WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

20
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[Cheering]

2
00:00:10.540 --> 00:00:11.900
MATT: What up, crew?

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

4
00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:15.320
Yeah, get the door, door boy!

5
00:00:16.180 --> 00:00:18.000
Just put this back on to cover up the man-boobs.

6
00:00:19.080 --> 00:00:20.040
[Whistle from audience]

112
00:00:20.200 --> 00:00:21.380
'u r crap'
Thank you!

8
00:00:21.380 --> 00:00:22.420
She's up there.

9
00:00:22.940 --> 00:00:25.900
Now, those of you who have known
what we've done for a while

10
00:00:25.900 --> 00:00:28.760
will remember that a long time ago
we did some audio episodes.

11
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And I didn't know how much time we would
have left, exactly, at the end of this...

12
00:00:33.340 --> 00:00:36.520
GARY: To be fair, we didn't know how long it'd get
before the cold bottles of piss hit the stage.

13
00:00:38.020 --> 00:00:12.060
What I like is that they're cold, which means
that people have pre-prepared them.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

15
00:00:42.480 --> 00:00:43.600
[Laughter]
GARY: Yeah.

16
00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:45.040
Um, which means —

17
00:00:45.120 --> 00:00:46.320
MATT: "This one's for piss..."

18
00:00:47.540 --> 00:00:49.320
Er, which means that...

19
00:00:51.040 --> 00:00:02.060
In front of me, I have some classic trivia questions!

20
00:00:02.060 --> 00:00:10.540
[Cheering]

21
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[Cheering]
GARY: Ohhh, baby!

22
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This is what they want!

23
00:01:02.720 --> 00:01:03.780
"Finchley!"

24
00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:07.280
And by classic, I mean they're from 1984.

25
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GARY: This s*** again!

26
00:01:11.320 --> 00:01:15.580
I am going to read out the answers;
all you have to do is guess the questions.

27
00:01:15.580 --> 00:01:16.700
Are you all ready?

28
00:01:16.860 --> 00:01:20.340
God, remember the days when we did this
in a small, fart-filled room in Chester?

29
00:01:21.260 --> 00:01:24.860
We had a really big curry one of the nights, and *he*...

30
00:01:25.060 --> 00:01:31.960
He destroyed the room so badly we had to
open the outside door to let the maft out.

31
00:01:32.420 --> 00:00:12.060
That was the night I fell off your airbed and head-butted
your drum kit — oh, memories, memories.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

33
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We start...

34
00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:44.120
...with Albert Blake Dick.

35
00:01:46.620 --> 00:01:48.300
Which Blake didn't make Blake's 7?

36
00:01:50.300 --> 00:01:53.260
Because "Dick's 7" wouldn't sound... yeah.

37
00:01:53.460 --> 00:01:55.520
Should have seen the shape of the ship.

38
00:01:56.180 --> 00:01:59.300
It sounds like an order.
'Albert — blake Dick!'

39
00:02:00.720 --> 00:02:02.560
What's 'blaking' someone?

40
00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:04.920
I don't know, but I know what you use!

41
00:02:05.140 --> 00:02:05.820
Heyy!

42
00:02:06.720 --> 00:02:08.740
GARY: It's when Gareth Thomas comes up behind you —

43
00:02:08.880 --> 00:02:09.780
TOM: NO.

44
00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:13.460
Two people got that reference.

45
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GARY: Thank you, both Blake's 7 fans in the audience.

46
00:02:15.660 --> 00:02:18.440
TOM: Now, see, this has actually been corrected since.

47
00:02:18.440 --> 00:02:21.120
The actual answer to this would be Thomas Edison...

48
00:02:21.440 --> 00:02:24.160
GARY: Er, who shafted who out of some kind of patent?

49
00:02:24.300 --> 00:00:12.060
Well, Dick was the one who named —
I can't say that seriously.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

51
00:02:28.300 --> 00:02:31.100
Blake Dick —
I can't say *that* seriously.

52
00:02:31.240 --> 00:02:31.920
Albert?

53
00:02:32.100 --> 00:02:33.860
Albert was the one who named it.

