WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.860 Today's show is sponsored by Arnold Schwarzenegger's One-Sided Chess Set. 2 00:00:03.860 --> 00:00:05.600 'I'll be black.' 3 00:00:08.000 --> 00:00:10.540 This is the Technical Difficulties. We're playing Citation Needed. 4 00:00:10.540 --> 00:00:12.760 I have an almost-randomly selected article 5 00:00:12.760 --> 00:00:15.220 from everybody's favourite reliable source of knowledge, Wikipedia, 6 00:00:15.220 --> 00:00:17.200 and these folks can't see it. 7 00:00:17.200 --> 00:00:19.620 Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING], 8 00:00:19.620 --> 00:00:22.120 and there's a special prize for particularly good answers, which is... 9 00:00:25.200 --> 00:00:28.140 And today we have an article with 'multiple issues'. 10 00:00:28.240 --> 00:00:30.020 ALL: Oooo. 11 00:00:30.240 --> 00:00:32.060 It needs additional citations; 12 00:00:32.060 --> 00:00:34.200 it may need to be rewritten entirely... 13 00:00:34.500 --> 00:00:38.180 But nevertheless, we are talking about the flag of Mars. 14 00:00:40.080 --> 00:00:40.660 Right. 15 00:00:40.800 --> 00:00:43.000 So this is a question about the people who make Galaxy chocolate, yes? 16 00:00:43.140 --> 00:00:44.280 Yes, totally, yes. 17 00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:47.580 It's a bit like a Japanese flag, only it's a big Malteser in the middle. 18 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:51.340 Surely that's the Maltese flag? 19 00:00:51.740 --> 00:00:53.580 Ohhh, you! 20 00:00:53.740 --> 00:00:54.680 Oh, he's got you there! 21 00:00:54.820 --> 00:00:56.340 He got me bang to rights! 22 00:00:57.800 --> 00:01:01.280 Meanwhile, across the river... there is the flag of Cadbury's. 115 00:01:01.760 --> 00:01:01.760 Yes. Is it red? 105 00:01:01.760 --> 00:01:03.340 [Laughter] 25 00:01:03.340 --> 00:01:07.580 'We march beneath our purple banner to GLORY!' 26 00:01:07.820 --> 00:01:10.120 Just loading cannons, again with Maltesers. 27 00:01:10.520 --> 00:01:12.220 Just as grapeshot. 28 00:01:13.360 --> 00:01:15.680 'This is the most delicious battle ev — AAUGH!' 29 00:01:15.880 --> 00:01:16.760 Aaah! 30 00:01:17.340 --> 00:01:19.340 'Still pretty good...' 31 00:01:19.700 --> 00:01:22.980 Honeycomb and chocolate in the eye at velocity! 32 00:01:23.400 --> 00:01:25.980 So goggles, obviously, is the first consideration, I think we can all agree. 33 00:01:26.180 --> 00:01:28.660 Hershey's won't join until 1941. 34 00:01:28.780 --> 00:01:29.540 ALL: Ohhh! [Laughter] 35 00:01:29.660 --> 00:01:30.400 Yes! 36 00:01:31.600 --> 00:01:33.600 And it'll just be terrible anyway. 37 00:01:33.600 --> 00:01:35.320 That's more of a comment on their chocolate. 38 00:01:35.400 --> 00:01:38.280 Cadbury's sending in the 1st Mounted Freddos, as the first.... 39 00:01:39.240 --> 00:01:41.820 No, they'd send in Taz's! Could you imagine the devastation? 40 00:01:42.540 --> 00:01:45.240 That's why Freddos went up to 20p. There was a shortage after the battle. 41 00:01:45.340 --> 00:01:46.520 Right. Massacred. Massacred. 42 00:01:46.660 --> 00:01:49.460 Caramel guts sprayed all over the place! 43 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:52.000 'Leave me! Leave me! Go on yourself!' 44 00:01:52.180 --> 00:01:53.120 'Aaargh!' 45 00:01:56.860 --> 00:01:58.940 I've just got the thought of Mars... 46 00:01:58.940 --> 00:02:01.160 like they were multiple rocket-launchers in World War II, 47 00:02:01.160 --> 00:02:02.560 a Mars bar, like that. 48 00:02:02.720 --> 00:02:04.360 Thump! Thump! Thump! 49 00:02:04.600 --> 00:02:06.880 I've just got the idea that Swiss chocolate is sitting in the middle. 50 00:02:07.720 --> 00:02:08.800 — 'Not happening!' — Nope, nope. 51 00:02:08.940 --> 00:01:01.760 Curly Wurlys used as trenching ladders. 105 00:01:01.760 --> 00:01:03.340 [Laughter] 53 00:02:13.340 --> 00:02:14.860 Using Revels as grenades. 54 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:16.700 Do you remember the Cadbury's Caramel rabbit? 55 00:02:16.860 --> 00:02:18.860 — Yes I do. — She'd be Florence Nightingale. 56 00:02:20.440 --> 00:02:22.440 I was thinking she was the cheesecake for the troops. 57 00:02:22.760 --> 00:02:25.140 — Oh crikey. Steady lad! — And the old ENSA shows. 58 00:02:25.320 --> 00:02:26.440 Be still! 59 00:02:27.020 --> 00:02:30.080 [Husky voice] 'Hi boys... I'll just undo the wrapper slightly...' 60 00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:31.540 [Cheers] 61 00:02:32.780 --> 00:01:01.760 'Show us your gooey centre!' 105 00:01:01.760 --> 00:01:03.340 [Laughter] 63 00:02:35.000 --> 00:02:36.720 [Laughter] [Groans] 64 00:02:39.780 --> 00:02:42.800 That's the greatest laugh I've ever heard! 65 00:02:44.900 --> 00:02:47.140 Don't make him self-conscious of his laugh. He's got to keep it going. 66 00:02:47.340 --> 00:02:48.960 No! That would be even worse. 