WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

1
00:00:01.360 --> 00:00:03.240
This is the Technical Difficulties,
we're playing Citation Needed.

2
00:00:03.240 --> 00:00:06.000
Joining me today: He reads books, you know — it's Chris Joel!

3
00:00:06.460 --> 00:00:09.620
Quarrelsome quislings questing quickly through quixotic questions are we.

4
00:00:09.940 --> 00:00:11.720
— Nice!
— Aaahh!

5
00:00:11.940 --> 00:00:14.320
Thank you, thank you.
That's why I was in the loo so long.

6
00:00:14.840 --> 00:00:16.400
Bounciest man on the internet — Matt Gray!

7
00:00:16.620 --> 00:00:17.740
Hello YouTube.

8
00:00:18.040 --> 00:00:19.840
And everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan!

9
00:00:20.180 --> 00:00:23.500
I rode the Queen Mary and came third in the derby!

10
00:00:24.180 --> 00:00:27.900
How many queens were alive at the time to be the Queens' Derby?

11
00:00:28.260 --> 00:00:30.280
'And up front it's Elizabeth! It's Elizabeth the First in the front!'

12
00:00:30.620 --> 00:00:34.160
In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia and these folks can't see it.

13
00:00:34.160 --> 00:00:36.840
Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING],

14
00:00:36.840 --> 00:00:39.520
and the special prize for particularly good answers which is...

15
00:00:40.920 --> 00:00:42.920
Oh! Sorry. Yes.

16
00:00:43.860 --> 00:00:45.520
Yeah. I've got a buzzer this time!

17
00:00:45.780 --> 00:00:46.820
How louche are you today?

18
00:00:46.820 --> 00:00:47.980
Oh, I do... so obliged, gentlemen.

19
00:00:47.980 --> 00:00:50.040
Can we just get you a cocktail glass while you do that?

20
00:00:50.260 --> 00:00:53.740
I usually am, it's just the different table setup. You don't see me so much, darling.

21
00:00:54.040 --> 00:00:58.200
Yeah. Can we make reference early on in the episode that we have moved from Matt Gray's kitchen...

22
00:00:58.400 --> 00:01:00.740
Today, we're live from SPACE!

23
00:01:01.940 --> 00:01:03.180
THE MOON!

24
00:01:03.360 --> 00:01:05.200
We need a greenscreen, guys. It's curtains.

25
00:01:05.440 --> 00:01:07.040
It's just the blackness!

26
00:01:07.620 --> 00:01:10.500
Today we are talking about the SS Bessemer.

27
00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:12.760
Is that to do with the smelting process?

28
00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:15.380
Now there's an intro to any kind of thing.

29
00:01:15.920 --> 00:01:17.200
Why would you say that?

30
00:01:17.440 --> 00:01:19.700
Because it's the Bessemer steel smelting process!

31
00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:21.680
You're gonna have a point. [DING]

126
00:01:21.780 --> 00:01:22.540
Whoa!

33
00:01:22.540 --> 00:01:24.940
Because it is named after and invented by...?

34
00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:25.760
Bessemer.

35
00:01:25.940 --> 00:01:27.320
Thank you.
[Laughter]

36
00:01:27.480 --> 00:01:30.100
Sorry — 'Named after and invented by?' 'S.S.'

37
00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:35.280
Sir Henry Bessemer, who... 
you were talking about steel there?

38
00:01:35.800 --> 00:01:37.480
Well, I'll defer to my...

39
00:01:37.480 --> 00:01:41.520
Sorry, before I go 'Right Honourable Member', you do realize this looks a lot like Question Time?

40
00:01:42.320 --> 00:01:47.040
I will defer to my honourable friend here, the member for Sheffield...

41
00:01:47.040 --> 00:01:48.800
The member for Rotherham.

42
00:01:49.160 --> 00:01:52.020
I don't know what you've heard! It's lies! All lies!

43
00:01:52.180 --> 00:01:52.820
Ha!

44
00:01:52.900 --> 00:01:55.500
— You just got 'Member for Sheffield' there, haven't you?
— Yeah.

45
00:01:56.960 --> 00:01:58.060
Steelmember!

46
00:01:58.960 --> 00:02:00.800
That's what they used to call me!

47
00:02:01.360 --> 00:02:03.740
Sounds like a South Yorkshire Bond film!

48
00:02:04.340 --> 00:02:07.520
ALL: 'Steelmember...' [Trumpet riff]

49
00:02:08.040 --> 00:02:10.680
'Bollocks! We're not using gold, it melts too easily!'

