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This is the Technical Difficulties.
We're playing Citation Needed.

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Joining me in the studio today:
he reads books, you know — it's Chris Joel!

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He gets another shot!

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Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan — Gary Brannan!

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Three! Four! Nine!
All of these are numbers.

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And the bounciest man on the internet — Matt Gray!

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Welcome YouTube!

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In front of me I have an article from Wikipedia
and these folks can't see it.

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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING],

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and there's a special prize for
particularly good answers, which is:

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Today's article is: A Message From Earth.

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A message from Eeearth.

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What, like from Flash Gordon?

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That's how you pronounced 'Eeearth'.

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That's how it should be pronounced!

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I've got the horrible feeling that
in millions of years to come,

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we'll work out we've been saying it wrong
all this time and it should be pronounced:

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Eeearth.

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Is it anything to do with Voyager?

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Well... it's the same kind of thing.

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Is it 'Your call is important to us...'?

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'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

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'If you are a hostile alien species, please press 2
to be reacted to with nuclear missiles.'

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'Please note that Earth is only open between 9 and 5.'

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'Nine to five what? I have been travelling for parsecs!'

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Obscure Star Wars reference! Nice.

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GARY: It's truth though, innit.

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Anyway, we've got an alien death fleet
round the back that's on hold.

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Is it something to do with a probe we've sent out?

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Not particularly a probe.

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Is it fictional?

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No, it's entirely real.

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It's about... let's see.

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Can I have a punt at this?

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TOM: Yeah. I'll tell you it's about
six light-years away right now.

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Oh s***, I'm wrong then.

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Why, what were you going for?

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I was going to say it's the tune that Blur did
that landed on the Moon... on, erm...

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Beagle 2.

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GARY: ...on Mars with Beagle 2.

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It didn't land — well, it did land!

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GARY and MATT: It landed!

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It landed at high velocity!

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'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

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[Laughter]
Downwards.

46
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I know there's a thin line
between 'landing' and 'impact', but...

47
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I tell that to the wife all the time.

48
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But it's somewhere on Mars, regrettably, is a Blur CD.

49
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In many different pieces.

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MATT: I might have a go at the answer.
TOM: Yeah, go for it.

51
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Is it about how far our earliest radio
transmissions have got out to space?

52
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Not at six light-years, it's not.

53
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Just spare a thought for that.

54
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They're going to get all the crap
early stuff first, aren't they?

55
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As we did.

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It's a bit further back from earliest messages,

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and it's certainly a bit too far for a probe to have got.

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This is a transmission?

59
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It's a transmission. [DING]

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And did someone just broadcast,
'Hey, is anyone listening?'

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Not entirely. I'll give you the point, it's a transmission...

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specifically one transmitted from an Earth station

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belonging to the Ukraine national space agency,

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which I can only assume has had
some budget cuts recently.

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Ooo.

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But yes, it was transmitted on October 2008.

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Oh really?

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Hence the reason it is about six light-years away.

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Please tell me it is just someone tapping a microphone
and going, 'Is this thing on?'

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Well, it sort of is.

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It's meant to go about twenty light-years in total.

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Have they found somewhere specific
that they're sending it?

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Yes. Any ideas what that might be?

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An M-class planet!

75
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Ooh, you know what, you can have a point. [DING]

76
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It's not M-class, we haven't found one of those yet,

77
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but it is a good candidate for being a close thing
for where there might be life.

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Gliese 581 c.

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It's what I was just going to say.

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Yeaaah, beaten to it again.

81
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And it's all said because they're expecting
everyone there to be completely gleeful.

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GARY: Aww. Wouldn't that be nice?

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If some alien death battlefleet turned up,

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but it had a really nice name, it'd put you off, wouldn't it?

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Put you off what? Dying?

86
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No, how you would react.

87
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You know, if they were like the Third Warfleet
of the K'Flaarghs, you would step back a bit.

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GARY: But if they were...
TOM: The Gleezins.

89
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'We are the Glee People!'

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'Ah! That's nice.'

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'In our world, this is bad!'

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I'm just thinking of militarized Powerpuff Girls right now.

93
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It will reach there in about 2029.

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If we hear anything back, it'll presumably be about 2050.

