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Language: en

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Today's show is sponsored by
Sean Bean's Invasion Team:

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"Lancashire's ****ed."

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This is the Technical Difficulties.
We're playing Citation Needed.

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I have an almost randomly selected article

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from everybody's favorite reliable source of knowledge, Wikipedia,

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And these folks can't see it.

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Every fact they get right is a point and a ding [DING],

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And there's a special prize for
particularly good answers which is:

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— Oh yeah!
— Oh my.

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And today's article is: the Newgate Novel.

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Ooh! We've gone highbrow all of a sudden.

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We have. Yes.

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I'll put on my best smoking jacket and clever cravat.

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— Clever cravat?
— Clever crav...?

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Is that like an iCravat?

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"Cravat? Cravat, quickly, it's the pub quiz."

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Right, Newgate.
Is this something to do with the prison by any chance?

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Er... to an extent. Yes.

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In that it's to do with the prison or not?

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Not quite.

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Straight answers please, nobhead.

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It's based on something called
the "Newgate Calendar",

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Which is... it's connected to prisons.
It's connected to criminals.

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Is it an execution calendar?

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Yes. It was originally a monthly bulletin of executions.

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I'll give you a point for that. [DING]

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It's what would be known as the calendar of prisoners,

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of those who are due to be tried
or indeed executed later in the year.

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But it got turned into something else.

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A sixteen-part TV series starring...

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Daniel Craig, Sean Bean and Alex Kingston.

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This is mid-18th century here, so...

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Yeah, and?

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...Little bit earlier.

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So Sean Bean could've still been in it.

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Sean Bean's in it.

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It's a weekly series of plays.

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So it wasn't the short-lived opponent
to Babestation then?

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Ohh!

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No. Not even close.

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Mid-18th century strumpets asking for letters.

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That's basically just a classified ad
in the back of the London Gazette.

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With a slightly lewd picture,

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and a mailbox to send your money to.

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A coffee house to pop round
and talk through a screen to someone.

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"Please make way to the coffee house
and ask for the back room.

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"Charge: three guineas."

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Yeah, when you get there it's a...

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a complete glass thing so you can't go in.

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And there's a little flap you can open
for a pound a minute to talk to people...

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Oo-er!
[Laughter]

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Oh for crying out loud!

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A flap for a pound a minute!

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Jesus. Where do you go?

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So what did the Newgate calendar turn into?

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It was originally just a diary or bulletin of executions.

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London's top tourist attraction.

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It isn't the London Dungeon, no.

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But it kind of had that entertainment...

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Was it serialised like an early Dickens sort of a deal?

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I will give you a point for that.  [DING]

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The calendar was basically ripped off
by a load of other publishers,

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who then put out biographical...

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"chapbooks", it's called here,

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about the notorious criminals.

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Oh yeah, chapbooks...

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This is getting desirably highbrow, but yeah,

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chapbooks were small, cheap sources of literature.

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Of course it is now desirable to say
there was also not only the chapbook,

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but the "face book" at the time as well,

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which was A Thing.

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Well, the name for Facebook
came from university facebooks,

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which was literally a book of all the faces of the people
who joined the university that year.

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But the 18th-Century facebook was —
you would have one in your house.

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Someone would go around

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and as part of the evening's entertainment

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would try and draw their own face.

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Really?

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Oh, cool!

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Right? And it would provoke much mirth
when you went, "Oh, look at the paucity!"

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"Look at the eyebrows, Jeremiah!"

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You know, that kind of thing.

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Of which later on when everyone else came round

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"Oh, you should see the page before you
at what the Parson drew!"

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That kind of thing.

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That was a face book.

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It was a mid-18th century thing.

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I'm getting one of those.

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I'm having one in my house, that sounds great.

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Hey! Before you go. Draw your face.

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Go-on. I dare ye.
NO MIRRORS!

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Stop cheating! All you get is this marker pen,

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or a knife to draw in your own blood.

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I like the idea of there being
some sort of Bartholomew Zuckerberg.

