WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 1 00:00:01.120 --> 00:00:03.640 This is the Technical Difficulties, we are playing Citation Needed 2 00:00:03.640 --> 00:00:05.840 Joining me today: he reads books you know, it's Chris Joel! 3 00:00:05.840 --> 00:00:10.240 Variously verbally, vociferous, verbose, violent, and venile are we. 4 00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:14.500 You're doing a different letter each show? 5 00:00:14.500 --> 00:00:18.780 I have up to now, I'm going to have to think up some kind of crazy third letter now, but... 6 00:00:18.900 --> 00:00:20.280 The bounciest man on the internet: Matt Gray! 7 00:00:20.280 --> 00:00:21.240 Hello Youtube! 8 00:00:21.240 --> 00:00:22.900 And everybody's favourite Gary Brannan - Gary Brannan! 9 00:00:23.240 --> 00:00:24.900 Join me in my balloon to the moon! 10 00:00:25.780 --> 00:00:26.540 I... I... 11 00:00:26.560 --> 00:00:27.920 Is that a euphemism? 12 00:00:27.940 --> 00:00:31.840 I'm not sure if I want to do that or not. On the plus side, it's a balloon to the moon 13 00:00:32.200 --> 00:00:34.600 On the other hand, it's Gary's balloon to the moon 14 00:00:35.760 --> 00:00:37.100 Do you have respiratory equipment? 15 00:00:37.100 --> 00:00:38.840 Gas in it, in't there? 16 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:40.840 There will be with you in there! 17 00:00:42.180 --> 00:00:44.200 "There's gas in it, in't there"! 18 00:00:44.700 --> 00:00:48.480 In front of me I have an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it. 19 00:00:48.800 --> 00:00:51.100 Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [ding] 20 00:00:51.100 --> 00:00:53.480 and there's a special prize for particularly good answers which is 21 00:00:56.680 --> 00:00:59.560 And today we are talking about the boobrie. 22 00:01:00.400 --> 00:01:01.640 It's a bird. 23 00:01:01.720 --> 00:01:02.900 Oh, yes! Point! [ding] 24 00:01:04.740 --> 00:01:06.660 Cut, print, done! 25 00:01:06.960 --> 00:01:10.580 And as the bullet of mirth headed for the tit-shaped gagfest... 26 00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:13.320 Where's the hyphen in that?! 27 00:01:13.860 --> 00:01:17.620 I'm trying to diagram the sentence and it's not happening 28 00:01:18.240 --> 00:01:20.680 Anywhere you could put a hyphen changes the... 29 00:01:21.520 --> 00:01:22.460 Is it an Australian bird? 30 00:01:22.620 --> 00:01:28.300 No, it's not. You're in pretty much the exact opposite around the Earth 31 00:01:28.800 --> 00:01:31.080 -- Norwegian! -- Not... not, uh, about... 32 00:01:31.080 --> 00:01:33.040 -- Canadian! -- West Coast of Scotland. 33 00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:34.960 You're right, it's a bird... sort of 34 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:37.440 It can also appear in other forms 35 00:01:37.780 --> 00:01:39.380 -- Is it a fish? -- No. 36 00:01:39.380 --> 00:01:41.000 In the same way that a duck is a fish? 37 00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:41.960 A wee mythical beastie! 38 00:01:41.960 --> 00:01:42.840 Oh, it is, have a point. [ding] 39 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:44.300 A shape-shifting-ma-thing 40 00:01:44.300 --> 00:01:45.840 -- I was going to say -- You know what... 41 00:01:48.520 --> 00:01:50.000 Well this is a quick one isn't it? 42 00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:51.740 Instant points. Instant biscuits. 43 00:01:51.740 --> 00:01:54.360 Do I get a point for mentioning Kelpies and Selkies? 