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This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing Citation Needed.

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Joining me today, he reads books you know, it's Chris Joel.

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Hello.

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Everyb... I was expecting that to be longer.

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[LAUGHTER]

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Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.

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Three speeds and only one of them reverse.

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The bounciest man on the Internet, Matt Gray

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Willkommen YouTube!

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In front of me I have an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.

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Every fact they get right is a a point and a ding [DING].

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And there's a prize for particularly good answers which is...

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And today we are talking about...

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cello scrotum.

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Is it something to do with banjo strings?

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Oh. Ohh. Sorry, it took a minute.

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-- I'm gonna go for this.
-- Oh! Okay.

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Is it a condition that cellists suffer, because of the position they must place themselves in,

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when playing the cello? And therefore the vibrations cause some kind of of

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painful rash?

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-- No!
-- Waaaargh!

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Is it when you've got two F shaped cutouts

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in your nuts, for better acoustics?

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Er, no. No, the thing is

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that's what the article in the medical literature said it was.

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So I'm going to give you the point anyway. [DING]

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But why is that more notable?

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Did it happen to women as well?

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Woah!

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No. No it didn't happen to women.

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Horses?

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Didn't happen to horses.

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Old blues men? Cello Scrotum?

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Didn't. It's a good name though.

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Didn't happen to blues men either.

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Is this a fantastic dose of the clap that went round the Royal Philharmonic one time?

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You're all assuming that anyone was actually injured here.

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Was it just completely fabricated?

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Point! [DING]

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Ah!

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Completely, utterly made up, as a case report.
That made it into what?

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Er, medical journal?

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Yeah, the British Medical Journal. [DING]

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The prestigious British Medical Journal, in 1974

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and purportedly, an affliction affecting male cello players.

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It was a reply to 'guitar nipple'.

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Nipple?!

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Guitar nipple.

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What's rubbing?

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If you played your guitar up this high, that's...

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For a while the Beatles did!

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I say, shotgun bass player!

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♫ Bum ba-diggley bum ♫

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Dr Elaine Murphy thought that whoever was sending in the "guitar nipple" was having a laugh.

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So then sent in 'cello scrotum'.
She did it as a joke

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which was published in the British Medical Journal

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without someone pointing out what rather obvious thing?

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That it was bollocks?

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-- Eyyy!
-- Awww!

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That's a golf clap. It's not biscuits! It's a golf clap.

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It's good. That's good, that's good.

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I didn't even know I was making that joke 'til I'd done it!

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What was wrong with it?

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Well, you wouldn't have a cello that high up, for a start.

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That's exactly right. Yes. [DING]

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Between your knees, isn't it?

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--Yes, have a point.
--If you have a cello up that high, you've got legs at that angle.

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Yes... That is entirely right.

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Also, don't you rest cellos on a spike?

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So you're kinda [SHUCK]

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--I'll tell you what...
--[URGHAAAH!]

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Tell you what, that's how you would get cello scrotum. If you got that spike placement wrong.

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I'll give you that now.

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Ah yes, you are absolutely right. A cellist does not put a cello anywhere near... their crotch.

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Well, in normal service.

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Speak for yourself.

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Which means Elaine Murphy, Baroness Murphy, has a wonderful Wikipedia article, because at the top

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there is all the sections, of you know, like member of the House of Lords...life peer...

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And then 'Cello Scrotum' controversy.

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Point! [DING]

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Very last section, is a well referenced section, to a BBC article, that's simply titled

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"Peer reveals 'Cello Scrotum' hoax".

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That's one to put on the expenses claim.

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Yeah. Why is this important?

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Why is the fact that this was published, as an article in medical literature, important?

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Did it change how...did it like need peer review, double blind...testing stuff?

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It should have had. I'll give you the point for that [DING].

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It should have had that. Something shouldn't make it in to the BMJ without at least running it past someone

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going... Cello scrotum?
--REALLY?

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Cello scrotum? Really?

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"Johnny! Johnny, you play the cello don't you? Would you mind just dropping them for a second,

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"so I can have a look if there is any redness or soreness, down there?"

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"Drop trou!"