50
00:02:11.660 --> 00:02:13.320
'We'll go down there, get 'ot steel!'

51
00:02:14.300 --> 00:02:19.100
It's just a scrappie!
James Bond versus the local scrappie.

52
00:02:19.100 --> 00:02:22.380
Bond is strapped to a slab of old railway locomotive,

53
00:02:22.380 --> 00:02:26.560
while Steelmember comes up with a gas torch, and just very closely —

54
00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:28.900
'I'll get your nadgers in a minute if you don't give in!'

55
00:02:29.660 --> 00:02:34.700
I was imagining him on the windshield
of a smashed-up car.

56
00:02:35.700 --> 00:02:38.420
[Gas torch sound]
'Might take 'alf an hour but we're gonna get there!'

57
00:02:38.680 --> 00:02:40.460
'I'll turn t' wipers on!'

58
00:02:40.800 --> 00:02:42.240
Thump! Thump! Thump!

59
00:02:42.500 --> 00:02:43.580
'Oh! Oh! Oh!'

60
00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:45.840
[Sean Connery voice]
'Shtop it! That's enough!'

61
00:02:46.060 --> 00:02:49.680
[Sean Connery voice] 'I'm starting to quite enjoy thish. Does it have two shpeeds?'

62
00:02:51.540 --> 00:02:53.640
'No, Mister Bond. I expect you to f**k off!'

63
00:02:58.680 --> 00:02:59.880
A long time ago...

64
00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:02.920
...in a galaxy far, far away in Rotherham...

65
00:03:03.200 --> 00:03:04.420
Sir Henry Bessemer.

66
00:03:04.700 --> 00:03:05.580
I don't know.

67
00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:08.920
So is that the name of the article?

68
00:03:09.460 --> 00:03:11.360
No, the article is 'SS Bessemer'.

69
00:03:11.700 --> 00:03:13.760
Ship with a steel-clad rather than an iron-clad hull,

70
00:03:13.760 --> 00:03:15.120
or steel hull or something like that...

71
00:03:15.460 --> 00:03:17.200
Ooh, it was certainly first ship with something, but...

72
00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:18.620
Made by that... it's the, erm...

73
00:03:18.760 --> 00:03:19.720
No holes in it.

74
00:03:20.380 --> 00:03:21.500
Outboard motor.

75
00:03:23.560 --> 00:03:25.680
Ship-sized diesel engine.

76
00:03:26.020 --> 00:03:28.640
Massive whacking great outboard.

77
00:03:28.640 --> 00:03:30.320
Takes ten men to steer it.

78
00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:33.040
Never mind that, it takes ten men to start the thing.
[Motor noises]

79
00:03:33.220 --> 00:03:34.660
It's like a tug-of-war.

80
00:03:35.500 --> 00:03:37.740
Huge blokes charging up the deck.

81
00:03:38.040 --> 00:03:41.400
I think you'll find the first outboard motor was a Viking, paddling.

82
00:03:42.280 --> 00:03:43.640
On the end of a stick.

83
00:03:43.780 --> 00:03:45.460
'Sven! Your turn.'
'Ugh...'

84
00:03:45.700 --> 00:03:47.580
'Ulf! Faster, Ulf! Faster!'

85
00:03:47.580 --> 00:03:50.820
[Paddling noises]
A little backstroke — a little front crawl...

86
00:03:50.900 --> 00:03:53.060
'How long to this "Enga-land"?'

87
00:03:53.060 --> 00:03:55.400
Bessemer, though, it's the steel crucible.

88
00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:57.540
That was the thing he invented was the steel crucible,
where you would —

89
00:03:57.780 --> 00:03:58.660
Yes. Have a point. [DING]

90
00:03:58.660 --> 00:04:00.200
You put pig iron into it...

91
00:04:00.200 --> 00:04:03.220
What did he do?
What's the difference in his process then?

92
00:04:03.380 --> 00:04:04.920
It removes impurities.

93
00:04:05.220 --> 00:04:05.820
By...?

94
00:04:06.060 --> 00:04:07.320
Er... hotness.

95
00:04:07.640 --> 00:04:08.140
No!

96
00:04:08.520 --> 00:01:52.900
It's on a steel...
A crucible is a big bowl, innit.

97
00:01:52.900 --> 00:04:11.060
— Yeah.
— That'll do 'em right!

98
00:04:11.060 --> 00:04:13.560
— Yeah.
— On a windey thing, what tips over,

99
00:04:13.780 --> 00:04:14.820
'A windey thing!'

