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This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing Citation Needed.

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Joining me today, he reads books you know,
it's Chris Joel!

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But, soft! What light through yonder Matthew breaks?

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Everybody's favourite...that's not light that's breaking through him(!)

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Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.

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Can I compare thee to a summer's day?

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No.

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And the bounciest man on the Internet, Matt Gray.

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Hej hej YouTube!

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In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.

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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING].

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And the special prize for particularly good answers, which is...

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That is not my buzzer. That is my glass.

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That really hurt!

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--There you go, Tom.
--Thanks.

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The only way that would've been better is if you'd picked the buzzer up, trying to drink it,

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and it went "parp"!

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Aroogah! Biscuits for everyone.

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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING].

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And there's a special prize for particularly good answers, which is...

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And today we are talking about the Shanghai Fugu Agreement.

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No, no, fugu.

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Fugu.

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There you go. We'll take the biscuits.

25
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Laws for preparing poisonous fish?

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Ooh! I'll give you a point for poisonous fish, yes [DING].

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Absolutely. Tell me about fugu.

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I saw it on the Simpsons.

29
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The thing is, so many people sat there watching are going 'Fugu!... Simpsons.'

30
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"I don't care buddy, fugu me!" All that stuff.

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"Poison, poison, tasty fish."

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Yeah, that is essentially it.

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It is a toxic fish that has to be really, really carefully prepared.

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How many years of training do they need for that?

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Many?

36
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Some?

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Until they get it right?

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Gary gets the point. Three.

203
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[DING]

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"First, catch a puffer fish."

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[SHICK]

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"I've gone wrong."

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You went, argh!

44
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Aww...

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What does fugu poison do to you, if it goes wrong?

46
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It's paralytic isn't it?

47
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--Neurotoxin 
--Yes

48
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Yes, have a point [DING]. In fact both of you [DING]. It's a tetrodotoxin.

49
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-- Ooh!
-- Ooh!

50
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On the tip of my tongue, dear boy.

51
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Poisons tetras?

52
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It's got three of them.

53
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Five of them?

54
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It's what's known as a sodium channel blocker.

55
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Of course(!)

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Paralyses the muscles, while the victim stays fully conscious.

57
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What's the antidote?

58
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There is none!

59
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Point! [DING]

60
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Absolutely right, there is none.

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Aw, I thought it was going to be chips.

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That'll be really handy, because fugu and chips were... no, it's not like nettles and dock leaves.

63
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Mushy peas?

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Pie and peas?

65
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--Wouldn't it be great if it was something like...
--Get it down yer, you'll be fine.

66
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Wouldn't it be great if it was something like that, that in Japanese cuisine, they just hadn't come across?

67
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So an excellent antidote to puffer fish toxin...

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is parkin.

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Or something like that.

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Mucky fat and bread.

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Anyone who is not from Yorkshire, is now Googling the phrase 'mucky fat'.

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Aww beaut...

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And probably finding out some things they didn't want to know.

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Yeah.

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Mucky fat on toast.

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Mucky...Toast?

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Ours just goes on bread.

78
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Bit of salt and some onion.

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Normally salty enough.

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Well, I know. A relative of mine,
I'll leave the person un-named,

81
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for reasons of them being a relative of mine.

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But maybe not from the local area. We'll just leave it as broad as that, right.

83
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Was at a Yorkshire Day party, we were at.

84
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Yorkshire Day, first of August, for the anniversary of the Battle of Minden. For those of you at home.

85
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Which I know isn't in Yorkshire, but **** you, that's why.

86
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We get the weather.

87
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Erm... We were at a Yorkshire Day party. Mucky fat on bread was being handed round.

88
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At which point, the person announced 'Oh! Pâté.'

89
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Ah! No!...No.

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At which point we all nodded slowly, whilst smiling.

91
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As the person wolfed down three slices. And then we told them what mucky fat was. Which is beef dripping.

92
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For those of you who don't know what beef dripping is, that's just beef fat, that's fell off beef.

93
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With bits of beef in it.

94
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It's the stuff that's melted off, when they're cooking it or doing anything...

95
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It's "residue".

96
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It is a residue.

97
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Salty residue.

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Tasty residue.

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It is brown... i.e. mucky. And you just spread it on bread.

100
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Or toast, should you wish your bread to be harder.

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"Toast! For if you want your bread to be harder."

102
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That's the marketing done for the next 20 years.

103
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We've talked about condiments on toast before.
Let's move on.

104
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There is now safe fugu.

105
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Puffer fish bred that don't have the toxin in them?

