WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

1
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This is the Technical Difficulties,
we're playing Citation Needed.

2
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Joining me today, he reads books you know,
it's Chris Joel.

3
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[MUFFLED BY COFFEE] Hello.

4
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Drinking coffee. I timed that really...

5
00:00:08.020 --> 00:00:10.400
Prioritise, prioritise baby.

6
00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:12.760
Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.

7
00:00:12.760 --> 00:00:17.540
And so the man says to the lady, "I'll have another go, but I don't know if I can fit another bread roll up my ass!"

8
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Now, now the question is, 
I know Gary was planning to prep lines for this series.

9
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And the bounciest man on the Internet, Matt Gray

10
00:00:26.840 --> 00:00:28.720
Series five. Welcome!

11
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In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.

12
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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING].

13
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And there's a special prize for a particularly good answers, which is ♫[MYSTERY BISCUITS]♫

14
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If you've never watched this before, 
you're in for a treat.

15
00:00:43.620 --> 00:00:50.020
Every season we get new people. You... oh my God, the s*** you are about to endure. Let's face it.

16
00:00:50.020 --> 00:00:53.780
Today we are talking about the hydraulic telegraph.

17
00:00:54.340 --> 00:00:56.420
Holy moly! That's a wet telegram.

18
00:00:56.960 --> 00:01:00.180
I, erm, well I'll give you a point.
There is water involved.

19
00:01:00.180 --> 00:01:01.680
Well yes, there is f***ing water involved!

20
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IT'S HYDRAULIC!

21
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I'm a moron, I know nothing about science.

22
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It's all pissing witchcraft, even I know that bit!

23
00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:09.220
And you are still getting a point for it. [DING]

24
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Well I won't moan too much then.

25
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"Stand in front of the
nozzle to receive your message."

26
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On that point...

27
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"Aunt Mildred says hello, but I don't 
want to tell you what she's been up to."

28
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On that point yesterday, I genuinely, 
this is a genuine story.

29
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I saw a coach company called Morse Coaches. Right?

30
00:01:29.900 --> 00:01:31.300
That's good.

31
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It was reversing, but I couldn't understand why the beeping noise was just saying 'S' repeatedly.

32
00:01:37.520 --> 00:01:40.980
It was probably just saying 'eeeeee'!

33
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The thing is, we all pedanted 
your Morse code there, in different ways.

34
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He's like, "that's E". 
I'm like, "no that's T, that's a long one".

35
00:01:51.460 --> 00:01:55.480
Surely it could say "Warning! This vehicle is reversing!" in Morse, is what I was what I was thinking.

36
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People wouldn't move out of the way. 
They would be too busy trying to read it.

37
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W... A... R... N... [THUD]

38
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You committed to that hit there.

39
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I did. I did, I did, I did, yeah.

40
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It wasn't Morse code.

41
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Not any version of it.

42
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Flags!

43
00:02:11.780 --> 00:02:15.140
Little tin flags or something. 
Metal flags that would pop up.

44
00:02:15.140 --> 00:02:16.220
So it spells out the message.

45
00:02:16.220 --> 00:02:18.200
You're thinking of the optical telegraph.

46
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I'm thinking of an optical telegraph powered by water, thank you very much.

47
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Ooh! I'm going to give you a point for that. [DING]

48
00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:24.820
- Ooh!
 - Fountains?

49
00:02:24.820 --> 00:02:25.400
No.

50
00:02:25.860 --> 00:02:28.700
No. How would you...
There are flags and there is water.

51
00:02:28.700 --> 00:02:30.800
And this is...
First of all, let me clue you in.

52
00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:33.000
And there are shoes!
And there are boxes.

53
00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:35.120
And there are houses...
And there are doors.

54
00:02:35.120 --> 00:02:36.880
And orang-utans.

55
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There are also oranges.

56
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Today we have the handle on nouns.

57
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- There are two versions of this...
- Hello children.

58
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Welcome along.

59
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Today we are learning about things.

60
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Today we are learning about flags.

61
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And there is water.

62
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And shoes.

63
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And there are antelope.

64
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Goodbye.

65
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Goodbye.
We'll see you next week.

