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This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing Citation Needed.

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Joining me today - he reads books you know - it's Chris Joel!

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Home team advantage!

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Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan: Gary Brannan!

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Does this dining chair have an ejector seat and if so, how?

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and the bounciest man on the internet, Matt Gray!

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Hello Youtube!

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In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it

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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [ding]

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and there's a special prize for particularly good answers which is...

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Today we are talking about Graham Island.

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Cause of a national shortage of Grahams in the 1980s when they all emigrated.

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Is that what, in this country, we'd call Digestive Biscuit Island?

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Graham crackers!

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Thank you, one for you guys over the water.

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Oh, is that what a Graham cracker is?

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Yeah, it's a digestive.

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I didn't know that.

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It's totally a digestive.

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Aren't they just called "biscuits anglais" on the continent because they refuse to accept that they have--

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They don't affect your digestion at all

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It's only in Britain where we hold on to this falsehood,

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That's part of the same kind of train of thought that makes them call it "la cor anglais" and not the French horn.

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[French accent] Ah, zese crazy English.

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Zey sink everything is about them!

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Everysing zat is sh*t is over there

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Your biscuit? Sh*t. Your horn? Sh*t.

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Less than two minutes into the show, into the series

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and today's nation we are insulting is France

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Hi, France!

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We need a spinning wheel with an arrow that goes [rattling noise] ding!

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La France!

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Just on everyone except one that says 'Germany'.

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We'll get to you

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Eventually.

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Amazingly that's what the Germans said to the French in '39!

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F*** Morocco.

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We haven't done that one yet

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I'm spreading the love(!)

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Tell you what. Eritrea

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We got you

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Graham Island

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Okay

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Is it a man or an island?

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It is an actual island

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There are a couple of Graham Islands by the way, this is not, uh -

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There is a Graham Island of British Columbia, Canada - so the new world - named after someone.

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This is somewhere in Europe

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It's not made of... what islands are normally made of:

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You know what 
-- So land?

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So it's no no no, it's not made of land or rocks or bricks or anything.

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-- Is it like one of those things that's an oil rig?
-- Hang on, "or bricks?"

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No, islands aren't made of bricks, Gary!

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You were doing so well,

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.. until you ... 'I'm gonna give him a point' aahh it's made of bricks... No!

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Is it a volcano waiting to happen?

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I'll give you a point and I'll give you biscuits for that

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because that was spot on.

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It is a submerged volcanic island.

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So it isn't?
-- But it's not an island if it's not above the sea, is it

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Which, in 1831, poked above the water for a bit

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-- Long enough to be spotted
-- And then became flaccid.

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Yes.

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So this volcano had a momentary dong

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That someone jumped up, stabbed a flag in it and it went beneath the waves.

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I think that's what would happen,
if that was Poseidon's cock

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Which it sounds like it is

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You get the flag, and it goes pfft and collapses.

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Cold water.

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Well it goes a lot bigger when --

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When El Nino comes past, you know!

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It erupts occasionally --

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I'll bet it does...

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In 1831, the Royal Navy flagship claimed it for the British Crown

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Where is the island though?

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The island is off Sicily

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But it's one of ours?

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It is... well...

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It was all ours in 1841!

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Sorry...

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31.

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Anyway...

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Appeared in July/August 1831, disappeared in...?

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-- October, 1831
-- 1850s, after Krakatoa went up.

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Change of sea level, and all that.

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It's a wonderful theory, but I was just going for the cheap joke: 1832.

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So. new island pops up, British stick a flag in it,

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Automatically a Starbucks on it.

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Automatically. Obviously.

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Sorry: Ye Starbucks, of the time, obviously

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Starbücks(!)

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How big was this island?

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About the size of a Starbucks.

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No, quite a bit bigger, actually

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Two Starbucks.

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Two Starbucks, a McDonald's and a parking area for doggers.

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Point. 63 meters. You can have one for that.

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It also had two small lakes.

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Two lakes? That's not a lake! That's just water. that's stuck on top of it when it poked out!

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Yeah, do you know any other definition of a lake?

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I would rather... That's just a f***ing puddle!

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Again...

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Why did Graham island disappear so quickly?

