WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

1
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Today's show is sponsored by new Findus Toilet Wallets!

2
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We're not sure what they are either.

3
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We sell 'em, you smell 'em!

4
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You just open it:
[Mechanical door noise]

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This is the Technical Difficulties.
We are playing Citation Needed.

6
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I have an almost-randomly selected article from

7
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everybody's favourite source of knowledge, Wikipedia,

8
00:00:20.340 --> 00:00:23.160
in front of me, and these folks cannot see it.

9
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Every fact that they get right is a point and a ding [DING],

10
00:00:25.840 --> 00:00:27.880
and there is a prize for particularly good answers which is...

11
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And your topic today is: 'simplehuman'.

149
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[Laughter]

13
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Hello!

14
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Hi!

15
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Pass a bigger shovel, we're going to be digging deep today.

16
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I use the cardinal directions of 'up', 'down', 'left' and 'right'.

17
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I think I qualify.

18
00:00:50.160 --> 00:00:53.440
Is it like the whole Simple English thing, or something?

19
00:00:53.600 --> 00:00:55.860
Oh, like a simpler version of the language?

20
00:00:56.100 --> 00:00:58.100
Yeah, is it sort of an overall thing to try and

21
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achieve that in humanity or something, or...?

68
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No.

23
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Is it an album?

24
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Ooh, no it's not, but that's a nice prog rock album title there.

25
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I was going to say, 'Simple Human' is a...

26
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That is pretty much Granddaddy.

27
00:01:10.660 --> 00:01:12.820
Yeah, I thought it would be something like that. Okay...

28
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Let's get the obvious — is it an LP,

29
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is it a film, or something like that?

30
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Is it media? Is it a medium?

31
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It's not media at all.

32
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Okay. Is it some kind of eco-revolution?

33
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Ooo, not really, no.

34
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Oh sure, like a Good Life thing.

35
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A notion about how mankind used to exist...

36
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pre-evolutionary or something like that?

37
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You're all thinking really quite big-picture here,

38
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and not at all commercial.

39
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— Commercial?
— Commercial.

40
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Oh, do they make bog roll?

41
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Oh, you know what, you're getting a point. [DING]

42
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What!

43
00:01:41.980 --> 00:01:43.360
It's not that close...

44
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They make rubbish bins,

45
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but that's close enough out of the blue

46
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that I'm going to...

47
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That's like standing in a pub with a dart in your hand,

48
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spinning around three times with your eyes closed,

49
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doing THAT and getting a bulls-eye!

50
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That's how I play darts.

51
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And that's why you're banned!

52
00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:03.060
Oh, actually yeah, I've seen Matt play darts.

53
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Flailing!

54
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They go through to the other side and into the wall.

55
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Actually, to be fair, it's more like standing in a pub

56
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with a dart in your hand, a pint in the other hand,

57
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throwing at the dartboard
and knocking everything down in the skittle alley.

58
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Yes. Yes.

59
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So simplehuman make bins.

60
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They do. They are considered, and I quote here,

61
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'among the most high-end [trash] cans on the market today'.

62
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Can you tell me why?

63
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Why are they some of the best bins?

64
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They wear a cravat.

65
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Are they antibacterial or er, micro... biobial...

66
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— Micro-biober...
— Miroberber...

67
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There were some words there, Matt. And the answer:

68
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No.

69
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Higher —
Are they made of gold?

70
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Or diamonds? Or something otherwise desirable?

71
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I'll give you a point for diamonds, because it's...

72
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Carbon!

73
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...durability. [DING]

74
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Durability? They last a long time.

75
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It's one of the reasons.

76
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Huerrr...

77
00:02:56.480 --> 00:02:57.760
I don't know what that noise meant.

78
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I can't count the number of times I've broken my bins.

79
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No, you literally can't, because it's zero.

80
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— Yes. [Laughs]
— Yeah.

81
00:03:03.020 --> 00:03:05.920
Yes. I've never broken a wheelie bin or anything in my life.

82
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I mean, I've ridden in one, and I've never broken it.

83
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Are we talking dumpster-styley things, though,

84
00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:11.840
— Yeah, actually...
— that get serious industrial...

85
00:03:12.260 --> 00:03:14.120
No, we're talking much...

