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This is the Technical Difficulties,
we're playing Citation Needed.

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Joining me in the studio today: he reads books you know, it's Chris Joel!

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Spoken suggesters of salacious superlative are we.

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You got an S!

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Yes!

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Everybody's favorite Gary Brannan: Gary Brannan!

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And now on Radio 3:
Flatulence from the Royal Albert Hall.

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And the bounciest man on the internet: Matt Gray!

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Hello YouTube!

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In front of me I have an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.

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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING]

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And there's a special prize for particularly good answers which is...

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And today we are talking about Sidney Abram Weltmer.

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Oooh!

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If he didn't win a sporting event or invent some kind of metalworking process,

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then quite frankly, I am out of here.

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Right, so that's two things narrowed there.

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Neither of those!

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See, the thing is, you do the walk off and then you either have to commit to it,

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or you have to do the
awkward walk back that you just did.

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Oh, it's always the awkward walk back.

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It's the 'teacher walking to the dance floor at the school disco' walk, is how I like to call it.

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Yes. Yup.

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Sidney Abram Weltmer.

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He did invent something. I will actually give you a point. [DING]

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Thank you.

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He has invented something. It's not a steelworking process.

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It's not even vaguely engineering. But it is a ridiculous invention.

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Is it an American person?

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Er... yes. Wooster, Ohio. Have a point. [DING]

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Cat-powered glider.

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I'm still going to count that as being under engineering.

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[Laughter]
That's us done for the day.

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I would like to *see* a cat powered glider, but...

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Mraaaaow!

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Cat-powered, that's — a glider, not exactly powered.

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There's a logical fallacy in there. You can't have a powered glider.

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Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.

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Sorry. I love the fact we're all glossing over the cat part,

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we're all just quibbling with 'powered glider'.

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For all the power that a cat is going to supply, it is a glider.

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Despite having an ostensible power source.

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They'll just be stood at the back, looking disinterested.

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Also: always going to land the right way down.

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Sidney Abram Weltmer.

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Was it something literary that they came up with?

47
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No, no.

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1858 – 1930.

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He came up with the 'Weltmer Method', otherwise known as 'Weltmerism'.

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Oh. Is it... I was going to say farming, but that sounds more like religion.

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Oh. You're closer with religion, but not that close. Certainly something...

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Schooling.

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A way of timing downhill skiing.

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[Laughter]
That's us done for the day.

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[Laughter]
The Weltmer Method!

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— Exactly.
— Yeah.

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One one thousand!

58
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[Sesame Street 'Count' voice]
Two one thousand!

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Brick wall! Boomf!

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Is it... the one that begins with an H, I don't remember what it's called?

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Is it about measuring ghosts?

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Oh, hololistic... holololistic...

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Moloholololololomystic methods?

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Harmystic legison, there?

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Holololo... solo... syllogistic...

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If anyone can actually get the words out, they'll get...

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Holistic medicine!

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...I'll give you a point for it.

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No, give it to him, he thought of it.

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[DING]

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That's the one with the really diluted stuff.

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Holistic medicine.

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No, you're thinking homeop...

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— Homeopathy.
— Oh, homeopaths.

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It's not homeopathy.
It's something a little bit weirder than even that.

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Something that you do as a programme, or in a belief sense.

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You believe you're better, so you are better.

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Ooh. I'm going to give Matt the point for that, clearly. [DING]

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It's a placebo effect?

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It's suggestions and hypnosis.

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He called it 'magnetic healing'.

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Ohhh! As opposed to Marvin Gaye's 'Sexual Healing'.
[Laughter]

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So he provided classes in magnetic healing.

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I don't think it actually had anything to do with magnets. I mean...

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Well, you can have him on one point then, can't you.
[Laughter]

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No, it was all to do with charisma.

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Well, I think — yes, in the sense of 'magnetic personality'.

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Klonk!
[Laughter]

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Yeah. Rather than a sense of...

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[Grunts]

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My ferric shoulder, apparently.

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Matt Gray's ferric shoulder.