44 00:01:54.360 --> 00:01:55.000 Oooh 45 00:01:55.000 --> 00:01:57.160 Other shape-shifting Scottish beasties 46 00:01:57.160 --> 00:01:58.760 Yes, you can have a point for that as well [ding] 47 00:01:58.760 --> 00:01:59.960 Do you want to talk about the Kelpies? 48 00:01:59.960 --> 00:02:02.840 Err. I can't remember which way round a Kelpie and a Selkie is 49 00:02:02.880 --> 00:02:07.620 it's a thing that looks like a seal that transforms into a people on land or something like that 50 00:02:07.620 --> 00:02:10.300 -- or shape shifts -- Shape shifting water spirit. 51 00:02:10.300 --> 00:02:12.360 -- Can you get a selkie stick? -- Ugh! 52 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:16.780 A thing that changes from a seal to a person, while walking out of the sea? 53 00:02:16.780 --> 00:02:19.580 That's just a very unobservant person on land, isn't it? 54 00:02:19.580 --> 00:02:22.300 Well, yes! That's how shape-shifting myths happen. 55 00:02:22.300 --> 00:02:26.160 They've looked away, they've looked back, there's a man. And at no point have they gone 56 00:02:26.320 --> 00:02:28.020 "'the two of these aren't related". 57 00:02:28.020 --> 00:02:29.460 They've gone- 58 00:02:29.460 --> 00:02:30.880 "Hoots mon!" 59 00:02:30.880 --> 00:02:34.260 Ideally held up the bottle they had in their hand, rubbed their eyes, 60 00:02:34.260 --> 00:02:37.000 stared at the bottle, shook their head, and put it back down again 61 00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:40.160 And then debated whether it can be deep-fried and whether it'd taste good with Irn-Bru. 62 00:02:40.160 --> 00:02:42.920 The reason I said sort of earlier on, as it may appear in other forms 63 00:02:42.920 --> 00:02:45.580 because it's a shape-shifting entity 64 00:02:45.580 --> 00:02:46.780 "It's just a thing!" 65 00:02:46.780 --> 00:02:47.820 Bullsh*t! 66 00:02:47.820 --> 00:02:50.540 Ah, water -- have a point, water-bull! [ding] 67 00:02:50.540 --> 00:02:51.900 -- What?! -- Water bull. 68 00:02:51.900 --> 00:02:54.720 A water bull, what's a water bull? 69 00:02:54.720 --> 00:02:57.620 It's another mythological Scottish creature 70 00:02:57.620 --> 00:02:59.280 Shape-shifts! 71 00:02:59.280 --> 00:03:01.700 So it shape-shifts into another made-up thing? 72 00:03:02.200 --> 00:03:03.240 Yeah, yeah 73 00:03:04.780 --> 00:03:08.520 Couldn't it be more inventive and shape-shift into something that isn't a shape-shifter? 74 00:03:09.060 --> 00:03:12.720 The water bull is said to reproduce with standard cattle, how can you tell what's happened? 75 00:03:12.720 --> 00:03:14.860 Is there a puddle of water underneath? 76 00:03:14.860 --> 00:03:15.880 Size of their ears. 77 00:03:15.880 --> 00:03:18.120 Of course there is, naturally it's the ears. 78 00:03:18.120 --> 00:03:22.600 Yes, the water bull has big ears, not flippers, not a fin, not anything like that 79 00:03:22.600 --> 00:03:25.100 -- It's not that someone got a cow and- -- Smaller ears. 80 00:03:25.100 --> 00:03:27.820 threw it off a dock, into the... a harbour. 81 00:03:27.820 --> 00:03:29.660 -- Can I ask a question? -- Yes. 82 00:03:29.660 --> 00:03:31.760 Are there "major issues" with this article? 83 00:03:31.760 --> 00:03:32.980 No, none at all! 84 00:03:32.980 --> 00:03:34.800 -- Are there any references? -- Perfectly cited! 85 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:36.560 Well it's obviously true then(!) 86 00:03:36.560 --> 00:03:39.840 We've got a lot of good references here. A lot of mythological tales, 87 00:03:39.840 --> 00:03:42.080 particularly Gaelic ones have been very, very well studied 88 00:03:42.100 --> 00:03:44.060 So you have a trail of bollocks! 