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Language: en

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Hi there.

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I'm Jackson Seepage, CEO of Instagram.

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There's been a lot of fuss today about our
new terms of service.

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There have been sky-is-falling tweets about
how, unless you opt-out, we gain the rights

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to sell your photos, to use you and your friends
in advertising, and - specifically - to use

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adorable, hipsterised pictures of your kittens
in adverts for cat food.

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We'd like to settle this once and for all:
it's true.

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It's all true.

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Every bit of it.

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We are going to wring every last cent out
of all you filter-obsessed tech-douche hipsters

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and run this company into the ground doing
it.

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In case you hadn't noticed, Facebook bought
us for a BILLION DOLLARS.

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A BILLION.

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You know what they could've done with that?

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They could have bought Detroit.

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Instead, we've got it.

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Our office now has a swimming pool filled
with champagne.

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It has a waterslide.

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A champagne slide.

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So we're going to monetize the hell out o'
this baby, and if we lose our users doin'

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it, well, that's a bit less bandwidth to serve.

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Look out for our April 2013 terms of service,
coming soon, when we'll actually have the

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rights to send repo men round to your house
if you don't upload enough pictures of your

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dinner to us.

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All aboard the money train.

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Woop!

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Instagram.

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We got our money, suckers.

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I think that worked.

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Did that?

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Yep.

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Wait, what?

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What do you mean, it's in Facebook stock?

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Are you serious?

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I bought an island.