66
00:02:59.480 --> 00:03:02.500
I don't think we can really explain what Tom is though, without adjectives.

67
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Are you done(?)

68
00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:08.620
Probably not,
but you know, have another go.

69
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That's the most exasperated look you've ever done.

70
00:03:13.440 --> 00:03:15.060
"Are you done, children(?)"

71
00:03:15.580 --> 00:03:16.380
Anyway.

72
00:03:16.380 --> 00:03:21.000
Is it some kind of coastal system for getting 
messages out into the water, by sending...

73
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different pressures to pop up things, 
that would spell out a message?

74
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Yeah, I'll give you the point there [DING].

75
00:03:25.220 --> 00:03:28.100
- I'll definitely give you the point. 
  - So it's Pop Up Pirate, but telegraph?

76
00:03:28.100 --> 00:03:29.060
Sounds like it, yeah.

77
00:03:29.060 --> 00:03:30.040
When do you think this was?

78
00:03:30.040 --> 00:03:32.760
19th century. Everything was iron and hydraulic then.

79
00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:34.000
- Right.
- Ooh, steady.

80
00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:38.020
This is not the version we are talking about. There is a 19th century version. Again, I'll give you a point [DING].

81
00:03:38.020 --> 00:03:39.660
But, I'm going to come to that later.

82
00:03:39.660 --> 00:03:42.500
Is this the mid 90s version in Eureka, in Halifax?

83
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Ooh!

84
00:03:44.760 --> 00:03:45.480
I mean...

85
00:03:45.480 --> 00:03:46.780
Northern reference.

86
00:03:46.780 --> 00:03:48.220
I get... I went there.

87
00:03:48.220 --> 00:03:49.840
Specific northern reference.

88
00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:52.100
- We all went.
- We all went as kids, to Eureka

89
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It's still there as far as I know.

90
00:03:53.160 --> 00:03:55.540
- It is still there.
- But I didn't know they had a hydraulic telegraph?

91
00:03:55.540 --> 00:03:57.780
Neither do I, but if there was 
somewhere that would have one.

92
00:03:57.780 --> 00:04:00.320
They had a massive Archimedes screw on the ceiling.

93
00:04:00.600 --> 00:04:01.600
Lucky Archimedes.

94
00:04:01.600 --> 00:04:05.480
Wait! We are talking about Archimedes, 
we are pretty much in the right area.

95
00:04:05.480 --> 00:04:06.600
Ah! So Greco-Roman

96
00:04:06.820 --> 00:04:09.160
Yeah! Fourth century BC Greece.

97
00:04:09.220 --> 00:04:10.780
Yeah! [DING] Point.

98
00:04:10.780 --> 00:04:14.240
I'm trying to imagine a fourth century Greece.
I'm just trying to put Greased Lightning into Latin,

99
00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:15.620
and I'm failing badly, at the minute.

100
00:04:15.620 --> 00:04:17.480
Well if you can't none of us have got a chance.

101
00:04:17.480 --> 00:04:20.020
Hang on, hang on. He's studied Latin.

102
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Classical education.

103
00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:24.040
It's been more than a decade since 
I got my GCSE in Latin now.

104
00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:27.980
Can you manage, "I've got chills, they're multiplying"?

105
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Probably not.

106
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- Habeat...
- Yes.

107
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Chillea..?

108
00:04:32.740 --> 00:04:33.480
Er.

109
00:04:33.480 --> 00:04:35.020
- Frig... frig...
- Expandero!

110
00:04:35.020 --> 00:04:38.240
Habeat frigits... frigidare-something.

111
00:04:39.820 --> 00:04:43.140
Et saeu... erm, multiplicanus. Or something like that.

112
00:04:43.940 --> 00:04:45.480
Multiplicanus est. Yeah. Yeah.

113
00:04:45.480 --> 00:04:49.840
Corrections in the comments, 
for all of you YouTube watchers who know Latin.

114
00:04:49.840 --> 00:04:51.200
So. Ancient Greece

306
00:04:51.200 --> 00:04:51.700
Yes.