106
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Yes. Absolutely. Well not necessarily bred.

107
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Punched!

108
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Stop it!

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Punch the toxin out of them.

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Specially squose.

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Before preparations...

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Wring it out.

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Persuaded.

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"Oh, be nice."

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"Don't have it in!"

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Where does the toxin in the fugu come from?

117
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It's like the skin and the fins or something?

118
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--Gall bladder?
--Oh, no, the skin is usually non-poisonous.

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It's the liver...also the ovaries and eyes. But mainly the liver.

120
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The eyes?!

121
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The eyes.

122
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Oh my god, it's got poisonous eyes.

123
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That's a bit dark.

138
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Yeah.

125
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But where does that come from?

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Is it what it eats?

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--Point!
--Ooooh!

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[DING] Absolutely right. It's the food that it eats.

129
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It's from other animals...
that have tetrodotoxin laden bacteria in them.

130
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So it's eating the nerve poison.
Why doesn't it get poisoned?

131
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Because it's got a very good...
liver-y excretory system.

132
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It's very, very hardcore.

133
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You know what? I'm going to give you the point there [DING].

134
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It develops immunity over time.

135
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So initially is this fish a bit paralysed while it's eating all these bacteria laden toxins

136
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that it's built up in its system?

137
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I think you are also right that it's got a very strong system as well.

138
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Yeah.

139
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But it can just continue eating this stuff and it just absorbs it into itself, as it does with any chemical.

140
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And it just, you know, pulls it out.
That's it. It's a toxic fish.

141
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That's like when I was at school and there was that lad called John who just ate nettles.

142
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Raw.

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Go on...!

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I've told the story.
There was a lad called John, who just ate...

145
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He didn't just eat nettles. That wasn't his entire diet.

146
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But he would eat nettles.

147
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Why?

148
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--I don't know?!
--Summat t'do, innit?

149
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It was funny?

150
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He maybe liked the sensation?

151
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I think he might have...

152
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What, the stung up tongue?!

153
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I'm not him!

154
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Why should I defend the man's weird mistakes in life?

155
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I don't know. You might work with him. You might be in your office and come in one day, pop open his lunch box

156
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and lo and behold, there's a bloody spitting adder and some nettles. He's gone on in life.

157
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If you do work with someone called John. Ask them when you see them next. Did you eat nettles as a kid?

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Because we might be able to track him down.

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Well he's the one with the really swollen up lips,
I imagine!

160
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So with those fish. Is there one that's... is it like humans? There's this one that's gluten intolerant?

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Like we have. "Oh I can't eat that,
I'm tetrodotoxin intolerant."

162
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Yes, because they are farming poison-free fugu

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by keeping them away from those bacteria, keeping them in tanks.

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--"Oh sorry, I've got a specific diet."
--I was going to say...

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[ENGINE NOISE]
Not that kind of tank!

166
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That'd make them more, rather than less dangerous, wouldn't it?

167
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Yeah!

168
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We got some...

169
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"Don't eat me!"

170
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"Got some really deadly fish here."
"Oh why, has it got toxin...?"

171
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--"No! It's got a 12 bore cannon!"
--"No, it's driving a tank!"

172
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Underwater weapons.

173
00:07:04.260 --> 00:07:08.600
But then, if you put poisonous ones in the tank. You couldn't even engage in hand to hand combat.

174
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...you alright there?

175
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I'm stuck in a tank.

176
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Since 1958 chefs have to be licensed to prepare and sell fugu. Which takes about three years.

177
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Licence to fugu!

178
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What does the licensing involve?

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Not killing the assessor.

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"That was delicious, and I'm still breathing."

181
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--No. The thing is...
--"Very well done."

182
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Who eats the fish?

183
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Themselves!

184
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--Oh, him!
--Yes, have a point [DING].

185
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That makes sense.

186
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They eat their own fish.

187
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So there is no-one on this earth who has failed the test?

188
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And is a chef.

189
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:48.780
And is a chef. You're absolutely right.
Only about 35% actually pass.

190
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-- What?
-- Because mild poisoning will mess you up

191
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or it will be "oh, yeah, you've clearly got a small dose there, you're feeling ill." But it won't kill you.

192
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--A small dose...
--So they've got near enough to their pound of flesh

193
00:08:02.020 --> 00:08:03.680
--Yes.
--Which leaves you with a tingly mouth

194
00:08:03.680 --> 00:08:05.380
--You've got about five...
--For a few days. Yeah.

195
00:08:05.960 --> 00:08:08.080
Erm, but what are the parts of the test?