89 00:03:44.060 --> 00:03:45.540 Yes! Yes I do. 90 00:03:46.500 --> 00:03:49.360 Does anyone want to come up with an explanation of what it might be? 91 00:03:50.140 --> 00:03:54.360 It's fairly early on, here. You have a big bird that makes a bellowing sound 92 00:03:54.360 --> 00:03:56.820 that sounds like a bull. 93 00:03:56.820 --> 00:03:58.620 Is it a bittern? 94 00:03:58.620 --> 00:04:03.440 Not quite, it's extinct now, this goes back into mythological times. 95 00:04:03.440 --> 00:04:04.540 Dodo! 96 00:04:04.540 --> 00:04:05.600 Uh, no. 97 00:04:05.600 --> 00:04:07.460 Great bustard. 98 00:04:07.460 --> 00:04:09.400 You're in the right area, it's great something. 99 00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:10.560 That's what they went to school for, isn't it? 100 00:04:10.560 --> 00:04:13.720 Well I thought, boobrie, great bustard... 101 00:04:13.720 --> 00:04:15.280 Great auk. 102 00:04:15.280 --> 00:04:17.520 I was gonna say! F***'s sake! I had awk in my head! 103 00:04:17.520 --> 00:04:18.880 Why didn't you say it?! 104 00:04:18.880 --> 00:04:21.320 Because I thought it was like, Australian or something like that 105 00:04:21.320 --> 00:04:25.460 Nah, I just thought it wasn't a British bird basically, the awk. I didn't think it was... 106 00:04:25.460 --> 00:04:28.000 It isn't anymore because it went extinct halfway through the 19th century 107 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:29.780 -- Was it shot a lot then? -- Erm, the auk... 108 00:04:29.780 --> 00:04:31.980 It was probably delicious! 109 00:04:31.980 --> 00:04:33.980 That's why most things are extinct! 110 00:04:36.580 --> 00:04:38.100 "Aah, you should've seen this thing!" 111 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:39.640 An easy shot! 112 00:04:40.900 --> 00:04:45.360 The bird's down was in high demand in Europe, which largely eliminated the European populations 113 00:04:45.360 --> 00:04:46.960 by the mid-16th century 114 00:04:47.780 --> 00:04:50.940 It was a beneficiary of many early environmental laws... 115 00:04:50.940 --> 00:04:53.540 Yeah, but not enough, though, 'cos they killed them all! 116 00:04:53.960 --> 00:04:59.220 The 3rd of July, 1844, the last two confirmed specimens, off the coast of Iceland, 117 00:04:59.220 --> 00:05:00.040 what happened to them? 118 00:05:00.060 --> 00:05:01.280 -- Died. -- Yeah. [ding] 119 00:05:02.220 --> 00:05:04.020 In a freak parachuting attempt. 120 00:05:04.020 --> 00:05:07.540 Yeah. It does say 'were killed' so basically some... 121 00:05:07.540 --> 00:05:09.660 "That's the last two there, I'm gonna have that." 122 00:05:09.660 --> 00:05:10.920 "They're mine." 123 00:05:10.920 --> 00:05:12.920 "My name's in books now!" 124 00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:15.560 That sounds like a case for Detective Inspector Bird! 125 00:05:15.960 --> 00:05:21.320 Cue title sequence. Bird in a little detective's hat... in the rain 126 00:05:21.320 --> 00:05:23.880 I just thought it would be that same Land Rover going down a dirt track 127 00:05:23.880 --> 00:05:24.780 that they've all got. 128 00:05:26.080 --> 00:05:28.660 I've just looked down this, on the Great Auk 129 00:05:28.660 --> 00:05:34.800 The last pair, found incubating an egg, were killed on 3rd of January, 1844 130 00:05:34.800 --> 00:05:39.260 on request from a merchant, and the people who killed them are named. 131 00:05:41.280 --> 00:05:45.940 Jón Brandsson, Sigurður Ísleifsson, I'm probably mispronouncing the surname there, 132 00:05:45.940 --> 00:05:48.360 -- strangling the adults. -- Woah! That's cold. 133 00:05:48.360 --> 00:05:52.660 Woah. If you're gonna kill the last two of a species do it with your bare hands! 