WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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Today's show is sponsored by
Marilyn Manson's Fancy Dancin'.

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This is the Technical Difficulties.
We are playing Citation Needed.

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I have an almost-randomly selected article from Wikipedia in front of me

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and these folks can't see it.

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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING],

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and there's a special prize for particularly good answers which is...

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Now, sometimes the random article selector

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comes out with something that I definitely can't use.

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Sometimes it comes out with something wonderful.

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And sometimes it comes out with something like...

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The Neckarwestheim Nuclear Power Plant.

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[Laughter]
Thump!

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'Neck a vest' is when you get a pint of vest

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and just try and try and down it.

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Warming!

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Nekavestnominate!

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Actually, I found out what the German for 'neknominate' was,

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and it's 'Biernominierung'.

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ALL: Ahhh!

292
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Yes!

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It's got a lovely... Biernominierung.

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Yeah, it's got that kind of assonance in it that really really sells it.

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'Neknominate'... enh.

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'Ich Biernominierung Hans!' It still works.

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— Can you?!
— Yeah.

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— Yeah.
— It still works.

27
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Ohh, 'neck vest'.

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Neckarwestnominate: you have to build a nuclear power plant in your back garden.

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I was thinking you'd just have to wear a really bad sweater for the next day.

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Really tight '80s tank top. That kind of thing.

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Sorry, it just occurs to me that Starfleet spandex uniforms

32
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don't really fit all body types. There's just...

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That's a fair point! You never saw a fat Starfleet captain, did you?

34
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That's what I was thinking.

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What about Scotty?

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No, but he didn't wear, like, the first version Next Generation ones,

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you know, the *really* tight 'you can see their junk' level ones.

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Oh yeah, they did fit, didn't they?

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Can you imagine being a bit of a chunkier fellow in one of them?

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Just the gut hanging out.

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I suspect that enough TNG conventions have brought us this image.

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'I've split my uniform, sir.'

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— '...again.'
— 'Again.'

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[Sad trombone]

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Are you just improvising a '70s sitcom on board the USS Enterprise?

46
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Carry On Enterprise! Yeah.

47
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Oh, actually that would have been really good.

48
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Yeah! Carry On Star Trek could actually have been a thing.

49
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It's around about the right time.

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Goodness, I'm glad we're riffing on this,

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because frankly Neckarwestheim Nuclear Power Plant doesn't...

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[Laughter]
Thump!

53
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[Laughter]
...doesn't have that much in the way of —

54
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Is it in Russia?

55
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No, it's in Germany.

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Can anyone tell me its nameplate capacity?

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Nameplate capac... Nameplate?!

58
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They could have fit dozens and dozens of nameplates in there,

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but that lousy nuclear fuel...

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Why are you putting name badges into a nuclear reactor?

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That sounds like the worst thing you could do!

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Fifty nameplates per square metre.

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When you've got a name like that, it must go right to the edge of the...

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I'm imagining this place looks exactly like the one off Thunderbirds.

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It's got a big circular sphere thing in the middle,

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and with a name that long it's going all the way around the edge.

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Literally — I'm giving you a point. That is pretty much exactly what it looks like.

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Hahey!

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Does anyone want to tell me what 'nameplate capacity' is?

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— Why don't *you*?
— I'd thought it was the power output.

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— No! Name...
— Yeah! Point. [DING]

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Is it?

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It's the nominal capacity.
It's the maximum it can put out, sustained.

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It's — to use your Star Trek reference again — maximum warp.

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Oh! I see.

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About 2.2 gigawatts.

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— Of course! Argh! Just what I was going to say.
— Yes!

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It's hard to generate interesting questions about nuclear power plants.

79
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Let's go a bit more generically.

80
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What would happen if you wee in the reactor?

81
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That's an interesting question about a nuclear power plant right there.

82
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Your dick falls off.

83
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Into the coolant, in which the...

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Into the reactor via a pipe.

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Okay? I'm not talking about opening the top up and just weeing in there.

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I know exactly that a jet of neutrons will come out

87
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and turn my dick into Godzilla, or something like that, right?

88
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I'm... I mean, I'm imagining it's just...

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ROAR!

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It's such a brilliant image, I'm sorry!