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Who was... er...

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"Bye ye the newe Facebou..."

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No, that's Middle English isn't it?
That's going way back!

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You don't buy it.

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He just takes yours, adds a load of adverts to it,

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and then sells it back to you.

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Satire.

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"One has heard he can make
up to three guineas an hour!"

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Which he spends a pound a minute.

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Pound a minute!

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Talking into a flap.

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With furious strumpets behind the flap.

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Prog band!

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"Hello, we're the Furious Strumpets."

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Yeeaah!

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"This number is called 'Behind the Flap'."

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Oh no. I like that being like some kind of prog band...

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— All-female prog band.
— Oh, okay!

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"Furious Strumpets" is a good name for that.

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Furious Strumpets. Who's on keyboards?

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So, the Newgate calendar became the Newgate novel.

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Yep.

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Which was, sort of, longer books...

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Very much satirised by a famous author.

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Rory Bremner.

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Little bit earlier.

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Dickens Dickens Dickens.

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No! Dickens...

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There's a good argument that one of Dickens' novels
is a Newgate novel.

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Johnathan Swift?

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No.

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Chaucer?

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I think he may have been earlier there.

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Centuries out. Centuries out.

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No, there is one Dickens novel that is glorifying crime.

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Oliver Twist?

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Bingo. Point. [DING]

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Yeah. Oh, thank you.

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Oh, very good. Hmm.

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"Name a Dickens novel about crime, Gary."
"Uh, Ollliverrr...?"

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I was in a Dickens musical once.

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— Oh really?
— Were you?

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— Often seen by ruddy men of the country.
— Yes.

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— Yes.
— What the Dickens?

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I know! I know.

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Who did you play?

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I played, er, Wackford Squeers.

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Oh! Yeah yeah yeah.

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In the musical "Smike",

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that is a musical version of Nicholas Nickleby.

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Hold on to your hats.

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There's a musical version of Nicholas Nickleby?

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Yes! And I was a...

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And what pitch range did you take?

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Oh God, whatever I had when I was fifteen or something.
You know.

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Somewhere between Mickey Mouse and Paul Robeson.

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[Voice breaking]
That weird oooscillatory one we all haaad!

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So yeah, Dickens satirised the Newgate calendar then?

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No, Dickens essentially wrote a Newgate novel,

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or something that is considered to be.

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Right.

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— If I say William Makepeace Thackeray...
— Oh, okay.

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...I'm looking over at him, do you know what he wrote?

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Not read any... Well... Oh...

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Thackeray, Thackeray, Thackeray.

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Not off the top of my head, no.

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— Vanity Fair.
— Ah.

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Which was satirising all of 19th-century Britain.

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Oh, okay.

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No-one takes that. Okay.

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What, you want us to satirise 19th-century Britain?

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"I'd say Gladstone has been too near the buffet recently!"

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"I would say he's looking remarkably corpulent

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around his middle areas, oh ho ho!"

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Actually no, that...

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No, that's observational comedy.

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Gladstone, he did have his peccadillos, didn't he?

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He had his thing.

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He would go out into London —
I think it's Gladstone...

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Hire a prostitute,

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which was the done thing,

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take her home, and then talk to her.

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For the duration of the booked period...

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lecture her about not being a prostitute,

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then throw her out and whip himself on the back.

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...that was his thing.

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At the beginning of that paragraph
I thought you were talking about piccalilli.

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And I was hoping for a story about toast, or sandwiches.

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F***, who puts piccalilli on toast?!

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I was going to say.

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There's something wrong with you if you're putting piccalilli on toast.

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Hang on we've gone from Gladstone...

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Never mind the mishearing.
Never mind how quickly we've moved through this.

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The hell are you doing putting piccalilli on toast?

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You might as well put mustard in your eyes!

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It's a horrible thing to do!

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— I've had mustard on toast before.
— Mmm.

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— What?!
— What is wrong with... wait, what?

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Nothing wrong with mustard on toast.

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It's like having sweet chilli on toast, or...