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"No... it looks...it looks rather, rather abrased, but I can't prove it's the cello. That's the problem."

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"Is it that you're a fantastic deviant?"

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No, that's just the band name. Johnny and the Fantastic Deviants.

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They all played their instruments wrongly.

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Ooh!

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"You don't want to see what he did to his contrabassoon!"

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"Quite, quite frightful. Very bad for the wood."

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Um, yes. So there was a letter in another one in 1990, which is simply titled

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"'Cello Scrotum' questioned".

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which sounds like the worst police report I've ever heard.

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"Did you do it?!"

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But I'm mainly using this as a jumping off point

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[GASP!]

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to a whole load of other

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"person's body part".

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And I'm gonna do a quickfire round for a little while here.

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What other afflictions are there that have been mentioned in... that now have...

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Henderson's Hooch?

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Shatner's Bassoon?

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That's not real. That's from Brass Eye. Chris?

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Nelson's left eyeball?

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-- I hope it was that one. 50/50 chance I got that one.
--We're talking stuff like tennis elbow

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--Yes, have a point [DING]
--Housemaid's knee.

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--[DING] Yep.
--Erm...

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Juggler's bum!

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Juggler's? What's juggler's bum?

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Juggler's bum is where you keep dropping, but you always bend down the same way

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to pick up the dropped juggling balls. You end up with a pull across one cheek.

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I wonder...I can't do a full medical literature check here...

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I'm sure it's not in there.

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Golfer's nipple.

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I don't have golfer's nipple, I have a different body part. What's golfer's nipple?

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It's where it's cupped at the end, so you can use it as a tee, in an emergency.

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I thought it's during the swing. Because a lot of them wear a kind of polo

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you have to wear a collared shirt...they wear polo t-shirts

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And they've all got branding, just over the... comme ça!

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You're right. That's kinda it. It's abrasing the nipples, so you often...

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I've heard, like having plasters underneath or something to stop that happening in the swing.

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Yes. There are a couple of references to that. I'll give you that. But the one I have for golfing, is not the nipple.

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Elbow?

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ELBOW! Have a point [DING]. Golfer's elbow.

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That's exactly the same as tennis elbow, isn't it?

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--More or less, yes. 
 --But longer?

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--Yes.
 --Implement.

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Not elbow...it just grows.

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Got a long elbow.

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Can anyone else feel it, if you put your finger close to, sort of the top of your nose there

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can you feel like a...tingling?

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That's psychosomatic isn't it?

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I can genuinely feel it, there.

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Wait! Hold on. No! This is a set up, to have all of us, doing this...

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No it's not! Genuinely. I'm not joking. Genuinely. If I do that

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If I hover my finger there, I can feel a tingling feeling.

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You're right! You're actually right there. This is not a hoax, viewers

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-- Like the time I invited you all on the podcast...
 -- I have a monobrow!

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I'm going to feel it!

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Yes I can, but it's because there's hair there.

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It's further away than when you actually hit the skin. It's about here. I can feel it... if I've got my eyes closed.

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This sounds like reiki.

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--In fingers or hair?
 --There...I can feel it there, tingling.

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So that's quite far away. It starts to feel tingles.

155
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--It is...
 --It starts to get stronger.

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It is just your body being aware there's something there and I think being

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slightly nervous that someone is going to just hit you.

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In the eye! It's just a funny thing you can feel.

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Close your eyes and tell me when you can feel me doing it to you.

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Don't do anything daft!

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I'm not going to do anything, just I want you to tell me when you can feel it.

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OK. I'm coming closer.

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I want to say I can feel something, but I'm worried there's nothing there now.

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Yeah, you're absolutely right!

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You are absolutely right... SCIENCE!

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It's the truth. But you can feel it. It's a weird thing.

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Yeah.

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So yes, golfer's elbow, tennis elbow is in there. What else do we have?

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Footballers having nothing wrong with them, but rolling around on the floor anyway?

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Cyclist's sphincter?

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-- Oh, actually... there's...
-- Thighs!

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It's quite a small seat.

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Well, yeah. There is that.

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And there's also a type of cyst that cyclists get in a delicate area.

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More prone to it there, than anything else.

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A cyclist's cyst.