86
00:03:14.260 --> 00:03:15.920
— Kitchen.
— Yeah, kitchen bins.

87
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An unbreakable kitchen bin?

88
00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:20.840
Do they do the solar compacting thing?

89
00:03:20.840 --> 00:03:22.660
Are they odour-proof?

90
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Odour-suppressant?

91
00:03:24.320 --> 00:03:27.040
Do they play a nice tune when you put something in them?

92
00:03:27.460 --> 00:03:29.160
['Shave and a haircut' melody]

93
00:03:29.260 --> 00:03:30.560
Do they make the tea?

94
00:03:30.560 --> 00:03:32.060
I seem to recall a giveaway...

95
00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:33.900
I feel like it was some soft drink or other,

96
00:03:33.900 --> 00:03:35.700
that gave you a little thing that you attached to your bin

97
00:03:35.700 --> 00:03:37.180
that made a noise every time you opened it.

98
00:03:37.340 --> 00:03:38.380
What was the noise though?

99
00:03:38.380 --> 00:03:40.380
All right, you come home late from the pub one night...

100
00:03:40.380 --> 00:03:42.660
If you're in my situation — you're a married man,

101
00:03:42.660 --> 00:03:44.980
you've snuck back in, not wanting to wake the wife up,

102
00:03:44.980 --> 00:03:46.760
you've taken your shoes off, you've done the lot...

103
00:03:46.940 --> 00:03:48.920
You've sneakily eaten the kebab

104
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that you said you weren't going to have,

105
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you tiptoe over to the bin...

106
00:03:51.880 --> 00:03:54.540
[Comedy music riff]

107
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At this point, it's good you've taken your shoes off,

108
00:03:57.060 --> 00:03:58.580
because you're sleeping on the couch tonight.

109
00:03:59.200 --> 00:04:01.200
Yeah. 'Where've you been?!'
That kind of thing.

110
00:04:01.560 --> 00:04:03.560
Great. Thanks for making a noisy bin-thing.

111
00:04:03.680 --> 00:04:05.780
You're right about technologically advanced bins here,

112
00:04:05.780 --> 00:04:07.460
but it's one thing in particular that it does.

113
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Techno-Bins!

114
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No, that's just bins that dance to repetitive music.

115
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[Dance beat]

116
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This is not a product placement,

117
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this is just what 'Random Article' pulled up for me.

118
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Does it sift and sort and do your recycling for you?

119
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No, it's much less advanced than that.

120
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Does it play 'Free Bird'?

121
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Does it let you put rubbish in it?

122
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— No.
— Yes. Easily.

123
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What would make that more —

124
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Front flap!

125
00:04:32.380 --> 00:04:35.160
How more easy than an open-mouthed...

126
00:04:35.340 --> 00:04:36.760
It's not open-mouthed.

127
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It's got an automatic lid.

128
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— Bingo! Point to you. [DING]
— Ahh.

129
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It has an automatic sensor-activated lid.

130
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— I think I've seen adverts for that now.
— Yup.

131
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— What...
— Like, late night, on a silly channel

132
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that no one ever watches anyway.

133
00:04:50.940 --> 00:04:52.940
So what, you wave at it? Play a trumpet?

134
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Call it?

135
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There is just no hope left for humanity, is there really?

136
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No, not really.

137
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This is basically, you wave your hand toward the bin

138
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and it opens for you.

139
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Until of course it breaks down, at which point it just becomes...

140
00:05:03.540 --> 00:05:04.820
But they don't break! It says.

141
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What happens when the bin turns against you

142
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and starts throwing banana peels in your face?

143
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...which will happen!

144
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When the monkeys take over the world, anyway.

145
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What else have they added sensors to?

146
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Because there's other kitchen and bathroom stuff

147
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they've added sensors to.

148
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Oh. Knives. I've seen sensors in knives.

149
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[Laughter]

150
00:05:20.560 --> 00:05:22.380
[Laughter]
Whoa, whoa — what?!

151
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Forks! Sorry, no...

152
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It wasn't a knife, it was a fork.
[Laughter]

153
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Oh God. Curry tonight's going to be entertaining, isn't it.

154
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[Caveman grunts]

155
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What would you do to a fork? What possible...