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After they've had time to work out
what on earth we've sent them.

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Do you know what I really want the message to be?

97
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Comes back 2050 — the little printer or whatever
that's there to record this for posterity...

98
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Yeah, you know, because it's that sort of thing,

99
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it's going to be a sci-fi film,
it's still going to be a dot-matrix printer.

100
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Yeah. It's printing it off bit by bit,
and they pick it up, they tear it off...

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And they hold it up, and it just says,
"WHAT?"

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That would be an entirely perfect response for this.

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Because 501 messages were actually included.

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How did they pick which ones to send?

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Well, the one we sent had a rickroll in it.

106
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Oh. You know what...

107
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I was just going to say, YouTube views.

108
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I'm going to give Gary the point...

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Oh shut up!

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Because it was the internet. [DING]

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We sent them the internet?

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No, we sent them 501 messages
selected by popular vote from the internet.

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Porn, porn, porn, kittens, 'Good afternoon Sir/Madam,
I have a fantastic opportunity for you.'

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Not at random. There was a public vote,
so I can only assume...

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...it was fixed by 4chan and Reddit.

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Yeah.

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Not 4chan, not Reddit... Which social network
did they use to put the time capsule together?

118
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Oh, please not Twitter.

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Google+. There was one vote in total.

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Not quite, but you're close.

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MATT: Orkut.

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Oh... not quite that obscure.

123
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Tinder.

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Tinder wasn't around then.

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Tinder: 'No... No... No... No...'

126
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Then a picture of a lizard comes up.
'Swipe left...'

127
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You know how Tinder works?

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CHRIS: That's very interesting!
GARY: Everyone knows how...!

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That's a point... You're married, Brannan.

130
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How do I know how Tinder works? I live in
the same world you do and I read newspapers.

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TOM: Yes, that's fair.
MATT: I don't know how Tinder works.

132
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I don't know how Tinder works!

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Just aware, boys. I've not used it.

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This is one of these things where you try and
defend yourself and it just sounds worse, doesn't it.

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ALL: Yep.
CHRIS: Stop digging, old boy.

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Anyway, yes. What did we use?

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Bebo.

138
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Whoa!

139
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I have never even heard of this thing.

140
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Does someone want to explain Bebo to Chris?

141
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Hard, really, but...

142
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You know MySpace?

143
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Faintly, yeah.

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It's what the people that were younger than us
used when MySpace wasn't cool enough.

145
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But it's worse.

146
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Okay.

147
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I'm trying to think who the popular
boy band of the day would be.

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Because we're just sending all that, aren't we.

149
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I can tell you, because they were involved in the project.

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Oh s***. Jonas Brothers or One Direction?

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MATT: No, that was a bit before.

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TOM: No, no. You're too early for that.

153
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What date are we saying again?

154
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TOM: 2008.
GARY: 8? Oh God, I've no idea.

155
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I'll tell you, they're still going.

156
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British or elsewhere?

157
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British. It was Bebo. Bebo's a British network.

158
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McFly.

159
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GARY: Ohhh.
MATT: Really!

160
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McFly were involved. Along with
Deborah Meaden from Dragons' Den...

161
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Off of Dragons' Den.

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And Gillian Anderson off of The X-Files.
Because presumably...

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Space!

164
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We are sending mixed messages here, people.

165
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We have this much publicity budget...
this is who we can get.

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Ha! That's what came first is the money, isn't it.

167
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Who would we put up front now?
I mean, Hawking obviously...

168
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Yeah, if we need an ambassador... ungh!

169
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Brian f***ing Cox.

170
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Oh no... I'd hope they *were* the angry ones,
just because they'd fire at him first.

171
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What's the dislike for Brian Cox?

172
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It's not a dislike, it's just the use
 of him for anything scientific.

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CHRIS: That's true, yeah.
TOM: That's fair.

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I'm being controversial,
I'm putting Noel Edmonds up there.

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What! Why?

176
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Consistent master of ceremonies.

177
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He can anchor any show, no matter what's going wrong.

178
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In the old days, I'd have stuck Monkhouse in.

179
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Did you ever *hear* of Noel's HQ?

180
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Yeah... this is true.

181
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The man believes in cosmic ordering.

182
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I'm not putting him out as ambassador for Earth.