54
00:02:34.100 --> 00:02:36.420
So we are looking for an invention.

55
00:02:36.640 --> 00:02:37.740
A tephelone!

56
00:02:37.900 --> 00:02:42.500
Oh, no. We're looking for something
that you'd still use in an office today.

57
00:02:42.780 --> 00:02:44.160
GARY: Photocopier.
CHRIS: Chair.

58
00:02:44.280 --> 00:02:45.800
GARY: Window.
MATT: Electricity.

59
00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:47.260
Gary, you're very close.

60
00:02:47.260 --> 00:02:50.560
I'm looking for something a little bit — like,
photocopier, that was the Xerox Corporation...

61
00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:52.560
What was an earlier version of that?

62
00:02:52.700 --> 00:02:53.580
Typewriter.

63
00:02:53.780 --> 00:02:54.740
CHRIS: Carbon copying... thing... pad.

64
00:02:54.860 --> 00:02:56.520
Yeah, I'll give you the point. [DING]

65
00:02:56.520 --> 00:02:58.240
We're looking for mimeograph machine.

66
00:02:58.400 --> 00:02:59.840
GARY and MATT: Mimeograph machine?

67
00:02:59.980 --> 00:03:02.100
GARY: Sounds like a f***ing electro band.

68
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GARY: Yeah, I'm down with the kids.

69
00:03:05.160 --> 00:03:06.700
'Hello, we're Mimeograph Machine.'

70
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CHRIS: [Beeping and booping]
GARY: 'Yeah. And we're here to annoy you pre-show.'

71
00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:13.720
TOM: That's actually fair, isn't it.
GARY: Yeah, yeah.

72
00:03:14.140 --> 00:03:16.620
We move on to 'the 35'.

73
00:03:17.140 --> 00:00:12.060
What yard line do you do some
bollocks at in American football?

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

75
00:03:21.580 --> 00:03:23.460
GARY: You don't get your bollocks out
in American football.

76
00:03:24.200 --> 00:03:25.040
Very dangerous.

77
00:03:25.200 --> 00:03:26.580
No, that's rugby, and that's afterwards.

78
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Ha ha!

79
00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:30.200
Oh they do, though, don't they.

80
00:03:30.620 --> 00:03:33.960
You're absolutely right,
it is a yard line in American football...

81
00:03:34.560 --> 00:03:35.900
Do you want to go any...

82
00:03:36.080 --> 00:03:38.720
CHRIS: Line of scrimmage.
MATT: Is that the line you go past, that if you go...

83
00:03:38.940 --> 00:03:40.840
That's where you... kick the thingy.

237
00:03:42.600 --> 00:03:42.600
[Applause]

85
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[Applause]
GARY: This is why you never got that...

86
00:03:45.180 --> 00:03:48.980
American football is one of the few
sports I sometimes watch.

87
00:03:49.440 --> 00:03:51.500
And I still don't know what I'm going to say.

88
00:03:51.720 --> 00:03:54.480
And yet, 'Is it the line you kick the thingy?'

89
00:03:55.260 --> 00:03:57.420
The thing is, he's right. [DING]

90
00:04:02.440 --> 00:04:04.760
That's what you get for watching the Superb Owl, isn't it.

91
00:04:04.920 --> 00:04:05.660
Yes.

92
00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:06.880
Super Bowel.

93
00:04:07.140 --> 00:04:08.620
Yeah. Hell of a show.

94
00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:11.380
Yeah. It's 'Which yard line do NFL teams kick off from?'

95
00:04:11.380 --> 00:04:15.060
And before we get letters, this is from 1984.
It was moved ten years later.

96
00:04:15.220 --> 00:00:12.060
'Before we get letters'?

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

98
00:04:20.060 --> 00:04:21.560
MATT: Z! Q! R!

99
00:04:21.860 --> 00:04:24.800
I'd quite like that, because the YouTube barrier to entry

100
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:27.120
would be quite a bit higher if you
had to comment by sending a letter.

101
00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:29.920
But on the other hand, I would
open my post in the morning —

102
00:04:30.120 --> 00:04:32.060
You've got a letter opener as well!