156
00:05:33.480 --> 00:05:35.480
When you're cooking a steak.

157
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— Ah...
— It's got a temperature probe on it,

158
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and it tells you when it's done.

159
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'Bring the temperature probe...'

160
00:05:42.060 --> 00:05:44.640
So surely you just need a knife and a temperature probe.

161
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Why, when you could have it in a fork

162
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that you can then use to eat it?

163
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Or something, I don't know.

164
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But it was a thing you stuck in a steak.

165
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There was another... a pan!
They put a sensor in a pan as well.

166
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— What for?
— Steak, again!

167
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— Okay.
— I've seen it on a shopping channel.

168
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Of a pan that will tell you

169
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of what manner your steak will be done...

170
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— ...at the current temperature of pan.
— Oh, okay.

171
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My big issue with this is that Brannan watches shopping channels.

172
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Of course I watch shopping channels!

173
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He's a married man. What else has he to do?

174
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Occasionally, we go down the shopping channels and go,

175
00:06:11.580 --> 00:06:15.280
'Nah... Nah... Nah... Bra? Sorry, luv, no bras...'

176
00:06:15.560 --> 00:06:17.980
'Trousers that make your arse look better... that one.'

177
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Saw one for pasta, as well.

178
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We're actually looking in the bathroom for this.

179
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— Scales.
— Toilet.

180
00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:27.820
I like the idea that they put an insensitive in a scale.

181
00:06:29.020 --> 00:06:31.020
'Step off, lardo. I can't take this any more.'

182
00:06:31.220 --> 00:06:33.300
That's the old gag, though, isn't it?

183
00:06:33.300 --> 00:06:35.840
You step on the scale, it says 'One at a time, please.'

184
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'No coach parties.'

185
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Bog roll!

186
00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:42.580
GARY: That's a good place!

187
00:06:42.580 --> 00:06:43.800
No, it's not, actually...

188
00:06:43.800 --> 00:06:45.100
It's very obvious when you've run out of bog roll.

189
00:06:45.340 --> 00:06:47.340
But that answer's already got me points once before,

190
00:06:47.340 --> 00:06:48.380
so I thought I'd try it again.
[Laughter]

191
00:06:48.520 --> 00:06:50.000
Not this time.

192
00:06:50.280 --> 00:06:52.280
It's not absurd, though. Not in a private bathroom,

193
00:06:52.280 --> 00:06:54.020
but in, like works ones,

194
00:06:54.020 --> 00:06:56.020
— because you've got the automatic tap sensors...
— Yes.

195
00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:58.160
I've seen ones for, erm...

196
00:06:58.340 --> 00:06:59.920
You're getting close with automatic tap sensors, by the way.

197
00:07:00.220 --> 00:07:02.700
Yeah. And there's the things where you give it that number,

198
00:07:02.700 --> 00:07:04.460
and it gives you a couple of sheets to dry your hands on,

199
00:07:04.460 --> 00:07:06.300
so bog roll's just the next one on that stage.

200
00:07:06.460 --> 00:07:07.940
Yeah, but people want different amounts, don't they.

201
00:07:07.940 --> 00:07:09.320
You don't just want one or two sheets.

202
00:07:09.440 --> 00:07:10.820
Yeah, but you just go...
Toilets?

203
00:07:10.940 --> 00:07:12.940
Everything in the bathroom apart from the one...

204
00:07:12.940 --> 00:07:14.140
— You've got the water, the towels...
— Toilets! Showers!

205
00:07:14.340 --> 00:07:15.900
— Soap.
— Bingo! Point.  [DING]

206
00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:17.340
Oh yeah. [Mechanical noise]

207
00:07:17.500 --> 00:07:19.100
Just going back to your bog roll thing...

208
00:07:19.100 --> 00:07:22.300
Do you want to be sat in a work setting, in a cubicle,

209
00:07:22.300 --> 00:07:24.420
and if you have to do this or something

210
00:07:24.420 --> 00:07:26.180
to get the toilet roll to come out...

211
00:07:26.400 --> 00:07:27.500
It'd be great for the Queen.

265
00:07:27.640 --> 00:07:28.660
Yes.

213
00:07:28.660 --> 00:07:30.620
She'd never stop it. She'd just be surrounded by it.