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I think we should all just take a breath,

92
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and appreciate that what we're actually seeing

93
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is a remake of Godzilla, just with a tiny Brannan

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— perched somewhere very high in the shot.
— [Screams]

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Going, 'Oh ****, I shouldn't have pissed in...'

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'however-you-pronounce-it Nuclear Reactor.'

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'No, no, don't destroy Tokyo! We need that...!'
'ROAAAR!'

98
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You'd look like an amazing Rod Hull and Emu.

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What if Rod Hull had pissed into a nuclear reactor?! Would Emu have come real?

100
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No!
[Laughter]

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Would the emu have become welded to his arm and sentient?

102
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Folks, if we do have any experts in nuclear physics watching...

103
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'Help me!'

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Or indeed in Rod Hull.

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Yeah.

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Just... do tell us what would happen.

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I mean, I'm imagining it would be basically like

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pissing on the stones in a sauna, only a thousand times worse.

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[Steam sounds]
— Yeah.

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And then, if you have got an emu on your hand, it comes real. Right?

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[Laughter]
You've basically got a cloud...

112
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If you have the foresight to bring an emu with you.

113
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Which I would, naturally!

114
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...a cloud of radioactive piss-steam,

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— essentially, is what comes out there.
— Ha!

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Also, if you've got a real emu, and your hand up its arse,

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it turns into a puppet.

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— Ohh!
— It cuts both ways.

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Science is amazing!

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So anyway, this nuclear power plant.

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Yes. How long has it been operating?
(I'm just naming questions.)

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Since '54.

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All right. Okay. Let me have a go, let me have a go.

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This is looking like something out of Thunderbirds.

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Yep. And it's a West German nuclear power plant.

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And it's in West Germany, so — that's fine, because it's been influenced

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by American and British technology of the time in nuclear reactors,

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which is what? Influenced Gerry Adam —

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Not Gerry Adams! Gerry Anderson!

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Gerry Adams' Thunderbirds!

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— We're on dangerous territory here, lads.
— WHOA, everybody!

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I wasn't going to say anything more to follow that.

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I was going to let it run all on its own!

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I was just assuming...

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During the '80s their voices were provided by actors.

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Yes.

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I was thinking the entire series as being silhouetted,

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like The Hood in the opening credits. It just never comes out of it.

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Oh, s***!

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...Gerry *Anderson* would have been influenced by.

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So I'm going to say, 19... 59, 1960?

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I said '54.

143
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Er, '63. Why not.

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You're closest. Point. '71. [DING]

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— Yes!
— Argh!

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Closest without going over!

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W*****!

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Which was late enough that it got what?

149
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That earlier power plants may not have had?

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Safety! And protection.

151
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Yeah, it's got to be something like that.

152
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Following Windscale, yeah. Yeah.

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A ribbon to open it with.

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Er, it was more something that they wouldn't have wanted.

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Protest.

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Protest! [DING] Protest. Have a point.

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Absolutely right. Blocked the entrance with an eight-metre wall.

158
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Oh, fair p—
A wall?

159
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Yes.

160
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— They don't just appear.
— A wall of...?

161
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Literally, a wall of breeze blocks that they brought with them.

162
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What do you mean, brought — bollocks!

163
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Good on — that's some classic protest! I like that.

164
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Yeah, but how long is it —

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Whoa, whoa. Eight-metre-long.

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Not eight-metre-high.

167
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Ahhh.

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Just over the entrance road, yeah.

169
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— Still pretty cool.
— I'm gonna say.

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Yeah, that's a pretty good protest.

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Like, we're not going to chain *ourselves* down...

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Because I've got to say, there's some security guard that's sat there,

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sipping his, I don't know, his schnapps or coffee or whatever, going —

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Schnapps?!
[Laughter]

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I don't think security guards on nuclear power stations

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are allowed schnapps.

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It might be cold.

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They're looking outside, someone's building a wall...

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'Hmm. Better do something about that soon.'

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[Drunken singing]

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You know. You could easily just come out and go,

182
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'Hey, hey, hey. Leave it. Leave it. Don't do that. Put it down.'

183
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There is an international market for electricity.

184
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Every time EastEnders ends, we have to buy in power from the continent

185
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and bring it over to the UK.

186
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And French nuclear power stations have to

187
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stick another rod of uranium on, or something, I don't know.

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[Laughter]
Thump!

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[Laughter]
I don't think...!

