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Language: en

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This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing Citation Needed.

2
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Joining me today, he reads books you know, it's Chris Joel!

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I'm fading fast!

4
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Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan!

5
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Well, I've brought a tanker of clotted cream,
but the pump's broke.

6
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The bounciest man on the Internet, Matt Gray!

7
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'Ello YouTube!

8
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Bloody 'ell.

9
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In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.

10
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Every fact they get right is a point, and a ding [DING].

11
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And there's a prize for particularly good answers,
which is...

12
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And today we are talking about Victor Lustig.

13
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On French 'Top Gear',
how do they announce the Stig's won?

14
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Victor Le Stig!

15
00:00:32.920 --> 00:00:34.220
Ayy!

16
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Can I get a vote from the gentlemen here?
Is that a 'golf clap' or is that a 'biscuits'?

17
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--That's not a biscuit.
 --It's not a biscuit.

18
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It's not a biscuit. It's really not a biscuit.

19
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Oh, I'll take that, that's fine.

20
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Aww! I was kind of hoping that it was
some lusty gentleman.

21
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Victor Lust-ig!

22
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Oohrg!

23
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Lusty isn't right, but he certainly had the interesting life.

24
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Vivacious was he?

25
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Sorry, are you telling me someone called Victor Lustig, had an 'interesting life'?

277
00:01:00.520 --> 00:01:01.020
Yeah.

27
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I think with a name like that, doesn't it come with the card?

28
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Oh, he had many types of cards printed up for him.
for many sorts of dealings.

29
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Was he a spy?

30
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Ooh, no. More towards the dark end of those arts.

31
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Was he a spy at night?

32
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--No
 --With Patrick Moore?

33
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Impersonator?

34
00:01:19.660 --> 00:01:22.800
Impersonator...is not quite close enough.

35
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I need to hear something
a little bit more dastardly.

36
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Was he a cad and a philanderer?

37
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Con man?

38
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Con man! [DING] Is exactly the words I wanted to hear.

39
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Hence why he'd got the business cards for many identities.

40
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Many of the identities, many particular jobs.

41
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He was one of the
most successful con artists of all time.

42
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Hang on a minute! 
Is this the bloke what sold the Eiffel Tower?

43
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[DING]

44
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Well he's won!

45
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I say, everybody else, go home!

46
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He's the bloke who sold the Eiffel Tower, isn't he? 
Yeah, that's it.

47
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Yes. You are missing a key word off the end of that sentence.

48
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Multiple times?

49
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Twice! [DING]

50
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Yes, absolutely right. Victor Lustig is the man who sold the Eiffel Tower twice.

51
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Had it worn through the bottom?

52
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It had worn all... I'll give you a point.

53
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No..Get...

54
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--I'm making a cobblers joke here.
 --Get out!

55
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Get out!

56
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Sold?... Soled!... Argh!

57
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Lift it up one side. Hammer it on...
Give it a bit of a buff as well, yeah.

58
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I mean what...

59
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What kind of grip do you want on the bottom of the Eiffel Tower? You gonna be walking on ice?

60
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The thing is, I'm still giving you a point. [DING]

61
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1925, it was disused, run down,
probably going to be demolished.

62
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It was basically done for, like...

63
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It was like the Millennium Dome. It was put up as a temporary thing as part of an exhibition.

64
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To show that the French could put a giant penis into the sky or something like that.

65
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Which let's face it, is what towers are.
They are 'I've got a bigger one that you!'

66
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It was a temporary thing then, wasn't it.

67
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So everyone expected it would be taken down and used for valuable... I don't know,

68
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patisserie space or something like that.

69
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Yes. What were they actually... if they took down the Eiffel Tower, what were they selling?

70
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Scrap!

71
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Blackpool!

72
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Get yer Blackpool spares here!

73
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Mayor of Blackpool, as I imagine there still is or was, stands up, full regalia.

74
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"It has come to my attention, there is a tower larger than the tower we have on the promenade.

75
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"It has come on the market. I have secured it at a reasonable price.''

76
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"Doesn't have a ballroom!"

77
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"Does not have a ballroom. Or a circus." Which I'm always disappointed, isn't actually at the top.

78
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'cos I thought that would be a great idea.