214
00:07:30.740 --> 00:07:31.760
[Laughter]
She'd be like an...

215
00:07:31.920 --> 00:07:35.120
Slowly — just this hand, as the paper rises...!

216
00:07:35.240 --> 00:07:36.940
It's actually the train on her wedding dress.

217
00:07:37.140 --> 00:07:39.140
It's winding around her hand...

218
00:07:39.360 --> 00:07:40.320
'Nooo!'

219
00:07:40.500 --> 00:07:42.640
She looks like a naughty Andrex puppy when they find her.

220
00:07:45.060 --> 00:07:47.480
But the other thing is, a toilet roll dispenser telling you —

221
00:07:47.480 --> 00:07:50.360
like you say, in a public one — that there's not much left...

222
00:07:50.520 --> 00:07:52.280
— 'Go careful now!'
[Laughter]

223
00:07:52.680 --> 00:07:54.680
'If it was a curry, choose another stall.'

224
00:07:55.620 --> 00:07:57.620
Isn't that what toilet attendants used to probably do?

225
00:07:57.620 --> 00:07:58.660
Can you imagine?

226
00:07:58.660 --> 00:08:01.020
'Not that one! She's out. Use Number 1.'

227
00:08:01.260 --> 00:08:03.260
Can you tell me anywhere they might be sold?

228
00:08:03.260 --> 00:08:05.640
We're looking for American retail stores...

229
00:08:05.740 --> 00:08:06.720
Walmart!

230
00:08:06.860 --> 00:08:09.800
Well, possibly, but we're looking for some more...

231
00:08:10.220 --> 00:08:11.540
Bed Bath & Beyond.

232
00:08:11.640 --> 00:08:12.640
— Point!
— Ohh!

233
00:08:12.780 --> 00:08:13.900
— Damn.
— [DING] Spot on.

234
00:08:13.900 --> 00:08:15.440
I always did wonder what 'Beyond' was.

235
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Electric bins!

236
00:08:18.840 --> 00:08:20.840
Electric speaky clever bins,

237
00:08:20.840 --> 00:08:22.840
and toilet roll warning devices.

238
00:08:23.080 --> 00:08:24.940
'Danger: Bog Roll.'

239
00:08:25.540 --> 00:08:26.980
I want Danger Bog Roll.

240
00:08:28.060 --> 00:08:30.060
'Each sheet a new danger!'

241
00:08:30.440 --> 00:08:32.700
— Cactus.
— 'This one is covered in crocodiles!'

242
00:08:32.900 --> 00:08:33.920
Croc...!

243
00:08:33.920 --> 00:08:35.600
[Gnashing sounds]

244
00:08:35.860 --> 00:08:37.860
'There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with this one...

245
00:08:38.040 --> 00:08:40.040
'Poison ivy!'

246
00:08:40.660 --> 00:08:42.660
But why would I? She's lovely.

247
00:08:42.760 --> 00:08:43.660
[Groan]

248
00:08:43.880 --> 00:08:46.600
No, just you've got Russian Roulette toilet paper.

249
00:08:46.980 --> 00:08:48.300
One's chili.

250
00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:49.680
Capsaicin, yeah.

251
00:08:49.820 --> 00:08:52.100
One sheet out of every six has poison ivy or capsaicin on it.

252
00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:54.240
Ohh, yes!

253
00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:56.240
One out of six: spearmint.

254
00:08:57.960 --> 00:08:59.960
Tingly, but not necessarily wrong!

255
00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:02.080
Mint sauce, kind of...

256
00:09:03.140 --> 00:09:04.320
TCP.

257
00:09:04.640 --> 00:09:06.220
You'd smell that one from a mile off.

258
00:09:06.400 --> 00:09:07.640
Witch hazel.

259
00:09:09.800 --> 00:09:11.140
Tea tree!

260
00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:12.980
That would spice up toilet breaks, wouldn't it though?

261
00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:14.480
Russian Toilette.

262
00:09:16.680 --> 00:09:17.960
Yes!

263
00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:21.160
Whoa, whoa, whoa! 'Wheel of Fart-une'.

264
00:09:21.820 --> 00:07:27.640
*Weal* of Fart-une.

265
00:07:27.640 --> 00:07:28.660
Yes.