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Just mustard?

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— Hmm...
— And butter as well.

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— And probably black pepper if it was me.
— Oh fine! We got the butter, that's fine!

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Which mustard, English? French? What?

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— English!
— English!

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I like how you're doing this tennis thing here.

201
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We must know! We must know!

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Brannan's terrified. He's encountered things he doesn't understand.

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You've opened Brannan's eyes to a whole new area of condiment-based toast.

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Have you never had condiments on toast before?

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No!

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Er, er... I've had cheese and brown sauce.

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No, no, that's cheese.

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Yeah. We're talking tomato sauce sandwich here.

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WHAT?

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Tartar sauce sandwich!

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Aahh!

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Jesus.

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Horseradish?

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Oh!

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Horseradish on toast.

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Forget the toast. Out of the jar, with a spoon.

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Right! Behind the unseeing eye ahead of me.

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If you've ev... it's not just these two,

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If you've actually put a condiment —

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and only a condiment, on toast,

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E-mail in, write in,

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send a telegram, or a pigeon,
or your butler or something.

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Oh wait, no, to be fair
I've had sandwich pickle on toast before.

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— That's not a...
— ♫ Piccalilli! ♫

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Oh no, hold on Gary. That's a good point.

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It's like having gherkins on toast with mayo.

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— Whoa, you can't say...
— Whoa, whoa whoa!

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Whoa, whoa. You can't say "it's just..."

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That sounds pretty good.
I've never had that.

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If I can... If I can drag this back.

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— Good luck, mate!
— That's like having...

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For f***'s sake, that's like having
Yop on a baguette.

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I mean you're just putting...
substances together...

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The Newgate novel. If I can bring this back...

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What's that got to do with tartar sauce?

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One of the convicts was done for tartar sauce rustling.

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Rolling a barrel of tartar sauce down the street.

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Surely tartar sauce clinking, with it being in jars...

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— No, no, just a barrel of it.
— A vat.

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"Now then, now then, now then.
What's in that barrel, sir?"

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"...Water..."

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"Let me stick my bit of bread in there, sir."

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"I have a slice of toast here.

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"It just so happens that, if this is water,
it will be utterly spoiled.

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"However, if it is tartar sauce,

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"as we know, that is a great delicacy.

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"My lad,

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"delicious though this is,
I am taking you in for tartar sauce rustling."

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Of course in France they took up the idea,
and replaced truncheons with baguettes.

250
00:09:04.300 --> 00:09:05.580
First day: it's for eating.

251
00:09:05.580 --> 00:09:08.200
Second day: it's for beating convicts to death with.

252
00:09:08.200 --> 00:09:09.220
For eatin' and beatin'!

253
00:09:09.220 --> 00:09:12.920
Sorry, are you saying a baguette lasts a day?
In the afternoon it's for beating!

254
00:09:13.940 --> 00:09:17.180
"We 'ave invented a bread product zat
lasts no more zan an hour!"

255
00:09:19.160 --> 00:09:21.300
"I have taken zis bread 'ome.
She is wasted."

256
00:09:21.300 --> 00:09:22.160
"She is wasted."

257
00:09:22.160 --> 00:09:25.760
I'm sorry, are we pissing off
a different nationality each show here?

258
00:09:25.760 --> 00:09:27.500
Looking that way. Looking that way.

259
00:09:27.500 --> 00:09:28.720
The only way to get a fresh baguette

260
00:09:28.720 --> 00:09:31.700
is to actually have some kind of bread-baguette-slot

261
00:09:31.700 --> 00:09:35.020
on a boulangerie,
that you wrap your mouth round and have one...

262
00:09:35.020 --> 00:09:36.340
Where am I going with this?!

263
00:09:36.340 --> 00:09:38.560
I don't know where you're going with that, Branners!

264
00:09:38.560 --> 00:09:39.740
You want one just... fed!

265
00:09:39.740 --> 00:09:41.420
And a hot baguette thrust into your throat.