190
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— Just into a frying pan!
— Stick another log on!

191
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I think that's how it works! I'm not a scientist, but I...

192
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Ainsley Harriott's Nuclear Power.
'I'll bang it in there, it's lovely.'

193
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'Just bring another nuclear rod in from the shed, would you?'

194
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— 'I think it's going to get cold.'
— 'Yeah, all right.'

195
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Have you got the schnapps? It's cold out there.
[Laughter]

196
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Mind you, you're saying this...

197
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I went to York's nuclear bunker

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ALL: Oooh!

199
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...the other day. I went and did the tour.

200
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And one major gripe: the guy doing the tour pronounced it 'nucular'.

335
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[Groans]

202
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That aside — very, very interesting.

203
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Is this the one with the sign that says 'Secret Nuclear Bunker — This Way'?

204
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Yeah. It says.

205
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Right next to the windmill as well. I had a brilliant day.

206
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I had a tourist's tourist's tour of Holgate.

207
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— Windmills and bunkers!
— Windmills and bunkers.

208
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That's like Bedknobs and Broomsticks...

209
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[Laughter]
...only more about power generation.

210
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But it turns out, they didn't have NBC suits.

211
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Er... Nuclear, Biological, Chemical.

212
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They didn't have the standard protection suits.

213
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So what you've got is a hundred and eighty civilians,

214
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trained to run this place in the event of nuclear attack.

215
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The first sixty to get there would be allowed in.

216
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The other hundred and twenty were told,
'Go home to your families; enjoy dying.'

233
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Wow.

218
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I'm imagining that looking like a rather grimmer version of It's A Mad, Mad World.

219
00:08:17.160 --> 00:08:17.800
Oh yeah.

220
00:08:17.800 --> 00:08:19.560
Sixty. That's not many.

221
00:08:19.560 --> 00:08:22.480
No. The sixty that are in there can only survive for thirty days;

222
00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:24.980
work a hot bed system, twenty hours each;

223
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don't have NBC suits to go up on the roof to check the readings;

224
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the thing can't survive a direct hit, which is anywhere within twelve miles;

225
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Oh.

226
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...and these are the volunteers. These are the people that *want* to be there.

227
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It's full of mechanical equipment...

228
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so the police had a list of engineers,

229
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which they would randomly select from,

230
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and at this point it all goes a bit Soviet Russia.

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Because the police go, and invite them to join, and come and help,

232
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and if they say no, they're arrested, and they go along to help anyway.

233
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Wow.

234
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I'd just go straight to the 'arrested', personally.

235
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Yeah. 'There's two ways we can do this...'

236
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But it's the thought of everyone pelting in,

237
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in various methods of technology...

238
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Yeah, and the sixty-first person just...

239
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— 'Darrrgh!'
— 'Ooooh!'

240
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'Doooh!'

241
00:09:08.280 --> 00:09:10.780
It seems wrong to have this as a farce in my head,

242
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but in my head, the door closes, it just kind of...

243
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— Bonk!
— Yeah.

244
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Bounces back down the steps, yeah?

245
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Either that or the last person runs in and reaches out,

246
00:09:18.040 --> 00:09:19.980
and pulls his hat back in before the door shuts.

247
00:09:20.300 --> 00:09:23.460
It's really weird as well, because they do the tours on an hourly basis,

248
00:09:23.460 --> 00:09:24.760
or an hour-and-a-quarter basis,

249
00:09:25.280 --> 00:09:28.160
and if you're not there when they go in, you're not allowed in.

250
00:09:28.160 --> 00:09:30.800
They go and close off the spiked top fence,

251
00:09:30.800 --> 00:09:34.060
then they close the blast door behind you, and you go and do the tour.

252
00:09:34.060 --> 00:09:35.600
So when we come out, having had —

253
00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:37.460
you know, it's seriously paranoic down there.

254
00:09:37.460 --> 00:09:38.420
— Yeah.
— It's weird, it's like...

255
00:09:38.420 --> 00:09:42.760
This was never used. This is the weirdest ******* **** I've... eugh!

256
00:09:42.760 --> 00:09:45.240
This is strange. This should be a film set, it's not.

257
00:09:45.240 --> 00:09:46.740
And you go back out and you open the blast doors,

258
00:09:46.740 --> 00:09:49.600
and there's all these people on the fence just waiting to be let in for the next tour!