67 00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:50.360 It was actually — you know what... 68 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:53.580 Horribly, I was laughing over the thought of one-legged Freddos... 69 00:02:57.240 --> 00:03:00.960 'Yeah, lost the leg back in '15 in the Chocolate Wars.' 70 00:03:01.140 --> 00:03:04.300 'They did melt a new one onto me, but it's not the same.' 71 00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:06.520 It's a leg from a Santa. 72 00:03:07.820 --> 00:03:11.740 I just got the thought of Taz's riding those Lindt rabbits. 73 00:03:12.380 --> 00:03:14.380 No, Lindt... Oh, no, Lindt's German, isn't it. 74 00:03:14.380 --> 00:03:16.920 It's not Swiss. I thought, yeah, Swiss neutrality, but yeah. 75 00:03:17.480 --> 00:03:19.480 'Chaaarge!' 76 00:03:19.700 --> 00:03:22.240 Christ, have I told you about this, when I went to the Lindt factory... 77 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:23.560 — Hello! — ...in Germany. 78 00:03:23.740 --> 00:03:25.560 Did you find the weapons stockpile or something? 79 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:27.940 No, sadly it's even better than that. 80 00:03:27.940 --> 00:03:30.120 Because... you know, you go to the Cadbury's thing, 81 00:03:30.120 --> 00:03:32.420 and it's pretty much on the site of the real factory... 82 00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:32.560 — Yeah. — If I remember rightly, that were... 83 00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:34.380 — Yeah. — You're just one room over. 84 00:03:34.520 --> 00:03:38.020 Well, Lindt have got this little one that's on an island in one of the rivers... 85 00:03:38.020 --> 00:03:40.300 I forget which German city it is, I do apologize. 86 00:03:40.300 --> 00:03:42.760 And so you go on through, and they've got the fake little factory bit, 87 00:03:42.760 --> 00:03:45.160 and then there's this big display board about Mr Lindt. 88 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:46.060 Okay. 89 00:03:46.220 --> 00:03:50.480 Saying, 'da da da... Mr Lindt started this company in blah blah blah blah in da da da...' 90 00:03:50.480 --> 00:03:54.460 Then the war starts: 'Sadly, Mr Lindt was tragically killed in 1918.' 91 00:03:54.460 --> 00:03:58.100 So it's like, oh, so he went to war, you know... it was a bombing raid or whatever... 92 00:03:58.280 --> 00:04:02.460 No! Mr Lindt died when one of his own fondant boilers exploded. 93 00:04:02.620 --> 00:04:03.600 Ohhh! 94 00:04:03.760 --> 00:04:05.580 And covered him in delicious goo! 95 00:04:05.780 --> 00:04:07.680 — If you're gonna go...! — Death by chocolate! 96 00:04:09.740 --> 00:04:13.380 And if someone didn't say that at the time... [Laughter] 97 00:04:13.860 --> 00:04:16.840 'Eh? I know it's a little bit soon but, er...' 98 00:04:17.560 --> 00:04:19.760 [Together] 'Death by chocolate? Eh?' 99 00:04:19.980 --> 00:04:22.420 I can hear the damn muted trombone... 100 00:04:22.620 --> 00:04:24.360 ALL: Womp womp womp... 101 00:04:24.540 --> 00:04:27.300 'No, it was horrifically heated caramel, Vicar.' 102 00:04:29.820 --> 00:04:31.820 'There's a reason the casket is closed.' 103 00:04:32.280 --> 00:04:34.640 'But, er... Still good!' 104 00:04:36.440 --> 00:01:01.760 'In death, as in life... Mr Lindt was delicious.' 105 00:01:01.760 --> 00:01:03.340 [Laughter] 106 00:04:42.700 --> 00:04:46.860 'All right [??], he may now be just the human equivalent of a Daim bar...' 107 00:04:47.840 --> 00:04:51.240 Oh! Bad time to take a sip of water, Matt. 108 00:04:52.540 --> 00:04:55.980 'Soft on the outside, crunchy on the inside — Mr Lindt!' 109 00:04:59.780 --> 00:05:03.460 I almost feel sorry for a man who's been dead nearly a hundred years now. 110 00:05:08.260 --> 00:05:09.420 A long time ago... 111 00:05:09.500 --> 00:05:11.500 ALL: In a galaxy far, far away... 112 00:05:11.640 --> 00:05:12.620 Galaxy! 113 00:05:12.760 --> 00:05:14.520 ALL: Heyyy! 114 00:05:14.800 --> 00:01:01.760 We were talking about the flag of Mars. 115 00:01:01.760 --> 00:01:01.760 Yes. Is it red? 116 00:05:19.220 --> 00:05:20.500 Only in part. 117 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:22.120 Is the red bit red? 118 00:05:22.200 --> 00:05:22.200 — You just shot at *something*. — Yes. 119 00:05:22.200 --> 00:05:23.520 — Yes. — Ah, there we go. 120 00:05:23.620 --> 00:05:24.980 — Point. [DING] — Yaaay! 121 00:05:25.640 --> 00:05:27.060 Not sure why. 122 00:05:27.220 --> 00:05:30.400 Is the red bit Mars-shaped, i.e. a circle? 123 00:05:31.360 --> 00:05:33.360 No, not at all. It's very much symbolic, and... 124 00:05:33.540 --> 00:05:36.700 Is it a red horizon and then sort of a black upper band or something? 