266
00:09:41.420 --> 00:09:45.000
It's a pound a minute, you open the flap,
you take whatever's on the other side!

267
00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:47.340
A centime for ten minutes!

268
00:09:47.340 --> 00:09:49.560
— They just extrude out a bread product...
— It's a... baguette! That'll do.

269
00:09:49.740 --> 00:09:51.320
Yeah. Fine. I'm okay with that.

270
00:09:51.600 --> 00:09:53.600
You've not got any tartar sauce have you?

271
00:09:56.360 --> 00:09:59.200
If I were to say "Jack Sheppard",
would that ring a bell with anyone?

272
00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:00.320
I would rather not, thank you.

273
00:10:00.320 --> 00:10:02.420
How do you rate him?

274
00:10:05.620 --> 00:10:07.160
"Jack" was a verb, right?

275
00:10:07.260 --> 00:10:09.220
Jack Sheppard was a notorious thief

276
00:10:09.220 --> 00:10:11.640
who had a two-year criminal career

277
00:10:11.640 --> 00:10:13.320
before being hanged at Tyburn.

278
00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:15.960
But the novel, the dramatisation of that,

279
00:10:15.960 --> 00:10:18.400
was the most notorious Newgate novel.

280
00:10:18.540 --> 00:10:19.040
Mmm.

281
00:10:19.160 --> 00:10:21.600
William Thackeray,
who was one of the opponents of the Newgate novel,

282
00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:25.660
said that there were vendors selling
Jack Sheppard bags.

283
00:10:25.660 --> 00:10:27.100
Now what do you think they contained?

284
00:10:27.320 --> 00:10:28.600
Little bits of him.

285
00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:29.460
...no.

286
00:10:29.620 --> 00:04:47.260
Swag?

287
00:04:47.260 --> 00:04:48.220
No.

288
00:10:33.960 --> 00:10:36.700
Copies of the novel, some novelty golf balls...

289
00:10:36.700 --> 00:10:38.200
a mouse mat, something like that.

290
00:10:38.340 --> 00:10:41.260
Nope, 'cos by this point the novel...

291
00:10:41.260 --> 00:10:43.000
Mouse mat?

292
00:10:43.100 --> 00:10:45.100
Yeah, what do you think you put a trap on?

293
00:10:45.340 --> 00:10:49.200
— In the eighteenth century?
— Ohhh...

294
00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:51.680
The novel had been turned into a play by this point.

295
00:10:51.680 --> 00:10:53.400
So in the lobby of the theatre, as they left...

296
00:10:53.540 --> 00:10:55.940
— Signed copies of the script.
— No.

297
00:10:56.400 --> 00:10:59.660
Signed, erm, lithographs of the stars.

298
00:10:59.820 --> 00:11:02.060
Is this something truly disgusting,

299
00:11:02.060 --> 00:11:03.960
owing to the fact he was hung... Death by hanging?

300
00:11:04.160 --> 00:11:05.120
— No.
— His urine?
— No!

301
00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:06.880
So it's not a picture of the deceased like this...?

302
00:11:07.760 --> 00:11:09.120
— Carving.
— On the...

303
00:11:09.300 --> 00:11:10.460
No. Nope.

304
00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:13.640
Instructions on how to thieve?

336
00:11:13.700 --> 00:11:14.340
Yes.

306
00:11:14.340 --> 00:11:16.120
No way!

307
00:11:16.260 --> 00:11:18.260
[DING]  Filled with burglary tools.

308
00:11:18.260 --> 00:11:20.220
Hey, that's something.
You know when you're walking on the Moors,

309
00:11:20.220 --> 00:11:21.560
— you have the thumb sticks?
— Yes.

310
00:11:21.660 --> 00:11:24.740
You know they were entirely outlawed
for quite a long time?

311
00:11:24.840 --> 00:11:27.040
— No.
— Genuinely illegal, were thumb sticks.

312
00:11:27.040 --> 00:11:28.700
— Because what you...
— Sorry, what are thumb sticks?