79
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I wanna see an elephant on a beach ball, going round the top of Blackpool Tower.

80
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On the glass floor?

81
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Yeah, that would be great entertainment, that would be.

82
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Or the lift'll open and loads of clowns'll come out.

83
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You're absolutely right. They would have sold it for scrap. [DING]

84
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How do you go about selling the Eiffel Tower?

85
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You approach someone, very quietly, 
who you know is a) an idiot and b) has a lot of money.

86
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And you say...

87
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"Thingy Jones was looking at this.
I think you'd want this."

88
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You're getting a point again, Matt. [DING]

89
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Because he invited six scrap metal dealers
to the same meeting. And quietly said,

90
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"I'm from the French government. Here is the business cards and stationery I've had printed up.

91
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"Who would like to buy the Eiffel Tower for scrap?"

92
00:04:01.900 --> 00:04:05.320
"You don't want Michel getting this. You can have it. You can make your mint."

93
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Michel the scrap dealer.

94
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Some bloke from Rotherham turns up with his wagon.

95
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"I can ge' it all on for yer. Lowest bid."

96
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OK. You tell me a burly French name.

97
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Jacques!

98
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Ah! It's true.

99
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Ah, ****.

100
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He put all six of them in a rented limousine.

101
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Toured them round and worked out which one was most enthusiastic and gullible.

102
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Can anyone guess

103
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what the name of the dealer he selected was?
And this is not as difficult as you might think.

104
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Michel!

105
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--Yeah, w...
 --Jacques?

106
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Andre. The last name
is just a French word you learn in school.

107
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--For a...
 --Gare!

108
00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:42.760
Bonjour?

109
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Er, something you might eat with chips.

110
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Frites?

111
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Moules?

112
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Cheval?

113
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Cheval?... that's horse.

114
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Horse and chips.

115
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Mmmm!

116
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La plage.

117
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What? That's the beach!

118
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That's where you eat them.

119
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What the hell do you eat with chips?

120
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Piscine?

121
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That's not the right word! 
That's a swimming pool!

122
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Poisson?

123
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Poisson! Have a point. [DING]

132
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Andre Poisson.

125
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Andre Piscine.

126
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"Bonjour, je suis Andrew Swimming-Pool!"

127
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You OK there Gary?

128
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You've killed him!

129
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Oh my God, I wondered why I couldn't get served.

130
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"Le piscine! Le piscine, s'il vous plaît!"

131
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I'm sorry, France.

132
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Andre Poisson.

133
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Did indeed... not Andre Piscine.

134
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Andre Poisson was absolutely all for it.

135
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Someone close to him, nearly killed it off.

136
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His wife? [DING]

137
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--Yes. Poisson's wife...
 --Oh right!

138
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..thought something was suspicious.

139
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Clever! Clever there.

140
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The deal was too quick, the deal was too secret.

141
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Well I imagine the big thing that probably attracted her attention: there wasn't a 'For Sale' sign

142
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on the side of the Eiffel Tower.

284
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Yes.

144
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It wasn't in the news...

145
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So how do you deal with that? How does a con artist deal with nearly being rumbled?

146
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By conning her.

147
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Did he woo her?

148
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What? Like a ghost?

149
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Woo-oo-oo!

150
00:06:07.940 --> 00:06:08.440
Sorry.

151
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I dunno?

152
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"I am ze ghost of Monsieur Eiffel,
and I want you to buy my tower!"

153
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Did he tie her to the top?

154
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--And get a big...
 --And twirl his moustache!

155
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And run a train up the side of the Eiffel tower.

156
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Have an airship approach very slowly.

157
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--No?
 --No... no.

158
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Paid her?

159
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He confessed.

160
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With an entirely fake confession

161
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saying he was a government minister trying to to this on the cheap and get a bribe.

162
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Ohhh!

163
00:06:36.740 --> 00:06:38.480
What did that mean that Lustig got?

164
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Er? A smaller cut?

268
00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:41.040
Quite the opposite.

166
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A bigger cut?

322
00:06:42.220 --> 00:06:43.700
Have a point [DING]

168
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He got... he got the money...

169
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"What colour is a red fire engine?"

170
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Lustig got the money for the Eiffel Tower

171
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and the bribe.

172
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Ah! Good work, sir!