125 00:05:36.860 --> 00:05:38.300 Ooh, close to that. 126 00:05:38.440 --> 00:05:41.200 — Blue upper band? — Oh, with two stars, the Earth and the Moon? 127 00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:42.980 — And the sun? — No... 128 00:05:43.060 --> 00:05:45.060 I'm going to give you a point for blue band as well. [DING] 129 00:05:45.060 --> 00:05:46.480 You've got a red band and a blue band... 385 00:05:46.600 --> 00:05:47.420 [Laughter] Oh, okay. 131 00:05:47.420 --> 00:05:50.140 It's a tricolor, like the French flag or the German flag. 132 00:05:50.300 --> 00:05:51.560 Right, okay — what, sideways? 133 00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:52.660 Sideways. 134 00:05:53.460 --> 00:05:54.260 Red, blue... 135 00:05:54.360 --> 00:05:57.180 Red, blue and green, after Kim Stanley Robinson's Mars Trilogy. 287 00:05:57.360 --> 00:05:57.360 [DING] Yeah. 316 00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:01.120 No way! [Laughter] 138 00:06:01.120 --> 00:06:04.220 Red Mars, Green Mars, Blue Mars, in that order, 139 00:06:04.220 --> 00:06:06.700 representing past and possible futures of Mars. 140 00:06:07.080 --> 00:06:09.080 Oh, right, green being when we astroturf it. 141 00:06:09.200 --> 00:06:10.640 ...manage to terraform it. 142 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:12.120 And blue when it has water. Yes. 143 00:06:12.280 --> 00:06:15.040 Right. So the green is the bit where we turf it over 144 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:17.400 and have a country park or something like that — a picnic area... 145 00:06:17.560 --> 00:06:19.880 Just — that's where we're going to send all the football. 146 00:06:19.880 --> 00:06:21.620 Because we don't need it here on Earth. 147 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:23.260 I would disagree. 148 00:06:23.420 --> 00:06:24.960 That is a great, great idea. 149 00:06:25.820 --> 00:06:26.660 ...No. 150 00:06:26.860 --> 00:06:28.860 You don't have to agree. You're welcome to go to Mars too! 151 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:32.600 No, no, I will be on the supporters' bus to Mars and back on a Saturday. 152 00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:34.800 I just like the idea of low-gravity football now. 153 00:06:35.440 --> 00:06:37.240 Mmm, that's got a certain charm to it, hasn't it. 154 00:06:37.420 --> 00:06:38.720 It'd be a sod to control. 155 00:06:38.920 --> 00:06:40.600 You hoof it, and it comes back and hits you in the head. 156 00:06:40.700 --> 00:06:42.900 Well, did you ever play Brazilian football at school, 157 00:06:42.900 --> 00:06:44.920 where you're in the hall, and off the walls is perfectly valid? 158 00:06:45.080 --> 00:06:46.620 — Yes, I did, yes, yes... — I never played that! 159 00:06:46.780 --> 00:06:50.240 Ah, it's great. It's a game of football I can actually get behind. 160 00:06:50.740 --> 00:06:53.620 Imagine that — if we could get one of these floaty... 161 00:06:53.620 --> 00:06:55.620 You know the big fan chambers where you pretend you're skydiving? 162 00:06:55.780 --> 00:06:56.560 [Gasps] 163 00:06:56.700 --> 00:06:56.700 — Ohhh! — So, theoretically... 164 00:06:56.700 --> 00:06:58.100 — Ohhh! — Oh no, you see, I've been to one of them. 165 00:06:58.180 --> 00:06:59.860 You can't control anything in it. 166 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:01.000 Your bladder? 167 00:07:04.280 --> 00:07:06.600 Yes. You have to wear a diaper before you go in... 168 00:07:06.700 --> 00:07:08.700 Tom Scott's Anti-Gravity S***ting. 169 00:07:08.780 --> 00:07:09.840 Nappy, surely. 170 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:11.620 Tom Scott: Pissing In The Wind. 171 00:07:17.020 --> 00:07:18.640 'Aaaaah!' 172 00:07:19.060 --> 00:07:21.580 [Together] 'I'm singing in the rain...' 173 00:07:21.760 --> 00:07:24.000 Ohh! You horrible human beings. 174 00:07:24.940 --> 00:07:26.940 So what's relative gravity on Mars? 175 00:07:27.700 --> 00:07:29.560 — Er... — Give me a moment... 176 00:07:29.760 --> 00:07:31.580 — More than the Moon. — More than a six. It's nearly one-to-one, isn't it? 177 00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:35.420 It's actually about a third of gravity — 0.37. 178 00:07:35.420 --> 00:07:36.260 — Really? — Yeah. 179 00:07:36.340 --> 00:07:37.640 What, less — is it a third...? 180 00:07:37.760 --> 00:07:40.740 Okay. So I'm going to grasp sketchily here with my poor knowledge of physics... 181 00:07:40.740 --> 00:07:43.340 but are we now talking about a pitch that's three times the size 182 00:07:43.340 --> 00:07:44.580 for the ball to come down? 183 00:07:44.580 --> 00:07:46.780 Or do we just make the ball three times heavier? 184 00:07:46.940 --> 00:07:50.160 I just think you ask players to control themselves, quite frankly. 185 00:07:50.300 --> 00:07:52.560 Oh, you make it a game of subtlety and finesse 186 00:07:52.680 --> 00:07:54.520 Yes, and learn the Martian game. 187 00:07:54.640 --> 00:07:56.340 — Oooh. — Oooh! 188 00:07:56.520 --> 00:07:59.120 You can tell who actually bothered by football, here. 189 00:07:59.200 --> 00:08:01.120 Because you'd be able to jump higher... 