245
00:04:32.320 --> 00:04:39.680
[Laughter and applause]

104
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:41.440
Tom lives near an embassy.

105
00:04:41.440 --> 00:04:44.300
I like to think he does have a silver platter
that his post is delivered on.

106
00:04:44.300 --> 00:04:46.480
'Private and Confidential for you, sir...'
[Envelope slitting noises]

107
00:04:46.740 --> 00:04:49.100
No, I just like the idea that I'm going to open a letter,

108
00:04:49.100 --> 00:04:51.780
and it's just going to be a vague insult on my person.

109
00:04:51.880 --> 00:04:52.680
All in caps.

110
00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:54.300
All in caps, obviously.

111
00:04:55.000 --> 00:00:20.200
That would be, yeah — YouTube comments by post.

112
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'u r crap'
Thank you!

113
00:04:58.700 --> 00:05:00.760
That would be post with the word 'LOL' in it.

180
00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:02.540
Yeah.

115
00:05:02.540 --> 00:05:04.880
TOM: Your next one is... jai alai.
MATT: Thatcher!

116
00:05:05.040 --> 00:05:07.140
MATT: The answer's almost always 'Thatcher'.

117
00:05:07.700 --> 00:05:08.660
TOM: Jai alai.

118
00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:10.780
CHRIS: Fastest ball speed, compared to lacrosse.

137
00:05:10.900 --> 00:05:11.540
[DING]
GARY: Thank you...

120
00:05:11.540 --> 00:05:13.980
Absolutely spot on. Knocked it out of the park —

121
00:05:14.200 --> 00:00:12.060
No, no, it bounces off the wall and comes back.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

237
00:03:42.600 --> 00:03:42.600
[Applause]

124
00:05:25.460 --> 00:05:28.760
Your next one is... the Impossible Missions Force.

125
00:05:28.900 --> 00:05:30.440
What do they call us on a date night?

126
00:05:32.080 --> 00:05:35.640
Wow, that makes my answer even worse.
Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare?

127
00:05:35.780 --> 00:05:37.560
Er, no, definitely not.

128
00:05:37.940 --> 00:05:39.140
MATT: 64 newtons.

129
00:05:39.840 --> 00:05:42.080
The Impossible Missions *Force*, right. Yeah.

130
00:05:42.860 --> 00:05:44.140
TOM: Good... good.

131
00:05:44.380 --> 00:05:47.080
Weak electromagnetic!
Same joke, but whatever.

132
00:05:47.680 --> 00:05:50.920
No. The abbreviation for that would be IMF.

133
00:05:52.040 --> 00:00:12.060
Where does the post get misdirected if you're
writing to the International Monetary Fund?

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

135
00:05:58.040 --> 00:06:02.040
Anyone who has seen a certain film
is likely to know the answer to this one.

136
00:06:02.260 --> 00:05:10.900
MATT: [Hums 'Mission: Impossible' bassline]

137
00:05:10.900 --> 00:05:11.540
[DING]
GARY: Thank you...

138
00:06:04.500 --> 00:06:05.280
[DING]
GARY: Ahh.

139
00:06:06.620 --> 00:06:07.800
TOM: He's absolutely right. 'What's —'

140
00:06:07.960 --> 00:06:11.640
['Mission: Impossible' melody]
Doodle-doo... doodle-doo...

141
00:06:11.960 --> 00:06:14.220
Doodle-doo... doo-doo.

142
00:06:15.900 --> 00:03:42.600
TOM: He's absolutely ri —
MATT: Doodle-doo... doodle-doo...

237
00:03:42.600 --> 00:03:42.600
[Applause]

144
00:06:24.040 --> 00:06:25.160
Doodle-doo...!

145
00:06:25.420 --> 00:06:28.400
Yeah. 'What was the name of the agency
from Mission: Impossible?'

146
00:06:28.620 --> 00:06:31.580
The sound-man at the back, he's just
gone cross-eyed and his ears are going red.

147
00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:34.600
Your next one is... Intourist.

148
00:06:35.000 --> 00:00:12.060
What is the worst place to store a bottle of water?

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

150
00:06:39.880 --> 00:06:40.380
Thoop!