173
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Took a train to Vienna, with a suitcase full of cash.

174
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Ohh! That's the way to do it. None of your cheques here.

175
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Inter-war France: how else are you going to do that? You're gonna have a suitcase full of cash.

176
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And you are going to be able to get out of town
without anyone spotting you.

177
00:07:14.460 --> 00:07:16.980
Which is, of course, the least
suspicious way of paying anyone,

178
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is to hand over a briefcase full of millions of francs, while he goes

179
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"well thank you very much. I'll just get on this immediately waiting train next to me, in first class..."

180
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--"Here's the keys."
 --"Here's the keys to the..."

181
00:07:27.700 --> 00:07:28.580
"To my garage!"

182
00:07:28.580 --> 00:05:55.020
"Tow-er! 'Cos towers need keys.
You must remember that."

284
00:05:55.020 --> 00:05:55.640
Yes.

184
00:07:32.680 --> 00:07:36.040
"And, erm, the plans are inside. Toodles!"

185
00:07:36.620 --> 00:07:39.020
Lights cigar with newly minted note.

186
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:42.240
So what happened next?

187
00:07:42.640 --> 00:07:44.840
Well I imagine he turned up with his gas cutter,

188
00:07:44.840 --> 00:07:47.300
started sawing away the bottom leg and someone ticked him off?

189
00:07:47.300 --> 00:07:48.660
Er, no! No.

190
00:07:48.660 --> 00:07:50.060
Did he check with the government?

191
00:07:50.700 --> 00:07:51.280
Erm...

192
00:07:51.560 --> 00:07:55.100
Does he sound like the kind of guy who would do a lot of due diligence at this point?

193
00:07:56.420 --> 00:07:59.340
After he had already bought it,
having not done any due diligence.

194
00:07:59.820 --> 00:08:01.980
--Suddenly...
 --Now's the time!

195
00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:04.180
Well, what would you do

196
00:08:04.180 --> 00:08:08.220
if you've been conned into giving someone an enormous amount of money?

197
00:08:08.820 --> 00:08:11.640
I would...not...admit it?

198
00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:12.760
Point! [DING]

199
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:15.440
Nothing happened.

200
00:08:16.300 --> 00:08:19.980
Poisson was too humiliated, he did not go to the police.

201
00:08:19.980 --> 00:01:00.520
It's like going round saying, "I'm a ****ing idiot!"

277
00:01:00.520 --> 00:01:01.020
Yeah.

203
00:08:23.240 --> 00:08:28.580
"Well, this apparently credulous man came to me, said he wanted me to buy this major national structure

204
00:08:28.580 --> 00:08:30.480
"for a ludicrously low sum."

205
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.160
"Said 'Don't ask any questions'..."

206
00:08:32.160 --> 00:08:34.620
--"Told me to not ask any questions, so I didn't!"
--"I just didn't!"

207
00:08:35.060 --> 00:08:36.440
"And I gave him a bribe as well!"

208
00:08:36.440 --> 00:08:40.540
"Oh! I threw him a bung. And he got on a train. And he could be anywhere now!

209
00:08:40.540 --> 00:08:42.320
"You must do something about this!"

210
00:08:42.320 --> 00:08:44.640
So where was Lustig a month later?

211
00:08:44.640 --> 00:08:45.880
Was he still in Paris?

212
00:08:45.880 --> 00:08:47.080
Selling it again?

213
00:08:47.080 --> 00:08:48.720
You can both have a point. [DING][DING].

214
00:08:48.720 --> 00:08:53.000
You're absolutely right. He had six more scrap dealers, in a conference room, in Paris.

215
00:08:53.920 --> 00:08:56.720
Pulling the exact same con a second time.

216
00:08:57.000 --> 00:08:59.120
He didn't go for the hat trick did he?

217
00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:00.600
No he didn't. He wasn't able to.

218
00:09:00.980 --> 00:09:02.280
--He got nicked?
--He got caught?

219
00:09:02.360 --> 00:09:06.040
Not quite. He managed to evade arrest.

220
00:09:06.040 --> 00:09:08.520
But one of the scrap dealers found him
and bray'd his knees in?

221
00:09:08.520 --> 00:09:10.760
--One of the scrap dealers...
--One of them knows the other one.