116
00:04:51.700 --> 00:04:55.740
There are two signal towers, on two hills. 
With two identical tubs of water.

117
00:04:56.280 --> 00:04:59.480
How do they get them to 
both show the same message?

118
00:04:59.480 --> 00:05:03.180
Inscriptions on the side of the tub of water.
How do they get them to synchronise?

119
00:05:03.180 --> 00:05:04.820
Gentle and well timed piddling?

120
00:05:06.320 --> 00:05:08.560
Oh, I'm so tempted to give you a point.

121
00:05:08.560 --> 00:05:10.000
Gentle and well timed horse piddling.

122
00:05:10.180 --> 00:05:12.040
No, they're not putting water in.

123
00:05:12.040 --> 00:05:13.620
Gentle Piddling is a village isn't it?

124
00:05:14.860 --> 00:05:16.060
It's in the Cotswolds.

125
00:05:16.060 --> 00:05:17.440
You're thinking of
Much-Piddling-on-the-Wold, there.

126
00:05:19.180 --> 00:05:22.040
They let some out? They let some water 
out with a tap or something like that.

127
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Yes, a spigot.

128
00:05:23.200 --> 00:05:24.560
[DING] Ooh! What else!

129
00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:27.800
And did they have a tube from the bottom of one, 
to the bottom of the other? So it auto levelled.

130
00:05:27.800 --> 00:05:32.040
No. That's the British system that comes later.
So I'll give you a point [DING].

131
00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:36.300
But, that's not how they synchronised
between two far away hills.

132
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Men yelling?

133
00:05:37.240 --> 00:05:38.160
Mobile phones?

134
00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:41.480
No, it can't be something else, 
because the water is the communication method.

135
00:05:42.580 --> 00:05:44.340
Or is that storing the message?

136
00:05:44.340 --> 00:05:47.360
Hang on, we never actually established that 
this water is any method of communication.

137
00:05:47.360 --> 00:05:49.680
At the minute we just have two towers 
that let some water out occasionally.

138
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Yeah, and there's things inscribed on little bowls.

139
00:05:52.760 --> 00:05:54.080
- OK.
- Where the water comes out.

140
00:05:54.080 --> 00:05:58.660
So how do you get both sides to time when they're 
taking the plug out and putting it back in again?

141
00:05:58.660 --> 00:05:59.440
Lights?

142
00:06:00.360 --> 00:06:02.140
Mmm, fourth century BC?

143
00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:03.280
Candles?

144
00:06:03.880 --> 00:06:05.200
I mean it's a big candle.

145
00:06:05.200 --> 00:06:06.080
Fire! Bonfire!

146
00:06:06.080 --> 00:06:07.000
There we go. [DING]

147
00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:08.520
- 'Cos that's the way they used to communicate anyway.
- Big candle.

148
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Big candle! Bonfire.

149
00:06:09.480 --> 00:06:10.760
"Big candle!"

150
00:06:10.960 --> 00:06:12.520
Why the water? They lit fires anyway.

151
00:06:12.520 --> 00:06:15.220
Because a bonfire can only send one signal.

152
00:06:15.440 --> 00:06:16.280
"I'm on fire!"

153
00:06:18.320 --> 00:06:20.180
"By, it's warm out t'day!"

154
00:06:20.180 --> 00:06:21.660
It can send two signals.

155
00:06:21.900 --> 00:06:23.120
"I'm not on fire."

156
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:25.280
- That's true.
- On and off.

157
00:06:25.440 --> 00:06:27.260
Yeah, well that's how they did it. [DING]

158
00:06:27.260 --> 00:06:28.240
Binary.

159
00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:32.760
Unplug. Off. Put it back in. What's the message? 
You both read down your bowls.

160
00:06:32.760 --> 00:06:34.480
Bowl says "I'm on fire!"

161
00:06:37.700 --> 00:06:38.900
Must be a big bowl.

162
00:06:38.920 --> 00:06:43.400
They said an earthenware bowl. 
The depth being some three cubits.

163
00:06:43.400 --> 00:06:45.000
What the hell is a cubit?

164
00:06:45.000 --> 00:06:46.660
-- It's about there...
-- There to there, innit?