183
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You're making some good points here, yeah...

184
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I was thinking from the consistent
broadcasting point of view,

185
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that if anything went wrong,
he'd probably be able to keep a show going.

186
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Oh no, if you're doing that — Davina McCall.

241
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Ohhh.

188
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Davina McCall can hold a show down,
no matter what's going wrong around her.

189
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You're forgetting something here.
This isn't television, this is meeting an alien death fleet.

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TOM: Ah. Fair.

191
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I'm assuming telly's going to be there.

192
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Oh! Then Morgan Freeman, obviously.

193
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Ahh! Well yeah, of course.

194
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There's one for the Americans to know what we're
talking about. You've heard of Morgan Freeman.

195
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Morgan Freeman.
We're sending him and Stephen Hawking in.

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TOM: Yeah.
CHRIS: Yeah, all right.

421
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'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

198
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It's sending God and science, isn't it?

199
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Yeah! That's all it is... we've got both bases covered!

200
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Alien death fleet's going to negotiate with them!

201
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Morgan Freeman could come up with
some kind of homespun philosophy

202
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when things are getting quite tense.

203
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Please invade. Take me away from all this.

421
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'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

205
00:08:07.800 --> 00:08:10.660
Anyway, the Message From Earth
has got the McFlies on it?

206
00:08:10.880 --> 00:08:12.360
Yes, it has, erm...

207
00:08:12.520 --> 00:08:13.580
The McFlies!

208
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As I believe they're called.

209
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Oh dear.

210
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We've got the McFlies.

211
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501 messages included.
One was chosen to illustrate evil.

212
00:08:22.540 --> 00:08:25.400
'This is a party political broadcast
by the Conservative Party.'

213
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Oh, you know what — you are so close.

214
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F*** off!

215
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2008, who would you pick to be the epitome of evil?

216
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GARY: Oh! Dubya!
TOM: Dubya. [DING]

217
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Nooo!
[Laughter]

218
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So it's now out of date even though it's within...

219
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It is entirely out of date,
despite the fact it is currently about...

220
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About a third of the way to a planet
about twenty light-years away.

221
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'We have come to rid of your great evil, Dubya Bush.'

222
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Yep.

223
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I've just thought. The best thing is,
when the response comes back,

224
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no one's going to know what they're responding to,
because everyone will have forgotten it happened.

225
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One message says that the best thing
about Earth is George Sampson.

226
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Who no one will remember even in Britain...

227
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Oh hang on, let me have a go...

228
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CHRIS: I remember the name...
MATT: I know that name.

229
00:09:02.180 --> 00:09:04.080
George Sampson. Was he on... a talent show?

230
00:09:04.220 --> 00:09:06.160
He was on Britain's Got Talent. He was the kid dancer.

231
00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:07.780
He was a dancer, wasn't he?

232
00:09:08.340 --> 00:09:12.520
Yeah. That message is going through
interstellar space right now, aimed at a planet.

233
00:09:12.940 --> 00:09:17.220
D'you know, all that philosophy and engineering
and writing and discovery...

234
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F*** it.
Dancing eight-year-old.

361
00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:55.780
Yeah.

236
00:09:19.480 --> 00:09:21.160
But the best thing is, he was probably cool with that,

237
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because he knows if a message
comes back in the affirmative,

238
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saying, 'Tell us more of these George Sampsons!'
He's like: 'Career's back.'

239
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TOM: Yeah, that's true.

240
00:09:28.100 --> 00:07:24.240
It's better than what I thought you said.
I thought you said Daz Sampson.

241
00:07:24.240 --> 00:02:35.980
Ohhh.

242
00:02:35.980 --> 00:02:37.580
Ooo.

243
00:09:33.060 --> 00:09:33.700
Oooo.

244
00:09:33.860 --> 00:09:35.780
That's a reference that Americans shouldn't Google.

245
00:09:36.080 --> 00:04:54.680
Don't. Do.
Depends what you like, really.

361
00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:55.780
Yeah.

247
00:09:39.580 --> 00:09:41.860
I'm certainly not going to.
I don't know what they're on about.

248
00:09:42.100 --> 00:09:44.480
I mean... this is blatantly a publicity stunt.