222
00:09:10.760 --> 00:09:14.120
No. I'll give Chris the point [DING]. One of the scrap dealers went to the police

223
00:09:14.120 --> 00:09:17.820
with the counterfeit contract
and worked out what had happened.

224
00:09:17.820 --> 00:09:19.680
Managed to skip the town and evade arrest again.

225
00:09:19.680 --> 00:09:20.320
Mmm. Yep.

226
00:09:21.320 --> 00:09:24.340
Which is the story of the man
who sold the Eiffel Tower twice.

227
00:09:24.340 --> 00:09:27.960
But there are a whole load of other cons
in here that he did.

228
00:09:27.960 --> 00:09:30.280
What was his money printing machine?

229
00:09:30.280 --> 00:09:31.960
A machine that printed money.

230
00:09:32.140 --> 00:09:32.640
Wrong.

231
00:09:33.820 --> 00:09:34.460
A person?

232
00:09:34.640 --> 00:09:36.320
No. I mean, it's a machine.

233
00:09:36.680 --> 00:09:38.000
That didn't print money.

234
00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:41.180
--Have a point. [DING]
--It printed bad fakes, and he sold that to other people

235
00:09:41.180 --> 00:09:42.360
who wanted to run the con.

236
00:09:42.360 --> 00:09:43.920
Yeah, absolutely right. Have another point [DING]

237
00:09:43.920 --> 00:09:45.020
--Hey!
--for that one. That's absolutely right.

238
00:09:45.020 --> 00:09:47.420
So he probably had a machine that spat out actual notes,

239
00:09:47.420 --> 00:09:50.100
sold you the machine and it just did photocopies, or something.

240
00:09:50.100 --> 00:09:51.100
It was a box.

241
00:09:51.420 --> 00:09:54.580
And how long did the box take to print a $100 note?

242
00:09:54.580 --> 00:09:57.620
As long as it takes for a man to slide a $100 bill through from the other side.

243
00:09:59.040 --> 00:10:00.920
--You're...
--Some sort of Turing test.

244
00:10:02.680 --> 00:10:04.200
As long as it takes to leave the town.

245
00:10:04.200 --> 00:10:06.560
I was going to say, as long as it takes to take the train to Vienna. Again.

246
00:10:06.560 --> 00:10:09.320
You're going to get. He was actually on a boat at this point. So he [DING] was...

247
00:10:10.020 --> 00:10:13.140
He was plying the transatlantic ferries.

248
00:10:13.520 --> 00:10:17.980
So as they were sort-of coming into New York, he would

249
00:10:17.980 --> 00:10:20.920
confess to someone, oh, he had this money printing machine.

250
00:10:21.300 --> 00:10:24.600
And it printed a $100 bill
but it took about six hours to do it.

251
00:10:24.600 --> 00:10:27.780
How? How can any machine take six hours to print something...

252
00:10:27.780 --> 00:10:28.900
Because it was ages ago.

253
00:10:28.900 --> 00:10:31.160
Really intricate, really intricate. It's got to do everything.

254
00:10:31.940 --> 00:10:35.120
And slowly, over six hours,
a $100 bill comes out of this machine.

255
00:10:35.420 --> 00:10:36.980
And another one starts to come out.

256
00:10:36.980 --> 00:10:40.320
And he says, "It takes so long. You know, I'm looking to sell it."

257
00:10:42.980 --> 00:10:45.580
It's just the two actual $100 bills, isn't it?

258
00:10:45.580 --> 00:10:48.840
Yes. It's spitting out two $100 dollar bills,
then a load of blank paper, by the time he's left.

259
00:10:48.840 --> 00:10:50.800
Oh for god's sake. People!

260
00:10:52.400 --> 00:10:54.540
"Oh, it's run out of ink. I'll sell you some of that."

261
00:10:54.540 --> 00:10:56.200
Was his surname Hewlett-Packard, by any chance?

262
00:10:56.200 --> 00:01:00.520
What? Printing the ink out?

277
00:01:00.520 --> 00:01:01.020
Yeah.

264
00:10:57.720 --> 00:11:00.340
I'll flog you the ink for a ridiculously large fee.

265
00:11:01.400 --> 00:11:05.720
There was also the black dollar scam.
Or the money wash scam.