190 00:08:02.400 --> 00:08:04.080 Headers'd be marvelous! 191 00:08:04.220 --> 00:08:05.100 — I think... — It's not... 192 00:08:05.420 --> 00:08:08.380 I think with a third gravity you could expect someone 193 00:08:08.380 --> 00:08:10.160 to be able to jump over someone else. 194 00:08:10.300 --> 00:08:11.320 — Yeah. — I don't think that's an unreasonable... 195 00:08:11.460 --> 00:08:12.480 It'd be like Quidditch! 196 00:08:13.060 --> 00:08:15.940 I'm just thinking, actually, we take it back to the futsal thing, 197 00:08:15.940 --> 00:08:18.200 and off the ceiling is perfectly valid. 198 00:08:18.620 --> 00:08:20.300 Oh, you would have to have a ceiling, you're right. 199 00:08:20.300 --> 00:08:21.440 You would have to have a roof, you would. 200 00:08:21.540 --> 00:08:22.660 That solves it, yeah. 201 00:08:22.740 --> 00:08:23.740 It would have to be indoors, and therefore... 202 00:08:23.880 --> 00:08:26.240 Because otherwise you're going to be running for miles to get the damn ball back. 203 00:08:26.400 --> 00:08:28.160 Yeah. And a third gravity... 204 00:08:28.400 --> 00:08:32.900 Potentially, I mean, how long could you do the halfway wall-running thing? 205 00:08:32.980 --> 00:08:34.980 — Ohhh. — Under those auspices? 206 00:08:35.100 --> 00:08:39.300 'I'm just gonna dribble it three feet up on the wall here past you...' You know. 207 00:08:39.460 --> 00:08:42.060 I wouldn't, no. I wouldn't allow that. I think you'd... no. 208 00:08:42.060 --> 00:08:44.720 I wouldn't be fine with running up the walls. 209 00:08:44.920 --> 00:08:46.920 — Well, you're not, you're running along the wall. — What if you had, like, curved... 210 00:08:46.920 --> 00:08:48.460 Oh, yeah! 211 00:08:48.680 --> 00:08:49.800 Like a velodrome. 212 00:08:50.020 --> 00:08:51.900 Like a half-pipe. A big half-pipe. 213 00:08:52.020 --> 00:08:54.840 Because you'd be able to get enough speed up to do these curving runs... 214 00:08:55.000 --> 00:08:57.100 Nah, it's not the spirit. I think people would just have to accept that... 215 00:08:57.180 --> 00:08:58.600 — Oh, yeah! Because the spirit of the game... — Not in the spirit of the game! 216 00:08:58.740 --> 00:09:01.200 The spirit of the game is on Mars. 217 00:09:01.340 --> 00:09:02.620 Is on Mars. Yes. 218 00:09:02.760 --> 00:09:05.040 Well, I think that Mars City, as they will undoubtedly be known... 219 00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:08.260 or United, there may be two teams. It may be able to support two teams, I don't know... 220 00:09:08.260 --> 00:09:10.260 would inevitably have a home advantage. 221 00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:11.240 The Mars Derby! 222 00:09:11.380 --> 00:09:12.720 The Mars Derby would be the... 223 00:09:12.840 --> 00:09:14.140 No, they wouldn't have home advantage. 224 00:09:14.140 --> 00:09:15.900 Don't forget that the original premise is, 225 00:09:15.900 --> 00:09:18.380 we're shipping every one of the buggers up there! 226 00:09:18.520 --> 00:09:21.160 Oh no, I was just thinking of starting a... of having a team up there and... 227 00:09:21.320 --> 00:09:23.260 Nope! Ship 'em all off. Goodbye! 228 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:24.700 One hell of an away trip. 229 00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:27.220 It'd be a bit like when QPR had astroturfed the pitch, 230 00:09:27.220 --> 00:09:28.460 everyone said they had an unfair advantage. 231 00:09:28.460 --> 00:09:30.100 I think it'd be the same with Mars United. 232 00:09:30.100 --> 00:09:31.680 I think they would have an unfair advantage. 233 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:33.300 Because they'd have all the breathing apparatus. 234 00:09:33.420 --> 00:09:34.720 GARY: They would. They would. 235 00:09:35.800 --> 00:09:37.800 Like Arnie in Total Recall. 236 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:40.680 I tell you what, the away attendances would be shocking, wouldn't they. 237 00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:41.840 When you're a few years... 238 00:09:42.020 --> 00:09:43.980 'And it's a very lifeless crowd here today...' [Laughter] 239 00:09:45.540 --> 00:09:48.740 When you're a few years down the line, though, we'd have people who'd grown up on Mars, 240 00:09:48.740 --> 00:09:51.440 who are presumably taller, more adapted to gravity. 