165
00:06:46.660 --> 00:06:52.020
Oh! Yes, absolutely. Have a point. [DING] I was going to look up 'cubit definition' there, but that's roughly right.

166
00:06:52.440 --> 00:06:55.340
- Has he got two dancing cubits?
- Those are my cubits, baby!

167
00:06:57.020 --> 00:06:58.140
Oh God!

168
00:06:58.140 --> 00:07:03.880
So yeah, about... yea big. and presumably draining quite slowly so they can synchronise...

169
00:07:03.880 --> 00:07:07.280
"Please send chips", or whatever... 
the Greek equivalent of that is.

170
00:07:07.700 --> 00:07:08.380
Pita!

215
00:07:08.380 --> 00:07:09.200
Yeah.

172
00:07:09.200 --> 00:07:11.780
Half way down, one of them is 
just that laughing and crying emoji.

173
00:07:13.700 --> 00:07:14.780
Drama!

174
00:07:15.580 --> 00:07:16.120
"LOL."

175
00:07:17.960 --> 00:07:19.140
Smiling poo.

176
00:07:19.780 --> 00:07:23.100
It's halfway between ROFL and LOL. 
I don't know where we stand on this?

177
00:07:23.200 --> 00:07:23.800
ROL.

178
00:07:23.800 --> 00:07:26.080
He's sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth a bit.

179
00:07:26.080 --> 00:07:28.660
No, its not that, it's like anything where you use LOL

180
00:07:28.660 --> 00:07:32.880
You see it reach LOL on the watermark, 
 you look over, he's just sat there, doing that.

181
00:07:33.960 --> 00:07:36.180
- Slight intake of breath.
- You just see...

182
00:07:39.780 --> 00:07:42.980
I don't know why I had this ancient 
Greek man looking at his phone.

183
00:07:43.440 --> 00:07:46.120
Cause that's what they used to communicate, I just said!

184
00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:49.460
LOL has fallen out of fashion now 
though. It is just emojis now.

185
00:07:49.760 --> 00:07:51.360
People don't type LOL as much.

186
00:07:51.360 --> 00:07:53.460
The amount... it's one of those kind of things, isn't it,

187
00:07:53.460 --> 00:07:56.820
where people who aren't used to emojis yet, 
keep using the laughing and crying one.

188
00:07:56.960 --> 00:07:58.720
- For actual crying.
- Yeah!

189
00:07:58.720 --> 00:08:00.580
Which changes the tone of a message, like

190
00:08:00.580 --> 00:08:02.280
"I'm sorry to hear your aunt's died."

191
00:08:02.280 --> 00:08:04.720
And then have the crying with laughter emoji on it.

192
00:08:04.720 --> 00:08:07.020
Well, it's like the parents who 
thought LOL meant lots of love.

193
00:08:07.020 --> 00:08:09.240
Yes! That happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

194
00:08:09.240 --> 00:08:10.540
"Sorry to hear you broke your ankle, LOL."

195
00:08:13.140 --> 00:08:13.660
But...

196
00:08:13.660 --> 00:08:15.160
That's like MSN messenger was.

197
00:08:15.340 --> 00:08:17.900
Remember MSN Messenger, everybody?

198
00:08:17.900 --> 00:08:20.480
No they don't! Some of them are too young for it!

199
00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:23.840
It was like Facebook messenger...only s***er.

200
00:08:23.840 --> 00:08:27.900
You would wait all night for your 
friend to appear, and they may not.

201
00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:30.360
So there was an idea.

202
00:08:30.360 --> 00:04:51.200
As I think you said, British 19th century.

306
00:04:51.200 --> 00:04:51.700
Yes.

204
00:08:34.220 --> 00:08:36.880
For two connected tubes.

205
00:08:37.060 --> 00:08:38.660
♫ Tu-u-bes! ♫

206
00:08:38.660 --> 00:08:40.260
I don't know why I said it like that

207
00:08:40.260 --> 00:08:41.860
♫ Tubes. ♫

208
00:08:42.500 --> 00:08:48.280
Um, and the idea was, you would put in water or take 
 out water and it would synchronise at the other side.