266
00:09:29.460 --> 00:09:31.900
I've got in my head, Nicky Campbell...

267
00:09:32.060 --> 00:09:33.440
Nicky Campbell!

268
00:09:33.660 --> 00:09:35.660
Or Pat Sajak, for you Americans out there,

269
00:09:35.660 --> 00:09:38.520
spinning the wheel, and you wonder what it'll land on.

270
00:09:39.380 --> 00:09:41.380
'I'm sorry, that's porcupine.'

271
00:09:41.620 --> 00:09:43.620
'You've got... aloe vera.'

272
00:09:43.980 --> 00:09:45.060
— 'Allo, Vera.'
— 'Alright, Gene.'

273
00:09:45.060 --> 00:09:46.760
Ayyy!

274
00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:50.180
Does anyone want to tell me
what Bed Bath & Beyond used to be called?

275
00:09:50.180 --> 00:09:52.840
Because the first one opened in 1971...
it had a different name.

276
00:09:53.620 --> 00:09:56.380
Is it something really prosaic, like Harrison's Home Supplies?

277
00:09:56.540 --> 00:09:58.540
Sleep Health Privy & Whatever.

278
00:10:00.900 --> 00:10:03.100
I'd say it's about one-third more prosaic.

279
00:10:03.780 --> 00:10:04.760
Bed & Bath.

280
00:10:04.760 --> 00:10:05.980
Correct!  [DING]

281
00:10:08.100 --> 00:10:10.580
'Wait, we're selling more than just beds and baths.

282
00:10:10.580 --> 00:10:12.060
'What do we call it?'

283
00:10:12.060 --> 00:10:14.060
'Bed, Bath... "Beyond" will probably do.

284
00:10:14.060 --> 00:10:15.580
'Everybody? Shall we knock off early?'

285
00:10:15.740 --> 00:10:17.740
'Bed, Bath and... a third item.'

286
00:10:17.740 --> 00:10:19.600
'Come in to see what it is!'

287
00:10:19.820 --> 00:10:23.620
'I need some pillows, a new plug for the bath
and some Tarot cards.'

288
00:10:23.920 --> 00:10:25.920
That was the second version of the name.

289
00:10:25.920 --> 00:10:28.100
It was just hanging off the edge of the store.

290
00:10:28.780 --> 00:10:30.780
Bed Bath & Tarot Cards?

291
00:10:30.940 --> 00:10:33.700
Bed Bath Pillows Some Other Things & Tarot Cards.

292
00:10:33.920 --> 00:10:35.360
While we're on Bed Bath & Beyond, by the way...

293
00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:37.460
since we seem to be going down this wiki-hole...

294
00:10:37.520 --> 00:10:39.520
They've bought a lot of companies.

295
00:10:39.660 --> 00:10:41.660
Can you tell me what the name of the company

296
00:10:41.660 --> 00:10:43.660
that sold Christmas trees was

297
00:10:43.660 --> 00:10:45.580
that they bought about 2003?

298
00:10:45.720 --> 00:10:46.760
Green Pricks!

299
00:10:49.100 --> 00:10:49.940
What?

300
00:10:51.740 --> 00:10:53.740
Chris Masterson's Christmas Trees.

301
00:10:53.960 --> 00:10:56.380
You're all being far too serious here.

302
00:10:56.660 --> 00:10:58.220
The Christmas Tree Shop.

303
00:10:58.360 --> 00:10:59.840
— Point!  [DING]
— F*** off!

304
00:11:00.900 --> 00:11:02.160
I was so close!

305
00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:05.500
Ha! 'What do you sell?'
'Cars.'

306
00:11:08.060 --> 00:11:10.620
All right. There is one last thing that simplehuman sell,

307
00:11:10.620 --> 00:11:12.400
which is a sensor mirror.

308
00:11:12.860 --> 00:11:14.160
Can you tell me what it does?

309
00:11:14.280 --> 00:11:15.800
Tells you you're ugly?

310
00:11:16.280 --> 00:11:18.260
'Mirror, mirror on the wall...'

311
00:11:18.600 --> 00:11:20.180
'How do I look today?'

312
00:11:20.180 --> 00:11:23.200
Northerner mirror:
'F***in' dreadful.'