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But this was 'magnetic' in the sense of charisma.

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It was clairvoyance and hypnotic suggestion.

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So someone schmoozes you better, effectively?

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Essentially, yeah.

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It's Derek ****ing Acorah, isn't it?

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It is a little bit Derek Acorah, yeah.
Derek Acorah doesn't heal people.

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Nor did this bloke.

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For those of you in the 'abroads' parts of the world, Derek Acorah's professional title is

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[Music]
' — BISCUITS! (Oh yeah!)'

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Erm...

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Tom, just bleep the whole thing out. That's what you're going to do.

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[Laughter]
Just have...

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The technical term for Derek Acorah is this:

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You'll get that in due course, gentlemen.

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Yes, that's about right.

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He founded the Institute of Suggestive Therapeutics.

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That's brilliant!

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Eh? Eh? Know what I mean?

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The Institute of Made-Up Things!

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Yeah, essentially, yes.

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Well, suggestion in the sense that he would suggest to you.

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And what was he trying to cure?

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Hysteria.

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Gonna say, some kind of mental health condition.

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Broken toes.

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We're talking late 19th-century quackery, aren't we really?

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A little bit, yeah. Tobacco addiction.

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So he was kind of doing hypnotherapy for...

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— That was a thing back then?
— That was...

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Because I thought of that, but then I thought that was too far ago for people to even notice.

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So effectively, people were paying to come to his office while he's sat there,

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in his nicest suit and his most leatherbound of chairs,

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and just kind of go, 'You don't really want fags, do you?'

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— 'Stop smoking!'
— Yeah.

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'You don't really fancy one now.'

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'How are you feeling?'
'Won't like a fag.'

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'Come back, give me a tenner next time.'

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Yeah.

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Suggestive, though, isn't it like:

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'Have you tried, you know...? Not? Not being addicted?'

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There were physical ailments in there as well.

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Nowadays we've got a little thing you go [puff] for, but in those days...

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— Asthma?
— Asthma?

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Yep. Point. [DING]

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'Have you tried breathing properly?'

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That's pretty much what it was.

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'You sound like you're breathing fine to me, I have to say.'

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A ten-day course cost a hundred dollars,

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which doesn't sound like much until you realize this was 1897.

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What's that now?

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A simple calculation is about three thousand dollars for a course there, in modern money...

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that would tell you to cure your asthma by thinking about it.

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Well, not bad. If someone were to pay me three grand for telling you you're fine, I can do that as well!

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I'd say postal order, or white fivers in non-sequential numbereds.

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Erm... there is also a large section here on Controversy.

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— Oh, really?
— Yes.

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I can't believe that.

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Some preachers and doctors were not convinced...

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'Some preachers' — oh God.

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...of the validity of his methods.

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But some were cool with it, and were getting a cut as well, no doubt.

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Was his retort, 'Have you tried thinking that you *are* fine with me doing this?'

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Yeah!
[Laughter]

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What did the U.S. Postmaster General do?

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Punched him in the nuts.
[Laughter]

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'Go on, pretend *this*!' Boosh!

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'Hoooh!'

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'Go on, think yourself better off that!'
'Urghhh!'

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...as he's dry-heaving on the floor.

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'Liar!' he cried, as he emptied letters all over him.

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He did cry 'Liar', I'll give you a point for that.

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Spit take!

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He did cry 'Liar', I'll give you a point for that [DING],

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amidst the nut-hittery that was in there.

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What can the Postmaster General do, though?

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Fly.

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[Laughter]
That's us done for the day.

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What *options* does the Postmaster General have?

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— Nuclear.
— First or second class.

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Ha!

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Signed for!

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Signed for: nut kick!

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[Laughter]
That's us done for the day.

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'I'm not signing that!'

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'Well, I can deliver it to next door.'
'Go ahead.'

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'We tried to deliver: A NUT KICK today.'

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'When would you like us to redeliver?'

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'Return to sender.'

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It's one of the few times where the mail service will be delivering *to* a package.

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ALL: Wahey!

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You're on form today!