134 00:05:52.660 --> 00:05:55.200 It gets colder, it gets colder. And Ketill Ketilsson... 135 00:05:56.600 --> 00:05:58.540 -- Did he kettle them? --- So Ketill, son of Ketill? 136 00:05:58.540 --> 00:06:00.220 Yup, Ketill, son of Ketill 137 00:06:00.220 --> 00:06:01.900 Are we sure this was a man and not an implement? 138 00:06:01.900 --> 00:06:04.300 Don't forget, they're incubating an egg, what did he do? 139 00:06:04.300 --> 00:06:05.720 Boiled it and ate it. 140 00:06:05.720 --> 00:06:07.240 Smashed it. Just smashed it. 141 00:06:07.240 --> 00:06:09.420 Oh, what a cock! He didn't even get a delicious meal out of it. 142 00:06:10.160 --> 00:06:10.920 Um, we- 143 00:06:10.920 --> 00:06:13.180 Because they came alone with no "soldiers". 144 00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:22.360 Literally it was as cold as that. They got interviewed later and just said: 145 00:06:22.360 --> 00:06:26.100 "I took him by the neck. He flapped his wings. He made no cry and I strangled him." 146 00:06:28.280 --> 00:06:32.480 As you looked into that bird's cold eyes, and just went: "shhh." 147 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:34.700 "This is the last member of this species!" 148 00:06:36.660 --> 00:06:38.860 You do wonder with it being a merchant, it's like: 149 00:06:38.860 --> 00:06:42.340 "I want the last immaculate skin", which is why they didn't shoot it or something 150 00:06:42.340 --> 00:06:44.520 Yes, that's why they weren't shooting it. 151 00:06:44.520 --> 00:06:45.980 They wanted the skins. 152 00:06:45.980 --> 00:06:50.120 But that was the bird that they thought might be causing the sightings of the boobrie 153 00:06:50.120 --> 00:06:51.820 What does it normally prey on? 154 00:06:51.820 --> 00:06:52.920 Small, little cushions. 155 00:06:52.920 --> 00:06:54.600 Small, little cushions? 156 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:56.600 Pray! Ohh... 157 00:06:58.740 --> 00:07:00.260 Oh wow, that's... 158 00:07:00.260 --> 00:07:01.300 No! Fear! 159 00:07:01.960 --> 00:07:02.960 Preys on fear? 160 00:07:02.960 --> 00:07:04.640 Ah, animals on ships. 161 00:07:04.640 --> 00:07:06.160 Entire boats, this thing eats? 162 00:07:06.160 --> 00:07:10.720 No, it just sneaks along when you've got a boat that's transporting a lot of animals 163 00:07:11.460 --> 00:07:12.560 Takes one. 164 00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:13.420 The whole boat? 165 00:07:13.420 --> 00:07:15.160 No, the whole animal though. The whole animal 166 00:07:15.580 --> 00:07:16.200 How big is this thing? 167 00:07:16.200 --> 00:07:18.200 The great auk's about that big! 168 00:07:18.200 --> 00:07:21.700 Mythological creatures, weird sightings, you know, you'll get all sorts of... 169 00:07:21.700 --> 00:07:24.360 -- And in the days before glasses... -- Yes. 170 00:07:24.360 --> 00:07:26.600 Then it was blurry and that big! 171 00:07:27.220 --> 00:07:29.700 Can we rule out it wasn't one of these things that sank the Titanic? 172 00:07:29.700 --> 00:07:32.820 Yeah, I think we can rule-- it didn't shape shift into an iceberg. 173 00:07:32.820 --> 00:07:34.920 That's not listed anywhere in here. 174 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:39.520 No great auk's ever been found with red paint smeared ominously on it. 175 00:07:39.520 --> 00:07:42.740 I wish-- what we need's a crash zoom into an auk, just... 176 00:07:44.260 --> 00:07:45.880 with the big red line down it's side! 177 00:07:47.540 --> 00:07:49.080 While it blinks once and smiles. 