00:14:13.059 --> 00:14:14.919
What happened immediately after that?

377
00:14:14.919 --> 00:14:17.949
She had a duel with the entire society ball.

378
00:14:17.949 --> 00:14:20.709
Yes, she was challenged to duels by
three separate noblemen,

379
00:14:20.709 --> 00:14:21.810
so I'll give you a point for that.

380
00:14:21.810 --> 00:14:23.800
What did she do that night?

381
00:14:23.800 --> 00:14:26.140
Er, beat them all in duels.

382
00:14:28.040 --> 00:14:29.970
What was illegal in Paris, at that point?

383
00:14:29.970 --> 00:14:31.389
Duelling more than two people in an evening.

384
00:14:31.389 --> 00:14:32.589
It was considered greedy.

385
00:14:32.589 --> 00:14:34.239
Just duelling, in particular.

386
00:14:34.239 --> 00:14:38.419
So she now has to flee Paris, because she's
also wanted there.

387
00:14:38.419 --> 00:14:39.709
Mate, I'd say Marseilles now.

388
00:14:39.709 --> 00:14:40.989
I think we're going there.

389
00:14:40.989 --> 00:14:43.660
I think she went to Marseilles!

390
00:14:43.660 --> 00:14:44.740
Brussels.

391
00:14:47.260 --> 00:14:51.980
Re-joins the opera, and the final years of
her career here

392
00:14:51.989 --> 00:14:56.149
were spent in a relationship with, well, who?

393
00:14:56.149 --> 00:14:57.799
Anyone brave enough.

394
00:14:57.799 --> 00:14:59.829
Madame la Marquise de Florensac.

395
00:14:59.829 --> 00:15:02.639
I'm, again, butchering all the French in here.

396
00:15:02.640 --> 00:15:05.209
Well, that's what she was doing with the swords,
to be honest.

397
00:15:07.340 --> 00:15:08.980
That's taken time.

398
00:15:08.980 --> 00:15:10.200
That's excellent.

399
00:15:10.660 --> 00:15:12.790
Ugly four that just reached the rope, yeah.

400
00:15:12.790 --> 00:15:14.800
On her death, she was inconsolable.

401
00:15:14.800 --> 00:15:18.020
She retired from the opera, and then took
refuge where?

402
00:15:18.020 --> 00:15:19.680
Not a convent...?

403
00:15:22.400 --> 00:15:27.540
She died at the age of 33, has no known grave,
and is a legendary figure.

404
00:15:27.540 --> 00:15:29.749
That window needs just a gentle tap
on it now, doesn't it?

405
00:15:29.749 --> 00:15:32.929
With a point of a sword, just to come through...

406
00:15:32.929 --> 00:15:36.700
So at the end of the show,
congratulations Will, you win this one.

407
00:15:36.700 --> 00:15:38.320
Yay!

408
00:15:40.369 --> 00:15:44.739
You win a Greek philosopher's
Mexican salamander speed control.

409
00:15:44.739 --> 00:15:46.009
Oh!

410
00:15:46.009 --> 00:15:49.040
Aristotle axolotl something throttle.

411
00:15:49.040 --> 00:15:50.040
Yes!

412
00:15:53.860 --> 00:15:55.260
An Aristotle axolotl throttle.

413
00:15:55.260 --> 00:15:57.080
Congratulations, Will.

414
00:15:57.080 --> 00:15:59.500
With that, we say thank you to Chris Joel,

415
00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:02.620
to Gary Brannan,

416
00:16:02.940 --> 00:16:04.200
to Will Seaward.

417
00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:06.199
I've been Tom Scott,
and we'll see you next time.

418
00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:07.160
Goodnight!