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Yaay!

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This joke sponsored by Radio 4.

186
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Postmaster General...

187
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They called him a liar.

188
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Yes. Called him a fraud and therefore...?

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Er... well, took his inhaler.

190
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Refused to deliver.

191
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Which the Postmaster General could do.

192
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Really!

193
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'I'm sorry, you're talking ****, I'm not going to deliver anything to you.'

194
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— 'I'm not delivering your letters.'
— Yeah.

195
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The U.S. Supreme Court eventually decided in Weltmer's favour,

196
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and the Postmaster General was forced to continue delivering.

197
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Himself.

198
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But it went to the U.S. Supreme Court.

199
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Royal Mail can't do that.

200
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No, Royal Mail have to continue delivering.

201
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What if the Queen — it is her mail service...

202
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What if she decides a guy's a bit of a ****?

203
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[Queen voice]  'I don't want him to get letters, he has to go to the depot.'

204
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Isn't that basically what Prince Charles does these days?

205
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— What, go to the depot and fetch letters for his Mum?
— Yeah, I reckon.

206
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No, sorry — meddles in things, and goes, 'No.'

207
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Well, he tries to and they ignore him.

208
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Yes.

209
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Going down to the depot:
'She's got a bloody Amazon package again!'

210
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'The entirety of Game of Thrones! She's been on her own one for sixty years!'

211
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...he quips, and nobody laughs at him.

212
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'The thing is, they left a card saying nobody was in!'

213
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'We have over three hundred members of staff!'

214
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'Who was not at the door when they knocked!'

215
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'I don't believe they did!'

216
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No, the delivery person got to the front gate, and there's just a guy in a hat, stood still.

217
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'Could you sign...? Sorry, could you sign for this, please?'

218
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'...could... could you sign...'

219
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Just writes 'hand delivered' on it and sticks it in his hat.

220
00:08:49.940 --> 00:08:52.660
Just poking out of Marge Simpson's hair.

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— Oh ****!
— What?

222
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I didn't hit Record.

223
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Mail was restored. The U.S. Supreme Court decided in his favour.

224
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But it did make it all the way to the Supreme Court.

225
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There was also a case brought before the Supreme Court of Missouri,

226
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against the Reverend M. Bishop, for libel.

227
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And frankly, 'Reverend Bishop' is a pretty good name.

228
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You want him to keep going up the clerical scale.

229
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Because if you don't get Archbishop Bishop...

230
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Diagonally up.

231
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— Yeah, diagonally.
— Ha-hey!

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Why was there a libel case against Reverend Bishop?

233
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What did he call Weltmer?

234
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A nobber.

235
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That's — no, in U.S. law, that's opinion, and that's fine.

236
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— Oh, okay.
— Really!

237
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Yeah. U.S. libel law...

238
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Hello, Acorah?

239
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Yeah. No, U.S. libel law is much less strict than the U.K.'s.

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Opinion is justified in the First Amendment.

241
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In my opinion, Derek Acorah is a ****.

242
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That's fine.

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Actually, genuine exemption under U.K. libel law for vulgar abuse.

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**** **** ****!
[Laughter]

245
00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:03.200
Those are his middle names.

246
00:10:04.040 --> 00:10:06.120
Ah! That's a statement of fact.

247
00:10:06.420 --> 00:10:07.680
Oho!

248
00:10:07.960 --> 00:10:11.380
Anyway — what did Bishop call Weltmer?

249
00:10:11.940 --> 00:10:13.300
A ****bag.

250
00:10:13.620 --> 00:10:14.820
Opinion.

251
00:10:16.280 --> 00:10:17.560
A factual ****bag.

252
00:10:18.140 --> 00:10:18.640
A liar.

253
00:10:18.640 --> 00:00:35.380
Yeah, I'll give you the point. [DING]
'Miserable charlatan'.

254
00:00:35.380 --> 00:00:36.720
Oooh!

255
00:10:22.240 --> 00:01:24.280
You see, 'a charlatan', he could take. But actually he was a fellow full of joie de vivre.