100
00:04:14.940 --> 00:04:17.900
and all t' hot metal comes out, into a box,

101
00:04:17.900 --> 00:04:19.740
and that makes... knives.

176
00:04:20.020 --> 00:01:25.940
Yeah.

407
00:01:25.940 --> 00:04:21.200
[Laughter]
Yeah!

104
00:04:21.200 --> 00:04:22.860
I went to school!!

105
00:04:23.840 --> 00:04:26.380
Sheffield, there.
Sheffield summed up...

106
00:04:26.940 --> 00:04:30.780
Sheffield steel summed up in a few important words there.

107
00:04:31.140 --> 00:04:34.120
It's a big bowl with stuff that comes out of it. Yeah.

108
00:04:34.340 --> 00:04:35.440
...what makes knives!

109
00:04:35.660 --> 00:04:38.160
You need to be the narrator on How Things Are Made.

110
00:04:40.100 --> 00:04:41.300
Steel... knives!

111
00:04:41.380 --> 00:04:43.940
It goes in this box and knives come out.

112
00:04:45.320 --> 00:04:48.340
There is something else that goes in with the iron.
Into the crucible.

113
00:04:48.500 --> 00:04:49.000
Men!

114
00:04:49.280 --> 00:04:52.580
A lot of it. It has to be pumped through constantly.

115
00:04:52.780 --> 00:04:53.960
— Max Bygraves.
— Air.

116
00:04:54.060 --> 00:04:55.220
Air! [DING]

117
00:04:55.460 --> 00:05:00.300
There is a market for pre-1940s steel.

118
00:05:00.640 --> 00:05:02.880
As in scrapping it and re-selling it.

119
00:05:02.880 --> 00:05:04.420
Why do you think that might be?

120
00:05:04.620 --> 00:05:06.640
T' olden days air were cleaner!

121
00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:07.960
— Yes! [DING]
— Wahey!

122
00:05:07.960 --> 00:05:09.040
What was it cleaner of?

123
00:05:09.200 --> 00:05:09.860
Sulfur.

124
00:05:09.960 --> 00:05:12.780
No. The clue is in '1940s'.

125
00:05:12.780 --> 00:01:21.780
About 1944, 1945, specifically.

126
00:01:21.780 --> 00:01:22.540
Whoa!

127
00:05:17.020 --> 00:05:17.660
— Radiation.
— Cool!

128
00:05:17.820 --> 00:05:19.300
Bingo. [DING] Cobalt.

129
00:05:19.460 --> 00:05:22.360
Well! I push my glasses back and say, How's that!

130
00:05:22.420 --> 00:05:25.780
Background amount of radiation increased enough

131
00:05:25.780 --> 00:05:29.500
that if you're making radiation detectors,
or anything that goes in a radiation-sensitive process,

132
00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:32.240
you need pre-1940-something steel.

133
00:05:32.400 --> 00:05:33.900
— Well, there you go!
— Cool!

134
00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:36.660
So you have to go back in time,

135
00:05:36.660 --> 00:05:38.260
and forge your forgey thing...

136
00:05:38.260 --> 00:05:39.780
That's iron, isn't it.

137
00:05:40.180 --> 00:05:41.520
Or you raise a sunken ship.

138
00:05:41.700 --> 00:05:41.700
[Singing]
'So I can make accurate meters...'

139
00:05:41.700 --> 00:05:44.160
[Singing]
'You raise me up...'

140
00:05:47.560 --> 00:05:48.900
And big boxes of knives.

141
00:05:50.180 --> 00:05:51.780
'Boxes of kniiives...'

142
00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:54.560
You don't need pre-radiation knives.

143
00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:56.960
This is not a significant amount of radiation.

144
00:05:57.140 --> 00:05:59.100
I want a post-radiation knife!

145
00:05:59.320 --> 00:06:01.720
'Cooks the steak while you slice it!'
[Sizzling noises]

146
00:06:02.020 --> 00:06:04.080
I'm fairly sure that at some point in the Victorian age,

147
00:06:04.080 --> 00:06:05.960
after the discovery of radiation,

148
00:06:05.960 --> 00:06:09.500
but before the discovery of radiation-induced cancers,

149
00:06:09.500 --> 00:06:12.300
someone will have made a radiation knife.

150
00:06:12.640 --> 00:06:14.520
— Radiation was all the thing.
— Yeah.

151
00:06:14.520 --> 00:06:15.580
It genuinely was.

152
00:06:15.580 --> 00:06:18.620
In any treatment you would just give someone
a bit of radiation.