249
00:09:44.480 --> 00:09:49.220
What we have essentially done is spammed a planet
twenty light-years away with an ad for Bebo.

250
00:09:49.360 --> 00:09:53.220
We haven't spammed a planet. We have
spammed an entire section of space.

251
00:09:53.380 --> 00:09:54.920
A swath of space that the radio...

252
00:09:55.060 --> 00:09:56.740
You can't pinpoint this s***.

253
00:09:56.900 --> 00:10:01.300
No, you can't. Even a laser beam
pointed at a planet would be so wide...

254
00:10:01.440 --> 00:10:04.100
Oh yeah. Vast diffusion by the time you... yeah.

255
00:10:04.260 --> 00:10:06.180
What if — can you imagine the opposite?

256
00:10:06.180 --> 00:10:09.280
That we receive a message that
we can't decode or understand,

257
00:10:09.280 --> 00:10:11.100
because it's come from the depths of space.

258
00:10:11.100 --> 00:10:14.440
We would go absolutely apes*** for something like that.

259
00:10:14.580 --> 00:10:15.580
We would.

260
00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:17.900
They're going to be doing something similar,
you know, and we get it...

261
00:10:17.900 --> 00:10:20.200
Finally, whatever-the-race-is finally lands and goes,

262
00:10:20.380 --> 00:00:53.120
'Ah, yes. He won one of our
talent shows seventy years ago.'

421
00:00:53.120 --> 00:00:54.540
'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

264
00:10:25.940 --> 00:10:27.700
I mean, we'd treat it as...

265
00:10:27.700 --> 00:10:29.840
Imagine if some alien culture
sent a similar message to us.

266
00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:31.160
We couldn't decode it.

267
00:10:31.160 --> 00:10:34.420
We would have our best cryptographers
trying to work out...

268
00:10:34.600 --> 00:10:36.440
We really would! We'd be trying to point out,

269
00:10:36.440 --> 00:10:39.240
It's directions, or it's scientific information or something.

270
00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:43.740
And all we've done is sent
bloody McFly's friggin' shoe size.

271
00:10:43.900 --> 00:10:46.140
Not their shoe size...
Does anyone want to say what they were...?

272
00:10:46.420 --> 00:10:48.460
Greatest fears and times they were out of the house.

273
00:10:48.620 --> 00:10:50.800
Did it list the five colours of her hair?

274
00:10:51.580 --> 00:10:54.780
It was in praise of someone else. Another woman.

275
00:10:54.940 --> 00:10:56.400
Oh, that song about the teacher?

276
00:10:56.640 --> 00:10:57.920
No... that was Busted.

277
00:10:57.920 --> 00:11:00.700
They sent a message in praise of Cheryl Cole.

278
00:11:01.140 --> 00:11:02.380
F***.

279
00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:04.800
In praise of a woman who punched a toilet attendant.

280
00:11:05.220 --> 00:11:07.680
Yup. The transmission took
four and a half hours, by the way.

281
00:11:07.680 --> 00:11:10.920
We used a radio telescope, one of the
greatest scientific achievements in the world,

282
00:11:10.920 --> 00:11:13.440
for four and a half hours, to send this thing.

283
00:11:13.560 --> 00:11:15.960
Yeah, again... planet in the
distance is sending a message:

284
00:11:16.140 --> 00:11:19.340
'We shall do this! We have locked onto a signal!'

290
00:11:19.340 --> 00:11:20.580
'Transmit the message!'

286
00:11:20.580 --> 00:11:24.060
I can see him there in his big cape and everything,
in his gigantic space palace...

287
00:11:24.220 --> 00:11:25.780
Yeah. Again, you're on Ming the Merciless here.

288
00:11:25.900 --> 00:11:27.800
Well, everyone in space looks like that.
That's been well established.

289
00:11:27.940 --> 00:11:19.340
Obviously, yeah.

290
00:11:19.340 --> 00:11:20.580
'Transmit the message!'

291
00:11:30.540 --> 00:11:33.100
Doot... doot...
coming up 'Engaged'.

292
00:11:34.220 --> 00:11:38.200
There is another message about a year after it,

293
00:11:38.200 --> 00:11:40.940
sent by a completely different group.