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A cycle cyst's cyst.

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It starts with peri, doesn't it, and you don't wanna Google images of it?

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Ohh! No! Really?

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Because you're on a saddle, there's certain pressure points.

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Yes.

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-- Yes, um, that...
-- Moving swiftly on...

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...oddly enough, is not listed as a specific complaint.

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There is an entire category of occupational diseases, but most of those, because they're not about leisure

185
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are actually pretty horrifying.

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Miners' black lung. [DING]

187
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Asbestos.

188
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Vibration white finger. [DING]

189
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And radium jaw.

190
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--Ooh no! That's horrible!
 --Oh, from the paint brush thing.

191
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The phossy jaw... phossy jaw.

192
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Yeah. You have a point there [DING]. You have a point there [DING].

193
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Yeah, that was nasty.

194
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Yeah, these were the match girls. This wasn't licking radium paint on its own.

195
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This was licking phosphorus.

196
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Mmm... That's Phoss Jaw, isn't it?

197
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That's phossy jaw...phosphorous jaw.

198
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There's also a reference here to Eben Byers.

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American socialite, athlete and industrialist.

200
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He won the 1906 US Amateur in golf. Er, what happened to him?

201
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Golf ball in the face?

202
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Something to do with radiation in his jaw then?

203
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I was hoping someone was going to say his jaw fell off.

204
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--Oh! His jaw fell off.
 --His jaw fell off.

205
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Yeah! Absolutely right. In fact... [DING]

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The Wall Street Journal have a wonderful thing here, "The radium water worked fine until his jaw came off".

207
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Ohh! No.

208
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He took a patent medicine, that was made of what?

209
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Radium. [DING]

210
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Dissolved in?

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Water. [DING]

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Point!... Points all round!

213
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Was it called radium water?

214
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It was radium water, yes.

215
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--It was a common thing though.
 --It was called Radithor.

216
00:09:03.900 --> 00:09:07.600
Yeah, there was a time when radiation would cure all. Wasn't there?

217
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Well, specifically radium was the thing that would cure, basically anything.

218
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So you'd take it in liquid form. You'd stick it up your bum. You'd do everything else that needed it.

219
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We visited this last time as well, didn't we?

220
00:09:15.100 --> 00:09:19.740
Yeah we have. This was a minimum of one microcurie in distilled water.

221
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The owner of the company, head of laboratories, was Dr William Bailey. Who was not what?

222
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Any doctor at all?

223
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He was not a medical doctor. No. Not in the slightest. [DING]

224
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Is this...erm...homeopathic radium?

225
00:09:33.560 --> 00:09:36.680
-- No! If it was homeopathic radium...
-- You'd be fine!

226
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You can actually buy that. I nearly... I tell you what. I didn't have time to order it.

227
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But I only thought about this... one of the prizes I was thinking of getting.

228
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I was actually going to get a physical prize, rather than a cheap joke.

229
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Because I was going to say: congratulations, you win homeopathic kitten chlamydia.

230
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Then I was going to get a small vial of pills, of homeopathic kitten chlamydia.

231
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Which you can order, for about four or five quid.
From Her Majesty's Homeopathic Suppliers.

232
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I am not joking.

233
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What would I do? What would I use homeopathic kitten chlamydia for?

234
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Curing chlamydia in your kitten.

235
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Not a joke!

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I don't believe a word.

237
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Wait a minute. So I'm giving my kitten chlamydia, to cure my kitten's chlamydia?

238
00:10:15.740 --> 00:10:19.980
No! You're giving your kitten water that used to have chlamydia in it.

239
00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:23.600
In order to cure the kitten's chlamydia. Not a joke!

240
00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:28.140
But I don't... [stutters]... but I don't cure chlamydia by giving myself yet more chlamydia!

241
00:10:28.140 --> 00:10:29.260
That's not how it works.

242
00:10:29.260 --> 00:10:31.860
They will also sell you homeopathic Berlin Wall.

243
00:10:31.860 --> 00:10:33.540
What's that for? Communism?!

244
00:10:33.540 --> 00:10:34.660
Claustrophobia.

245
00:10:34.660 --> 00:10:35.660
F*** off!