153
00:06:20.400 --> 00:06:23.240
I know for a fact that when my uncle was at school,

154
00:06:23.240 --> 00:06:26.280
the popular prank was to get the little bits of radiation

155
00:06:26.280 --> 00:06:27.840
and shove it down boys' arse-cracks.

156
00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:28.420
Ohh!

157
00:06:28.460 --> 00:06:29.720
What, like pennying someone?

158
00:06:29.880 --> 00:06:33.460
Pretty much, yeah.
Just with deadly, deadly radiation, that's all.

159
00:06:33.460 --> 00:06:35.140
'Plutoniumed your bum!'

160
00:06:35.140 --> 00:06:38.060
'Ooh, it burns!'
'Aaaargh, that's gonna sting!'

161
00:06:38.060 --> 00:06:42.560
One of my old physics teachers claimed that he'd found a radium blanket in his loft.

162
00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:45.660
It was a blanket infused with radium, because it was warming.

163
00:06:45.860 --> 00:06:51.780
Well, one of the products, one of the most radioactive ones, early 20th century, is watches.

164
00:06:52.020 --> 00:06:52.820
— Yep.
— Yes.

165
00:06:52.820 --> 00:06:55.040
I were taught that one at schoo-wel!

166
00:06:55.200 --> 00:06:55.760
So was I!

167
00:06:55.960 --> 00:06:57.640
'Glow in the dark, you say?'

168
00:06:57.760 --> 00:07:02.060
'Yeah, that's fine. Dip there, lick the brush, you'll be fine. Just paint it on.'

169
00:07:02.440 --> 00:07:06.600
It's like we're all the result of
the same education system, isn't it?

170
00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:07.720
How strange!

171
00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:11.040
I thought you were schooled up a mountain
by a Buddhist master.

172
00:07:13.400 --> 00:07:15.200
That's just Rotherham Comprehensive.

173
00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:18.460
It was still a state school! I'm not posh!

174
00:07:19.760 --> 00:07:21.440
State-funded Buddhism?

175
00:07:23.020 --> 00:04:20.020
You know what, I'd be in favour of that.

176
00:04:20.020 --> 00:01:25.940
Yeah.

177
00:07:26.160 --> 00:07:27.600
Everybody just needs to chill out.

178
00:07:27.860 --> 00:07:30.380
'Now you have learned the wisdom of the writing
and the metal-making

179
00:07:30.380 --> 00:07:31.800
with the box with the knives.'

180
00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:34.420
And now you move on
to the next mountain of Rotherham,

181
00:07:34.420 --> 00:07:35.800
where the Chuckle Brothers will teach you —

182
00:07:35.800 --> 00:07:37.640
NO! NO!

183
00:07:38.440 --> 00:07:40.600
Oh, secondary school was awful.

184
00:07:40.600 --> 00:07:44.120
Rotherham Steel, with a gigantic crucible of metal:
'To me, to you, to me...'

185
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:46.540
'Oh! We've burnt several people to death.'

186
00:07:47.020 --> 00:07:48.520
'Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear.'

187
00:07:48.980 --> 00:07:51.140
And sports was just David Seaman.

188
00:07:51.280 --> 00:07:54.280
If you're American, don't Google the Chuckle Brothers.

189
00:07:54.460 --> 00:07:55.260
Or Rotherham.

190
00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:58.260
No, no, no! Do!
They're childhood comedy legends.

191
00:07:58.460 --> 00:08:01.300
That's true. Don't Google their single
with Tinchy Stryder from last year.

192
00:08:01.580 --> 00:08:02.320
Do!

193
00:08:02.580 --> 00:08:05.900
A long, long time a go, we talked about Henry Bessemer,

194
00:08:06.240 --> 00:08:10.280
who invented the steel-making process named after him,

195
00:08:10.280 --> 00:08:14.520
established the town of Sheffield as a major manufacturing centre.

196
00:08:14.900 --> 00:08:18.900
But he had a lot of other inventions.
A lot of other patents.

197
00:08:18.900 --> 00:08:21.720
Plate glass, making a continuous ribbon of plate glass...

198
00:08:21.960 --> 00:08:22.520
Of iron!

199
00:08:23.460 --> 00:08:25.680
'Makes a better door than a window.'

200
00:08:26.060 --> 00:08:29.460
The SS Bessemer was one of his less successful inventions.

201
00:08:30.020 --> 00:08:32.100
Was it a box of knives that sank?

202
00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:36.240
'It's made entirely of metal!
Left to right, all the way through! Solid!'

203
00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:38.140
I mean, you're right — SS is Steam Ship.

204
00:08:38.460 --> 00:08:40.220
So we haven't actually got what it is yet?