178 00:07:49.420 --> 00:07:51.880 They will also shelter on land in overgrown heather 179 00:07:51.880 --> 00:07:53.820 -- Who's she? -- There we go. Thank you! 180 00:07:53.820 --> 00:07:55.300 I set it up... 181 00:07:58.160 --> 00:08:01.840 The boobrie can also manifest itself into another form. A very creepy form. 182 00:08:01.840 --> 00:08:02.880 Paul Daniels. 183 00:08:05.320 --> 00:08:06.200 Lizard. 184 00:08:06.200 --> 00:08:07.160 Airships. 185 00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:08.700 They're not creepy! 186 00:08:08.700 --> 00:08:09.660 They are at night. 187 00:08:09.660 --> 00:08:14.340 That's true. That's true. Airships sneaking up on you in the middle of the night. 188 00:08:14.340 --> 00:08:16.520 When you're walking along. 189 00:08:16.520 --> 00:08:18.680 You just wake up and there's one in your face. 190 00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:20.640 You're telling me you wouldn't go... 191 00:08:21.420 --> 00:08:23.440 -- when you saw that? -- That's fair, that's fair 192 00:08:23.440 --> 00:08:25.480 Has it got a little face painted on the front of the airship? 193 00:08:25.480 --> 00:08:26.360 Yeah, 'course it has 194 00:08:26.360 --> 00:08:27.280 Just smiling unnervingly. 195 00:08:27.280 --> 00:08:29.700 Well it's smiling unnervingly, you look away, you turn back, it's frowning. 196 00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:34.720 You've written a Doctor Who plot there about airships. 197 00:08:34.720 --> 00:08:35.920 Moffat, it's yours. 198 00:08:37.420 --> 00:08:39.900 I mean, what, this is a litany of other things it could be. 199 00:08:39.900 --> 00:08:43.280 Well, no, different kingdom here. So not animalia. 200 00:08:43.280 --> 00:08:44.040 A rock! 201 00:08:44.040 --> 00:08:44.860 Is it a plant? 202 00:08:44.860 --> 00:08:46.020 I was going to say, is it a rock? 203 00:08:46.020 --> 00:08:46.980 An insect. 204 00:08:46.980 --> 00:08:48.180 Oh, piss off! 205 00:08:48.180 --> 00:08:52.860 A large insect that sucks the blood of horses, with tentacles and feelers. 206 00:08:52.860 --> 00:08:53.960 But only horses. 207 00:08:53.960 --> 00:08:55.700 Do insects have tentacles? 208 00:08:55.700 --> 00:08:56.840 No. 209 00:08:56.840 --> 00:09:00.100 Well, it's not even consistent, that's my bother with this. 210 00:09:00.100 --> 00:09:02.620 Most mythology isn't all that consistent, to be fair. 211 00:09:02.620 --> 00:09:05.040 Well, if you're gonna make something up, at least you make it up consistently 212 00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:09.200 At least my airship one was, you know, consistent with the flying, inanimate objects 213 00:09:11.320 --> 00:09:13.620 It's partially an insect, partially Saturn(!) 214 00:09:15.020 --> 00:09:16.220 And partially swamp gas. 215 00:09:17.920 --> 00:09:21.060 Of course it is. This is someone excusing their massive fart, isn't it? 216 00:09:22.880 --> 00:09:26.580 You are not getting away with calling what you did earlier "swamp gas", Gary. 217 00:09:26.580 --> 00:09:30.060 No. Oh, it was the boobrie everyone, that's what did it(!) 218 00:09:30.060 --> 00:09:34.140 There is an entire category here on Scottish legendary creatures. 219 00:09:34.900 --> 00:09:37.180 Right. For a political joke: 220 00:09:38.040 --> 00:09:39.480 the Conservative Party. 221 00:09:39.480 --> 00:09:40.520 There we go. 222 00:09:41.740 --> 00:09:45.380 What is it? More pandas in Edinburgh Zoo than there are Scottish Conservative MPs. 223 00:09:45.380 --> 00:09:47.100 Yeah, and they're both Tories! 