151
00:06:41.660 --> 00:06:43.160
It's when it comes out without the cap on...

152
00:06:45.680 --> 00:06:47.820
I store all my water lying down, anyway.

153
00:06:48.880 --> 00:06:49.500
Ohhh!

154
00:06:50.120 --> 00:06:52.520
Where would a Yorkshireman put things 'in the ourist'?

155
00:06:53.020 --> 00:06:54.840
TOM: In t' ourist! Yeah, okay.
GARY: In t'ourist.

156
00:06:55.220 --> 00:06:57.860
No, you would be saying this
in an accent as well, certainly.

157
00:06:58.040 --> 00:06:59.060
He just did!

158
00:06:59.200 --> 00:07:00.000
Yeah, okay.

159
00:07:00.180 --> 00:07:04.060
And bear in mind, this is 1984.
They like questions about certain countries here.

160
00:07:04.180 --> 00:07:04.980
GARY: Russia!

161
00:07:05.160 --> 00:07:06.460
TOM: Yes.
GARY: Ohoho.

162
00:07:06.620 --> 00:07:10.080
It is the state-run travel agency of the Soviet Union.

176
00:07:10.260 --> 00:07:11.460
Ahh.

164
00:07:11.460 --> 00:07:13.060
Mandatory tourism!

165
00:07:13.500 --> 00:07:15.260
GARY: In Russia, travel does you.

166
00:07:15.460 --> 00:00:12.060
I can only imagine that you basically went up there,
said 'I'd like to go somewhere,' and they said, 'No.'

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

168
00:07:21.800 --> 00:07:24.280
It's like a railway station.
Big blinds they pull down and go,

169
00:07:24.280 --> 00:07:26.900
'NO'... 'NO'... 'NO'... 'POLICE'.

170
00:07:27.440 --> 00:07:29.760
I would like to go on The Holiday.

171
00:07:30.060 --> 00:07:31.900
CHRIS: From what I understand from what I've read,

172
00:07:31.900 --> 00:07:36.400
essentially you went there and you got
your week's allowance of... like, leave.

173
00:07:36.400 --> 00:07:38.920
But because it's leave from the country, in essence,

174
00:07:38.920 --> 00:07:42.200
you got a week in this dacha,
at the place you were told to,

175
00:07:42.200 --> 00:07:10.260
at the time you were told to be there.
And then you returned.

176
00:07:10.260 --> 00:07:11.460
Ahh.

177
00:07:45.740 --> 00:00:12.060
GARY: Butlins then.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

179
00:07:48.020 --> 00:05:01.000
Yeah, but the coats were red.

180
00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:02.540
Yeah.

181
00:07:50.780 --> 00:07:55.360
I have spent one brief holiday in Butlins,
and it is not all it's cracked up to be.

182
00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:57.100
And it's not cracked up to be much.

183
00:07:57.280 --> 00:07:58.480
I was going to say!

184
00:07:59.620 --> 00:08:02.120
I tell you what, when I had a holiday
in Butlins, (A) it was brilliant,

185
00:08:02.120 --> 00:08:06.500
but (B) I was a bit worried by the barbed wire
and guard towers round the edge.

186
00:08:06.500 --> 00:08:08.700
GARY: I'm not joking, there were genuinely guard towers.

187
00:08:08.920 --> 00:08:09.740
Why...?

188
00:08:10.220 --> 00:08:14.080
To stop — I'm not sure if it's to stop
other people getting in, or to stop us getting out.

189
00:08:14.200 --> 00:08:15.040
Why would they?

190
00:08:15.180 --> 00:08:15.960
I don't know!

191
00:08:16.080 --> 00:08:17.820
'Ooh, let's go break into Butlins!'

192
00:08:18.340 --> 00:08:24.060
No, that is absolutely what kids in a small,
boring seaside town would do.

193
00:08:24.060 --> 00:08:25.840
You would absolutely go and break into the Butlins.

194
00:08:26.020 --> 00:08:27.280
They had great slides.

195
00:08:27.700 --> 00:00:12.060
It's just the machine gun
might get you on the way down.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

197
00:08:31.080 --> 00:08:33.360
This is turning dark! So let's move on.