205
00:08:40.420 --> 00:08:43.780
Not yet, no.
We are a good half, two-thirds of the way through.

206
00:08:43.780 --> 00:08:46.660
But we have talked about Henry Bessemer,
and the steel-making process.

207
00:08:46.940 --> 00:08:49.120
Is it one of the ones that's got
the rotatey thing on the back?

208
00:08:49.420 --> 00:08:50.240
So we've got a crap boat.

209
00:08:50.580 --> 00:08:52.860
Ooh... we have an experimental boat.

210
00:08:53.060 --> 00:08:56.360
I'm gonna say, is it something to do with
steam turbines or something like this?

211
00:08:56.360 --> 00:08:59.000
Thinking of the industry or anything,
or it might have been steam engines...

212
00:08:59.300 --> 00:09:00.420
No, this is...

213
00:09:00.420 --> 00:09:04.400
You wouldn't expect it to be coming from someone
who had so many successful inventions.

214
00:09:04.560 --> 00:09:05.220
Hovercraft.

215
00:09:05.520 --> 00:09:09.280
This is to designed to combat a common problem
if you're on a cross-Channel ferry.

216
00:09:09.540 --> 00:09:12.340
Did he build it in Sheffield so that there was
no chance of getting wet?

217
00:09:13.460 --> 00:09:13.960
Um...

218
00:09:14.220 --> 00:09:17.480
A common problem on a cross-Channel ferry...
people on booze cruises weren't allowed on?

219
00:09:17.640 --> 00:09:19.960
It was built in Hull, just to, er...

220
00:09:20.180 --> 00:09:20.900
Ugh.

221
00:09:21.320 --> 00:09:23.400
Were no French aboard?
[Laughter]

222
00:09:23.720 --> 00:09:25.480
I mean, not initially, no...

223
00:09:25.640 --> 00:09:26.440
It's a common problem in the Channel.

224
00:09:26.660 --> 00:09:27.740
Cross-Channel ferry, full of them.

225
00:09:27.960 --> 00:09:29.580
Was the duty free actually cheap?

226
00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:32.480
Was it a flat-bottom boat?

227
00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:33.920
To stop it grounding?

228
00:09:34.520 --> 00:09:35.240
Ooh! No...

229
00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:37.060
Because there are sand deposits in the Channel, I think.

230
00:09:37.300 --> 00:09:38.440
There are, but no.

231
00:09:38.500 --> 00:09:41.980
Was it an attempt at bow-loading doors
or anything like that?

232
00:09:42.500 --> 00:09:44.020
Bowel-loading doors?

233
00:09:44.220 --> 00:09:46.540
Bow-loading, not bowel-loading.

234
00:09:47.380 --> 00:09:49.540
It's a very easy mistake to make.

235
00:09:49.800 --> 00:09:50.960
'Roll on! Roll off!'

236
00:09:51.360 --> 00:09:53.860
Is it Henry Bessemer's giant mechanical arse,

237
00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:56.940
crossing the Channel, made of steel?

238
00:09:57.460 --> 00:09:58.660
Steelsphincter!

239
00:09:58.900 --> 00:10:01.420
Sorry... Steelsphincter is another Bond film.

240
00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:06.440
No, no, he's like Jaws. He's like a Bond villain's henchman.

241
00:10:06.640 --> 00:10:09.300
'Don't put your fingers in there! He'll have them off!'

242
00:10:09.440 --> 00:10:10.560
[Slicing noise]

243
00:10:10.660 --> 00:10:13.960
He's eventually vanquished by the fact that someone
has a giant magnet and he flies arse-first onto it.

244
00:10:14.220 --> 00:10:15.040
Yes. Yes.

245
00:10:15.200 --> 00:10:19.920
We're looking for a common problem with
cross-Channel ferries — with any ferry, really.

246
00:10:20.160 --> 00:10:21.120
Seasickness!

247
00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:22.320
— Point! [DING]
— Right!

248
00:10:23.060 --> 00:10:25.600
— An anti-seasickness boat?!
— An anti-seasickness boat.

249
00:10:25.700 --> 00:10:27.940
What's the point of being on a boat?

250
00:10:28.820 --> 00:10:29.460
Exactly!

251
00:10:29.620 --> 00:10:32.860
I'm sorry, getting seasick is not the point
of going on a cross-Channel ferry.

252
00:10:33.080 --> 00:10:34.700
It is the prime experience!
[Laughter]

253
00:10:34.900 --> 00:10:38.360
So was this like a boat with like, a thing that
kept level all the time in it or something?