259
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:54.300
[Laughter]
Aaaa! Aaa! It's like Threads! It's like Threads happened!

260
00:09:54.300 --> 00:09:55.880
It's Threads turned up to eleven.

261
00:09:55.880 --> 00:09:58.140
If you guys are around on a different Sunday,

262
00:09:58.140 --> 00:09:59.320
because we're going to be busy tomorrow,

263
00:09:59.320 --> 00:10:01.580
You'll — well, you'll hate it, but you'll all love it, I'm sure. It's great.

264
00:10:01.580 --> 00:10:04.600
No! No! No! Because it'll make me think of Threads!

265
00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:05.280
Yeah!

266
00:10:05.280 --> 00:10:07.700
Speaking of that bunker tour, they're still doing...

267
00:10:07.700 --> 00:10:10.800
well, they *were* still doing tours around the Chernobyl site.

268
00:10:10.980 --> 00:10:12.400
— Yes.
— Yeah.

269
00:10:12.580 --> 00:10:15.740
Well, it's slowly becoming more acceptable to go in there.

270
00:10:15.980 --> 00:10:17.840
But the roof's about to cave in there...

271
00:10:17.840 --> 00:10:19.820
— they haven't finished fixing it, so.
— Oh, no, no, no...

272
00:10:19.940 --> 00:10:21.840
— Not in terms of fallout, I mean...
— Yeah.

273
00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:23.960
20,000 years or whatever before it's habitable.

274
00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:28.720
But the restrictions around it are slowly slackening so that you can go in.

275
00:10:28.920 --> 00:10:32.040
Yeah. What was a pretty impossible tourist destination ten years ago

276
00:10:32.040 --> 00:10:35.800
is... they were doing package tours five years ago,

277
00:10:36.100 --> 00:10:38.540
and now it's got to the point where they're opening it for filming...

278
00:10:38.540 --> 00:10:39.960
They're just letting people in.

279
00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:42.500
And it's always been kind of a porous border anyway,

280
00:10:42.500 --> 00:10:44.340
— because locals could just come in.
— Yeah.

281
00:10:44.440 --> 00:10:45.780
Some of their people are still living there.

282
00:10:45.880 --> 00:10:47.480
— Yeah.
— Yeah, some people refused to move.

283
00:10:47.480 --> 00:10:48.980
Wildlife's thriving.

284
00:10:49.100 --> 00:10:50.960
— Oddly.
— Oddly. Weirdly.

285
00:10:51.220 --> 00:10:52.460
So, you know what?

286
00:10:52.800 --> 00:10:55.100
Fling another nuclear rod on, it seems like it's fine!

287
00:10:55.260 --> 00:10:56.620
Stick another rod on the barbie.

288
00:10:56.700 --> 00:10:58.300
[Laughter]
I was just thinking that.

289
00:10:58.700 --> 00:04:11.520
Just to drag it back to being silly...

290
00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:12.260
Yeah.

291
00:11:02.260 --> 00:00:51.960
Obviously, the bunker in York is one of the big command centre bunkers.

292
00:00:51.960 --> 00:00:53.020
Yes!

293
00:11:06.240 --> 00:11:08.020
And it was decommissioned and whatever else...

294
00:11:08.020 --> 00:11:09.480
Was it an RSG?

295
00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:12.400
To use the technical terminology — Regional Seat of Government?

296
00:11:12.680 --> 00:11:14.060
No, that was the bunker over the road.

297
00:11:14.060 --> 00:11:17.120
Which is now gone and is now a modern-built block of flats, but it was near there.

298
00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:19.940
Not as big as the Harrogate one, because obviously that's the...

299
00:11:20.160 --> 00:11:22.160
— the backup national one or whatever.
— Yeah. Yeah.

300
00:11:22.860 --> 00:11:26.660
But yeah. There's like thirty or sixty of these bigger ones, with the sixty people

301
00:11:26.660 --> 00:11:29.220
who get to wait for thirty days to go outside and die, but anyway.

302
00:11:30.180 --> 00:11:31.840
And they've been sold off or whatever else.

303
00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:33.620
One of them, you can paintball in.

304
00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:35.540
ALL: Ohhh!

305
00:11:35.680 --> 00:11:38.280
And obviously, on top of this, there's all the little three-man ones

306
00:11:38.280 --> 00:11:40.100
that are out in the hills and around.