246
00:10:36.680 --> 00:10:40.100
How does...the Berlin Wall was f***ing outside anyway!

247
00:10:41.580 --> 00:10:47.080
I could walk past it. I could see the sky, the ground. I could go in any direction, barring the one the wall's in front of!

248
00:10:47.080 --> 00:10:51.000
Sell me a ****ing room if you want to cure claustrophobia!

249
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:56.120
The only way I'd get cured off the Berlin Wall is bloody intolerance between East and West Germany.

250
00:10:56.120 --> 00:10:57.700
That's ridiculous!

251
00:10:58.500 --> 00:10:59.060
Breathe(!)

252
00:10:59.060 --> 00:11:02.360
Just eat some ****ing concrete, if that's your issue!

253
00:11:02.620 --> 00:11:04.060
Calming down. Calming...

254
00:11:05.020 --> 00:11:09.380
William Bailey who was the man who sold the radium water was never actually tried

255
00:11:09.380 --> 00:11:11.500
for the deaths that he caused.

256
00:11:12.040 --> 00:11:12.920
Although...

257
00:11:12.920 --> 00:07:48.060
Well he was tried in a very large amount of water.

258
00:07:48.060 --> 00:07:49.540
Yes.

259
00:11:16.800 --> 00:11:19.300
Not homeopathic. If it was...wouldn't have killed him.

260
00:11:20.900 --> 00:11:23.100
Sorry, that was me with the homeopathy there, wasn't it?

261
00:11:23.780 --> 00:11:28.100
The Federal Trade Commission, the US government, basically shut down his radium water business.

262
00:11:28.100 --> 00:11:29.540
What did he then go on to do?

263
00:11:29.540 --> 00:11:30.420
Radium beer?

264
00:11:31.380 --> 00:11:32.260
Radium milk?

265
00:11:32.280 --> 00:11:33.320
Radium letters?

266
00:11:33.320 --> 00:11:37.040
Ah, you know what? Radium paperweights. You can have a point for that. [DING]

267
00:11:37.040 --> 00:11:38.400
-- S***!
-- Radi-weight?

268
00:11:38.400 --> 00:11:40.880
Er, yeah. Radioactive belt clip. But more importantly...

269
00:11:43.020 --> 00:11:44.600
"Warm your knackers!"

270
00:11:45.260 --> 00:11:48.260
More importantly...a mechanism that did what to water?

271
00:11:48.440 --> 00:11:49.240
Heated it?

272
00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:50.180
Well, yeah, it would have done that.

273
00:11:50.180 --> 00:11:51.060
With radium.

274
00:11:51.060 --> 00:11:54.480
YES! It made water radioactive, so you can make your own radium water. [DING]

275
00:11:55.940 --> 00:11:58.920
Even though it had already proved that killed people?

276
00:11:58.920 --> 00:12:01.940
Ah, yes...yes, that was. That was what he made...

277
00:12:01.940 --> 00:12:04.300
Well, he knew what he wanted and he went for it.

278
00:12:04.440 --> 00:07:17.740
Yes. As we continue this chain. We have Eben Byers, who was the man whose jaw fell off.

279
00:07:17.740 --> 00:07:18.360
Yeah.

280
00:12:10.760 --> 00:12:15.060
He's buried in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. What is special about the way he was buried?

281
00:12:15.060 --> 00:12:15.940
Lead coffin?

282
00:12:15.940 --> 00:12:18.020
Point! [DING] Lead lined coffin. Absolutely right.

283
00:12:18.020 --> 00:12:19.900
Because they don't want him to irradiate everyone else.

284
00:12:19.900 --> 00:12:22.280
Yes! And they don't want him to irradiate the ground around him.

285
00:12:22.280 --> 00:12:22.780
Hmm.

286
00:12:22.780 --> 00:12:28.120
So we've got golfer's elbow, tennis elbow, we've got cello scrotum, which turned out to be false.

287
00:12:28.120 --> 00:12:31.860
Ah! We also have er...oh, [LONG BEEP]

288
00:12:32.380 --> 00:12:34.060
He's seen a picture of it!