241 00:09:51.960 --> 00:09:53.500 — Like, at that point... — They couldn't transfer to the Earth game, could they. 242 00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:54.700 — They wouldn't have the muscle tone. — No. 243 00:09:54.800 --> 00:09:57.840 They'd look at us as a race of semi-evolved dwarfs, wouldn't they? 244 00:09:57.980 --> 00:09:59.980 Which is why I think we should just nuke Mars now. 245 00:10:00.380 --> 00:10:02.380 And just nip this in the bud. 246 00:10:02.380 --> 00:10:03.840 Get the first dibs in. 247 00:10:04.040 --> 00:10:06.360 What you're saying is, we should just fire a Mars at Mars now. 248 00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:08.440 Yes. I think we really should. 249 00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:10.440 And leave the Freddos where they are. 250 00:10:10.440 --> 00:10:11.960 They've suffered enough. 251 00:10:12.140 --> 00:10:15.060 'Eat nougaty death, ye Martian bastards!' 252 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:18.860 I'm just thinking... because there's the idea of 'Rods from God'... 253 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:21.680 Yes! Hyper-accelerated Mars bar. 254 00:10:21.820 --> 00:10:23.180 — Boomf. — Yeah! Whoomp! 255 00:10:23.320 --> 00:10:24.620 Rods from God — do you know the concept? 256 00:10:24.620 --> 00:10:27.040 The idea that the only space weapon you really need 257 00:10:27.040 --> 00:10:30.760 is a big titanium rod just sitting on a satellite, 258 00:10:31.040 --> 00:10:33.980 and then when you're over the city you want, you just drop it. 259 00:10:34.220 --> 00:10:36.300 Poor Titanium Rod, sat up there on his own. 260 00:10:36.460 --> 00:10:38.360 I'd like to see if you could get, like, Rod Stewart and drop him on... 261 00:10:38.500 --> 00:10:39.240 — Yes. — Ha! 262 00:10:39.360 --> 00:10:41.080 [Sings] 'Baaaby Jane...' 263 00:10:41.300 --> 00:10:42.260 No, that's more... 264 00:10:43.520 --> 00:10:46.820 That's more psychological warfare. You parachute him in, still alive. 265 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:50.440 'My name is Titanium Rod.' 266 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:54.600 'And I, ironically, am the man who's in charge of the titanium rods.' 267 00:10:55.440 --> 00:10:58.260 When it arrives it has as much kinetic energy as an atomic bomb would. 268 00:10:58.560 --> 00:11:00.560 And it levels the city. 269 00:11:00.560 --> 00:11:02.620 And all you need to do is get the thing up there in the first place. 270 00:11:03.560 --> 00:11:04.940 — How would you do that? — 'All you need to do,' yeah. 271 00:11:05.100 --> 00:11:07.560 *Someone* will drop one, won't they, while they're up there. 272 00:11:07.640 --> 00:11:08.620 'Ooop! Bugger.' 273 00:11:08.740 --> 00:11:10.120 — Ohhh... — 'Oh, there she goes...' 274 00:11:10.260 --> 00:11:11.020 'Oh, s***.' 275 00:11:11.160 --> 00:11:14.840 'Hello? Is this Chicago? I've, er, got some bad news...' 276 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:16.780 There's actually a thing that would prevent both... 277 00:11:16.780 --> 00:11:20.000 You know, a legal thing that prevents both the development of weapons like that, 278 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:22.560 *and* it's the reason the flag of Mars isn't official. 279 00:11:22.560 --> 00:11:23.900 Does anyone know what it is? 280 00:11:24.060 --> 00:11:25.360 Who owns Mars? 281 00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:27.640 Bet they've sold off plots of it like they have on the Moon. 282 00:11:28.640 --> 00:11:31.560 They absolutely have, but again, this is the thing that prevents it. 283 00:11:31.680 --> 00:11:33.680 — Does anyone know what the...? — No. 284 00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:36.160 The International Treaty on Not Being a Dick About Mars. 285 00:11:36.280 --> 00:11:38.100 I'm going to give you a point. It's the Outer Space Treaty. 286 00:11:38.200 --> 00:05:57.360 Yeah, Interstellar Treaty... 287 00:05:57.360 --> 00:05:57.360 [DING] Yeah. 288 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:43.040 The Outer Space Treaty bans weapons of mass destruction 289 00:11:43.040 --> 00:11:45.320 in orbit, or on the Moon, or anywhere else. 290 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:48.900 And it also means that all the celestial bodies are open to mankind. 291 00:11:49.040 --> 00:11:50.320 Did anyone tell China about that? 292 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:53.220 Yeah, it'll presumably last until someone actually lands there. 293 00:11:53.340 --> 00:11:55.140 — Yeah. 'Now it's ours.' — At which point... yes. 294 00:11:55.820 --> 00:11:59.580 Could you take a medical titanium rod into space under that pretense? 295 00:11:59.740 --> 00:12:01.540 That's what happened with the supergun, isn't it? 296 00:12:01.540 --> 00:12:03.060 — Yeah, it was. — The supergun? 297 00:12:03.200 --> 00:12:06.780 After the ban on NBC for Iraq... 298 00:12:06.940 --> 00:12:08.720 Nuclear, Biological, Chemical, yeah. 299 00:12:08.880 --> 00:12:13.120 After the ban for that in Iraq, he started building an enormous... 300 00:12:13.120 --> 00:12:13.780 Er, 'he'.. 