209
00:08:48.760 --> 00:08:51.560
What were some of the problems with that system?

210
00:08:52.220 --> 00:08:54.260
Putting the tube in, in the first place?

211
00:08:54.700 --> 00:08:58.940
I'll give you a point. [DING] It was £200 a mile.
Which in 1838 money, is a lot of money.

212
00:08:58.940 --> 00:09:00.520
Compared to just sending a messenger.

213
00:09:00.520 --> 00:09:03.460
They would have to be made out of 
copper or something expensive.

214
00:09:03.460 --> 00:07:08.380
- Oh yeah.
- Rather than just PVC tube from Wickes.

215
00:07:08.380 --> 00:07:09.200
Yeah.

216
00:09:06.300 --> 00:09:09.580
- That's a hardware store.
- Cast iron was often used for hydraulic tubes.

217
00:09:09.580 --> 00:09:11.520
'Cos they could take the pressure.

218
00:09:11.520 --> 00:09:15.340
What distance are we talking? 
Are we talking like over a dock, or over London?

219
00:09:15.340 --> 00:09:19.040
Cause London was basically hydraulically
 powered up until the 1920s.

220
00:09:19.040 --> 00:09:20.080
Oh that's true.

221
00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:22.520
London had a big hydraulic power system.

222
00:09:22.520 --> 00:09:25.280
So, if it's over London...

223
00:09:25.280 --> 00:09:26.860
You should explain how that works.

224
00:09:26.860 --> 00:09:30.020
Well you just had big accumulators. So big
 towers would be used to store the pressure.

225
00:09:30.020 --> 00:09:33.360
And it would be used for moving lifts, 
for goods lifts, for cranes.

226
00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:36.280
It would be powered off a
 central hydraulic power system.

227
00:09:36.280 --> 00:09:37.900
- Cool.
- With pipes all over London.

228
00:09:37.900 --> 00:09:40.800
And they're still...
I think they're used as cable runs now.

229
00:09:40.800 --> 00:09:44.820
Under London. It was a huge London wide system. Especially using the docks, with dock gates,

230
00:09:44.820 --> 00:09:50.700
and cranes and lifts and other things that need...
powering left and hither and yon.

231
00:09:50.700 --> 00:09:51.820
Like dumb waiters in hotels.

232
00:09:51.820 --> 00:09:55.000
So they just have a massive water tank
 at the centre of the system, that created...

233
00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:56.620
Well several tanks, yeah.

234
00:09:56.620 --> 00:09:58.640
...created the pressure. That gets pumped through.

235
00:09:58.640 --> 00:10:00.260
And you can use some pressure if you wanted?

236
00:10:00.260 --> 00:10:00.760
Yeah!

237
00:10:00.760 --> 00:10:02.800
For the love of God, will somebody Biscuits that man!

238
00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:06.220
♫[MYSTERY BISCUITS]♫

239
00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:11.480
That's fair. That's fair, thank you
 for reminding me to Biscuit that.

240
00:10:11.880 --> 00:10:13.800
First Biscuits of the season.

241
00:10:14.800 --> 00:10:17.520
Yes, that was part of the problem.

242
00:10:17.520 --> 00:10:20.420
The inventor was a Mr. Francis Whishaw.

243
00:10:20.520 --> 00:10:21.340
- Uh-huh.
- Of course.

244
00:10:21.340 --> 00:10:23.200
A good Victorian inventor's name.

245
00:10:23.260 --> 00:10:26.140
"No sooner is motion given to one end..."

246
00:10:30.300 --> 00:10:31.080
Poo!

247
00:10:31.380 --> 00:10:32.360
Eh, readers?

248
00:10:32.920 --> 00:10:37.460
than it is communicated through the whole sixty yards to the other end of the column.

249
00:10:37.460 --> 00:10:38.840
- F*** a duck!
- So you might as well wave.

250
00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:41.980
So when I said distance 
was the problem, you could just yell.

251
00:10:41.980 --> 00:10:43.280
You could just yell, yeah.