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It sank?

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The sea levels rose because of global warming, and ice caps and that kind of stuff.

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Not that early...

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Is it because it was andasitic or continental plate lava rather than oceanic plate lava, which is basaltic and very hard?

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Continental plate lava tends to dry as much softer rock so it was eroded much more quickly.

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You're absolutely right, it was comprised of very loose volcanic eruption, and simply

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disappeared into the ocean through erosion very quickly. Through wave action.

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-- Sorry; that's amazing work.
-- Sorry guys...

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Take the points. Take all of the points.

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This one is mine

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Stick a fork in this one: it's done.

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And it eroded before anyone could work out who actually owned it.

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But we had a flag!

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Sorry Eddie.

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But Her Majesty's flag had been firmly planted atop, and somebody had opened a lovely bistro and restaurant(!)

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I like the idea that it is Her Majesty's flag, not the Union flag. Just.

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"This is mine... F****** f*** off"

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I'm glad you have read the official rules of engagement for claiming new land, which is that

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one of you does dress up as Queen Victoria and say: "F****** f*** off"

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Even if it's not England, still have to dress up as Queen Victoria

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"I am not enjoying zis..."

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France!

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There's another one at you!

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Lets talk about that conflict then. Who else thought they might have sovereignty over it?

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Italy!

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But... is Italy existing at this point in time?

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There we go...

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Sicilians, potentially.

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That's a point. Yes.

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The Kingdom of the Two Sicilies.

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Where's the other one?

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In the very still Mediterranean, they thought there was another Sicily underneath.

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They spent years tunnelling!

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Two Sicilies were  the island of Sicily and... what else?

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The bottom of Italy

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Yes. Have a point. Absolutely right.

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The bottom half of what we'd now call Italy.

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The bit they've managed to invade quite frankly.
Let's face it.

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Yeah.

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So did Italy just use to be the top half?

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All of Europe was just warring states for--

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Well that's why they're just loose federations. As you know. Switzerland is still a loose federation of states.

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Yes.

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The best one is of course the Helvetic Empire.

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It was all kerned beautifully.

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Well that's what I thought! I went to Bern for a thing and on top of the big state building...

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Is that the name of a place rather than fiery, burny...?

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Bern is a place.

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It's called Bern because Bern in Swiss means bears

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and they've got bears there still

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in a bear enclosure

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Amazing tourist attraction.

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We've caught them all now, they're here

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Have you been to Vauxhall? Just asking.

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In an enclosure(!)

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But, of course, the state building just says, and I didn't know it at the time, just said: Helvetica.

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And my first thought-- I looked at it and went,
no it's not.

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That's New Roman!

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So you got those states.
Other states that'd had a claim on it...?

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If it's in the middle of the Mediterranean

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you've probably got any of the Mediterranean states that are around there or close by

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England and Sicily... Spain also said--

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I like that. Anyone that was close by to the Mediterranean:

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England.

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We're on the map.

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That's mine, that's mine

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Wait: Gibraltar.

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c.f., claim on Gibraltar. We're totally near that(!)

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"I think you'll find that means we own this now."

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"We own the gate therefore we own--"

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"What's that? What's that? You can get in? Try it!"

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You now there's still massive fights

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with, really fantastically petty, but oh my god still quite s*** scary fights between Spain and Britain over Gibraltar

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Basically: not only just move towards a shipping vessel, trained weapons on it.

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Like in that kind of "no, we're not joking

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"if you don't turn around this one goes off

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"and Bob here has got an itchy finger. He's not had a chance to use one of these for real..."

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"He's not shot this since 1982 and he's bored."

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"And we all want to see the firework display!"

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"Turn around chappy."

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What I've learnt today is, that I know nothing about the history of Europe.

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Do you know anything about the house of Bourbon?

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Is that the one that's in Milan? I'm probably wrong.

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France.

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Point. [ding]

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Well said.

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How wrong can I be everybody?

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European royal house of French origin. What did they want to set up on this lump of volcanic rock?

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Distillery, if it's bourbon.

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Fort!

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Hospital!

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A palace.

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Leper colony.

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You're all thinking way...

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BUTLINS!