301 00:12:13.780 --> 00:12:16.860 Saddam commissioned an enormous conventional gun, 302 00:12:16.860 --> 00:12:19.100 with a bore of about a metre, I think. 303 00:12:19.300 --> 00:12:22.300 I think the basic thought was, 'If I can't have biological and chemical weapons, 304 00:12:22.300 --> 00:12:24.440 'I'll make the biggest, f***-off-est gun I can...' 305 00:12:24.640 --> 00:12:26.220 Yeah. They've got a piece in... 306 00:12:26.420 --> 00:12:28.180 Project Babylon. 307 00:12:28.300 --> 00:12:29.880 — Oh cool! — Heya. 308 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:32.080 [Matt] It fires gardens! [Laughter] 309 00:12:32.640 --> 00:12:35.380 The whole thing sort of fell apart, and whatever else, 310 00:12:35.500 --> 00:12:39.220 but they've got a section of the barrel in Duxford Air Museum. 311 00:12:39.220 --> 00:12:40.320 I think it was Duxford — anyway... 312 00:12:40.540 --> 00:12:42.540 '...barrel length of 46 metres'. 313 00:12:42.680 --> 00:12:44.840 — Aww yeah. — And that was the baby one, the first one. 314 00:12:44.940 --> 00:11:27.820 I'm looking around, looking at it... 'Made in Sheffield'. 433 00:11:27.820 --> 00:05:57.360 Yeah. 316 00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:01.120 No way! [Laughter] 317 00:12:51.260 --> 00:12:53.860 It was a company called Forgemasters, if I don't forget... 318 00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:59.300 It does say here, 'The metal tubes... were purchased from firms in the United Kingdom, 319 00:12:59.300 --> 00:13:01.660 '...including Sheffield Forgemasters.' 320 00:13:01.780 --> 00:13:03.780 That's it. And if you're going to have a steel company, 321 00:13:03.780 --> 00:13:05.560 you call it something like that. 322 00:13:05.800 --> 00:13:07.640 — Sheffield Forgemasters, yeah. — Forgemasters! 323 00:13:07.900 --> 00:13:10.360 Well, basically, they were told it was drainage pipe 324 00:13:10.360 --> 00:13:13.680 that they were making, *with a bore on it* in the middle. 325 00:13:13.820 --> 00:13:18.140 'Yeah, we like to rifle our s*** so it gets away from the cities faster.' 326 00:13:19.680 --> 00:13:21.860 Just get right in the groove there! Ptoom... Whoof! 327 00:13:22.700 --> 00:13:24.700 'Were there any bullets left in the gun?' 328 00:13:24.700 --> 00:13:26.940 'No, sir. By the time we got there, they'd been rifled.' 329 00:13:27.080 --> 00:13:29.080 [Laughter and groans] 330 00:13:29.380 --> 00:13:31.680 Yeah, Big Babylon was meant to be a one... 331 00:13:32.180 --> 00:13:34.180 Ha! Sorry — 'Big Babylon'! 332 00:13:34.300 --> 00:13:36.300 ...a one-metre-bore supergun. 333 00:13:36.300 --> 00:13:38.720 A space gun. It would shoot into... 334 00:13:38.880 --> 00:13:40.700 Oh, low orbit and then drop back down, yeah. 335 00:13:40.800 --> 00:13:42.220 I seem to remember they got... 336 00:13:42.220 --> 00:11:27.820 It was an MP or someone, the guy that basically rumbled the whole thing. 433 00:11:27.820 --> 00:05:57.360 Yeah. 338 00:13:46.580 --> 00:13:47.520 Didn't he come up with the great phrase of, 339 00:13:47.520 --> 00:13:51.380 'They said it was a sewage pipe, but how come it had a thumping great muzzle on the end?' 340 00:13:52.080 --> 00:13:54.080 Well, there's some lovely commentary here, that... 341 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:59.640 'Neither of these devices could be elevated or trained, making them useless for direct military purposes.' 342 00:13:59.640 --> 00:14:01.060 You couldn't aim them. 343 00:14:03.300 --> 00:14:05.300 I think you vaguely aim at something in the distance, 344 00:14:05.300 --> 00:14:07.540 and whatever it hits on, you go, 'See? We could move it...' 345 00:14:07.680 --> 00:14:09.680 And it's also immobile, 346 00:14:09.680 --> 00:14:12.260 which means it had the same problem as Germany's V-3: 347 00:14:12.260 --> 00:14:14.040 You can bomb it. 348 00:14:14.040 --> 00:14:15.440 It's there. 349 00:14:16.340 --> 00:14:18.340 It's five hundred feet long. 350 00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:20.020 You're not going to miss that, are you? 351 00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:21.160 You're not going to miss that. 352 00:14:21.300 --> 00:14:22.500 You can see it from Mars. 353 00:14:22.660 --> 00:14:24.660 I'll just fill the barrel with chocolate and watch it explode. 354 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:26.840 'Right, we've filled it with fondant, lads...' 355 00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:30.080 'Next time it goes off, it's Mr Lindt all over again!' 356 00:14:30.860 --> 00:14:34.720 There is somewhere on Earth where the Mars flag is flying right now. 357 00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:37.000 Kim Stanley Robinson's back yard. 358 00:14:37.240 --> 00:14:39.780 Somewhere it's officially flying, by governmental decree. 