252
00:10:44.860 --> 00:10:49.220
When you said hydraulic telegraph, 
when I was forgetting hydraulic meant water,

253
00:10:49.220 --> 00:10:51.360
but remembered it was tubes of stuff,

254
00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:54.100
I was thinking of the, the, the...

255
00:10:54.100 --> 00:10:56.620
-- Steady!
-- Good mime. Good mime.

256
00:10:56.620 --> 00:10:58.260
"Tell me about your mother."

257
00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:02.500
The blowy tubes they had.

258
00:11:02.500 --> 00:04:51.200
Vacuum tubes.

306
00:04:51.200 --> 00:04:51.700
Yes.

260
00:11:04.040 --> 00:11:05.120
Sorry, sucky tubes.

261
00:11:05.380 --> 00:11:06.300
Pneumatic tubes.

262
00:11:06.300 --> 00:11:08.160
Pneumatic is the right word. Yes.

263
00:11:08.160 --> 00:11:10.000
They had a whole system of telegraph through...

264
00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:12.660
Yeah, you just had... you could, you had one...

265
00:11:12.660 --> 00:11:15.920
You had a tube with air going one way and 
air going the other and you put a thing and... pfoom!

266
00:11:15.920 --> 00:11:17.900
-- Still use them.
-- All round London.

267
00:11:17.900 --> 00:11:19.300
There was atmospheric trains as well.

268
00:11:19.300 --> 00:11:21.900
There was a whole, that was like the 
Victorian way of powering things was to...

269
00:11:21.900 --> 00:11:22.960
Hyperloop?

270
00:11:23.760 --> 00:11:24.880
I don't know what that is. Is that...

271
00:11:24.880 --> 00:11:26.760
No, hyperloop is magnetic induction.

272
00:11:26.980 --> 00:11:28.000
But it's inside a vacuum tube.

273
00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:28.800
Inside a vacuum.

274
00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:32.700
Oh, this was just a vacuum. 
It was like a tube carriage, with like, erm...

275
00:11:32.900 --> 00:11:36.100
A shield round it in the middle. 
That would act as a piston.

276
00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:37.980
You would just put them in and...

277
00:11:38.100 --> 00:11:39.660
- Shove 'em. 
- And foomp!

278
00:11:39.660 --> 00:11:43.160
You would basically release air at one end and foomp!

279
00:11:43.160 --> 00:11:46.620
And you would be just sucked through in a tube carriage. And then you just appear at the other end.

280
00:11:46.800 --> 00:11:48.060
Hoping no one would be there.

281
00:11:48.060 --> 00:11:50.660
You would be in a container. You would be in a train here, it's not people...

282
00:11:50.660 --> 00:11:52.660
-- Container!
-- It's not the thing from Futurama.

283
00:11:53.080 --> 00:11:53.660
Oh.

284
00:11:53.660 --> 00:11:58.400
But, at the same time on that, you'd be hoping no one opened the window for a fag. Wouldn't you, eh?

285
00:11:58.400 --> 00:11:59.120
Woosh!

286
00:12:00.540 --> 00:12:02.560
Like the end of Goldfinger, only underground.

287
00:12:02.560 --> 00:12:06.060
Erm, but they were above ground atmospheric 
trains as well. Because you would have a big...

288
00:12:06.060 --> 00:12:09.040
pneumatic tube up the middle 
of the lines. Again with an, erm...

289
00:12:09.100 --> 00:12:12.700
A piston underneath, that would suck
 the train along. But the problem was...

290
00:12:12.700 --> 00:12:13.860
I'm just loving all these hand actions.

291
00:12:13.860 --> 00:12:18.580
What you would have is that they use some kind of coating on the rubber and it was really attractive to rats.

292
00:12:18.580 --> 00:12:20.100
So they ate it, and you'd lose the pressure.

293
00:12:20.100 --> 00:12:21.180
Ah, you lose your back pressure.

294
00:12:21.180 --> 00:12:24.960
And probably the rats would, at some point,
 get smeared into the wall by a passing...

295
00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:27.980
And the rod and tube would get full
 of imploded, er... kerploded rats.

296
00:12:28.380 --> 00:12:31.000
And they might even lubricate the system.

297
00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:32.900
- Ahh! I'm not so, not so...
- Briefly!