289
00:12:35.880 --> 00:12:39.000
I clicked on what was labelled as "jeep bottom".

290
00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:40.740
Alright.

291
00:12:41.480 --> 00:12:43.500
Is it where you've got tread marks?

292
00:12:43.500 --> 00:12:44.000
No!

293
00:12:44.000 --> 00:12:47.040
You remember I mentioned earlier, that cyst.

294
00:12:47.040 --> 00:12:47.800
Ah yeah!

295
00:12:48.400 --> 00:12:51.620
It linked me straight...it just went...redirect me to that... PICTURE!

296
00:12:53.100 --> 00:12:55.220
That's the risk I take with the screen in front of me.

297
00:12:55.220 --> 00:12:56.600
Have you just seen a cysted-up man's bottom then?

298
00:12:56.600 --> 00:12:57.760
Aah! Yes.

299
00:12:57.760 --> 00:12:58.920
Cysted-up!

300
00:12:59.160 --> 00:13:00.160
Oh! He's all cysted...

301
00:13:00.160 --> 00:13:01.780
What happened to Dave? Oh, he got all cysted-up.

302
00:13:01.780 --> 00:13:03.220
As we doctors call it.

303
00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:04.880
Our last one.

304
00:13:05.420 --> 00:13:07.280
Is Nintendo thumb.

305
00:13:07.280 --> 00:13:10.560
That's from playing...console games all night.

306
00:13:10.560 --> 00:13:11.280
[DING] Yeah.

307
00:13:11.280 --> 00:13:16.180
Specifically can't be just Nintendo. Other consoles... you can't have PS3 pinky? Or something like that.

308
00:13:16.180 --> 00:13:17.520
No, no. They trademarked it.

309
00:13:18.900 --> 00:13:21.760
Yeah, it's also gamer's grip. It's just repetitive strain injury.

310
00:13:21.760 --> 00:13:26.020
But if you go with Nintendo, what pun does that let you have?

311
00:13:26.480 --> 00:13:30.780
Given that it's to do with Nintendos...and the little things that run up and down here.

312
00:13:30.780 --> 00:13:32.340
-- So tendons?
-- Veins?

313
00:13:32.340 --> 00:13:35.020
Ninten...Oh...Nintendonitis!

314
00:13:35.020 --> 00:13:36.360
POINT! [DING]

315
00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:39.280
Absolutely right.

316
00:13:39.280 --> 00:13:42.440
So you imagine, they're all sat round in their white coats, with their stethoscopes

317
00:13:42.440 --> 00:13:46.180
Nintend...Nintendonitis!

318
00:13:46.180 --> 00:13:50.420
More worryingly, I think I've just worked out why Sega-stroenteritis got invented.

319
00:13:50.420 --> 00:13:52.520
They had to stop making consoles.

320
00:13:54.540 --> 00:13:56.040
Ah! There we go.

321
00:13:56.040 --> 00:13:57.080
And also: X-box.

322
00:13:57.720 --> 00:13:58.880
Aaw!

323
00:14:01.780 --> 00:14:03.860
Congratulations Gary, you win this week's show.

324
00:14:03.860 --> 00:14:04.500
Alright!

325
00:14:04.500 --> 00:04:19.820
You win a subscription to the Badger of the Month Club.

326
00:04:19.820 --> 00:04:20.680
Ooh!

327
00:14:06.920 --> 00:14:08.680
Do try to be in when they deliver them though.

328
00:14:08.680 --> 00:14:11.060
They get a bit angry if you leave them with the neighbours for a while.

329
00:14:12.380 --> 00:14:14.140
With that, we say thank you to Chris Joel.

330
00:14:14.140 --> 00:14:14.660
Woo!

331
00:14:14.660 --> 00:14:15.780
To Gary Brannan.

332
00:14:15.780 --> 00:14:16.280
To Matt Gray.

333
00:14:16.280 --> 00:14:16.780
Bye!

334
00:14:16.780 --> 00:14:18.640
I've been Tom Scott and we'll see you next time.

335
00:14:20.580 --> 00:14:22.580
[Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]

336
00:14:22.580 --> 00:14:24.500
[We really do mean it.
Don't search for jeep bottom on Wikipedia.]