198
00:08:33.620 --> 00:08:35.860
North Butlins and South Butlins!

199
00:08:37.060 --> 00:08:38.480
'Get on the slide!'
[Machine gun noises]

200
00:08:38.700 --> 00:00:12.060
No, no, you've got the breakaway
Republic of Pontins, above.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

202
00:08:43.940 --> 00:08:46.580
Blue coats — red coats. They don't talk. Don't talk.

203
00:08:47.280 --> 00:08:48.960
Your last question then.

204
00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:49.620
Aww.

205
00:08:50.140 --> 00:08:51.700
Baseball and bridge.

206
00:08:51.920 --> 00:08:54.560
We are looking for something they have in common.

207
00:08:54.900 --> 00:08:56.060
CHRIS: An extra —
GARY: Bats!

208
00:08:56.900 --> 00:08:58.020
An extra card in the box.

209
00:08:58.160 --> 00:08:59.140
GARY: The way I play it.

210
00:08:59.940 --> 00:09:02.900
So first of all, that's quite clever, but no.

211
00:09:03.420 --> 00:09:06.680
And secondly, what bat do you use in bridge?!

212
00:09:07.680 --> 00:00:12.060
Cricket, and it speeds it up.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

214
00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:14.800
TOM: That's fair.

215
00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:20.400
Was there ever an iron baseball?

216
00:09:20.400 --> 00:00:12.060
Because you could say both have
been designed by Brunel.

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

218
00:09:24.380 --> 00:09:27.220
GARY: 'This ball is superior to all others!' Thonk!

219
00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:29.480
It's also slightly too big for everything else as well.

220
00:09:29.760 --> 00:09:32.360
TOM: Yeah. No, we are looking for terms...

221
00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:34.140
I'll give you a point for one of the terms that is found —

222
00:09:34.260 --> 00:09:35.300
MATT: Terms of endearment?

223
00:09:35.380 --> 00:09:36.040
...in both.

224
00:09:36.140 --> 00:09:36.740
GARY: Can I have a go?

225
00:09:36.740 --> 00:09:37.560
Yeah, go for it.

226
00:09:37.560 --> 00:09:38.260
Rubber?

227
00:09:39.620 --> 00:09:43.540
Absolutely spot on. It's 'Which two games
have both a rubber and a grand slam?'

228
00:09:44.020 --> 00:03:42.600
And that is such a good bit of obscure knowledge that...

237
00:03:42.600 --> 00:03:42.600
[Applause]

230
00:09:53.300 --> 00:09:55.780
Because I like, despite all the gags,

231
00:09:55.780 --> 00:10:01.100
that we've ended on Gary coming out with a really
obscure bit of knowledge and absolutely nailing it.

232
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:02.780
MATT: Shall I save this?

233
00:10:03.020 --> 00:00:12.060
[Blows raspberry]

234
00:00:12.060 --> 00:00:13.640
[Laughter]

235
00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:07.680
Nailed it. Nailed it.

236
00:10:07.900 --> 00:03:42.600
But at the end of that, it is clearly
Chris that wins, so congratulations.

237
00:03:42.600 --> 00:03:42.600
[Applause]

238
00:10:26.980 --> 00:10:32.640
Congratulations! You win an enclosure in which
underwear is forbidden, run by the star of Face/Off.

239
00:10:33.420 --> 00:10:33.980
Really!

240
00:10:34.120 --> 00:10:35.560
GARY: No! Don't do this!

241
00:10:35.560 --> 00:10:37.140
I've worked it out. Don't do this, Tom!

242
00:10:37.280 --> 00:10:37.940
Gary, take it.

243
00:10:38.120 --> 00:10:39.340
Knickerless Cage?

244
00:10:39.460 --> 00:04:32.320
TOM: It's Nicolas Cage's Knickerless Cage.

245
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[Laughter and applause]

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With that, for the final time tonight...

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Please give it up for Chris Joel!

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Gary Brannan!

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Matt Gray!

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TOM: I've been Tom Scott —
MATT: And Tom Scott!

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Thank you! Goodnight!