266
00:11:05.720 --> 00:11:07.080
Does anyone know how that works?

267
00:11:07.540 --> 00:06:40.040
Is that like invisible ink?

268
00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:41.040
Quite the opposite.

269
00:11:10.920 --> 00:11:12.440
Is it like visible ink?

270
00:11:12.520 --> 00:11:15.880
I keep giving points for really obvious things here.

271
00:11:16.280 --> 00:11:17.340
Was it invisible, this?

272
00:11:17.340 --> 00:11:19.420
Yes, Matt, have a point(!) [DING]

273
00:11:19.420 --> 00:11:21.820
I'm loving this binary points thing here. Yeah.

274
00:11:22.640 --> 00:11:26.740
He just drew another Eiffel Tower on something and tried to sell that to someone.

275
00:11:26.900 --> 00:11:31.720
Oh, was he trying to give you notes that had been spoiled in the mint or something?

276
00:11:31.720 --> 00:01:00.520
That's it [DING]. It's a trunk full of completely painted over money. Completely dyed money.

277
00:01:00.520 --> 00:01:01.020
Yeah.

278
00:11:38.480 --> 00:11:44.820
With the idea that they will sell you this, and the chemicals to clean it, for a fraction of its cost.

279
00:11:44.820 --> 00:11:49.100
And they will demonstrate it on the few $100 notes,
that they've already...

280
00:11:49.100 --> 00:11:51.020
to a batch they've done in those chemicals.

281
00:11:51.020 --> 00:11:52.200
-- And it will work.
-- And the rest is...

282
00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:56.080
And the rest, you're absolutely right, have a point. [DING] The rest of it is just completely... paper.

283
00:11:56.080 --> 00:05:55.020
Or they need more funds for more of the chemical fluid, which is quite expensive.

284
00:05:55.020 --> 00:05:55.640
Yes.

285
00:12:00.060 --> 00:12:01.820
Once again like, printing.

286
00:12:01.820 --> 00:12:05.040
Place I used to work, a while back,
someone tried... not something similar, like a con.

287
00:12:05.040 --> 00:12:10.460
They lived abroad and wanted to pay for some services. So she sent us a photocopy

288
00:12:10.760 --> 00:12:12.360
of two £5 notes.

289
00:12:12.860 --> 00:12:14.200
As if that would pay for it.

290
00:12:16.440 --> 00:12:18.600
That's...
Is that a scam? Or is that just...

291
00:12:19.160 --> 00:12:23.580
Just like, if you could do that...
You wouldn't need money, would you?

292
00:12:23.960 --> 00:12:25.960
You would need a fiver.

293
00:12:27.700 --> 00:12:32.160
I felt like sending her back a photocopy, or a drawing of 20p change.

294
00:12:34.320 --> 00:12:37.360
Yes, he was also part of a counterfeiting ring, just printed fake money

295
00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:39.360
which is a heck of a lot easier in the 1930s.

296
00:12:40.180 --> 00:12:44.760
He was arrested in 1935 by federal agents. Who gave him away?

297
00:12:44.760 --> 00:12:47.160
After all this operational security. After all this...

298
00:12:47.180 --> 00:12:48.720
--His wife!
--I was gonna say his wife.

299
00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:49.960
His mistress. [DING]

300
00:12:50.040 --> 00:12:51.840
Arrghhh!

301
00:12:52.020 --> 00:12:55.500
Yes, he had similar dealings with romance as he did with business.

302
00:12:55.500 --> 00:13:00.640
He was carrying on with multiple women and one of them got jealous and gave him away.

303
00:13:00.640 --> 00:13:01.540
Was it the Statue of Liberty?

304
00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:08.280
Yes, promptly arrested. They opened his suitcase, they found...?

305
00:13:08.300 --> 00:13:08.800
Money!

306
00:13:09.060 --> 00:13:12.120
No, just some expensive clothing.
And a key.

307
00:13:12.120 --> 00:13:14.240
Key took them to a locker. They opened the locker.
What was in the locker?

308
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:15.580
--Money!
--Narnia!

309
00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:18.840
Mr Tumnus... with money!

310
00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:21.800
A fake Mr. Tumnus.

311
00:13:22.400 --> 00:13:25.760
But if you wash him,
he's actually just two $100 bills in a box.