196
00:08:08.240 --> 00:08:09.360
Catch your fugu fish.

197
00:08:09.360 --> 00:08:10.200
Yes!

198
00:08:10.600 --> 00:08:14.860
There's the making. But then there's the cleaning up afterwards. So you don't infect everything.

199
00:08:14.860 --> 00:08:16.140
--Well that's a fair point.
--We've got preparing and eating.

200
00:08:16.140 --> 00:08:18.340
But there's, before we even get to preparing and eating...

201
00:08:18.340 --> 00:08:19.940
Identifying a fugu fish.

202
00:08:19.940 --> 00:01:31.260
Correct!

203
00:01:31.260 --> 00:01:33.460
[DING]

204
00:08:22.200 --> 00:08:23.080
In fact...

205
00:08:26.060 --> 00:08:30.060
Because it literally says, 'a fish identification test'.

206
00:08:30.640 --> 00:08:31.500
--That's cod.
--A fish.

207
00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:33.240
That's a fish.

208
00:08:33.240 --> 00:08:36.100
That's a beef. That's a fish.

209
00:08:36.100 --> 00:08:37.840
So yes. That's your second one.

210
00:08:37.840 --> 00:08:42.720
I mean, it kind of echoes the British driving test really.
Because that's your hazard perception.

211
00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:44.920
And then you've got your practical.
What bit are we missing?

212
00:08:44.920 --> 00:08:45.600
--Theory.
--Theory.

213
00:08:45.600 --> 00:08:49.220
Point over there to Matt Gray [DING].
You also have a written theory test.

214
00:08:49.220 --> 00:08:52.860
What happens if you feed fugu to someone, and you haven't done it properly?

215
00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:54.920
"They are dead."

216
00:08:54.920 --> 00:09:00.920
Yes. How many people in Tokyo are hospitalised, every year roughly, through fugu...

217
00:09:00.920 --> 00:09:01.640
Thirteen?

218
00:09:02.260 --> 00:09:05.420
OK, we're clearly doing Price is Right rules here, aren't we? Thirteen.

219
00:09:05.420 --> 00:09:08.220
I...I think it will be quite a high number.

220
00:09:08.220 --> 00:09:12.240
Because I can see it being a bit like ordering a really stupidly hot curry.

221
00:09:12.240 --> 00:09:17.900
You ask specifically for one that hasn't been neutralised. That isn't the neutral one.

222
00:09:17.900 --> 00:09:20.420
--You ask specifially for a poisoned one.
--I bet there's a little thing.

223
00:09:20.420 --> 00:09:24.700
I bet there's a thing with some people that they like to eat it a little bit of the toxin still in

224
00:09:24.700 --> 00:09:29.400
So they get a little bit of a tingle, or something like that. So I think it's gonna be in...

225
00:09:29.400 --> 00:09:31.340
s it every year, did you say?
--Per year, in total.

226
00:09:31.340 --> 00:09:34.280
I reckon, less than a hundred, but not much less.

227
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I think nine. Just 'cos  that was the number that popped into my head.

228
00:09:37.500 --> 00:09:42.160
I'm going to give that to Gary. It's somewhere between about 35-65 each year, [DING]

229
00:09:42.160 --> 00:09:44.200
--That's the order of magnitude then.
--Yeah.

230
00:09:44.200 --> 00:09:47.040
And between 0 and 6 die.

231
00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:48.600
S*** the bed.

232
00:09:48.600 --> 00:09:52.340
What are some of the reasons you might get poisoned? Particularly if you've been prepared by an amateur.

233
00:09:52.480 --> 00:09:53.920
Eating the poison?

234
00:09:53.920 --> 00:09:56.400
--Well yeah.
--He's good, he's good(!)

235
00:09:56.400 --> 00:09:57.220
The lad's sharp(!)

236
00:09:57.220 --> 00:09:59.480
Improper methods is in there.
But there's one other thing.

237
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We've already covered it in the test.

238
00:10:01.820 --> 00:10:02.720
Licking the knife.

239
00:10:03.380 --> 00:10:06.540
Being served it incorrectly, by identifying the wrong fish?

240
00:10:06.540 --> 00:10:08.960
Correct. They didn't think it was a fugu fish. [DING]

241
00:10:08.960 --> 00:10:10.720
Does it look... It must look like a different fish.

242
00:10:10.720 --> 00:10:11.680
It looks like a lot of other fish.

243
00:10:11.680 --> 00:10:12.520
Oh s***!

244
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"Lovely sea bass...!" [SLOBBERS]

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[SLURRING] This is a very piquant sauce.