307
00:11:40.820 --> 00:11:42.320
The Royal Observer post ones, yeah.

308
00:11:42.400 --> 00:11:44.400
Yeah. They're being sold off as real estate.

309
00:11:44.400 --> 00:11:45.140
Yeah. It's all ROC...

310
00:11:46.420 --> 00:11:50.500
The nearest one for us is in Fulford, and it's somebody's wine cellar.

311
00:11:50.700 --> 00:11:52.040
Ohhh, yes!

312
00:11:52.180 --> 00:11:55.360
And there are also people who will do package tours,

313
00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:57.960
where the three of you can go and be in this hole

314
00:11:58.380 --> 00:12:01.440
for three or four days, for a watch cycle of the ROC.

315
00:12:01.720 --> 00:12:03.900
Next filming location!

316
00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:06.440
Three of us cooped up in one location for an entire weekend?

317
00:12:06.440 --> 00:12:07.880
I'd go spare anyway.

318
00:12:07.880 --> 00:07:31.020
Can you imagine the maft?

335
00:07:31.020 --> 00:07:34.120
[Groans]

320
00:12:10.640 --> 00:12:12.360
Well, this is the thing about this hot bed system.

321
00:12:12.360 --> 00:12:14.780
You've got sixty of them on eight-hour shifts, twenty at a time,

322
00:12:14.920 --> 00:12:16.920
and you literally... just climb back in.

323
00:12:17.040 --> 00:12:17.880
That's the hot bed idea.

324
00:12:18.040 --> 00:12:20.540
And you've got a litre of water a day, so you're not going to wash with it.

325
00:12:20.860 --> 00:12:23.340
At that point, when the world has ended...

326
00:12:24.320 --> 00:12:25.760
I'd drink my own piss, quite frankly.

327
00:12:25.920 --> 00:12:28.240
Oh no, there was enough to drink, just about.

328
00:12:28.940 --> 00:12:30.120
No, he would anyway!

329
00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:33.220
Sorry, I was tempted to end on that line.
Just cut to black...

330
00:12:33.620 --> 00:12:34.300
...on that.

331
00:12:34.340 --> 00:12:35.740
'I'd drink my own piss, quite frankly!'

332
00:12:38.440 --> 00:12:39.460
'FIN.'

333
00:12:39.940 --> 00:12:41.320
All right. On that...

334
00:12:42.060 --> 00:07:31.020
'On that nuclear bombshell...'

335
00:07:31.020 --> 00:07:34.120
[Groans]

336
00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:46.940
Clarkson!!

337
00:12:47.380 --> 00:12:49.520
Congratulations, Chris, you win this one.

338
00:12:49.660 --> 00:12:50.780
Just for talking for the longest.

339
00:12:50.920 --> 00:12:51.960
Just for talking for the longest, yeah.

340
00:12:52.020 --> 00:12:53.640
But with knowledge and aplomb!

341
00:12:54.160 --> 00:12:55.700
— A plum?
— A plum!

342
00:12:55.700 --> 00:12:57.440
I also have other fruits!

343
00:12:57.660 --> 00:12:59.100
A nuclear plum.

344
00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:02.920
You've won a piece of classical music played using old military ordnance.

345
00:13:03.060 --> 00:13:04.280
— Ah.
— That fits.

346
00:13:04.400 --> 00:13:05.600
It's Pachelbel's "Cannon in D".

347
00:13:07.920 --> 00:13:10.060
— Until next time, that's been Matt Gray...
— Bye-bye!

348
00:13:10.060 --> 00:13:11.320
That's been Gary Brannan...

349
00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:12.240
That's been Chris Joel...

350
00:13:12.360 --> 00:13:13.960
'It's the end of the world as we know it.'

351
00:13:14.160 --> 00:13:16.040
I've been Tom Scott. We'll see you next time.

352
00:13:19.380 --> 00:13:22.520
Congratulations!
You made it through the wilderness and to the credits.

353
00:13:22.680 --> 00:13:25.780
Leave us a comment if you liked the show,
or better yet, tell your friends.

354
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:28.080
And there are more than thirty audio episodes

355
00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:32.080
of our reverse trivia podcast at techdif.co.uk.

356
00:13:32.540 --> 00:13:34.540
[Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]