331
00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:25.260
[Laughter]
That's us done for the day.

257
00:10:25.400 --> 00:10:26.700
[Laughter]
He wasn't going to stand for that!

258
00:10:26.700 --> 00:10:30.000
'What! I throw the very best of parties.
I just don't understand!'

259
00:10:30.000 --> 00:10:31.800
'I'm not having "miserable"!'

260
00:10:31.800 --> 00:10:33.520
'My magnetic personality!'

261
00:10:33.520 --> 00:10:36.840
'I *tell* everyone I throw the very best of parties and they seem to believe me.'

262
00:10:37.540 --> 00:10:41.300
The Institute, though, treated a huge number of people.

263
00:10:41.300 --> 00:10:44.420
At its height, how many people a day went through its doors,

264
00:10:44.420 --> 00:10:47.960
paying about a hundred 1895 dollars each?

265
00:10:47.960 --> 00:02:21.740
It's going to be a high number if you're asking us to guess it.

266
00:02:21.740 --> 00:10:51.840
— Yeah.
— How many people a day?

267
00:10:51.840 --> 00:10:53.380
How many people a day went through, paying...

268
00:10:53.380 --> 00:10:54.920
Couple of hundred?

269
00:10:55.860 --> 00:10:56.620
Twenty.

270
00:10:56.620 --> 00:10:59.480
I was going to ballpark somewhere around Gary, so...

271
00:10:59.480 --> 00:11:02.860
Yeah. Four hundred. [DING]
About four hundred a day,

272
00:11:02.940 --> 00:11:05.740
paying what is now about three grand each.

273
00:11:05.900 --> 00:11:07.740
So it wasn't just him, then?

274
00:11:07.740 --> 00:11:12.900
It wasn't just him. Seventeen healers, a hundred stenographers and typists to process mail.

275
00:11:12.900 --> 00:11:15.060
This was a big institute.

276
00:11:15.060 --> 00:11:16.740
This is bull**** on an industrial scale.

277
00:11:16.880 --> 00:11:18.160
Yeah, it really is.

278
00:11:18.160 --> 00:05:05.840
Just raking it in for going, 'Ah, you're fine.'

279
00:05:05.840 --> 00:05:06.340
Yeah.

280
00:11:21.340 --> 00:11:23.100
Right, chaps, we need to get in on this racket.

281
00:11:23.100 --> 00:11:26.760
Whoa, whoa. Engage the time machine, we'll make a mint.

282
00:11:27.340 --> 00:11:30.940
There is one practitioner here, J.O. Crone.

283
00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:32.880
— 'Genuine Old Crone'.
— Yep.

284
00:11:32.920 --> 00:11:35.880
Oh, no, it'd be G, wouldn't it. Ah, whatever.

285
00:11:35.880 --> 00:11:40.020
You're not going to get a more late 19th-century name than 'J.O. Crone', are you really?

286
00:11:40.180 --> 00:11:42.720
How much training did you get before...

287
00:11:42.720 --> 00:11:43.380
None!

288
00:11:43.400 --> 00:11:45.480
Yes, absolutely right. [DING]

289
00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:48.100
He wrote of his first hypnosis, of a woman patient:

290
00:11:48.100 --> 00:11:50.600
'...this was my first attempt to hypnotize a patient.'

291
00:11:50.600 --> 00:11:54.900
Can you imagine busking, trying to get someone to be hypnotized?

292
00:11:54.900 --> 00:11:58.240
And just viciously making it up at that point in time.

293
00:11:58.380 --> 00:12:02.940
'So just, er, lie down... close your eyes...?
That working for you?'

294
00:12:02.940 --> 00:12:06.160
'Yes! It is, isn't it? Oooh, you're feeling sleepy!'

295
00:12:06.160 --> 00:12:10.620
Well, there will be placebo effect, people who want to play along...  it may still have worked.

296
00:12:10.620 --> 00:12:13.340
Particularly if she'd been there before a couple of times,

297
00:12:13.340 --> 00:12:18.020
and knew the procedure. She might have walked out of there *feeling* better.