313
00:11:28.700 --> 00:11:31.240
— They're a walking stick with a Y shape.
— They've got a U shape top on.

314
00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:33.160
So you can give it this number.

315
00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:38.880
You know, striding around with them.

316
00:11:38.880 --> 00:11:40.720
Spot the person who doesn't go hiking on the Moors.

317
00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:43.460
Oh, [dismissive sounds]. Yeah. Anyway.

318
00:11:43.460 --> 00:11:46.500
They were outlawed because
the thumb over the middle

319
00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:48.700
was often used to disguise a hole.

320
00:11:48.700 --> 00:11:51.320
Into which you would screw in a hook

321
00:11:51.320 --> 00:11:53.120
with some string and another hook on the end.

322
00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:55.120
They'd be used when robbing houses.

323
00:11:55.120 --> 00:11:57.400
You would dangle it in,
hook something out, and walk off.

324
00:11:57.400 --> 00:11:59.420
And of course walking with the thumb over the hole.

325
00:11:59.540 --> 00:12:01.540
— So they were banned as a criminal instrument.
— Brilliant!

326
00:12:01.620 --> 00:12:04.840
I'm gonna go get my dad
to turn me one out like that.

327
00:12:06.960 --> 00:12:09.520
"Come on, son. We're going hang-thieving!"

328
00:12:10.400 --> 00:12:12.940
The Newgate novel started to fall out of fashion.

329
00:12:13.400 --> 00:12:17.480
Ainsworth and Lytton were two of the novelists who

330
00:12:17.480 --> 00:12:19.600
turned away when the attacks on it started.

331
00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:22.080
Who didn't? Who continued to use criminals?

332
00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:22.820
— Dickens?
— Dickens?

333
00:12:22.820 --> 00:12:24.440
— Dickens.  [DING]
—Ah, right.
— There we go.

334
00:12:24.440 --> 00:12:27.220
Dickens, it says here, was "made of sterner stuff".

335
00:12:27.660 --> 00:11:13.700
Made of more commercially lucrative stuff,
as I like to call it.

336
00:11:13.700 --> 00:11:14.340
Yes.

337
00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:34.220
Didn't balk at giving the public what they wanted.

338
00:12:34.220 --> 00:12:36.660
Yes. So it became "sensation novels".

339
00:12:36.660 --> 00:12:40.540
Charles "There's my 500 words,
where's my fifty pounds" Dickens.

340
00:12:40.880 --> 00:12:42.300
Yes. Pretty much.

341
00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:44.740
That's why his style is... as it is.

342
00:12:44.740 --> 00:12:46.000
Bloody long!

343
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:47.740
That's why he's so long-winded, you know.

344
00:12:47.740 --> 00:12:52.000
"I should hate to pontificate over this for too long,
as excess verbosity will lead to..."

345
00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:53.380
...yeah?

346
00:12:53.580 --> 00:12:56.560
I've probably said before,
my favorite Dickens line is the one about

347
00:12:56.560 --> 00:12:58.560
the door knocker in A Christmas Carol,

348
00:12:58.560 --> 00:13:02.760
"which, having not undergone any
intermediate process of change"...

349
00:13:06.220 --> 00:13:07.100
Wow.

350
00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:09.860
You're just like: "Oh. Oh! Oh."

351
00:13:09.860 --> 00:13:11.680
Word count!

352
00:13:11.680 --> 00:13:12.280
Yup.

353
00:13:12.280 --> 00:13:14.500
And... that'll do.

354
00:13:14.500 --> 00:13:15.800
Submit!

355
00:13:16.040 --> 00:13:18.480
Yes, 'cause he just clicked a button
and it word-counted and...

356
00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:19.640
No, he went...

357
00:13:19.640 --> 00:13:23.300
that action is ringing a bell
for his butler to come up the stairs...

358
00:13:23.300 --> 00:13:25.300
Or a boy to come and take it to the...

359
00:13:25.300 --> 00:13:28.720
With a celebratory slice of toast and tartar!