294
00:11:40.980 --> 00:11:44.120
They targeted this message
at literally the same solar system.

295
00:11:44.340 --> 00:11:46.720
'Please delete your voice mails,
don't listen to any more, just delete it!'

296
00:11:46.880 --> 00:11:48.540
Essentially, yes.

297
00:11:48.740 --> 00:11:49.860
Was it UKIP?

298
00:11:50.160 --> 00:11:53.620
Oh, God!
Nigel Farage in space...

299
00:11:53.780 --> 00:00:53.120
'No, no. Let me speak!'

421
00:00:53.120 --> 00:00:54.540
'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

301
00:11:55.460 --> 00:11:58.520
[Laughter]
Just without a suit. Just Nigel Farage in space.

302
00:11:58.520 --> 00:12:00.220
No spacesuit, no nothing...

303
00:12:01.520 --> 00:12:03.920
I've got him in a tweed spacesuit...

304
00:12:06.300 --> 00:12:08.460
Oh God, the UKIP Space Agency...

305
00:12:09.900 --> 00:12:12.700
He's got a special kind of space agency-designed glass

306
00:12:12.700 --> 00:12:15.140
that's still got a pint in that he can still suck in.

307
00:12:15.440 --> 00:12:17.080
And a hole for a fag.

308
00:12:17.620 --> 00:12:23.140
And this one was 2.8 megabytes of messages,

309
00:12:23.140 --> 00:12:26.200
which they just accepted everything
sent in to their website.

310
00:12:26.340 --> 00:12:27.380
GARY: Uh-oh...

311
00:12:27.460 --> 00:12:28.260
MATT: Text?

312
00:12:28.400 --> 00:12:29.400
Text, yes.

313
00:12:29.820 --> 00:12:32.660
Have we just intergalactically potentially sexted?

314
00:12:33.580 --> 00:12:35.480
Ooo. Ooh, I don't know.

315
00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:38.560
'What do they mean, what am I wearing?'
[Laughter]

316
00:12:38.560 --> 00:12:40.900
'The same thing I always wear! A cape!'

317
00:12:41.140 --> 00:12:44.980
'A giant cape! And a long, swishy set of gloves!

318
00:12:44.980 --> 00:12:47.260
'And a very neatly trimmed beard!'

319
00:12:48.060 --> 00:12:49.780
TOM: What I love is that the... the...

320
00:12:50.020 --> 00:12:51.820
CHRIS: 'I am Ming the Merciless!'

321
00:12:51.960 --> 00:12:53.880
GARY: 'And my hands are wet!'

322
00:12:56.060 --> 00:12:58.540
'Why does no one have a towel on Mongo?!'

323
00:12:58.820 --> 00:13:01.900
MATT: 'This one is wet...'
GARY: 'This one is wet.'

324
00:13:02.220 --> 00:13:04.280
Other messages, then.
We have loads of them.

325
00:13:04.280 --> 00:13:07.500
It turns out, having looked through the wider articles,

326
00:13:07.500 --> 00:13:12.220
there are quite a lot of messages we've sent
to various places over the years.

327
00:13:12.600 --> 00:13:19.080
One of the earliest messages that went out was the Teen Age Message, which was from Russia in 2001.

328
00:13:19.260 --> 00:13:22.220
It included a live performance of music.

329
00:13:22.220 --> 00:13:26.660
And they just plugged the instrument 
effectively straight into the radio telescope.

330
00:13:26.800 --> 00:13:30.120
What instrument did they plug in
that could send coherent sound?

331
00:13:30.320 --> 00:13:31.360
Melodion.

332
00:13:31.480 --> 00:13:32.480
A zither.

333
00:13:32.640 --> 00:13:33.580
Theremin.

334
00:13:33.680 --> 00:13:34.840
TOM: Yes! [DING]
GARY: Nooo!

335
00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:35.820
And in fact...

336
00:13:38.620 --> 00:13:40.300
Can you get a more mysterious space music than that?

337
00:13:40.420 --> 00:13:42.220
Making space noises into space.

338
00:13:42.320 --> 00:13:43.580
[Theremin sounds]  Wooooo...

339
00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:46.160
Yep. First theremin concert for extraterrestrials.

340
00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:48.500
Can we just end it on 'first theremin concert'?