298
00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:35.200
Briefly as they disintegrate.

299
00:12:35.940 --> 00:12:39.140
So the hydraulic telegraph, 
what were the other problems?

300
00:12:39.140 --> 00:12:42.520
We have distance not being particularly good.

301
00:12:42.520 --> 00:12:43.260
Cost.

302
00:12:43.260 --> 00:12:49.320
We have cost. Yep. What's the other problem if you've got water that needs to be kept level, between two...

303
00:12:49.320 --> 00:12:50.380
Science!

304
00:12:50.380 --> 00:12:52.200
Water always finds its own level.

305
00:12:52.780 --> 00:04:51.200
Oh, right. OK. So you need two places that are at the same height, for it to balance out properly. Won't you?

306
00:04:51.200 --> 00:04:51.700
Yes.

307
00:12:57.780 --> 00:13:00.020
You couldn't do it from
the top of a hill to the bottom of a hill.

308
00:13:00.020 --> 00:13:02.100
- No, because otherwise...
- It would just flow out.

309
00:13:02.100 --> 00:13:04.400
What you invented there, is a fountain.

310
00:13:04.400 --> 00:13:06.860
Ohh, I was going to say water slide, actually personally.

311
00:13:07.220 --> 00:13:08.880
OK, Yeah, water slide communication would work.

312
00:13:08.880 --> 00:13:11.180
- Woohoohoo hoo!
- That's the best way to transmit a message.

313
00:13:11.180 --> 00:13:12.680
"The British are attacking!

314
00:13:12.680 --> 00:13:15.320
"What you have to do, Paul Revere,
is you have to start on top of this hill...

315
00:13:15.980 --> 00:13:19.100
"Go down the slide once if by land,
and twice if by sea."

316
00:13:21.340 --> 00:13:22.240
"Once!

317
00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:23.940
"Hang on, he's going back up again.

318
00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:26.160
"He might just have forgot his towel."

319
00:13:27.520 --> 00:13:28.320
"Have ye done?"

320
00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:30.980
"Can't hear him, have to wait now. If he
comes down again, we've no idea, have we?"

321
00:13:31.680 --> 00:13:34.420
"He's gone up four times now! He's just being greedy."

322
00:13:34.420 --> 00:13:36.420
"His message appears to be 'Wheeee!'"

327
00:13:36.420 --> 00:13:38.580
"Woohoo hooo!"

324
00:13:38.580 --> 00:13:43.840
I'm just seeing stuff like the D-Day landing, with 
soldiers coming off little slides off the end of boats.

325
00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:44.620
"Whee!"

326
00:13:44.620 --> 00:13:36.420
Wouldn't that make war so much more jolly?

327
00:13:36.420 --> 00:13:38.580
"Woohoo hooo!"

328
00:13:47.760 --> 00:13:50.020
I mean there's a lot of ways 
to make war more jolly. I think...

329
00:13:50.020 --> 00:13:51.480
Like not doing it.

330
00:13:51.480 --> 00:13:54.400
Yeah! Not killing people, would be a start.

331
00:13:54.540 --> 00:13:56.300
"Send in the jesters!"

332
00:13:57.980 --> 00:14:01.380
A machine gun that fires out 
signal flags that just say "bang"!

333
00:14:02.560 --> 00:14:06.740
At the end of the show then, 
congratulations, Gary. You win this week!

334
00:14:06.880 --> 00:14:11.600
You win an intimate waxing by a legendary six-time Grammy winning American composer...

335
00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:13.100
Go on.

336
00:14:13.100 --> 00:14:14.960
It's the Burt Bacharach Back Crack and Sack.

337
00:14:15.340 --> 00:14:18.340
So, congratulations. With that 
we say thank you to Chris Joel.

338
00:14:18.340 --> 00:14:18.840
Bye!

339
00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:19.600
To Gary Brannan.

340
00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:21.120
And to Matt Gray.

341
00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:22.000
Goodbye, YouTube.

342
00:14:22.000 --> 00:14:23.360
I've been Tom Scott, and we'll see you next time!

343
00:14:23.740 --> 00:14:26.460
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