313
00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:28.280
Is it a sensorless mirror?

314
00:11:28.460 --> 00:11:30.800
Ha! A senseless mirror.

315
00:11:31.140 --> 00:11:32.280
'Idiot!'

316
00:11:32.520 --> 00:11:33.900
A really insensitive —

317
00:11:34.040 --> 00:11:36.200
'Why did you leave the house?!'

318
00:11:37.720 --> 00:11:39.720
A sensor mirror? I mean, what, does it...

319
00:11:39.860 --> 00:11:41.860
tell you you've brushed your teeth, or give you gestures...

320
00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:44.000
I've got to be honest, all the sensors so far are just

321
00:11:44.000 --> 00:11:46.800
if something is close to it. It's not much of a sensor.

322
00:11:47.080 --> 00:11:48.220
Does it turn the lights on?

323
00:11:48.220 --> 00:11:49.440
Point.  [DING]

324
00:11:49.800 --> 00:11:51.800
It turns the lights on if you're close to the mirror.

325
00:11:52.400 --> 00:11:54.400
How do you know you're close to the mirror

326
00:11:54.400 --> 00:11:56.200
if the lights aren't on?

327
00:11:56.580 --> 00:11:58.580
It doesn't turn the room lights on, it turns the mirror...

328
00:11:58.880 --> 00:12:00.880
— Sensor mirror: Boomf!
— 'Oh f***!'

329
00:12:01.280 --> 00:12:04.160
And you hammer the light switch,
which is just set a bit behind it.

330
00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:06.720
'I've sensed the mirror!'

331
00:12:06.940 --> 00:12:09.720
'Why did I install this s****y mirror?'

332
00:12:09.720 --> 00:12:11.900
'I've got to turn the lights off again now.'
Doof!

333
00:12:13.940 --> 00:12:16.280
'Mirror, mirror, on the wa — ohhh!'

334
00:12:16.360 --> 00:12:18.360
'Oh, you bastard!'

335
00:12:19.920 --> 00:12:21.780
Same with the oven!

336
00:12:22.340 --> 00:12:24.340
[Sizzling noise]
'Aaargh!'

337
00:12:27.140 --> 00:12:28.600
At the end of that...

338
00:12:29.160 --> 00:12:31.820
It's the most dangerous house going.

339
00:12:33.640 --> 00:12:35.640
— The hot tap on the bath.
— Turn the telly on? Doonk!

340
00:12:35.640 --> 00:12:37.520
[Groans]

341
00:12:42.040 --> 00:12:44.040
'Honey? Will you switch on the light in the living room?'

342
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:48.000
I don't want to use the waste disposal.

343
00:12:49.180 --> 00:12:52.220
'I need to fry some bacon. Can you turn on the gas?'

344
00:12:56.720 --> 00:12:58.140
Whoomph!

345
00:12:59.520 --> 00:13:01.860
At the end of that, congratulations Matt!

346
00:13:01.860 --> 00:13:03.260
— F***!
— What?!

347
00:13:03.460 --> 00:13:05.460
You did score all the genuine points though.

348
00:13:05.540 --> 00:13:07.540
He did actually get the answers, yeah, you're right.

349
00:13:07.640 --> 00:13:10.520
You win a gift voucher to everyone's favourite
Communist high street shop,

350
00:13:10.520 --> 00:13:12.780
which is Marx & Spencer, so do enjoy that.

351
00:13:14.080 --> 00:13:16.900
Until then, that's been Matt Gray...

352
00:13:16.900 --> 00:13:18.100
That's been Gary Brannan...

353
00:13:18.100 --> 00:13:19.440
That's been Chris Joel.

354
00:13:19.640 --> 00:13:21.640
I've been Tom Scott. We'll see you next time.

355
00:13:25.920 --> 00:13:27.400
Hey, thanks for watching!

356
00:13:27.400 --> 00:13:29.860
If you liked the show then tell someone, tell us,

357
00:13:29.860 --> 00:13:31.160
or send us a telegram.

358
00:13:31.320 --> 00:13:33.900
And there are all-new episodes of our reverse trivia podcast

359
00:13:33.900 --> 00:13:36.820
over at techdif.co.uk.

360
00:13:38.720 --> 00:13:40.720
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