312
00:13:27.980 --> 00:13:29.920
No, you are absolutely right, counterfeit money. [DING]

313
00:13:29.920 --> 00:13:35.100
$51,000 worth of counterfeit money, which was more than enough to convict him.

314
00:13:35.100 --> 00:13:37.880
Well that's because you wouldn't
get a $51,000 bill, for a start.

315
00:13:38.920 --> 00:13:40.380
Just a single note!

316
00:13:41.960 --> 00:13:45.880
"5, 1, 0, 0, 0..."

317
00:13:46.200 --> 00:13:47.940
"I'll sell you this for 50 grand, mate!"

318
00:13:49.200 --> 00:13:51.220
Only he would have notes that were dry wipe.

319
00:13:52.160 --> 00:13:56.820
Arrested. Taken to trial, pled guilty.
What happened the day before his trial though?

320
00:13:56.820 --> 00:13:57.420
He ran away?

321
00:13:57.420 --> 00:06:42.220
--Yes! He managed to escape.
--I was gonna say...

322
00:06:42.220 --> 00:06:43.700
Have a point [DING]

323
00:13:59.940 --> 00:14:02.000
It turned out his guilty plea...was a fake.

324
00:14:04.820 --> 00:14:08.400
They washed it. 
It said "Not guilty. I'm on the train to Vienna...

325
00:14:08.400 --> 00:14:09.280
"Again!"

326
00:14:09.760 --> 00:14:14.280
And they said the man in court was actually some cardboard cut out of him.

327
00:14:14.280 --> 00:14:16.660
That just flops forward at the end.

328
00:14:17.240 --> 00:14:18.840
"How did he do this?!"

329
00:14:19.640 --> 00:14:22.140
He managed to escape the
Federal House of Detention.

330
00:14:22.140 --> 00:14:24.520
--Which is either a prison or some real...
--Brothel.

331
00:14:24.520 --> 00:14:26.020
Yeah, really good night club, I was going for.

332
00:14:26.020 --> 00:14:27.620
Or a very strict school.

333
00:14:27.620 --> 00:14:32.280
And he skipped...he skipped town.
He took a train, presumably, to Pittsburgh.

334
00:14:32.280 --> 00:14:33.640
And they caught him.

335
00:14:33.640 --> 00:14:34.540
Nearly four weeks later.

336
00:14:34.540 --> 00:14:35.480
But!

337
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:39.800
Yeah sadly, it ends with him in Alcatraz,
catching pneumonia.

338
00:14:39.800 --> 00:14:40.520
--But what...
--Oh!

339
00:14:40.520 --> 00:14:43.520
--Wasn't really pneumonia.
--Which he tried to sell to the other inmates.

340
00:14:44.180 --> 00:14:47.480
What was listed on his death certificate as his occupation?

341
00:14:47.480 --> 00:14:48.680
Was it just the dollar sign?

342
00:14:48.680 --> 00:14:49.320
Git!

343
00:14:49.760 --> 00:14:50.440
Banker?

344
00:14:53.420 --> 00:14:56.220
You know what, I'm going to give you the point. 
It was apprentice salesman.

345
00:14:56.760 --> 00:14:57.820
Yes. [DING]

346
00:14:57.820 --> 00:14:59.100
That's pretty much it.

347
00:14:59.100 --> 00:15:01.260
Alternative gag: estate agent.

348
00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:04.320
Accurate.

349
00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:07.820
So congratulations, at the end of that, Matt,
you win this week's show.

350
00:15:07.820 --> 00:15:08.760
Yay!

351
00:15:08.760 --> 00:15:13.440
Congratulations, you win a
Formula One champion's steel water boiler.

352
00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:16.080
It's Sebastian Vettel's metal kettle.

353
00:15:18.800 --> 00:15:20.080
Good. I need a brew.

354
00:15:20.680 --> 00:15:22.700
With that, we say thank you to Chris Joel.

355
00:15:22.700 --> 00:15:23.760
Gary Brannan.

356
00:15:23.760 --> 00:15:24.540
Matt Gray

357
00:15:24.540 --> 00:15:26.420
I've been Tom Scott and we'll see you next time.

358
00:15:27.040 --> 00:15:29.040
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