359 00:14:39.940 --> 00:14:42.600 Is it the same as another country's flag? 360 00:14:42.780 --> 00:14:44.220 — No, not at all. — Okay. 361 00:14:44.220 --> 00:14:46.080 I'm going to get bone obvious. 362 00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:47.920 Are we saying something like Nasa 363 00:14:47.920 --> 00:14:49.920 or the European Space Agency or something like that? 364 00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:51.420 It's one of their facilities, yes. 365 00:14:51.420 --> 00:14:54.660 The Flashline Mars Arctic Research Station — which is a great name. 366 00:14:54.820 --> 00:14:55.840 — Yes! — Oh, okay. 367 00:14:55.960 --> 00:14:57.960 Does anyone want to take a guess where that is? 368 00:14:58.100 --> 00:14:59.460 — In the Arctic. — Is it in the Arctic? 369 00:14:59.580 --> 00:15:01.440 Point. [DING] Absolutely. 370 00:15:01.580 --> 00:15:03.540 [Laughter] It's not a guess. You told us the answer. 371 00:15:03.660 --> 00:15:05.360 Oh. It's in the name! 372 00:15:05.580 --> 00:15:08.460 Is the Flashline Arctic Research Station in the Arctic? 373 00:15:08.460 --> 00:15:10.380 No! It's in Venezuela. 374 00:15:10.700 --> 00:15:12.700 I just read the name! 375 00:15:12.700 --> 00:15:14.700 I just... I read the name. I didn't... [Laughter] 376 00:15:14.700 --> 00:15:16.340 ...didn't notice... 377 00:15:16.580 --> 00:15:17.800 I thought that was intentional! 378 00:15:17.940 --> 00:15:19.220 Keeping the point though! 379 00:15:19.340 --> 00:15:21.400 There have been a couple of other fictional Mars flags. 380 00:15:21.400 --> 00:15:23.620 This is the one that's sort of vaguely acceptable 381 00:15:23.620 --> 00:15:25.600 Does anyone want to take a guess what they might have been, 382 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:26.420 and where they might have been? 383 00:15:26.600 --> 00:15:28.600 Red background and blue letters: 'Mars'. 384 00:15:29.620 --> 00:05:46.600 You know what, you are so close. 385 00:05:46.600 --> 00:05:47.420 [Laughter] Oh, okay. 386 00:15:32.680 --> 00:15:33.840 — No way. — It's not actually... 387 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:37.720 It's red lettering... it's red on a white background. 388 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:38.500 Yeah? 389 00:15:38.660 --> 00:15:41.100 And it's not quite 'Mars' but it's something very similar. 390 00:15:41.320 --> 00:15:43.320 This is from Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land. 391 00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:45.640 I've not read that one. I've read some Heinlein but not that one. 392 00:15:45.820 --> 00:15:47.700 It was simply the symbol for Mars: 393 00:15:47.700 --> 00:15:49.700 the male symbol, the circle with an arrow. 394 00:15:49.860 --> 00:15:51.340 — Ahhh. — Ohh. 395 00:15:51.540 --> 00:15:55.260 The side effect of that being, you are essentially just planting a sign that says, 'MEN!' 396 00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:58.400 What a surprise! From Heinlein! 397 00:15:58.540 --> 00:16:00.060 Er, yes, good point. 398 00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:03.940 Basically you'd be planting a flag that's got Austin Powers' medallion on it. 399 00:16:04.040 --> 00:16:05.440 Yes. Mojo symbol. 400 00:16:05.640 --> 00:16:07.620 And meanwhile on Venus, 401 00:16:07.620 --> 00:16:10.200 there is a flag that is just literally... 402 00:16:10.420 --> 00:16:12.060 There's a flag that's on fire. 403 00:16:12.060 --> 00:16:14.060 Briefly, before it's destroyed. 404 00:16:14.220 --> 00:16:16.700 Well, you say that... There was a plan that someone came up with 405 00:16:16.700 --> 00:16:18.960 to colonize the upper atmosphere of Venus. 406 00:16:19.080 --> 00:16:20.360 So what, fully orbital? 407 00:16:20.440 --> 00:16:21.860 Everyone just has to tread water. 408 00:16:22.200 --> 00:16:25.820 No, because the upper atmosphere is about atmospheric pressure. 409 00:16:26.040 --> 00:16:30.480 It's toxic air, but if it's at atmospheric pressure and you get a leak, 410 00:16:30.640 --> 00:16:33.120 'Oh. I will walk up and I will seal the leak.' 411 00:16:33.220 --> 00:16:34.500 Put some Blu-Tack in it. 412 00:16:34.660 --> 00:16:37.740 The temperature's about habitable, the pressure's about habitable. 413 00:16:37.740 --> 00:16:40.460 So if you can keep a giant balloon up there, 414 00:16:40.460 --> 00:16:42.760 and the atmosphere is dense enough that you could do that, 415 00:16:42.760 --> 00:16:44.460 because our air is lighter, 416 00:16:44.460 --> 00:16:46.880 you could theoretically have a bubble, just sitting... 417 00:16:47.040 --> 00:11:27.820 Just a bubble city... 433 00:11:27.820 --> 00:05:57.360 Yeah. 419 00:16:49.700 --> 00:16:50.520 Cool! 420 00:16:50.660 --> 00:16:53.880 Mind you, that titanium rod program is coming on a treat. 