224 00:09:47.100 --> 00:09:49.060 What? The pandas? 225 00:09:49.060 --> 00:09:50.240 Yeah! Viciously! 226 00:09:50.240 --> 00:09:53.920 "We've got a habitat. I don't see why any of those other pandas should." 227 00:09:53.920 --> 00:09:55.920 "We could let them in, but why should we?" 228 00:09:55.920 --> 00:09:57.560 Gets out the Telegraph and just goes... 229 00:09:59.180 --> 00:10:04.460 Pandas can be like embittered, late-40s Tories! They live together, they don't have sex, 230 00:10:04.460 --> 00:10:08.320 they don't fraternise with other kinds, they've got a very restrictive diet 231 00:10:08.320 --> 00:10:10.240 UK Independence Pandas. 232 00:10:12.040 --> 00:10:16.680 Someone I know has a big thing against pandas, right. And they have a very long list 233 00:10:16.680 --> 00:10:17.940 "F****ng kill 'em!" 234 00:10:17.940 --> 00:10:20.820 Yeah, basically, they don't need to survive anymore, 235 00:10:20.820 --> 00:10:25.300 they've bred themselves out of existence, so why are we bothering? 236 00:10:26.300 --> 00:10:31.400 Not actually a bad argument that one. Pandas are basically an evolutionary dead end at this point 237 00:10:31.400 --> 00:10:32.480 They failed Darwin's test 238 00:10:32.480 --> 00:10:37.040 But they weren't, and like a lot of species we came along and messed things up for them 239 00:10:37.040 --> 00:10:38.480 but, at this point... 240 00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:39.900 And they vote Tory(!) 241 00:10:39.900 --> 00:10:42.160 Yes. Fact. Fact. 242 00:10:42.160 --> 00:10:44.760 We've established this, that pandas are Conservatives. 243 00:10:45.660 --> 00:10:48.860 I'll tell you what, the best way to get a candidate to read your thoughts -- 244 00:10:48.860 --> 00:10:51.500 I can say this 'cause it will be after the election when this goes out 245 00:10:51.500 --> 00:10:54.540 If you spoil your ballot, if you put more than one cross in a box, 246 00:10:54.540 --> 00:11:00.560 every candidate has to stand around and look at that to agree that more than one cross is on that bit of paper 247 00:11:00.560 --> 00:11:02.900 I have literally been in that meeting. 248 00:11:02.900 --> 00:11:06.280 You have been there. If you put two crosses and write "you're all dicks" 249 00:11:06.280 --> 00:11:10.600 they all have to read that to make sure that you didn't put one preference more than the other 250 00:11:10.600 --> 00:11:12.180 and that is a genuinely spoilt ballot. 251 00:11:12.180 --> 00:11:16.640 So there you go, if you're gonna make a protest, call them all ****s and put two crosses in 252 00:11:16.640 --> 00:11:22.380 there's nothing better than seeing a row of electral candidates reading what people think about them 253 00:11:22.380 --> 00:11:26.160 as they all go "yes, yes, uh, and too, and my mum!" 254 00:11:26.180 --> 00:11:31.380 On that note, on that note. Congratulations Gary, you win this week's show 255 00:11:32.940 --> 00:11:35.220 The camera can't see you, you're in the darkness 256 00:11:35.220 --> 00:11:36.320 You're in the dark! 257 00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:39.880 Congratulations, you win leafy green vegetables from one of the fathers of computing 258 00:11:41.400 --> 00:11:42.560 Babbage's Cabbages. 259 00:11:44.240 --> 00:11:46.280 -- Thank you very much to Chris Joel -- Bye! 260 00:11:46.280 --> 00:11:47.100 Matt Gray! 261 00:11:47.900 --> 00:11:49.100 Gary Brannan! 262 00:11:49.560 --> 00:11:51.740 I've been Tom Scott, we'll see you next time! 263 00:11:54.380 --> 00:12:00.800 Subtitles by - Katy M [Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]