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Point! [ding]

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I wouldn't actually say it was a Butlin's. Billy Butlin hadn't really come along and done that concept yet.

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[French accent] Biilly Butliin.

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But it's a holiday resort.

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Is what we've got here.

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Obviously Sicily had a different name for the island.

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Barry.

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Barry Island.

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That actually is an island. Aww!

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Oh yeah!

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Was it like "Giovanni"?

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Yeah, it was Giovanni's.

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Too early.

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Guiseppi.

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They named it after their king, so it was going to be called, Ferdinandea.

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Still marked on navigation charts, for many, many years. Kind of stayed about eight meters below sea level.

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For a long, long while.

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What happened in 1987?

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It was kerploded on purpose, so it was less of a danger to shipping?

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Yeah. I'm going to give you a point for being...

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Yeah!

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For being kerploded! [ding]

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Kerploded by accident?

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Er, for sh*ts and giggles?

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Kerploded by mother nature?

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I'm going to give Gary [ding] the point by saying by accident. What were they actually trying...

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I can't believe I'm actually still saying the word kerplode.

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What did -- what were they actually trying to kerplode?

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This was done, from the air, with a depth charge, in 1987.

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Were they fishing?

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Not with a depth charge!

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They can't be depth charging a bloody submarine. That's an act of war.

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Point! [ding]

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Not in the Libyan conflict or anything was it?

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Libya had submarines?

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In 1987 a US Air Force pilot, on a mission to bomb Libya, mistook the island for an enemy submarine.

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And dropped depth charges on it.

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In how many seconds would it have taken him to go, 'They got submarines? No. Pft, We'll leave it then.'

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But also... no, no, no. If he was on his way to bomb Libya, and he had depth charges...

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They must have had submarines, otherwise why would he have been carrying depth charges?

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Otherwise he'd have hit it with a conventional bomb.

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That's a fair point. I can't dispute the logic there.

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So there is...

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Not a very wet country is it?

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No.

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I've had a look while you guys were talking about that, at the citations and the references on that.

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Was it needed?

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There is a bit of a dispute about this. It has been removed from the article a couple of times going...

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"This is clearly an urban legend."

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But there's a reference in the Independent to it. There's a reference in various other news sources.

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All of them just saying, "this happened".

250
00:10:56.700 --> 00:11:02.340
And I'm wondering if that's actually true, or whether it's some local legend that's made the newspapers

251
00:11:02.340 --> 00:06:29.740
Everyone's referenced each other.

252
00:06:29.740 --> 00:06:30.540
Yeah.

253
00:11:05.000 --> 00:11:06.560
That's why it doesn't quite make sense.

254
00:11:06.560 --> 00:11:09.340
Yeah. There's a slim chance he dropped a conventional bomb.

255
00:11:09.700 --> 00:11:11.920
Or a massive chance, I think, as you say...

256
00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:13.860
Yeah, it didn't actually happen.

257
00:11:13.860 --> 00:11:17.980
The Independent says the Sun reported today... The Sun says the Daily Mirror reported today...

258
00:11:17.980 --> 00:11:20.420
The Daily Mirror went. Yeah alright, er...

259
00:11:20.420 --> 00:11:23.340
What happened today. Somebody blew up a rock. Fantastic.

260
00:11:23.340 --> 00:11:25.200
Fernando said he he's not there any more.

261
00:11:25.200 --> 00:11:28.800
And from what we know. The depth of this particular thing it would be eight meters.

262
00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:29.840
Yes

263
00:11:29.840 --> 00:11:31.920
You don't use a depth charge for eight meters.

264
00:11:32.700 --> 00:11:35.340
No! Otherwise I'd pull a gun and start shooting.

265
00:11:35.340 --> 00:11:36.940
You throw bottles at it.

266
00:11:36.940 --> 00:11:38.780
Where've you f------ gone?

267
00:11:38.780 --> 00:11:41.740
If you could depth charge at eight meters, you wouldn't have a boat any more.

268
00:11:41.740 --> 00:11:44.320
You can flip the bird at eight meters.

269
00:11:44.780 --> 00:11:49.060
Top Gun. Just go fly upside down, over the top of it. Flip the bird on the way down.