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Cod.

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Death cod!

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"Now remember I put the death cod on the left,
the good on the right."

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"Remember, right for the death cod, left for the good cod."

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"Right, left. Remember that!"

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"Right? Good!" "Oh s***!"

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And they're in the same type of pan!

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All of which brings us back to the Shanghai Fugu Agreement. Which is 1985 in Germany.

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Do they agree that they won't sell fugu in Europe?

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Yeah, they won't export it.

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That's not something you really agree on with people from Shanghai, is it?

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We agree we are god-damn
not selling your killer fish, right!

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This is the Green Party. Who are locked in a coalition agreement --

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their very first ever coalition agreement --

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with the Social Democrats, in one of the German states.

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And they are going into coalition, and they put forward -- on the last day of negotiations

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they demand that they sign the Shanghai Fugu Agreement.

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And this is an agreement to help with what? What do you need to prepare fugu?

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Knives!

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Fugu!

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Chefs!

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Yep. I'll give you a point there. You need chefs. [DING]

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How do you get chefs to Germany?

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On a train?

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But what permissions do they need, to get in there?

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A licence?

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Visas?

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Gary's got the point there again. [DING]

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They need visas.

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And so the Shanghai Fugu Agreement is a set of international regulations.

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There's a special set of visas for certified fugu chefs.

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They demanded that was one of the things they should sign. What's the problem with that agreement?

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It's wrong.

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In what way?

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--Shanghai?
--Yeah?

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That's China isn't it?

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Mm. That's one of the problems with it(!)

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--That's one of quite a few.
--That's not where they eat it.

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And -- it is, it's pan-Asian anyway. But it's not, you know...what it's famous for.

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It's completely fake.

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Aaaaw! What?!

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The Greens had been in negotiations for days, were sick of the negotiations,

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made up a completely fake agreement, and added it to the list of demands

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and the minister they were arguing with, just went 'yes, OK, fine! Yep. Wonderful.'

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I bet after that, they were kicking themselves, that they couldn't do something more fun than that.

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No! No-one noticed.

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They could have made everyone wear jelly on a Sunday.

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The negotiators didn't notice,

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The civil servants didn't notice.

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They could have banned the apostrophe!
They could have done anything!

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The press didn't notice.

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It took years before someone went:

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--"Oh yeah!"
--"What is that?"

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"Remember when we did that?"

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"We have made it so that no one called Keith may enter the country!"

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You know, you could do that.

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So did they draw up an agreement?

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No. They just required that the Social Democrats be party to the Shanghai Fugu Agreement.

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Completely faked.

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Without having read it.

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The fun you could have in that situation.

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So congratulations, at the end of that,
Gary, you win this week's show. Well done!

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You win a confederate general made out of interlocking stones without any mortar.

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No!

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--Yep! Got it!
--Go for it. Go for it. He's got it for once.

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A Dry Stone-Wall Jackson!

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Yes! He's got it!

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With that, we say thank you to

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Chris Joel,

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to Gary Brannan,

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-- to Matt Gray...
-- Goodbye YouTube.

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I've been Tom Scott. We'll see you next time.

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We are doing an experimental live show of this

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with a live audience.

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If you would like to be part of that,
then details are on screen now.

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Close enough to touch!

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Don't... don't do that.

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No touching.

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Would you like to see our faces in person and admire us at closer distance than this?

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00:13:49.700 --> 00:13:53.700
We're doing an experimental live show and you could be there should you wish to.

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Do you want to see us in slightly lower resolution than on GoPro footage?

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We'll be doing an experimental live show!

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Do you want to see this before it's been edited down from 40 minutes into 10?

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Well, we might be doing an experimental live show!

330
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You can watch us, pre-editing(!)

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I don't think you want to, really(!)

332
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Do you like jokes that you really can't hear because they're libelous,

333
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too rude, or frankly insulting?

334
00:14:19.320 --> 00:14:22.100
Then feel free to watch us go harder and longer

335
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in our experimental live show!

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Do you want an hour of the post-credits sequence?

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Come and see the experimental new live show!

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Bear in mind, that we edit quite a lot out of this.

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-- The bit in the post credits? It's this.
-- Like half an hour of the post-credits...

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It's very important to stress
that the experimental live show

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is not the kind of experimental live show you might see in Amsterdam.

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That said, the live show is over-18 only because at some point

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one of us is going to make a joke that could get us in trouble.

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And we're all going to say **** at some point(!)

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****, ****, willies and *******!
Come see Tech Dif Live!

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[Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]