421 00:16:54.140 --> 00:16:56.440 Actually, going back to the earlier part of this conversation, 422 00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:58.580 could you get a chocolate bar that could do that? 423 00:16:58.940 --> 00:17:02.280 I think reentry might pose a problem for a Mars bar. 424 00:17:02.380 --> 00:17:03.420 What if it were in a wrapper? 425 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:06.160 — What, like Eminem? — Yeah. [Laughs] 426 00:17:06.320 --> 00:17:08.060 So what you're espousing is, 427 00:17:08.060 --> 00:17:12.900 putting a Mars bar in like, a round that will burn up perfectly through reentry... 428 00:17:13.040 --> 00:17:14.180 GARY: Yeeeup. 429 00:17:14.300 --> 00:17:17.060 Leaving you with a solid Mars bar, which will then refreeze in the upper atmosphere... 430 00:17:17.180 --> 00:17:17.940 Correct. 431 00:17:18.100 --> 00:17:19.620 Slowly defrost slightly, and then... 432 00:17:19.760 --> 00:11:27.820 Well, it's not going to be as damaging, but I like the way you're thinking. 433 00:11:27.820 --> 00:05:57.360 Yeah. 434 00:17:23.120 --> 00:17:25.120 That's the ultimate middle finger, isn't it? 435 00:17:25.280 --> 00:17:27.900 [American accent] 'Well, I do believe we are gonna attack you with nuclear weapons.' 436 00:17:28.140 --> 00:17:29.420 'Ooh! Mars bar!' 437 00:17:29.560 --> 00:17:31.740 'Nuclear weapons? F*** that. We can take you down with a Mars bar.' 438 00:17:33.700 --> 00:17:35.200 'Gentlemen, I have an announcement... 439 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:37.680 'I have a Yorkie strategically positioned 440 00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:39.780 'over the major centres of the world.' 441 00:17:40.280 --> 00:17:42.280 Actually, yeah, that is your weapon of choice. 442 00:17:42.280 --> 00:17:44.500 Unless you can afford some of that posh dark chocolate. 443 00:17:44.500 --> 00:17:45.920 But I don't think the Swiss'd sell it to you. 444 00:17:46.080 --> 00:17:48.740 I don't think they'd do it. So yeah, basically the... 445 00:17:48.740 --> 00:17:51.600 The weapon of choice for Britain in the space chocolate arms race 446 00:17:51.700 --> 00:17:53.620 — ...has to be the Yorkie. — Has to be the Yorkie, yeah. 447 00:17:53.740 --> 00:17:56.000 I know the Swiss'd be wheeling out the Toblerone and all that, 448 00:17:56.000 --> 00:17:57.880 but if you've got to keep up with the arms race, 449 00:17:57.880 --> 00:17:59.420 we'd just put up a fruit and nut one. 450 00:18:04.940 --> 00:18:07.400 Also I'm now just — with you saying the fruit and nut, 451 00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:09.560 I'm now channeling the start of Flash Gordon. 452 00:18:09.760 --> 00:18:11.100 [Laughter] TOM: Oh yeah. 453 00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:13.240 'Hot sultanas! Hot hazelnuts!' 454 00:18:13.360 --> 00:18:15.360 'Most effective, Your Majesty.' 455 00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:16.580 'Fudge sauce.' 456 00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:20.880 Just going around trying to catch it all with ice cream. 457 00:18:22.980 --> 00:18:25.420 'Sir, are you destroying the Earth or making a dessert?' 458 00:18:26.820 --> 00:18:27.460 Both. 459 00:18:27.600 --> 00:18:29.680 Little from Column A, little from Column B. 460 00:18:31.180 --> 00:18:33.540 'But how many will die as a result of this attack?' 461 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:35.920 'Hundreds-and-thousands.' 462 00:18:39.000 --> 00:18:41.000 Yes! You win! 463 00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:43.180 Tom, he wins! 464 00:18:45.420 --> 00:18:48.980 I feel we've been building towards that moment for the whole episode. 465 00:18:49.460 --> 00:18:52.460 Cut. Print. Let's go home. 466 00:18:52.700 --> 00:18:55.880 At the end of the show, Gary — congratulations, you win. 467 00:18:57.880 --> 00:18:59.660 Er, you've won... 468 00:19:02.660 --> 00:19:04.660 You've won a holiday to a French resort 469 00:19:04.660 --> 00:19:07.680 with Sulu from Star Trek and the director of Transformers. 470 00:19:08.040 --> 00:19:10.360 It's George Takei and Michael Bay's Week Away in Saint-Tropez. 471 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:12.860 [Takei voice] 'Oh my.' 472 00:19:13.040 --> 00:19:13.880 Enjoy that! 473 00:19:13.880 --> 00:19:15.560 — That's been Matt Gray... — Bye-bye! 474 00:19:15.560 --> 00:19:16.760 That's been Gary Brannan... 475 00:19:16.760 --> 00:19:18.020 That's been Chris Joel... 476 00:19:18.020 --> 00:19:19.860 I've been Tom Scott, and we'll see you next time. 477 00:19:23.860 --> 00:19:25.120 That was our show! 478 00:19:25.120 --> 00:19:27.120 If you liked it, give us a comment and let us know. 479 00:19:27.420 --> 00:19:29.680 And there are more than thirty audio episodes 480 00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:31.120 of our reverse trivia podcast 481 00:19:31.120 --> 00:19:33.760 over at techdif.co.uk.