341
00:13:49.500 --> 00:13:52.100
'Man Found To Own Theremin.'

342
00:13:52.540 --> 00:13:55.340
I got to play a theremin a little while ago.

343
00:13:55.640 --> 00:13:57.380
It's really difficult!

344
00:13:57.540 --> 00:13:58.460
Bloody difficult, yeah.

345
00:13:58.800 --> 00:14:03.920
Even if you forget the whole volume thing,
the trying to find a note is just...

346
00:14:04.800 --> 00:14:06.280
Why a theremin?

347
00:14:06.400 --> 00:14:08.160
Well, it just f***ing sounds like space, doesn't it?

348
00:14:08.260 --> 00:14:09.040
GARY: Yeah!

349
00:14:09.180 --> 00:14:10.940
It's a constant sine wave.

350
00:14:10.940 --> 00:14:13.660
Like, it sounds like a coherent message,
rather than noise...

351
00:14:13.860 --> 00:14:17.280
Again, someone outside the Earth is doing this to us,
and we're trying to decode it here...

352
00:14:17.280 --> 00:14:21.120
'What could this mysterious message mean?'
Not realizing it's f***in'...

353
00:14:21.260 --> 00:14:22.640
Woooo...
'Oh God, Doctor Who's coming.'

354
00:14:22.980 --> 00:14:26.280
It's the opening bars to, I don't know,
McFly, played on a friggin' theremin.

355
00:14:26.400 --> 00:14:30.180
They actually did go for Russian folk songs
and classical music there, so...

356
00:14:30.280 --> 00:14:32.420
Have we Trololo-led the universe on a theremin?

357
00:14:32.620 --> 00:14:34.060
Yes we have. Yep.

358
00:14:35.160 --> 00:14:38.980
['Trololo' melody]
Woo-oo-oo-oo-oo... woo-oo-oo...

359
00:14:43.680 --> 00:14:47.540
So you know all those arguments about how
we shouldn't send signals out there,

360
00:14:47.540 --> 00:04:54.680
in case a hostile civilisation detects us...

361
00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:55.780
Yeah.

362
00:14:50.840 --> 00:14:52.400
Yeah, too late. Bebo got there first.

363
00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:53.440
Oh, bollocks.

364
00:14:53.540 --> 00:14:56.360
Well, hopefully they'll just pass us by,
based on what we've sent out.

365
00:14:56.500 --> 00:14:59.560
'They are not worth the trouble!
They cannot dry my flappy gloves!'

366
00:15:00.620 --> 00:15:02.880
'And our lack of towels!'

367
00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:08.220
There is one other thing — one other message,
sent in 2012, that I want to talk about...

368
00:15:08.220 --> 00:15:12.960
which was three transmissions
to three stars in a very specific bit of space.

369
00:15:13.240 --> 00:00:53.120
'Oh, he said you...'

421
00:00:53.120 --> 00:00:54.540
'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

371
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:18.320
'You and you, fight!' Yeah.

372
00:15:19.180 --> 00:15:21.460
No... which was a reply.

373
00:15:21.800 --> 00:15:23.600
What was it a reply to?

374
00:15:23.760 --> 00:15:27.600
Is it one of these mysterious sort of
'thunks' that comes from space or...

375
00:15:27.760 --> 00:15:29.100
Yep. [DING] Have a point.

376
00:15:29.100 --> 00:15:30.820
Anyone remember the name of it? The really big signal...

377
00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:31.800
'Wow!'

378
00:15:31.920 --> 00:15:33.620
[DING] Point. The 'Wow!' signal.

379
00:15:33.740 --> 00:15:37.000
The guy circled it in red pen
and put 'Wow!' next to it, and that's it.

380
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:41.920
Yeah. It matches the expected signature
of an interstellar signal perfectly.

381
00:15:42.920 --> 00:15:44.440
Never been seen again.

382
00:15:44.440 --> 00:15:45.420
Could have been a freak event.

383
00:15:45.540 --> 00:15:47.520
Did they decode it to 'Air Hostess' by McFly?

384
00:15:48.780 --> 00:15:51.000
Again — Busted.
But we'll let you have it.

385
00:15:51.220 --> 00:15:52.660
McFly / Busted. Yeah.