270
00:11:49.700 --> 00:11:51.920
You can make that reference now!

271
00:11:51.920 --> 00:11:54.740
I saw Top Gun last night for the first time in my life.

272
00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:59.640
I saw a film today!

273
00:11:59.820 --> 00:12:00.320
God.

274
00:12:01.320 --> 00:12:03.760
What happened in 2000?

275
00:12:03.940 --> 00:12:06.020
Someone put all the bits back together again.

276
00:12:06.020 --> 00:12:07.900
I say it was un-bombed. Erupted again.

277
00:12:07.900 --> 00:12:11.980
Oh! I'll give you the point for that. It was close to eruption.

278
00:12:11.980 --> 00:12:13.900
There was seismic activity.

279
00:12:13.900 --> 00:12:14.540
(Groans)

280
00:12:14.540 --> 00:12:15.620
# I'm on the cusp...

281
00:12:15.620 --> 00:12:17.060
It wasn't quite there.

282
00:12:17.060 --> 00:12:19.000
So what did Italy do?

283
00:12:19.000 --> 00:12:22.720
Because it's obviously not Sicily anymore, it's the nation of Italy. What did they do...

284
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:23.680
Surrendered!

285
00:12:25.960 --> 00:12:27.220
Italy.

286
00:12:28.280 --> 00:12:32.320
Went and parked up next to it, with a flag hung over the side of the boat, ready to go...

287
00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:34.280
Ooh. A little bit further than that.

288
00:12:34.280 --> 00:12:36.280
What? Actually stood on it as it was...

289
00:12:36.280 --> 00:12:37.960
Yeah, basically. Have a point. [ding]

290
00:12:37.960 --> 00:12:40.840
Actually, yeah, as it's going to be, erm...

291
00:12:40.840 --> 00:12:42.520
Yeah, it's going to be an extrusion, isn't it?

292
00:12:42.520 --> 00:12:46.200
So the actual bubbly material is at the bottom. It's just pushing up the dried column.

293
00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:48.200
Dried! Cooled column.

294
00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:50.760
Did they cap it so that it was above ground and then claim it?

295
00:12:50.760 --> 00:12:55.640
Chris, out of everyone was closest. They sent a diver down and put a flag, under water, on it.

296
00:12:55.640 --> 00:12:58.120
So then as, when it appeared...

297
00:12:59.480 --> 00:13:02.200
Italy. I respect that. That's pretty cool

298
00:13:02.200 --> 00:13:06.120
As the Scrapheap Challenge of boats comes round the corner of the Mediterranean

299
00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:08.120
Just an Italian, just waving.

300
00:13:08.120 --> 00:13:09.400
[frustrated cry]

301
00:13:09.400 --> 00:13:10.200
Right. Erm,

302
00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:11.480
Ah, by which point.

303
00:13:11.480 --> 00:13:14.880
can we get funding for this? Because that's just such a brilliant denouement.

304
00:13:14.880 --> 00:13:18.240
As the flag pops out. Just as it gets above.

305
00:13:18.280 --> 00:13:23.120
Just as they are about to start playing that really uppy downy Italian anthem that they've got.

306
00:13:23.480 --> 00:13:24.960
Out comes the Union Jack.

307
00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:27.480
[Cheering]

308
00:13:27.480 --> 00:13:29.800
The Italian one just flutters off.

309
00:13:29.800 --> 00:13:33.080
Sean Connery nods and drives away in his DB5 shaped boat.

310
00:13:34.840 --> 00:13:41.360
No, if Connery did it, just as the Union Jack came out, another one... a Scottish flag.

311
00:13:42.840 --> 00:13:44.240
St Andrew's Cross.

312
00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:46.600
See, what they should have done is just laser carved it in to the rock.

313
00:13:46.600 --> 00:13:47.520
Hmmmm.

314
00:13:47.520 --> 00:13:48.120
Argue with that!

315
00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:51.200
But! Erosion was a problem already.

316
00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:53.280
As we have previously established.

317
00:13:53.280 --> 00:13:55.400
He's right you know.

318
00:13:55.400 --> 00:14:00.280
That have done stranger things, because they have all those bases out in the Pacific, haven't they, that are man made islands.