254
00:10:38.440 --> 00:10:38.940
[DING]

255
00:10:39.500 --> 00:10:42.160
Aha! A whole kind of thing to counteract...

256
00:10:42.380 --> 00:10:45.600
Like you used to get for your CD Walkman in your car?

257
00:10:46.120 --> 00:10:47.080
Yeah, basically.

258
00:10:47.320 --> 00:10:48.360
But for people.

259
00:10:48.560 --> 00:10:52.240
That's something that a lot of our audience are gonna be a little bit too young for there.

260
00:10:52.480 --> 00:10:53.700
Oh, **** off. Really?

261
00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:54.880
CD Walkman?

262
00:10:55.900 --> 00:10:58.380
The international sign there for a CD Walkman.

263
00:10:58.480 --> 00:10:59.600
It's the gimbal...

264
00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:01.180
Wobbly CD Walkman. Woooo!

265
00:11:01.360 --> 00:11:03.300
You see, children... Hello.

266
00:11:03.760 --> 00:11:05.640
In the old days...

267
00:11:05.720 --> 00:11:08.280
we used to have to take our music with us

268
00:11:08.280 --> 00:11:11.700
on little plates that looked like a little shiny disc.

269
00:11:11.700 --> 00:11:14.140
You would put them in a machine, and when you walked,

270
00:11:14.140 --> 00:11:18.500
if you walked too fast, the music would jump, like Spotify when it's s***.

271
00:11:19.100 --> 00:11:24.140
Can you believe, children, that you could only listen to one album at a time?

272
00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:26.860
A small bit of our audience is post-MP3.

273
00:11:26.860 --> 00:11:28.420
Like, they were born after the —

274
00:11:28.680 --> 00:11:31.020
Why would you post the MP3 when you could email it?

275
00:11:32.780 --> 00:11:33.280
Out.

276
00:11:33.420 --> 00:11:34.800
Well, you have to print it out first, don't you?

277
00:11:36.120 --> 00:11:39.240
You are entirely right. It was an entire cabin.

278
00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:42.560
The saloon of the boat was suspended on gimbals

279
00:11:42.560 --> 00:11:45.040
and kept horizontal so you weren't rolled about.

280
00:11:45.220 --> 00:11:47.380
That's gonna be worse, isn't it?

281
00:11:47.380 --> 00:11:49.960
That's gonna be like the old British Rail APT.

282
00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:51.720
Advanced Passenger Train, yes.

283
00:11:52.020 --> 00:11:55.080
Because your brain is gonna go,
'Hang on a minute, I'm moving but not moving,'

284
00:11:55.240 --> 00:11:58.060
and the net result is: Heulgh!
Everywhere.

285
00:11:58.620 --> 00:12:01.420
'I can see that I'm moving... but I'm not.'

286
00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:05.280
Yes. And the other problem is, it only stopped roll.

287
00:12:05.520 --> 00:12:07.880
It didn't stop pitch,

288
00:12:07.880 --> 00:12:11.320
and it also didn't stop surge, I think it's surge — or heave.

289
00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:12.360
Heave, that's it.

290
00:12:12.560 --> 00:12:14.460
I think heave was the problem we were trying to get rid of.

291
00:12:14.460 --> 00:12:15.920
[General heaving sounds]

292
00:12:16.140 --> 00:12:18.340
The technical ship term is 'heave', which is the up-and-down,

293
00:12:18.340 --> 00:12:20.400
the kind of feeling that gravity is increasing and decreasing.

294
00:12:20.400 --> 00:12:21.860
So you're just in this saloon...

295
00:12:22.100 --> 00:12:24.320
...that's not moving in one axis, but is moving in the other two.

333
00:12:24.460 --> 00:12:25.160
Yes.

297
00:12:25.160 --> 00:12:28.140
Sorry, I'm just imagining someone called Serge and someone called Heave.

298
00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:29.480
Yves?

299
00:12:31.780 --> 00:12:34.260
The butler with the inner ear problem: Ask Heaves.

300
00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:37.300
'Well, sir... oh. Oh God.

301
00:12:38.000 --> 00:12:40.860
'Erm, I could give you — blergh!'

302
00:12:43.780 --> 00:12:47.220
Ask Heaves! His little icon is a butler who's going:

303
00:12:47.800 --> 00:12:50.120
— Slightly green in the face.
— Yes!

304
00:12:52.400 --> 00:12:56.240
If anyone does want to quickly Photoshop that up... yeah.

305
00:12:58.300 --> 00:13:01.100
So the ship, it was actually made, it set sail.