298
00:12:18.020 --> 00:12:22.680
One of the people he hired, of course, had the Vicious Punching Method of getting people to be hypnotized.

299
00:12:23.640 --> 00:12:26.280
'Go! To! Sleep!'

300
00:12:26.280 --> 00:12:30.000
'Well, me asthma's gone, but me eye really aches.'
[Laughter]

301
00:12:30.340 --> 00:12:33.540
There was also a book.
There was of course a book.

302
00:12:33.540 --> 00:12:35.520
What do you reckon it was about?

303
00:12:35.520 --> 00:12:37.200
'I Can Bull**** You Better.'

304
00:12:37.200 --> 00:12:41.560
No, you see, it wasn't on the side of 'this is how to heal someone'...

305
00:12:41.720 --> 00:12:42.600
Accounting?

306
00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:43.960
Oh, did you do it as a correspondence course?

307
00:12:43.960 --> 00:12:48.600
No, Matt, I'm going to give you a point again. [DING]
'How to make magnetic healing pay'.

308
00:12:49.500 --> 00:12:53.500
He's not even making it out that it's actually useful, is he?

309
00:12:53.500 --> 00:12:56.860
He's just about 'Me And My Money: How I Got Your Cash'.

310
00:12:57.660 --> 00:13:01.080
'...a thorough knowledge of Magnetic Healing alone will not bring success...'

311
00:13:01.080 --> 00:13:03.620
'...a knowledge of the business side [...] is necessary as well.'

312
00:13:03.620 --> 00:13:05.580
It was a get-rich-quick scheme.

313
00:13:05.580 --> 00:13:07.740
I should point out here: you can't libel the dead.

314
00:13:07.740 --> 00:13:09.660
And he's definitely dead.

315
00:13:09.660 --> 00:13:12.360
So I'm going to describe that as a get-rich-quick scheme.

316
00:13:12.360 --> 00:13:14.640
As you can't libel the dead: ******.

317
00:13:16.280 --> 00:13:18.580
Again: opinion.

318
00:13:18.860 --> 00:13:22.160
Well, on that opinion, congratulations Matt.

319
00:13:22.160 --> 00:13:24.300
You win this week's show, quite clearly.

320
00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:28.640
Congratulations — you win tiny deep-fried mashed potato balls,

321
00:13:28.640 --> 00:13:32.280
presented by an American folk hero every day for a week.

322
00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:34.240
No!

323
00:13:34.900 --> 00:13:36.020
Gno...cchi...?

324
00:13:36.620 --> 00:13:37.420
No, go on...

325
00:13:37.420 --> 00:13:40.000
They are Davy Crockett's dainty croquettes daily.

326
00:13:40.060 --> 00:13:41.560
— Ughh!
— Heyy!

327
00:13:41.560 --> 00:13:43.800
With that, we say thank you to Chris Joel!

328
00:13:43.800 --> 00:13:45.260
Matt Gray!

329
00:13:45.260 --> 00:13:46.080
Gary Brannan!

330
00:13:46.080 --> 00:01:24.280
I've been Tom Scott. We'll see you next time.

331
00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:25.260
[Laughter]
That's us done for the day.

332
00:13:56.880 --> 00:13:58.000
All: Oooh!

333
00:13:58.080 --> 00:13:59.840
That is my rank in the army.

334
00:13:59.840 --> 00:14:01.380
[Laughter]
Have a point. [DING]

335
00:14:01.580 --> 00:14:04.060
Sergeant Major — Sergeant Reckless!

336
00:14:04.540 --> 00:14:06.460
— You get a point for...
— Yay!

337
00:14:06.460 --> 00:14:09.080
...for successfully saying this is something or someone.

338
00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:11.680
Right, that's the end, we can go home.

339
00:14:11.680 --> 00:14:13.360
Personal b...
Right, see you, everybody.

340
00:14:17.100 --> 00:14:18.300
Will you both...!

341
00:14:18.700 --> 00:14:20.700
[Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]