319
00:14:00.280 --> 00:14:02.640
They could just sail in there, put some hoardings round it.

320
00:14:02.640 --> 00:14:06.000
Pump the water out and start slapping concrete on this bastard, until it's actually big enough.

321
00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:10.280
Compared to reclaimed stuff in Japan...

322
00:14:10.280 --> 00:09:30.780
Do a Dubai on it.

323
00:09:30.780 --> 00:09:31.440
Yeah!

324
00:14:12.040 --> 00:14:13.880
Do it in the shape of my face.

325
00:14:13.880 --> 00:14:16.680
Have like a nose shaped volcano in the middle of it.

326
00:14:16.680 --> 00:14:21.120
Well there's that one in Dubai, isn't there, where there's the guy's cut his name in canals.

327
00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:22.760
Hasn't he? That you can see from space.

328
00:14:22.760 --> 00:14:23.840
And then reverted it.

329
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:25.680
They're not there any more.

330
00:14:25.720 --> 00:14:30.320
They're cut in, and then somehow they got... not paved over, but reclaimed.

331
00:14:30.320 --> 00:14:33.320
Because there's not much water out there, let's face it

332
00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:36.360
If the island does rise again, it's almost certainly going to be within...

333
00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:39.000
"THE ISLAND WILL RISE AGAIN!"

334
00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:39.720
Thank you.

335
00:14:41.380 --> 00:14:45.880
If the island... appears above the waves again, because of modern treaties...

336
00:14:45.880 --> 00:14:47.720
Who will have rights to it now?

337
00:14:47.720 --> 00:14:49.060
Is it in international waters?

338
00:14:49.060 --> 00:14:50.100
No. Not any more.

339
00:14:50.100 --> 00:14:51.460
-- It's in territorial waters?
-- Yes.

340
00:14:51.460 --> 00:14:52.740
-- Is it Italian territorial waters?
-- There we go.

341
00:14:52.740 --> 00:14:54.600
-- It's Italy's.
-- Point. [ding]. Simple as that.

342
00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:58.220
"It's just a little island. We're not going to have a big fight over it."

343
00:14:58.220 --> 00:15:01.060
Those are words that will get spashed over a paper in about five years time.

344
00:15:01.060 --> 00:15:02.820
So they said 'It's yours'?

345
00:15:02.820 --> 00:15:05.880
I mean you could choose to interpret it as that.

346
00:15:05.880 --> 00:15:07.200
Ooh, so it's, who gets there first?

347
00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:08.400
To the scrapheap!

348
00:15:09.740 --> 00:15:11.520
At the end of the show, congratulations Chris.

349
00:15:11.520 --> 00:15:13.940
You win this week. I think fairly clearly

350
00:15:13.940 --> 00:15:16.080
Well I think Brannan put up a fight in the end.

351
00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:16.880
It was close, it was close.

352
00:15:16.880 --> 00:15:17.740
(It's mine.)

353
00:15:17.740 --> 00:15:19.800
Congratulations, you win a patch of Somerset marshland,

354
00:15:19.800 --> 00:15:21.240
that's been filled with oily fish,

355
00:15:21.240 --> 00:15:24.900
that was previously owned by a documentary film maker and a white rapper.

356
00:15:24.900 --> 00:15:25.620
Oh God.

357
00:15:25.800 --> 00:15:26.300
Jesus.

358
00:15:26.640 --> 00:15:27.600
Go on. Come on.

359
00:15:27.860 --> 00:15:30.060
It's Michael Moore and Macklemore's mackerel moor.

360
00:15:31.760 --> 00:15:33.600
You enjoy your time on that.

361
00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.780
With that we say thank you to Chris Joel.

362
00:15:35.780 --> 00:15:36.560
Woohoo!

363
00:15:36.560 --> 00:15:37.520
Gary Brannan.

364
00:15:37.940 --> 00:15:38.480
Matt Gray.

365
00:15:38.480 --> 00:15:38.980
Bye!

366
00:15:38.980 --> 00:15:40.840
I've been Tom Scott, we'll see you next time.

367
00:15:42.340 --> 00:15:44.800
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