306
00:13:01.100 --> 00:13:04.120
It went from Dover to Calais. What happened when it got to Calais?

307
00:13:04.280 --> 00:13:04.920
Crashed!

308
00:13:05.260 --> 00:13:06.220
Point! [DING]

309
00:13:06.680 --> 00:13:07.800
Just kept going.

310
00:13:08.060 --> 00:13:09.320
It quite literally did.

311
00:13:09.500 --> 00:13:10.640
Right now it's somewhere in Austria.

312
00:13:10.880 --> 00:13:12.780
You can have a point for that as well [DING],

313
00:13:12.780 --> 00:13:16.140
because it failed to answer the helm, and just hit the pier.

314
00:13:16.500 --> 00:13:19.180
'It's ringing! Someone pick up! Helm!'
'Hello?'

315
00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:21.660
You know that gag from Airpline! where the plane just comes through the window?

316
00:13:21.660 --> 00:13:24.620
That and the Calais pier. It just kept going.

317
00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:28.760
At which point did it stop, Sir Henry Bessemer pokes out and goes, 'Partial success.'

318
00:13:29.040 --> 00:13:31.820
'We got over, and we f***ed up a bit of France.'

319
00:13:32.320 --> 00:13:33.480
'Turn round!'

320
00:13:34.060 --> 00:13:36.800
I like how you went with Airplane! rather than Speed II.

321
00:13:36.800 --> 00:13:38.100
Where it happens with a boat.

322
00:13:38.260 --> 00:13:39.260
Yeah. Okay, yes, that's true.

323
00:13:39.260 --> 00:13:41.660
After two attempts to enter the harbour,

324
00:13:41.660 --> 00:13:45.220
it crashed into the Calais pier *again*, this time demolishing part of it.

325
00:13:48.060 --> 00:13:50.300
Erm... the ship remained in dock,

326
00:13:50.300 --> 00:13:52.500
and then was sold for scrap.

327
00:13:52.500 --> 00:13:56.760
It did actually have a trial with passengers on board,

328
00:13:56.760 --> 00:13:58.520
but one important bit didn't work.

329
00:13:58.620 --> 00:14:01.020
The passengers. They were all on strike.
[Laughter]

330
00:14:01.340 --> 00:14:02.320
The wiggly thing.

331
00:14:02.540 --> 00:14:04.640
The wiggly thing, yes, exactly right. [DING]

332
00:14:05.120 --> 00:12:24.460
So it's SS Bessemer's non-wiggly wiggly thing.

333
00:12:24.460 --> 00:12:25.160
Yes.

334
00:14:08.740 --> 00:14:11.720
So it worked better on the way back when it was broken...

335
00:14:12.520 --> 00:14:13.960
Than on the way over when it was working.

336
00:14:14.180 --> 00:14:15.840
Yup. What happened to the saloon?

337
00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:17.880
Because the saloon was really well appointed — not the gimbal bit,

338
00:14:17.880 --> 00:14:20.080
but the actual sort of really lavish drawing room?

339
00:14:20.260 --> 00:14:22.680
Shipped to shore and used as a restaurant or...

340
00:14:22.680 --> 00:14:23.860
given to a hotel or...

341
00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:25.340
Yeah, [DING] I'll give you a point for that.

342
00:14:25.540 --> 00:14:26.260
His house?

343
00:14:26.520 --> 00:14:27.840
I'll give you both a point. [DING]

344
00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:29.780
The designer had it moved to his home.

345
00:14:30.300 --> 00:14:32.900
But it still kind of kept level even though it wasn't really moving.

346
00:14:33.100 --> 00:14:34.900
You could have it as a flight simulator!

347
00:14:34.900 --> 00:14:36.180
Or boat simulator.

348
00:14:36.380 --> 00:14:38.160
'When you are in an earthquake,

349
00:14:38.160 --> 00:14:41.300
'you will want to be in this room,' was what he said.

350
00:14:41.520 --> 00:14:44.900
'For you can have all the experience of earthquake,

351
00:14:44.900 --> 00:14:46.340
but without the roll.'

352
00:14:46.620 --> 00:14:47.120
Yes!

353
00:14:47.700 --> 00:14:51.680
'Have you ever wanted to experience just two-thirds of an earthquake?'

354
00:14:51.960 --> 00:14:54.580
'A vast improvement, sir! A vast improvement!'

355
00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:58.120
What eventually happened to that saloon? The last surviving bit of the ship?

356
00:14:58.600 --> 00:14:59.640
Sold for scrap.

