WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en-GB 1 00:00:00.440 --> 00:00:06.680 So you can teleport. Congratulations. Welcome to the club. You are a superhero. But superheroes 2 00:00:06.680 --> 00:00:13.459 are boring: they just go and save a few lives. You can do so much better than that. Here 3 00:00:13.459 --> 00:00:19.290 is how to take over the world. 4 00:00:19.290 --> 00:00:22.990 Let's get the problems out of the way first. Hopefully your teleportation is relative to 5 00:00:22.990 --> 00:00:27.550 Earth, because Earth is moving at about 30 clicks a second around the sun, and about 6 00:00:27.550 --> 00:00:32.180 ten times that relative to the cosmic microwave background, which is the closest thing we've 7 00:00:32.180 --> 00:00:33.350 got to a reference frame. 8 00:00:33.350 --> 00:00:37.550 If you're not relative to Earth, then you haven't so much learned to teleport as you 9 00:00:37.550 --> 00:00:41.019 have learned to disappear into deep space never to be seen again. 10 00:00:41.019 --> 00:00:43.230 << I'm... I'm over here. 11 00:00:43.230 --> 00:00:49.329 There we go. Your second problem: different parts of the Earth's surface move at different 12 00:00:49.329 --> 00:00:53.499 speeds. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it's kind of like a record. The bits at 13 00:00:53.499 --> 00:00:58.749 the poles barely move at all in one day, but the bits at the equator have so much further 14 00:00:58.749 --> 00:01:03.369 to travel. Which means that if you teleport from, say, one city block to another -- 15 00:01:03.369 --> 00:01:10.320 -- then you're going to be fine. But New York to DC? You will hit the wall at 20mph. Poles 16 00:01:10.320 --> 00:01:16.500 to the equator? You will be a red smear on the wall at 1,000mph. I mean, it doesn't take 17 00:01:16.500 --> 00:01:21.380 much energy to compensate for that, about 7000J, which you can get from a sip of cola. 18 00:01:21.380 --> 00:01:22.840 But - be aware of it. 19 00:01:22.840 --> 00:01:27.910 Also, try not to appear upside-down when you're going to Australia. 20 00:01:27.910 --> 00:01:32.700 Steven Gould's Jumper series does a good job of working with the physics of that and seeing 21 00:01:32.700 --> 00:01:35.340 what it'd be like for someone who can control momentum. 22 00:01:35.340 --> 00:01:39.670 But comic-book superheroes? They don't worry about that at all. They can teleport all the 23 00:01:39.670 --> 00:01:44.420 way into space despite the fact that the energy required to get that far out of a gravity 24 00:01:44.420 --> 00:01:48.310 well is more calories than they you could take in in a week. And they can jump straight 25 00:01:48.310 --> 00:01:51.920 back down, despite the fact that the waste heat they should generate should cook them 26 00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:55.640 from the inside. They don't worry about that. 27 00:01:55.640 --> 00:02:01.280 They are violating the laws of thermodynamics and, if you can do that, oh, then you can 28 00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:02.980 take over the world. 29 00:02:02.980 --> 00:02:07.450 If you're evil, never mind bank robberies or kidnapping the president. Just get something 30 00:02:07.450 --> 00:02:08.090 big and heavy -- 31 00:02:08.090 --> 00:02:10.280 -- teleport somewhere high -- 32 00:02:10.280 --> 00:02:17.800 -- give it and yourself a few hundred miles an hour downwards. Then let it go, and teleport 33 00:02:17.800 --> 00:02:18.190 away. 34 00:02:18.190 --> 00:02:20.530 [DISTANT EXPLOSION] They'll... they'll be fine. 35 00:02:20.530 --> 00:02:25.010 You've just created an artificial asteroid strike. Or, heck, use something really big 36 00:02:25.010 --> 00:02:29.480 and dense, you've basically got the equivalent of a tactical nuclear bomb only without all 37 00:02:29.480 --> 00:02:31.470 that nasty radiation and fallout. 38 00:02:31.470 --> 00:02:36.060 Heck, you could threaten to 'port to the asteroid belt -- you've got power over momentum -- and 39 00:02:36.060 --> 00:02:40.530 push a rock towards Earth. That should net you a few billion dollars. 40 00:02:40.530 --> 00:02:43.440 Or if you're good? Ah, there's a much better idea. 41 00:02:43.440 --> 00:02:45.250 Find something big, heavy and magnetic >> 42 00:02:45.250 --> 00:02:51.350 -- something like this, but bigger. Get up high and drop it through a massive coil of 43 00:02:51.350 --> 00:02:55.110 wire. You're generating free electricity. Or better yet, if you're one of those people 44 00:02:55.110 --> 00:02:58.490 who can create portals in mid-air -- 45 00:02:58.490 --> 00:03:01.650 like that -- much better thing you can do. 46 00:03:01.650 --> 00:03:09.260 Get your something big and heavy and magnetic, create an infinite loop... 47 00:03:09.260 --> 00:03:14.080 There we go. Put a coil around that, infinite free energy generation. That ought to save 48 00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:15.650 a few million lives. 49 00:03:15.650 --> 00:03:20.740 Or better yet, jump to orbit, make the cost of putting something into space nothing more 50 00:03:20.740 --> 00:03:25.930 than your time. Or jump to Mars, with some colonists and some equipment. You could kickstart 51 00:03:25.930 --> 00:03:28.950 the colonisation of the solar system. 52 00:03:28.950 --> 00:03:35.840 Or: you could do what every other superhero does, and fight crime in one city in one country 53 00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:40.739 on one planet. Superheroes have no imagination. 54 00:03:42.280 --> 00:03:44.280 [Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]