386
00:15:52.800 --> 00:15:55.880
What we need is a loud noise that
goes into space, that's recognizable...

387
00:15:56.040 --> 00:15:57.840
That just picks up that 'Wow!' spike...

388
00:15:57.960 --> 00:16:00.600
So I am up for sticking Brian Blessed
on top of Everest, with an alphorn.

389
00:16:00.920 --> 00:16:02.040
Yep. Okay, good.

390
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:06.960
Why are we not just sending
big old spikes of solid pitch?

391
00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:11.080
Because if they're looking in the same way we are,
and all they're getting is a spike...

392
00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:12.840
What we need to send is:

393
00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:14.980
['Shave and a haircut' rhythm]
Boop boop-boop boop boop...

394
00:16:15.300 --> 00:16:17.040
Yes! Absolutely!

395
00:16:17.040 --> 00:16:19.340
That has got to be universal — yeah, absolutely.

396
00:16:19.500 --> 00:16:22.800
That is universal! If nothing else,
the 'shave and a haircut' knock up there...

397
00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:25.300
'Shave and a haircut —
shave and a haircut — shave and a haircut —'

398
00:16:25.300 --> 00:16:26.640
'Bomp bomp.'
'Bomp bomp!'

399
00:16:26.640 --> 00:16:28.080
'Holy f***!'

400
00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:33.900
Both ends simultaneously realize we've been working
together, it's the grounds for peace, it's fine...

401
00:16:33.900 --> 00:16:39.240
everybody sits down, watches Roger Rabbit, hates
Christopher Lloyd's character, it's fine. Galactic peace.

402
00:16:39.500 --> 00:16:41.220
That's it. We've solved the world's problems.

403
00:16:41.220 --> 00:16:44.380
That's it. Intergalactic peace is inevitable.

404
00:16:44.500 --> 00:16:45.760
Right! Curry then, chaps.

405
00:16:45.960 --> 00:16:50.080
Yep! We're all done. At the end of that show, congratulations Chris, you win this one.

406
00:16:50.420 --> 00:16:54.760
You win a year's supply of AA batteries,
courtesy of He-Man's new company.

407
00:16:55.040 --> 00:16:56.640
The Power of Grayskull.

408
00:16:56.840 --> 00:16:58.260
Cool!

409
00:16:58.540 --> 00:16:59.780
Best one yet.

410
00:16:59.960 --> 00:17:01.240
Thank you very much to Chris Joel!

411
00:17:01.520 --> 00:17:02.440
Winning!

412
00:17:02.560 --> 00:17:03.760
TOM: To Gary Brannan...
GARY: Felicitations.

413
00:17:03.900 --> 00:17:05.220
TOM: To Matt Gray...
MATT: Bye-bye.

414
00:17:05.340 --> 00:17:07.100
I've been Tom Scott, and we'll see you next time.

415
00:17:09.220 --> 00:17:12.180
What, has Ming the Merciless
got designs on Scarborough as well?

416
00:17:12.420 --> 00:17:15.300
Some hot hail would tidy the place right up.

417
00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:17.420
ALL: Oooo.

418
00:17:17.660 --> 00:17:19.720
GARY: That sounds highbrow and commemorative.

419
00:17:21.120 --> 00:17:23.060
As opposed to lowbrow and commemorative.

420
00:17:23.480 --> 00:00:53.120
Lowbrow commemoration!

421
00:00:53.120 --> 00:00:54.540
'Dave's dead!'
[Laughter]

422
00:17:27.860 --> 00:17:29.140
'Back down t' pit!'

423
00:17:29.300 --> 00:17:32.300
'We're commemorating this with a giant brass arse!'

424
00:17:33.260 --> 00:17:36.300
Is this something like Fish-Slapping Dance?

425
00:17:36.500 --> 00:17:37.700
ALL: Ohh...

426
00:17:38.080 --> 00:17:39.600
With a side o' bacon...

427
00:17:39.780 --> 00:17:40.520
Bacon beating!

428
00:17:40.660 --> 00:17:42.060
Brannan, if you'd care to mime with me...

429
00:17:42.220 --> 00:17:43.120
Go on.

430
00:17:44.840 --> 00:17:45.740
Comme ça?