357
00:14:59.900 --> 00:15:03.460
Well, again, it had a slight problem in about the mid-1940s.

358
00:15:03.780 --> 00:15:04.720
Did it get all blown up?

359
00:15:04.880 --> 00:15:07.300
Yes, have a point. Direct hit from a bomb in World War Two. [DING]

360
00:15:07.680 --> 00:15:10.640
And it wasn't radioactive until that point.

361
00:15:12.400 --> 00:15:15.660
Because all the furniture was made of uranium.

362
00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:19.420
A warming seat.

363
00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:22.840
Oh, that'd be horrible, wouldn't it?

364
00:15:22.840 --> 00:15:25.160
You know that unnerving warmth when you take over somebody's seat?

365
00:15:25.160 --> 00:15:26.880
Just a seat that has that all the time.

366
00:15:26.880 --> 00:15:29.800
Just sits in the room with people going,
'...ooh. Oh no...'

367
00:15:29.980 --> 00:15:30.480
'Ooo.'
'Oh.'

368
00:15:30.880 --> 00:15:33.540
On that, congratulations Chris, you win the show...

369
00:15:33.820 --> 00:15:37.320
[Laughs] Seems unlikely.

370
00:15:37.500 --> 00:15:38.540
You got points.

371
00:15:38.720 --> 00:15:39.680
Eh, whatever!

372
00:15:41.160 --> 00:15:42.600
On that note, congratula —

373
00:15:42.920 --> 00:15:44.180
Gary got the biscuits.

374
00:15:44.520 --> 00:15:45.720
Yeah, but the biscuits aren't points.

375
00:15:45.860 --> 00:15:46.660
Oh no, yeah, you got points.

376
00:15:46.780 --> 00:15:47.760
The points are points.

377
00:15:48.020 --> 00:01:25.940
You may have gathered, viewers, that this entire show is bulls***.

407
00:01:25.940 --> 00:04:21.200
[Laughter]
Yeah!

379
00:15:51.740 --> 00:15:52.780
In so many different ways.

380
00:15:53.020 --> 00:15:55.240
Except when he wins. Then it's really good, you'll notice.

381
00:15:55.460 --> 00:15:56.220
Then it's brilliant!

382
00:15:56.500 --> 00:15:58.440
Congratulations Chris, you win this show.

383
00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:03.220
You've won rum and lime-flavoured Mexican food cooked by the star of Taxi and Matilda.

384
00:16:03.220 --> 00:16:05.460
It's a Danny DeVito mojito burrito.

385
00:16:06.460 --> 00:16:08.640
That sounds all right, actually. Do I get to meet the chef?

386
00:16:08.960 --> 00:16:11.560
Sadly no, it was shipped over. It's a bit cold now.

387
00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:12.380
Awww.

388
00:16:12.640 --> 00:16:14.520
With that, we say thank you to Chris Joel,

389
00:16:14.520 --> 00:16:15.240
to Matt Gray,

390
00:16:15.520 --> 00:16:16.060
Goodbye, YouTube.

391
00:16:16.280 --> 00:16:17.100
...to Gary Brannan.

392
00:16:17.100 --> 00:16:18.880
I've been Tom Scott. We'll see you next time.

393
00:16:20.680 --> 00:16:21.180
...no.

394
00:16:21.320 --> 00:16:22.560
That would be part of the 'Reckless'.

395
00:16:22.860 --> 00:16:24.180
...no, it didn't. No.

396
00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:26.760
What, like a hippo spray? That kind of thing?

397
00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:27.680
Oh, don't — I've seen that.

398
00:16:27.860 --> 00:16:29.580
...Doctor Bradford Crayne, which —

399
00:16:29.800 --> 00:16:30.520
Bradford!

400
00:16:30.880 --> 00:16:31.500
— just sounds like...

401
00:16:31.880 --> 00:16:32.940
Bradford Crayne.

402
00:16:32.940 --> 00:16:34.860
'Hello, Bradford Cranes...

403
00:16:35.560 --> 00:16:37.880
'yeah, we've got a 9-ton, a 14-ton,

404
00:16:37.880 --> 00:16:40.120
'and erm, Maurice Micklewhite.'

405
00:16:40.520 --> 00:16:42.220
...Where's the hyphen in that?

406
00:16:42.860 --> 00:01:25.940
I'm trying to diagram the sentence...

407
00:01:25.940 --> 00:04:21.200
[Laughter]
Yeah!

408
00:16:46.800 --> 00:16:49.760
Anywhere you can put a hyphen changes it.

409
00:16:49.760 --> 00:16:51.760
[Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]