360
00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:31.880
The Newgate novels became the sensation novels,
the detective fiction...

361
00:13:31.880 --> 00:13:33.760
They got serialised.

362
00:13:33.760 --> 00:13:35.360
What did they become?

363
00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:36.480
Frosties!

364
00:13:36.860 --> 00:13:38.860
...Cereal-ised...

365
00:13:38.860 --> 00:13:41.000
Oh, yes!

366
00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:43.960
The pun! It burns!

367
00:13:44.380 --> 00:13:46.380
Uh, I was going to go for The Bill.

368
00:13:48.300 --> 00:13:50.380
That's fair, that's fair. Little bit earlier than that.

369
00:13:50.380 --> 00:13:51.840
Ye Bill!

370
00:13:52.800 --> 00:13:54.060
Particular name for them.

371
00:13:54.060 --> 00:13:55.080
The penny dreadfuls.

372
00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:56.100
Yes! Point!  [DING]

373
00:13:56.100 --> 00:13:56.800
Point straight away.

374
00:13:56.800 --> 00:14:00.300
Quick-fire round: Can anyone give me
the other names for the penny dreadfuls?

375
00:14:00.300 --> 00:14:01.360
What else were they called?

376
00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:03.840
Uh, filthy newsbooks... Uh...

377
00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:05.560
The shilling sh**s.

378
00:14:05.560 --> 00:14:07.600
Dirty foldabouts...

379
00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:08.940
Thou-shalt-nots...

380
00:14:08.940 --> 00:14:10.380
"Don't look in there, mother"s...

381
00:14:10.380 --> 00:14:12.200
They were all kind-of "penny something".

382
00:14:12.200 --> 00:14:15.920
Penny whatsits... Have you got one... Naughty novels...

383
00:14:15.920 --> 00:14:17.720
Uh... Penny frighteners? Something like that...

384
00:14:17.720 --> 00:14:19.720
Some kind of synonym for "dreadful" would be a start.

385
00:14:19.720 --> 00:14:20.800
— Awfuls.
— Oh, point.  [DING]

386
00:14:20.800 --> 00:14:22.480
Yay! Look at that.

387
00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:24.620
Penny dreadful and a penny awful.

388
00:14:24.620 --> 00:14:27.300
Penny horrible, penny number and penny blood.

389
00:14:27.300 --> 00:14:29.000
At the end of that, congratulations Chris!

390
00:14:29.000 --> 00:14:31.000
— You win this show.
— Hey! I'm on a roll.

391
00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:33.060
More points when your way then anything else there.

392
00:14:33.060 --> 00:14:36.840
Uh, you win some shares in the company
that is owned by the star of The Big Lebowski,

393
00:14:36.840 --> 00:14:39.620
that enables passengers to board airliners safely.

394
00:14:39.620 --> 00:14:41.620
Its Jeff Bridges' Jet Bridges.

395
00:14:43.580 --> 00:14:45.580
The Dude abides!

396
00:14:45.580 --> 00:14:47.580
The Dude aboards, thank you very much.

397
00:14:49.500 --> 00:14:52.820
And the marketing has written itself.

398
00:14:52.820 --> 00:14:53.640
Until next time,

399
00:14:53.640 --> 00:14:55.040
— that's been Matt Gray.
— Au revoir!

400
00:14:55.040 --> 00:14:56.480
— That's been Gary Brannan.
— Good day!

401
00:14:56.480 --> 00:14:57.820
That's been Chris Joel.

402
00:14:57.820 --> 00:14:59.820
And I've been Tom Scott, we'll see you next time.

403
00:15:00.360 --> 00:15:02.460
[Subtitled by Patrick Gregory.
Translating these subtitles? Add your name here!]

404
00:15:03.220 --> 00:15:04.380
Hey, thanks for watching.

405
00:15:04.380 --> 00:15:08.120
If you liked the show, then tell someone, tell us,
or send us a telegram.

406
00:15:08.120 --> 00:15:13.560
And there are all new of our reverse trivia podcast
over at techdif.co.uk.